I awoke to a large woman with flowing hair looking down at me, and while I stared blankly at her she said "I have a job for you if you'll take it" [Human in Equestria]
Mindless praise is already covered, so I'll ask about the blatant errors the other commentators ignored instead. The summary alone has elementary-tier mistakes alone (your/you're, capitalisation, punctuation, etc) and that tag salad isn't helping either. Honestly, I had to stop after Applejack's scene. The flanderization of accents is one of the few things that I will walk on. The dialogue was stilted as well.
8848738 Thank you for the criticism and I'm sorry that I wasn't to your liking. As I have said this is my first ever attempt at writing so I'm glad that someone is willing to point out things to me.
8849063 Thank you! It might not be the best story and will defiantly never be but I'm genuinely trying to improve with each time I sit down to write more to it. So like I said I'm honestly happy that I can get criticism and feedback so that I can hopefully get a lot better.
I will follow this store and see your or writing improve chapter by chapter. Keep it up the store is interesting and I know a few people are looking forward to more.
Mindless praise is already covered, so I'll ask about the blatant errors the other commentators ignored instead. The summary alone has elementary-tier mistakes alone (your/you're, capitalisation, punctuation, etc) and that tag salad isn't helping either.
Honestly, I had to stop after Applejack's scene. The flanderization of accents is one of the few things that I will walk on. The dialogue was stilted as well.
8848738
Thank you for the criticism and I'm sorry that I wasn't to your liking. As I have said this is my first ever attempt at writing so I'm glad that someone is willing to point out things to me.
8848804
It wasn't the worst thing I've read here.
8849063
Thank you! It might not be the best story and will defiantly never be but I'm genuinely trying to improve with each time I sit down to write more to it. So like I said I'm honestly happy that I can get criticism and feedback so that I can hopefully get a lot better.
you got me interested
I will follow this store and see your or writing improve chapter by chapter. Keep it up the store is interesting and I know a few people are looking forward to more.