• Member Since 22nd Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Apr 28th, 2019

Summer Dancer


On Wednesdays, we wear PINK!

T

Since neither of them have dates for the Spring Fling, Flash Sentry and Ditzy Doo both agree to go together as friends.

Unfortunately, this leads to Canterlot High thinking that they're actually dating.

First chapter edited by Violet Rose in The Rain

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 86 )

Flash raised his eyebrows. “Well, hey,” he said, smiling. “How bout we both go?”

Change it to ‘about’.

“Here I am, preparing to go to the dance in a van with people I only tolerate for, like, two hours a day, and you…

Would suggest “can only tolerate.”

“You have hundreds of dresses in your closet!” Roseluck exclaimed.

Would suggest adding “What are you talking about” at the beginning.

“Are you guys going to Dance?” Daisy asked,

Add “the” in between “to” and “dance.” No need to capitalise “Dance.”

“Rarity has enough on her plate,” Roseluck argued. “You know she devotes most of her time on her friend’s dresses. You think they all go out and pick out dresses for themselves?”

Suggestion: “Rarity has enough on her plate, devoting most of her time on her friend’s dresses,” Roseluck argued. “What, do you think they all go out and pick out dresses for themselves?”

Carrot Top leaned her elbow on the lunch table and rested her chin on the heel of her hand. She stared at Derpy with fascinated and slightly envious wonder. “Seriously. What’s your secret? How does one such as myself get on your level? Is there some kind of protein I should eat? Novels I should read?”
She watched as Ditzy reached for one of her favorite desserts and took a bite. Carrot snapped her fingers. “It’s the muffins, isn’t it?”

Add a new space in between these two paragraphs.

Hello, Twenty-First Century, honey!

No need to capitalise ‘twenty-first century.’

It’s very Gentlemanly of you.

Or ‘gentlemanly’, either.

And that's it for the first chapter. I'll get started on the second soon.

It’s just that he usually goes with girls like Sunset Shimmer, or…or Twilight Sparkle.

"You know, aliens from the horse dimension."
"Is there something you're not telling us, Ditzy?"
:derpytongue2: "I can neither confirm nor deny that I am queen of the horse aliens at this time."

A fantastic tale of the most entertaining sort of teen drama, with an adorable epiprologue to cap it off. Loved every moment. Thank you for it.

Still my OTP, even if there wasn't very much of the P in this story.

This was hilarious. Now, we just have to wait for everything to horribly backfire. :rainbowlaugh:

Wow! Blow up in their faces it did. :derpyderp2:

Okay, just how dumb are the students at CHS?! :rainbowlaugh:

This is wonderful! Saying Derpy is sweet is like saying water can be a bit damp, but I really liked your characterisation for every character here :twilightsmile:

“Oh my gosh, Lilly, you can’t just ask people why they asked someone out!”

:pinkiegasp: Shut up!

Flash looked down at Ditzy and nodded with a curled lip.

I'd maybe revisit this line, though - it sounds from the context like he's smiling, but a curled lip often refers to one curling downwards into a sneer.

Flash glared at them. “Now look,” he said firmly, holding out a finger. “Ditzy Doo is funny, preceptive, and amazing. There’s nothing wrong with her, and there’s nothing wrong with me wanting to go to the dance with her! Got it?”

It's "perceptive."

But this was a really good chapter. The first one was funny, this one was a deft balance of funny and dramatic, mainly with the more serious stuff in reflecting on Flash's old relationship with Sunset. Very well done.

“Oh my gosh, Lilly, you can’t just ask people why they asked someone out!”

Oh my gosh, Lilly, you can't just ask Flash why he's white!"

Sorry, I'm afraid I noticed a few typos in this chapter:

she turned out o be very good at her job.

Missing 't' here.

“Great! Now off you go,” Pinkie said cheerfully, waving her hands. “Looks like everyone got their invitations, so great job, Ditzy. Go home, get some rest…maybe text Flash.” She giggle-snorted, nudging Ditzy with an elbow. “You sly Fox, you.”

Ditzy slowly turned away from Pinkie and walked stiffly toward the Gym doors. “Oh, by the way! We’re all meeting back here tomorrow morning at 6:15,” Pinkie called. “We’re sorting out the Catering tomorrow!”

This is a slightly tricky one - it's Pinkie talking in both bits, but split over two paragraphs. Usual dialogue format is new speaker, new paragraph, so the "Oh, by the way!" sounds like it's coming from Ditzy rather than a second bit from Pinkie, and it's only when you then reach the tag that you have to go back and re-evaluate it. I'd say maybe put the 'Pinkie called' before the first bit of speech in the second paragraph?

“Ditzy Doo is funny, preceptive, and amazing.

Perceptive :twilightsheepish:

I loved Celestia and Luna showing their support, that was adorable :twilightsmile:

The heck? He doesn’t even go here! 4:43pm

:rainbowlaugh:

8735313
On any given day...
Pretty dumb, I guess. XD

I laughed so hard at Ditzy's earlier freakout about keeping up the lie, and also at the scene with their parents. :rainbowlaugh: That was comedy gold!

One thing, for the final scene of this chapter - "bass" guitar, not "base."

By the way, low-frequency music is bass, rather than base. So it says base guitar a couple of times when it should be bass guitar. I wasn't quite sure what you meant by the drum base - like, the platform the whole kit is sitting on? Or the big round drum at the front played with the right foot?

Lovely chapter though :twilightsmile:

8735554
The big round thingy :rainbowlaugh:
8735553
And you two are perfectly in sync it's almost scary. Thank you both!

Dear God, this was such an adorable ending. :pinkiehappy:

Great story all around, I loved it!

The chat. The chat. Freaking gold. :rainbowlaugh:

God, I’ve missed you.

Oh, wow, this ending was quite something :heart:

8735572 Ah, in that case that's a bass drum (or occasionally a kick drum, since both it and the bass guitar are often shortened to just 'bass,' which gets confusing).

I find it hilarious that the fan favorite and the waifu stealer are dating, but I’ll read it anyway.

That was really fun. I usually don't enjoy the Equestria Girls stories but the characters and dialogue was entertaining and witty.
Good job, you should be proud. This is awesome.

Life is like a box of muffins, you never know what you're gonna get

Sorry I couldn't get started on the other chapters sooner, I was busy with real-life matters.

we might be Ex’s, but that doesn’t mean we have to hate each other’s guts…” She paused, uncertain. “…Right?”

No need to capitalise "ex."

She turned to glare at Flash. "Why waste your time with a Womanizer?”

Flash winced involuntarily, and Sunset shrugged her off. "He isn't a Womanizer."

Or "Womaniser."

Thanks to Carrot Top’s plan, he and Ditzy were able to put the kibosh on their romance, both emerging Scott-free.

It's "scot-free." And that's about it. If there's more, I'll make an edit.

Like a bad soap opera.

That was Sweet.

Dammit, I ship them now.

This chapter reminds me of Forrest Gump

The Bonus chapter is my favorite part. It's nice to see a genuine friendship start from a strange beginning. Reminds me of how I met one of my best friends for the longest time in elementary school. Plus, bonus in Dash protecting Fluttershy. I could easily see seven year old Dashie biting someone.

8735762
Sonata needing a bra writes itself :rainbowlaugh: But, I just write down what I personally think would be funny, and hope others would share my weird sense of humor.

8736608
Don't worry about it, and thank-you!

8737827
Sirens needing bras are just funny to me :rainbowlaugh:

8737837
Yeah it just means it's easy to tell, and you know exactly what to do when writing it.

Every time I see the thumbnail I think of the "Guess I'll die" meme

Oh my. This is exactly what I needed to read right now. I think I'll savor it slowly, like a fine wine or a ten dollar cheese.

Set

Ah! Yes! This is the comedic writing I’ve waited so long for! You’ve really made your return worth while!

That cover art. I haven't even read your fucking story, but every time I open Fimfiction, I see that fucking cover art and every goddamn fucking time the Seinfield theme starts fucking playing in my head and I WANT TO SMASH MY SKULL IN OH MY FUCKING GOD.

I love, I absolutely love that Flash's friends care so much about his happiness. It's unusual to the see "don't you dare hurt 'em" routine directed at a girl dating a guy, but let's not forget what a rough time Flash has had with his dates, through no fault of his own.

I have yet to finish reading this fic, but the title obligates me to share some BANJO RADNESS.

This is just precious, especially how the two were in sync with their prank.

Don't worry if it is not accurate, fanfics are alternate universes, after all.

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