I Always Wanted to be Like You

by Cheezy805

Chapter 1

I Always Wanted to be Like You.

Authors note:

This is my first fan-fic and any constructive questions or comments are appreciated.

Also, I’m Australian, so I use the British spelling of words. Ignore the extra ‘U’s and the ‘S’s in place of ‘Z’s.

‘Rainbow Dash, are you sure this is safe?’ said Fluttershy

‘No, but I know it’s gonna be awesome!’

‘Well, um, o-okay… if you say so, Rainbow; I trust you’

‘It’s alright Fluttershy, this is what a month of practise was about!

You know the plan. We have the lightning cloud, and I’m ready when you are to strike it to kick-start the storm. When the storm begins, I’ll fly around the cloud, picking up speed and spinning it, then fly up and come crashing down in a sonic rainboom with, hopefully, rainbow lightning flying out of the cloud!’

‘Well, okay, then.’ Concluded Fluttershy.

Little did either of them know that there was another Pegasus, a mere filly, watching from the ground. She was leaning on the handles of a scooter and holding an unbuckled helmet.

Scootaloo had always come and watched Rainbow Dash whenever she went out of Ponyville to perform stunts. She thought of Rainbow as a substitute mother, or maybe even sister, and was willing to support her in anything. Besides, her tricks were pretty awesome.

She was standing at the base of a tree so as not to be seen by either Pegasus-pony in the sky. She had better hurry up with this trick, Scootaloo thought to herself, I’m meant to be meeting the other Crusaders in half an hour!

Right then, she saw Rainbow kick the cloud. Oh no, this could be dangerous… more dangerous than normal... thought Scootaloo.

Rainbow began to circle the cloud, easily 50 times the size of both ponies together, and it, slowly, very slowly, began to rotate. After she had it going a little faster, she flew up far above the clouds, and without stopping she turned direction and put on much more speed.

What is she doing?

The white cone of light was beginning to pull tight around Rainbow.

This will be legendary!

The white cone pulled impossibly tight, then as it began to bend around Rainbow and reform at the back, the front broke and Rainbow went flying forward, propelled by the multi-coloured explosion behind her.

No! It went off too early! Thought Rainbow Dash. I need to pull up!!

rainbow began to turn up and away from the hulking black cloud in front of her, but before she could avert the course a mere foot, she hit the cloud.

And didn’t come out the other side.

Where is she? No, it can’t have- nothing has gone wrong before!!

‘RAINBOW DASH!!’ she screamed up at the cloud

The cloud began to glow white and then quickly changed to glow like a rainbow, before beginning to expand outwards, slowly.

Fluttershy flew over to the cloud, scared to get too close. ‘Rainbow? Can you hear me? Rainbow!’ she said, barely audible over the now roaring wind and crashing of thunder that couldn’t be seen.

‘I have to be strong…’ she said to herself before plunging straight towards the cloud, but hitting an invisible wall a metre from it.

‘What? No! Rainbow, you need to get out of there!’ she shouted, at what was a normal talking level of sound.

---

Inside the cloud, Rainbow dash was barely clinging to consciousness. She could faintly hear a voice, or is it two voices? outside the cloud she was in. whatever was going on out there didn’t matter, it was getting hot in there!

The reason Pegasus-ponies could stand on clouds was because their bodies were light enough, and fragile enough, to rest on them. This meant that where a normal pony could simply walk through a cloud, a Pegasus would have to fight their way through it, as though it was as thick as cotton-candy, but as strong as stone.

Somewhere in the back of her mind a voice was yelling to get out, to leave the cloud while she could.

---

The cloud was swelling at a faster rate now. Lightning was cracking through here and there and the whole cloud was humming with unseen power. If Rainbow didn’t get out of there soon, anything could happen.

Fluttershy was just about to try flying at it again, more out of desperation than anything, when it exploded. Another sonic rainboom went off, but this time more powerful. Scootaloo ducked behind her tree and Fluttershy flew as fast as her wings would carry her away from the explosion.

---

Rainbow Dash suddenly realised that a huge pressure was lifted. She was in the middle of a blinding light, and she was falling. The cloud had seemed to explode around her, But that shouldn’t have happened, and she was falling slowly to the earth.

Just as she regained control of her senses and began to slow her fall with her wings, one final thunder strike boomed behind her and struck right between the wings.

Rainbow froze. Every muscle tensed and contracted, and she was paralysed. But she was still falling.

So this is it, she thought to herself. Her thoughts shifted to Twilight Sparkle and her other friends. What would they say if they found out she was performing such dangerous stunts?

>>Rainbow, you really shouldn’t. The voice of Twilight rang out in her mind. I’ve read so many books on weather accidents caused by exactly this that I’m surprised you haven’t even been scratched. Something has to happen soon enough.

>>Are yeh kiddin’ me? Ah ain’t a smart pony, but Ah know the difference between a stunt and a deathwish.

>>Well, Rainbow, I am rather a fan of your stunts, because they always create such beautiful colours, but, honestly, why ever somepony would try anything that dangerous is beyond me!

>>Well, um, I don’t think you should do something so dangerous, but, um, you know, whatever you want to do is fine…

>>Are you kidding me? Yes that would be awesome! We could have a rainboom party! You’re like our own set of fireworks, and it makes you happy to do it! Anything that makes anypony happy is worth doing, at least once!

And what of the fillies? They look up to me… Scootaloo, especially…

Everypony… I’m sorry. I’m not ready, yet! I never became one of the Wonderbolts! I nearly had my chance, but now I won’t ever make it…

Suddenly a set of hooves grabbed her from behind. What is that? Rainbow thought to herself.

Fluttershy had flown back as fast as she could. She was trying her hardest to hold Rainbow, and she was slowing. Not fast enough.

The ground was only 300 feet away.

Fluttershy began to slip. No, I have to hold on! I have to save her! I can’t let go.

200 feet.

Fluttershy’s wings began to burn. She wasn’t used to carrying anything more than woodland creatures, and trying to carry a falling Pegasus was too much.

100 feet.

They were still going too fast. Maybe if she could find a soft place to land, she could save her friend.

There! A lake was visible 40 yards or so to the North, and the Everfree Forest was just off to the South. In between them, nearly below, there was a patch of soft mud. She wasn’t sure if she could make it, but she had to try.

Abandoning her attempts to slow, she began to try to move Rainbow and herself more toward the puddle. Just a little farther…

Crack. They had hit the puddle, but it wasn’t deep enough. Rainbow was barely breathing, and Fluttershy couldn’t move her wings enough to lift herself, let alone another pony. But what was that crack? Oh no… oh no oh no… Rainbow’s leg was bent at an odd angle. She had hit the ground wrong and Celestia only knew if her leg was broken or merely dislocated. She seemed to be breathing, but barely.

Suddenly, an orange Pegasus came speeding out of the Forest on a scooter.

‘Scootaloo! Quick, you need to help! I can’t fly Rainbow back to town, we need to get her help!’

‘On it, ‘Shy,’ said Scootaloo. ‘I’ll have her back to town before you can say “help”’. The small Pegasus was actually scared out of her wits, but she was putting on a brave face for Fluttershy’s sakes. Or maybe she was trying to convince herself everything was better than it seemed…

‘No, you mustn’t! She has to be taken slowly. I don’t know how hurt Rainbow Dash is, and we can’t risk you hitting a bump and hurting her more’

‘Oh. Right. Well, what do I do?’

‘Help me lift her onto the scooter and then you can steer her on it. I’ll stand next to her, holding her on, while you push it.’

‘Okay, Fluttershy’ Scootaloo said, her voice slightly breaking. ‘I hope she’ll be okay…’

---

‘Has anypony seen Rainbow Dash around? There are more clouds out today than usual.’ Said a purple pony.

‘I haven’t seen her. Knowing her, she’s probably off training to become one of the Wonderbolts’ said Rarity, putting particular emphasis on the word “Wonderbolts” as though it was a joke.

‘Yeah, I suppose…’

Twilight had organised a picnic for all her friends. She had found a nice spot in Ponyville Park, right near the Everfree Forest so they could hear the birds. Only Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie had showed up so far. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were missing, but Applejack had said she would be a bit late because of all the extra apples she and Big Macintosh had to buck that season.

She heard a disturbance in the forest, followed by a yelp, and cantered over to the forest to see what the sound was.

In her peripheral vision she saw Sweetie Belle and Applebloom over a ways with a picnic basket of their own. I wonder why Scootaloo isn’t with them…

When she reached the forest, she saw Fluttershy and Scootaloo trying to lift an unconscious, and bleeding Rainbow Dash onto a scooter.

‘What are you doing? What happened?’ Asked Twilight, an obvious note of panic in her voice.

‘Rainbow was practising a trick and I didn’t tell her to stop and something went wrong and then she fell and I tried to save her, but I couldn’t help much and then she hit the ground and it’s all my fault!’ Fluttershy said all of this very quickly, in an increasingly high voice, before finally breaking down and sobbing.

‘You need – to help her – Twilight. We need to – get her – to the hospital.’ She said through huge shudders and sobs.

‘Fluttershy, it’s alright. I’ll take it from here.’ Said Twilight. She levitated Rainbow from the ground as gently as she could and then began to trot as fast as she could back into town.

‘Twilight? Whatever happened?’ said Rarity. ‘*Gasp* is that Rainbow Dash? Oh my goodness, what happened to her! Twilight?’

Twilight completely ignored her. She had to get to the hospital. She didn’t know what happened, but she knew it was serious.

Pinkie Pie had disappeared the instant she saw Rainbow Dash’s body.

What felt like hours later, although it was mere minutes, Twilight arrived at the clinic. She used magic to open the front door and carefully lifted Rainbow Dash inside.

‘Somepony, help! Rainbow is hurt! Somepony, anypony!’ she shouted before a white mare with a needle cutie mark came out from a back room to see what the noise was.

‘excuse me, but this is a hospit- ahh! Oh, my Celestia! Doctor Hoovington, come quickly!’

Another white pony, this one a colt with a stethoscope on his flank, came from the back room. He trotted over to Twilight and looked to Rainbow. He asked Twilight to lift her to a medical table, then to sit in the waiting room until he called her, then he pushed the bed away through a corridor to the operating theatre.

---

The rest of the group arrived, bar Pinkie, to see what had happened. Applejack had seen Twilight rushing through town with something big and blue, then the rest of her friends running a bit behind.

She had followed the rest and gotten the basic story from Fluttershy, who was impossible to understand through her tears and sobbing.

After a while, the Cutie Mark Crusaders had come in, too, and Scootaloo had told them what she had seen. Fluttershy was able to add in a few points through the story, but she wouldn’t have been able to tell the whole tale herself.

‘Well, Ah have t’ git back to th’ farm. It’s nearly Applebuck Season and Big Mac can’t do all the work himself. Someone come ‘n’ git me when we can see her.’

‘Oh… alright, Applejack…’ said Twilight. ‘I’ll be sure to come and get you myself when she comes out of the theatre.’

Applejack left, and the CMC’s had fallen asleep. Pinkie was still nowhere to be found.

---

After what felt like an eternity (four hours), Doctor Hoovington came out of the theatre.

‘Vell, she is alive, but I do not know vhat vill happen. She is in vhat ve call a “coma”. Do you know what that means?’

Naturally, Twilight answered. ‘It means that she is in a state of semi-permanent sleep that she might not wake up from. Her body is so damaged that her mind had to nearly shut off to save energy. But… she could still wake up, right?’

‘Only time vill tell.’ Said the doctor. ‘you may go and see her, but I do not know vhat good it vill do to such young fillies. She is in a bad state.’ he said, glancing at the Crusaders.

He told them to go to the last room on the left when they wanted to see her, then went to fill out a form at the front desk.

‘Just a moment…’ said Twilight, then teleported out with a flash of violet light.

‘Huh? What was that?’ said Sweetie Belle, waking up with the other two Crusaders.

Twilight reappeared a minute later with a shaken-looking Applejack.

‘Okay, sugarcube. Please never do that again. Ah would like to walk next time.’ Applejack looked around the room at the others and the doctor walking quietly back to his office. ‘But Ah guess this is important enough to excuse’.

The eight walked together down the hallway and into the room indicated by the doctor. They were greeted by a closed curtain and a slow beeping.

‘Are you all ready?’ asked Twilight to the rest of the group, but especially the Crusaders. ‘I would prefer otherwise, but Rainbow is important to you, too, so I’ll let you come with us if you want’.

They all nodded their assent, Scootaloo a little bit slower than the rest, and Twilight pulled back the curtain.

There was Rainbow. She was lying on her side, unconscious, with an oxygen mask to her muzzle and several needles sticking out of her foreleg. Her lower right foreleg was in a cast.

So it was broken, not dislocated. Oh, Rainbow… thought Fluttershy.

Scootaloo almost immediately gasped and ran from the room sobbing. She couldn’t bear to see her hero in such a state.

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle looked at each other, then followed.

Rainbow Dash’s left wing was folded against her back, but her right wind was still extended, parts wrapped in gauze and bandages. Fluttershy began to cry softly, and Rarity put a reassuring arm around her, offering a tissue. Their friend was comatose, and they didn’t know if she would ever wake up.

Comments

[VDNKh]

Me Gusta! Keep this up, I really want a chapter 2 now!

Good story. I would definitely like to see more chapters. And as for using the British spellings, in my oppinion, those are the correct spellings. Us Americans don't spell right.

[Broneyofnoel]

53463 Us Americans in the Midwest need to decide grey or gray! Is it in the story i don't know, but I spell it grey

[danabler42]

well then..................an actually interesting dash coma fanfic for a change.........interesting. tracked!

[Camden09]

Oh my od will she be ok???? What will happen will she be in a dream world for the next I don't know chapter msg I need information I'm tracking my ass off for this let her live damnit :

[Camden09]

Oh my od will she be ok???? What will happen will she be in a dream world for the next I don't know chapter msg I need information I'm tracking my ass off for this let her live damnit :

Note number one should be obvious: Use paragraphs. I'd look up how to do this.

Basically it's simple: Every time a different character speaks...make another paragraph. There is a little more to it, but this is the general rule.

Also, avoid using the word "was" when writing. Was is a keyword when using the "passive" voice. Sometimes it's okay, but great fics use the "active" voice. Also, don't TELL the story, SHOW IT! Don't describe it, SHOW the reader what happens!

53476 Right, sorry. Thanks for the criticism :3
I'll try to keep that in mind. I was going to place the main bulk of the story about 6 months to 2 years after the first couple of chapters, so that's why I was writing "was". I might go back and revise it. Looking for references in chapter 2 (E.g. Doctor Hoovington) I found some spelling mistakes.

53476 Right, sorry. Thanks for the criticism :3
I'll try to keep that in mind. I was going to place the main bulk of the story about 6 months to 2 years after the first couple of chapters, so that's why I was writing "was". I might go back and revise it. Looking for references in chapter 2 (E.g. Doctor Hoovington) I found some spelling mistakes.
Also, I'm writing this in Word, then copy-pasting it to the website, so I don't know how to make paragraphs in this. I've never posted to this site before, so just bear with me!

[SureFreeD]

Rainbow iz DED ya hear mah, iz ded! Let her die pleeeeeeaaassee! I want her to die NAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOW!

[fearanger]

53754 WHAT DA FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? are you a HOMO!? or a brony!?

[Primordial Deomontus]

[tubaguy]

And that's hard to do
I have no soul

[DragonEmeraldKeyBladerXZ]

[DragonEmeraldKeyBladerXZ]

RIGHT IN THE FEELS