Oh god

Oh gods that ending

Dude, I'd ask you to stop trying to kill me with laughter, but that would mean no more Well, this is awkward. And that's something I could never wish for

Oh god poor Spike. Poor EVERYBODY! Oh teenage sex romps.

Did Spike get it from... Twi?

Sandbar, covered in bandages, Smolder, Yona, Silverstream, who’s apparently the patient zero, Gallus, who also got syphilis from Silverstream, and Ocellus – she’s actually fine, though not for the lack of trying.

I love my friends, and they love me,
We're just as close as we can be.
And just because we really care,
Whatever we get, we share!

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Might be. Though I wonder where Twi got it...

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I was kinda thinking of this song

I think everyone is gonna need those pills! :D

God, this was hilarious. I did some legit belly laughs.

Damn this is funny!

Maud thinks for a moment. “Two of my sisters have a crippling alcohol addiction.”

big mood

At least this guy is a pony. Not that I mind, but when I first tried to take a blood sample from a changeling, it melted a syringe. Not to mention that, as Nursery found out, any attempts to vaccinate a yak end with wrestling moves and countless needles lost in the thick fur.

...so the Changelings are fucking Xenomorphs apparently

I also invited Twilight Sparkle who’s accompanied by Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Spike. I keep some anti-anxiety pills on my desk, just in case. The princess seems rather stressed. The stun gun is also near my hoof, if things go that bad. Also, I always wanted to tase Rainbow Dash.

TASE THE RAINBOW MOTHER FUCKER!

“That’s not important right now,” Twilight says, levitating my stun gun back on my desk. “Can I get some pills?”

Translation:DOPE ME DADDY!

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Well, let's hope changelings don't get periods...

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That image is horrifying.

any attempts to vaccinate a yak end with wrestling moves and countless needles lost in the thick fur.

Goddamn those Anti-yaxxers.

I wonder if it’s some homework or other shit. Don’t get me wrong, but back in my day, we didn’t need school to learn about friendship. On the other hoof, maybe that’s why all my friends are dysfunctional halfwits with sadistic tendencies.

...I mean...yeah that's a distinct possibility.

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Anti-yaxxers.

How come I didn't think of this?

At least this guy is a pony. Not that I mind, but when I first tried to take a blood sample from a changeling, it melted a syringe. Not to mention that, as Nursery found out, any attempts to vaccinate a yak end with wrestling moves and countless needles lost in the thick fur.

Already used anti-yaxxers so,
... yaxtards?

“I got it from a girl,” Sandbar mutters, spreading his legs slightly and revealing the textbook symptoms of what we call Prench disease. I’m pretty sure they call it Equestrian disease in Prance, so in order to avoid an international conflict, doctors called it ‘syphilis’, which is fancy for “I should’ve thought twice before coming in here”.

Should've thought twice before coming in her as well.

“Oh, shut up!” an orange dragon of non-assumable gender yells at another dragon who I recognise as the Dragon Lord Ember herself. You know, I read newspapers and shit. I wonder if it’s customary for dragons to tell their lord to shut up.

I thought Smolder was a guy for like...six months at first.

“I don’t know where I got it, I swear!” Spike exclaims. “Unless it was–” He collapses, getting hit by roughly fifty thousand volts of electricity.

Well now we know Spike isn't related to Laxus Dreyer.

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I thought Smolder was a guy for like...six months at first.

Same here. The fact she doesn't have eyelashes like other female characters makes it harder to tell.

Sometimes, there are those rare cases when a patient is normal. Seriously, there are only a few relatively normal ponies I know and Maud Pie is most definitely one of them. She’s calm, she doesn’t bleed on the floor, and she always follows the recommendations when taking meds. That’s why when I see her in the ER I’m kinda glad that, for once, I won’t have to do something that’ll give me mental images I most definitely don’t want.

I'm high as fuck and my body is ready.

Okay, it’s a donut. Although, as Sweetheart noted, a pretty suggestive one, with chocolate and sprinkles. And before someone asks, soon after Dr. Semicolon was hired, we had to reset our “days since Sweetheart last cucked her husband” counter. Fifth time this year.

If it happens so often they have counter , does her husband know.

“I have a stick stuck in my ass,” Maud says in her dull monotone.

I immediately write “NFP” in my notebook. It stands for “Normal For Ponyville”. Really, if I had a bit for every object I ever pulled out of someone’s rectum, I wouldn’t have to come here every day. Though on the other hoof, I’m pretty sure some of those bits would still have shit on them.

“Why do you have a stick in your ass?” I ask. I mean, there are plenty of ponies with sticks in there, though most of them are metaphorical.

“I told Mudbriar to shove his rod in there,” Maud replies without a slightest flinch or blush. “Turns out, he’s bad with metaphors.”

I raise my eyebrows a little bit. A lot of ponies are bad with metaphors. For example, Sweetheart recently told Atom Heart something about dead patients ‘no longer playing records’ and on the next day Atom Heart brought a gramophone to the morgue.

“I see…”, I mutter. “Any discomfort?”

“Splinters.” Maud shrugs.

“Yeah, that’s most definitely an issue,” I reply.

Is it just me or did anyone else read Maud's dialogue in this scene with DWK's voice?

All told, this story was outstanding and I really enjoy this series as a whole. Looking forward to more.

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Thanks