Derpy suffers from a form of anterograde amnesia and can't form new memories very well. It gets so bad she finally decides to talk to Dash about it. But hidden in the blind spots of her memory are moments she might not be ready to face...
After yet another delivery goes horribly wrong for her, a tired Ditzy heads back to Ponyville; on the way there, she runs into a contemplative Rainbow Dash sitting on a bridge.
After an odd encounter in the market square, Applejack begins experiencing worrying symptoms and new feelings all centered around a certain bubbly pegasus.
Fix that wall of text, make paragraphs. Appeal to the prereaders group on this site, they'll help you fix all the errors and they'll teach you how to write good.
Hey everyone thanks for the comments about the wall of text leave more for any thing else you would like to see changed and in future fics (if they ever happen) it wont be a problem and i will edit this one thanks.
I'm sorry, but the lack of attention to grammar and formatting things from proper spacing to honoring the 'new speaker -> new paragraph' rule mean that I just can't read this. It's too messy.
Also, you don't need to keep saying 'Rainbow Dash' all of the time. You can just go with 'Rainbow'. It's as odd as saying, say, "John S. Thompson" all the time when writing about a person instead of saying John.
You have a very good concept for a story here. If you decided to sit down and write it out, you could easily get 10+ chapters. If you need help, there are many of us on this site that would be willing. You should also get an editor. They are great resources for helping a writer see their story from a second point of view.
Fix that wall of text, make paragraphs. Appeal to the prereaders group on this site, they'll help you fix all the errors and they'll teach you how to write good.
988961 agreed. The group unicoorns rule (and pegasus to) are allways glad too preread storys. Check it out and talk to watt
I lied this story
Also 988961...write Well. Sory
Keep it up
Day
Yup, this story has potential. Clean it up and you'll be good to go!
Needs work....... Improvement work......
Out of nowhere, a wall of text appears. It is very effective.
Hey everyone thanks for the comments about the wall of text leave more for any thing else you would like to see changed and in future fics (if they ever happen) it wont be a problem and i will edit this one thanks.
I'm sorry, but the lack of attention to grammar and formatting things from proper spacing to honoring the 'new speaker -> new paragraph' rule mean that I just can't read this. It's too messy.
Also, you don't need to keep saying 'Rainbow Dash' all of the time. You can just go with 'Rainbow'. It's as odd as saying, say, "John S. Thompson" all the time when writing about a person instead of saying John.
when is chapter 2 D:
You have a very good concept for a story here. If you decided to sit down and write it out, you could easily get 10+ chapters. If you need help, there are many of us on this site that would be willing. You should also get an editor. They are great resources for helping a writer see their story from a second point of view.