My Little Mages: Sojourn

Everything seemed normal that day: A normal job, a boring school day, lonely house, and few friends. Akin had thought that things would carry on eternally as such. Late from work one night he decides to take a shortcut through an alleyway only to be enveloped by a strange darkness. When his sight returns to him he is surrounded by strange sights in an unfamiliar world.
[Based off of Didjargo's work with some artistic liberties taken.]

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Tygerburningbright

Tygerburningbright #1 · Jul 30th, 2012 · · · The beginning ·

a review

a my little mages fic it has been done before

beh it is all centered

Akin
hmm a turk?

As soon as he stepped into the alleyway something felt....wrong. The air felt heavy and thick but he assumed it to be a mere side effect of his exhaustion. Making his way through,however, made him realize the contrary. The world around him was starting to darken, the exit of the alleyway seemed to disappear before his eyes. Struck by panic Akin made a sudden about-face and attempted to run out but so too had this path faded into oblivion. The darkness encroached and sweat began to bead. A single cry of dismay left his lips before all faded into nothing.
your prose is now purple

Twilight was up late studying the previous night need a something to act as a scene break

spike on a nice, long errand to keep him busy for the duration ... in my little mages spike is just a lizard.

The horn upon her head began to grow bright as she began to focus every bit of her power upon the portal
in the pics the horn appears to be some sort of headdress like thing

Sweet Apple Abby how do an artificer and sage fit into an abby?

overall a ... meh not good but I could not call it bad.

One more thing your writing is too... flowerly.

Rienhardt

Rienhardt #2 · Jul 31st, 2012 · · · The beginning ·

999694
It's just something that I felt like doing. I did this knowing that it's been done and I don't know if I can promise to bring anything new. I merely had the inspiration.
999779
Well I understand that spike was a lizard. I didn't personally like it and I mentioned that I was taking some artistic liberties. And as for the Abby it's based off of the fact that AJ and Big Mac are holy classes so it made sense in my mind. And I appreciate the honest review. Already this story is getting a lot more attention then my actual original work so...I call it a win win.

Tygerburningbright