Cadance's Lovely Misadventure

by LordBrony2040

Chapter 3

Mulder stared at what might possibly be his almost but not quite holy grail as the pink little horse let out a loud yawn, showing a complete lack of carnivorous teeth. While not a little gray man, or whatever gender the miniature humanoids that always seemed to walk around without pants and nothing between their legs were, the little pink horse in front of him was something fantastic that defied rational explanation on looks alone.

Which was probably why Scully looked as if she was ready to have an aneurysm after spending more than three minutes with the little thing. Hopefully, a little time by herself in a relaxing environment would allow her to wrap her head around the idea of something like Cadance.

The time spent apart from the horse had also been good for Mulder. Before the panic that Cadance was just going to disappear in a poof of pink smoke, he had been able to think of a line of questions that the cooperative equine could answer. It also gave him time to find the camcorder he had learned to bring along whenever going on a case, which he quickly plugged in while the little horse watched with interest.

“What is that thing?”

Mulder looked up from the tiny screen on the side of the modern recording device. “Oh, this is just a little camera that will create a video recording of our conversation,” he explained before his manners asserted themselves. “You don’t mind being videotaped, do you?”

The question visibly peeked Cadance’s interest. “That’s a visual recording device?” she asked in surprise. “It’s so small!”

Cadance’s comment put the brakes on Mulder’s train of thought. “What do you mean, small?”

“Well, we have things like that in Equestria, but they’re about five times bigger,” Cadance explained before she spread her wings to flap them the tiniest bit. Despite the fact that Mulder’s passing knowledge of science said the little horse shouldn’t be able to do more than glide on a very windy day with her wings, Cadance’s movement lifted her into the air so she could look at Mulder’s camcorder up close and from multiple angles. “It even has a little screen to show you what you’re recording! That’s so neat!”

Mulder’s train of thought that was carrying his hopes and dreams of finally getting information on extraterrestrial life teetered on the edge of a abyss. “You...don’t have this level of technology, where you’re from?”

“Well, we have recording devices to make movies with, but they’re not like this,” Cadance told him before landing on the carpet and folding in her wings. “Are you okay? You look a little sad. Did I say something wrong?”

Desperate for some kind of comfort, Mulder let loose with the only question that could give an answer he needed. “Then how did you get to Earth?”

Cadance put on a slightly disturbed frown. “You named your country after dirt? Well, guess I shouldn’t be the one to judge,” she mumbled a second after asking her own question. “And I teleported here.”

The mention of teleportation suggested an advanced society, which did wonders to alleviate Mulder’s fears of that Cadance wasn’t in fact an alien with technology far beyond anything he had ever seen. “Actually, the name of the Planet is Earth, the country is America.”

For the first time since meeting the quadruped, she looked rather stunned. “Wait, the planet is named Earth?” she asked before frowning a bit. “I must have traveled further than I thought.”

Mulder had his mouth half-open before he could stop himself. No, stick to the script, he told himself. If he asked every new question that would come with one of Cadance’s answers, then Mulder knew he would never get to ask one of the important questions he had thought of in the car. After deciding to keep what had already been recorded, Mulder set his camcorder down on the dresser, facing Cadance.

“Okay, before we begin, could you please state your name and title for the record?” he asked, falling back on procedure in the wake of Cadance’s disturbing remark.

Cadance smiled and nodded. “Sure,” she said before facing the camera and lifting her hoof to wave. “Hello. I’m Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. But my friends call me Cadance.”

Deciding it would be better to keep this professional, Mulder kept his voice even. “Princess Cadenza, would you mind answering some questions involving yourself and your civilization?”

“Not at all,” she said with a little smile. “As long as you’d be willing to do the same.”

Mulder blinked. The tradeoff was unexpected. “Well, I don’t see why not,” he replied.

“Okay, you first,” she offered.

“For the record, what is the official name of your species?” he asked.

Cadance frowned a little at the question. “Hmm, that’s actually a little complicated,” she said. “You see, I used to be a pegasus before getting my horn and joining the alicorn tribe. Although, we’re all ponies, wings, horn, or neither.”

After stopping the knee jerk reaction of asking just what the hell an alicorn was, Mulder just filed the question away for later. “Alright, your turn.”

“How long have you known Scully?”

Mulder blinked at the question. Considering Cadance’s comment about teleportation and the light air of confusion she seemed to have a moment ago, he had been expecting something more along the lines of a question pertaining to her surroundings. “Well...about five years, give or take a few weeks.”

“It’s closer to six,” Scully said, her voice coming through the closed bathroom door.

Mulder looked towards the door. “Scully, you can hear us?” he asked, his voice a little louder than conversation volume.

“Mulder, we’re at a Motel Six, walls made of paper would be thicker than what this place is built of,” she called out.

Mulder cleared his throat. “Okay, going on six years, then,” he corrected before moving onto his next question. “Now, aside from the obvious similarities in appearance, is there any genetic connection between you and an Earth species called horses.”

The pleasant look on Cadance’s face became a pensive frown. “Mr Mulder, while I’m almost certain that question was made in ignorance, I should tell you that it’s very insulting for a pony to be called a horse,” she said, practically spitting the word out. “So, no. Ponies are in no way related to horses at all.”

“My apologies,” he said before a thought occurred to him. “Wait, you have horses where you’re from?”

Cadance’s frown became a little confused. “Why wouldn’t we?” she asked. “And that’s two questions.”

Considering the ancient stories about unicorns and pegasai, that were now known by Mulder to be in fact an alien species, it made a strange kind of sense that they had taken a few animals from ancient Earth for study. “Okay, then, I guess that means you get two.”

“What exactly do you and Ms Skully do together?” Cadance asked.

Mulder took a moment to think on his answer. While he felt it was a little dirty, giving the little pony a leading answer would allow him to move onto her next question and get it out of the way before moving onto important matters. “We work for the FBI.”

And, just like Mulder had predicted, Cadance’s follow-up question pertained to that. “Which is what?”

“It’s an organization that investigates crimes,” he replied simply. “Scully and I specialize in the mostly unexplainable cases and ones that most of the other agents hit a dead end.”

After giving Cadance a moment to digest the information for the sake of being polite, Mulder moved onto the next question he had thought of before. “What is it that you are doing on Earth?”

“Don’t you mean in Earth?” Cadance asked with a tiny frown before shaking it off. “Nevermind. As to what I’m doing...well...I guess you could say that I’m doing my job.”

All of a sudden, Mulder felt that giving Cadance a leading answer had been a bad idea as the pony took on a thoughtful look for several seconds before speaking. “Is it normal for humans with opposite thought processes and approaches to situations to work together?”

Mulder raised an eyebrow, unsure of just where the idea for that question had come from. “Well, not really. If you’re talking about me and Scully specifically, she was assigned to me in order to debunk several of my theories and basically get me fired.”

Once a good five seconds had passed, Mulder moved onto his next question. Despite it not being on his list, Cadance’s non-answer made him revise his previous one. “So, Princess Cadance. What exactly is it that you do back home?”

A little frown appeared on Cadance’s face. “That’s actually a little complicated,” she said. “If you’re referring to my duties as a princess, I rule over the Crystal Empire, which is more of a province of my nation than an actual country unto itself. If you’re referring to my calling in life, I help ponies find happiness with each other.”

While not as detailed as what he would have preferred, Mulder took what he could get before Cadance asked her next question. “What is the normal family dynamic for your species?”

It took a few moments for Mulder to digest the question while at the same time, wondering just where the hell it had come from. “Um...it’s a bit different from country to country, but in America, a man and a woman generally form a couple in order to reproduce,” he said before remembering other types of relationships. “Although, there are couples of the same gender as well, but they can’t have children.”

Mulder decided to modify his next question, as Cadance had already half-answered it earlier. “Can you explain the process that you used to get to Earth?”

“Okay,” Cadance told him before becoming thoughtful. “I combined a teleportation spell with a divining spell to determine my destination.”

Although he had taken steps to avoid doing what he was about to do, Mulder couldn’t stop himself. “Are you saying you can use...magic?”

“Yes,” Cadance confirmed before blinking. She turned her head around to look at the bathroom door for a moment, then looked back at Mulder, asking her question without pause. “What does bullshit mean?”

Mulder blinked. “Um...it depends on the context,” he told her. While the question of how a creature that spoke perfect English didn’t know one of the more common terms occurred to him, Mulder decided against asking it. “Where did you hear that term?”

“Scully said it when you mentioned magic,” Cadance explained. “What does it mean?”

“You heard that?” Scully called out from the bathroom.

Cadance looked back at the door. “Yes,” she answered, drawing Mulder’s attention to her extremely large ears.

“It’s a general statement of disbelief,” Mulder told the pony before pausing. He had many, many more questions to ask Cadance, some that he had thought of out in the car and others that had come up after hearing her responses.

But, if there was one thing that Mulder knew from personal experience, occurrences like Cadance never stuck around for long. Plus, judging by the fact she was yawning again, probably meant that she was going to want to wrap up their little interview sometime soon. So, he could either get more answers, or have actual recorded evidence of supernatural phenomena.

It didn’t take a single second for Mulder to decide on the later.

“Would you mind demonstrating your magic for the camera?”

Comments

[Honey Lavender]

Here we go... now things start to get interesting

[Backupo]

And you know that device isn't going to survive this misadventure

[Boltstrike58]

“Yes,” Cadance confirmed before blinking. She turned her head around to look at the bathroom door for a moment, then looked back at Mulder, asking her question without pause. “What does bullshit mean?”

Saw that one coming.

[Drago Cadenza]

8722289

[banjo2E]

I imagine next chapter will involve Scully ranting about how magic is completely unscientific, to which Cadance replies with something like "Oh, boy, don't let my sister-in-law hear you saying that."

[LordBucket]

Definitely watching this. Dialogue is entertaining, delivery is good, and I see a lot of potential here. Extra credit for not revealing which AU crossover it is in the story summary. Made for a pleasant surprise once I realized.