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Since neither of them have dates for the Spring Fling, Flash Sentry and Ditzy Doo both agree to go together as friends.
Unfortunately, this leads to Canterlot High thinking that they're actually dating.
First chapter edited by Violet Rose in The Rain
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Change it to ‘about’.
Would suggest “can only tolerate.”
Would suggest adding “What are you talking about” at the beginning.
Add “the” in between “to” and “dance.” No need to capitalise “Dance.”
Suggestion: “Rarity has enough on her plate, devoting most of her time on her friend’s dresses,” Roseluck argued. “What, do you think they all go out and pick out dresses for themselves?”
Add a new space in between these two paragraphs.
No need to capitalise ‘twenty-first century.’
Or ‘gentlemanly’, either.
And that's it for the first chapter. I'll get started on the second soon.
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Thanks so much. Fixed. 👍
"You know, aliens from the horse dimension."
"I can neither confirm nor deny that I am queen of the horse aliens at this time."
"Is there something you're not telling us, Ditzy?"
A fantastic tale of the most entertaining sort of teen drama, with an adorable epiprologue to cap it off. Loved every moment. Thank you for it.
Still my OTP, even if there wasn't very much of the P in this story.
This was hilarious. Now, we just have to wait for everything to horribly backfire.
Wow! Blow up in their faces it did.
Okay, just how dumb are the students at CHS?!
AAAAAAAHHH!
SO CUTE!
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Thank you, so glad you all like it!
This is wonderful! Saying Derpy is sweet is like saying water can be a bit damp, but I really liked your characterisation for every character here
I'd maybe revisit this line, though - it sounds from the context like he's smiling, but a curled lip often refers to one curling downwards into a sneer.
It's "perceptive."
But this was a really good chapter. The first one was funny, this one was a deft balance of funny and dramatic, mainly with the more serious stuff in reflecting on Flash's old relationship with Sunset. Very well done.
Oh my gosh, Lilly, you can't just ask Flash why he's white!"
Sorry, I'm afraid I noticed a few typos in this chapter:
Missing 't' here.
This is a slightly tricky one - it's Pinkie talking in both bits, but split over two paragraphs. Usual dialogue format is new speaker, new paragraph, so the "Oh, by the way!" sounds like it's coming from Ditzy rather than a second bit from Pinkie, and it's only when you then reach the tag that you have to go back and re-evaluate it. I'd say maybe put the 'Pinkie called' before the first bit of speech in the second paragraph?
Perceptive
I loved Celestia and Luna showing their support, that was adorable
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Thanks and fixed!
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On any given day...
Pretty dumb, I guess. XD
I laughed so hard at Ditzy's earlier freakout about keeping up the lie, and also at the scene with their parents.
That was comedy gold!
One thing, for the final scene of this chapter - "bass" guitar, not "base."
By the way, low-frequency music is bass, rather than base. So it says base guitar a couple of times when it should be bass guitar. I wasn't quite sure what you meant by the drum base - like, the platform the whole kit is sitting on? Or the big round drum at the front played with the right foot?
Lovely chapter though
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The big round thingy
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And you two are perfectly in sync it's almost scary. Thank you both!
Dear God, this was such an adorable ending.
Great story all around, I loved it!
The chat. The chat. Freaking gold.
God, I’ve missed you.
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I missed you too
Oh, wow, this ending was quite something
8735572 Ah, in that case that's a bass drum (or occasionally a kick drum, since both it and the bass guitar are often shortened to just 'bass,' which gets confusing).
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Ah, I gotcha. Many thanks!
I find it hilarious that the fan favorite and the waifu stealer are dating, but I’ll read it anyway.
That was really fun. I usually don't enjoy the Equestria Girls stories but the characters and dialogue was entertaining and witty.
Good job, you should be proud. This is awesome.
Life is like a box of muffins, you never know what you're gonna get
Knuckleheads.
I just got slapped.
Sorry I couldn't get started on the other chapters sooner, I was busy with real-life matters.
No need to capitalise "ex."
Or "Womaniser."
It's "scot-free." And that's about it. If there's more, I'll make an edit.
Like a bad soap opera.
s6.postimg.org/5pzpmopep/Pirate_Approved2.jpg
That was Sweet.
Dammit, I ship them now.
This chapter reminds me of Forrest Gump
The Bonus chapter is my favorite part. It's nice to see a genuine friendship start from a strange beginning. Reminds me of how I met one of my best friends for the longest time in elementary school. Plus, bonus in Dash protecting Fluttershy. I could easily see seven year old Dashie biting someone.
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But, I just write down what I personally think would be funny, and hope others would share my weird sense of humor.
Sonata needing a bra writes itself
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Don't worry about it, and thank-you!
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Sirens needing bras are just funny to me
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Yeah it just means it's easy to tell, and you know exactly what to do when writing it.
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Thank you. and I am doing well
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You too!
Every time I see the thumbnail I think of the "Guess I'll die" meme
Oh my. This is exactly what I needed to read right now. I think I'll savor it slowly, like a fine wine or a ten dollar cheese.
Ah! Yes! This is the comedic writing I’ve waited so long for! You’ve really made your return worth while!
That cover art. I haven't even read your fucking story, but every time I open Fimfiction, I see that fucking cover art and every goddamn fucking time the Seinfield theme starts fucking playing in my head and I WANT TO SMASH MY SKULL IN OH MY FUCKING GOD.
I love, I absolutely love that Flash's friends care so much about his happiness. It's unusual to the see "don't you dare hurt 'em" routine directed at a girl dating a guy, but let's not forget what a rough time Flash has had with his dates, through no fault of his own.
I have yet to finish reading this fic, but the title obligates me to share some BANJO RADNESS.
This is just precious, especially how the two were in sync with their prank.
Don't worry if it is not accurate, fanfics are alternate universes, after all.
Nice backstory and funny chat.