Non-Canon Ch5: Fuckers Stole My Chapter Title.
The hospital room is quiet, as Bacon rests in his bed. The steady heart monitor beeps in a rhythmic fashion. The moonlight casts a faint glow on the sleeping griffon. That is, until a shadow comes over him. Bacons grunts and cracks an eye open before it widens. The heart rate monitor starts beeping faster as fear plasters on his face. However, a needle pricks into his side, injecting a sedative. He tries to fight it, but the chemicals are a bit stronger than his will. Within seconds, he’s unconscious. “Nothing personal-... Well, nevermind. It is personal.” A faint chuckle can be heard...
I sigh as I walk down the hospital’s halls. It’s early, but a doctor let me in. He was going to wake up Bacon anyway to check on him, so he figured that a friendly face might help him keep calm. Whisk was still asleep by the time I left, and she needs all the rest she can get. “Now, don’t be loud,” the doctor says, walking ahead of me. “He’s still recovering, and loud noises will agitate him.”
“No shit,” I say. He sighs in turn and throws a tired look my way. “Hey, don’t worry about it. He’s going to be my brother in law, I’m gonna be as good as possible.”
“Ah, well, congratulations,” the doctor though unenthusiastically. I give him a half asked thanks as he turns and opens the door to Bacon’s room. He freezes when he sees the inside. “W-Wait here,” he says. I quirk an eyebrow as he walks in. “...Oh no,” he says. Before I ask what’s going on, he runs out, and down the hall. “SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE!!!” He yells. I feel my heart skip a beat as I poke my head into the room. There, on Bacon’s bed, is a letter. I walk over and look at it without touching it.
Tick tock, goes the clock.
The clock strikes twelve, he’s now shelved.
The fool’s not done, not until one.
Here’s to your authority, which has retracted its priority.
This is not me, but for the family.
I take out a pen and some sticky notes I have in my pockets and quickly write down the lines. I look around, trying to see anything else. The window’s not open, the sheets are neat, and- wait. I lean down and see a stain on the sheets. It’s faint, and slightly discolored. “Uncle Anon?” I hear. I jump and turn around to see Maple. His eyes are wide. “W-where’s dad?” He asks. I glance at the bed and rub my forehead. Bacon may be his father, but it’s because of that fact that I don’t know if I should tell him. After all, emotion clouds judgement, and Maple is much more emotional than I am. However, I don’t want to lie to him. I clench a fist, angry that this happened to begin with. After a silent debate with myself, I sigh.
“He’s... I think he’s been kidnapped,” I say. I look up to see his reaction, and see the tears in his eyes.
“Oh... oh my-“ he rushes to the bed and frantically looks around. “I-I need to- I-“ I place a hand on him.
“Maple-“
“Don’t touch me!” He yells, surprising me. He snaps his attention to me, his eyes wide. “Oh- I’m- I- I’m s-sorry I-“ I gently take hold of Maple, and sit him down, shushing him softly. He’s still stuttering, unable to get a word out. I pull him into a hug, and he finally stops to choke back on sobs. “It’s my- It’s my fault! Oh my Celestia- it’s my-“
“Shhhh, it’s going to be okay,” I say softly.
“No it’s not,” he says, tears streaming down his face. He stops as he feels tears hit his feathers. He looks at me to see a mix of emotions. Tears steadily go down my face as well.
“It’s my fault,” I say simply. “Something wasn’t right. I should’ve known something wasn’t right.” Maple shakes his head.
“No- I’m the detective Uncle,” he says.
“And I’ve caught multitudes of terrorists for over ten years,” I say. “... I don’t know if I can look your aunt in the eyes because of this.” Maple hugs me tighter for a moment before pulling away.
“Let’s... let’s worry about whose fault it is later. Right now, I think you should go,” he says. I look at him and see he’s looking at the letter.
“... What did you find yesterday?” I ask him. He blinks and looks at me.
“What? Uh, I don’t-“
“Maple, it’d be illegal if you’re involved in this,” I say. “Police officers and detectives can’t investigate crime where they’re involved. Since your father’s kidnapped, you’re involved.” Maple looks at me with a bit of fear in his eyes. I lean in close. “So, what did you find?”
“... You’re not mad” he asks.
“Oh, I’m pissed, but I’m pissed off at the one responsible,” I say. “So, answer me. What, did, you, find?” Maple looks back, to see if anyone’s watching, before leaning closer.
“I found some of dad’s primary feathers. They were plucked, and now I know it’s intentional and personal, if the note is anything to go by. However, an eyewitness states that a purple pony, maybe a pegasus, bolted out. He spit out a cigarette as he did.” I hum in thought. I know a pony that fits that description, but I heard he retired.
“... I know where to look. You said you met him, so I think it’d be smarter for me to ask him stuff.”
“Uncle, I can handle-“
“I know you can handle it,” I interrupt. I take out a cigarette and start walking out. “But I know that I can get straight answers out of him.” With that, I start flicking up a light from my lighter, trying to calm down as I think of how to go about this...
I walk up to a pawn shop. If my memory and my sources are correct, this is where he is now. Lighter, former gang member, former gang leader, and all around shrewd business pony when it comes down to it. I take out my cig to puff out some smoke. “He better have a good alibi,” I mutter to myself. I walk up to the doors and bang on them. “Hey! Fucker!” I yell.
“Not open!” Lighter’s voice, now raspier than I remember, yells from inside.
“Look man, I can convince you, or I could break down this door!” I yell. I wait a moment, before hearing hooves shuffle to the doors. A click is heard and the door slowly opens to reveal Lighter’s tired face.
“The hell do- oh. Human. It’s been a while,” he says. He does not look particularly happy to see me.
“Yeah. Heard you did business with my nephew. Wanted to check up on ya,” I lie.
“Yeah. Nice kid. So, why are you really here?” Lighter asks. I quirk an eyebrow. “The last time you came to me, you sent me and my boys off to war. I know better than to trust a ‘check up’.” I can tell he’s still a bit pissed about that.
“Thought we were on good terms?” I ask.
“Let’s just say, I had a rough couple of days,” Lighter says. “Now, if you’ll excuse me-“ He tries to shut the door, but I put my foot in the way.
“Hold on. I’ve got a couple of questions,” I say. He looks at me for moment before sighing.
“Ah. That’s why you’re here,” he says. “Come in then. You won’t stop bothering me until you’re through.” I nod and he opens the door. I walk inside, unfazed by the various trinkets and doodads here and there. I turn to him as he shuts the door. “No, I didn’t do it.” I scoff, puffing out some smoke.
“Turning into a psychic, Lighter?” I ask, giving a slight glare.
“No. I just knew it had to have something to do with me,” Lighter says, sighing as he walks around me to get to the counter. He reaches behind it and pulls out a bottle of scotch. He pops off the top and takes a big swig. “I was walking by, when I heard a noise. Sounded like when me and the boys were interrogating someone back in the day. I decided to see if I can relive some memories by trying to watch it.”
“Counter intuitive for someone who wants to lay low,” I note.
“Hey, take it easy, I was thinking I’d peek around a corner or something. What I didn’t expect, was to see some goon ripping off some poor Griffon’s feathers,” Lighter says.
“And you didn’t stop him?” I ask.
“Well, I kinda did and kinda didn’t,” he replies. “I knew something was up, the guy wasn’t asking questions. Figured he was crazy. So, I yelled out. However, apparently that was all it took for the guy to really do somethin’ to the griffon. Next thing I know, there’s blood spatter, and the guy’s looking over at me. He was wearing a hood, and the alley was too dark for me to see his face,” Lighter says.
“Then you bolted?” I guessed.
“Yep. Cigarette I was smoking woulda slowed me down from breathing, so I had to spit it out to split the joint,” he mutters.
“Is there anything you saw that would help?” I ask, crossing my arms. “Because it almost sounds like you’re a lying motherfucker.”
“Anon, I wouldn’t lie to you,” Lighter says. I stare at him for a minute before shaking my head. No, he would lie, but he’s not really a killer. I doubt he even has the strength for it. Sure, he technically fought in a war, but he was more of a commander. Also, Bacon wouldn’t have any reason to have beef with him. I sigh as I look around the room. Coming here was a goose chase.
“Everyone lies to me Lighter. I’ve got more than ten years worth of lies. I don’t think you did it, but you better be telling me the truth. If I find out you lied-“ I stop to glare at him. “I will personally shoot your ass with whatever I find first.” He snickers.
“Sounds fair,” he notes. With that, I walk out. The moment I walk out, however, Maple bumps into me.
“Ow- sorry- oh, hi Uncle!” He greets.
“Go home,” I say, flicking my used up cig to the ground. “Don’t look into this case anymore, alright?” I ask. Maple coughs nervously.
“Wh-what? Me? Looking into- I am totally not-“
“Stop lying. You’re bad at it,” I say. “Besides, I specifically told you I’d look into this.” Maple sighs.
“Please uncle Anon, I need to find my dad,” he pleads.
“And I’m going to take care of it,” I say. Maple looks like he wants to argue, but sighs.
“... Can you tell me what Mr Lighter said?” He asks. I look at him for a moment before nodding.
“He saw a hooded figure pulling your dad’s feathers. Apparently, it was like interrogation. He didn’t see who it was, and I know he didn’t do it,” I say. Maple smiles weakly.
“Thanks,” he says.
“Now get outta here. Get some rest, alright kid?” I ask. Before he could leave, a voice calls out to us.
“There you are Maple!” A voice yells. Maple and I look over to see a hippogriff.
“Oh! Mr Double!” Maple calls.
“You know this guy?” I ask. Maple nods.
“He’s a friend of my mentor when I was in training,” he says.
“Please, call me Edge. I have some... bad news, Maple,” Edge says, walking up. Maple’s eyes widen.
“... No,” he whispers.
“Almost midnight last night. His heart gave in suddenly. No one could save him,” Edge says solemnly. Maple shakes, and tears start coming up. I quickly hugged Maple, unsure of what’s going on as Maple wraps his own arms around me, sobbing. I look back at this ‘Double Edge’ in annoyance. Did he really need to come all the way here to tell something distressful? I freeze. Wait, why is he here? I look at Double Edge with suspicion.
“Hey, why’re you here?” I ask.
“Oh, figured I would try to get a souvenir. Greenhorn always loved souvenirs from Equestria, he’d get them for his family,” he says. “Figured it would hurt them less if I carried on his tradition while he’s gone.” I keep an eye on Edge before Maple stops crying.
“Uncle, I- I want to go back to your house, I-“
“I’ll take you there myself. Whenever you want to go,” I say.
“T-thanks uncle Anon,” Maple says. Edge gives a grimace as he watches us walk away. I look back at the hippogriff, who walks into the pawnshop. I stare after him before trying to hurry Maple along.
“Maple, trust no one,” I say quietly. He looks up.
“Huh? What?”
“Maple, a psycho’s loose and he’s interested in you. Whatever you do, don’t go anywhere alone,” I warn. Maple looks at me for a moment before nodding.
“The same goes for you then,” Maple notes.
“I can take care of myself Maple. I’m not old enough to be helpless yet,” I say, pushing into so we can start walking away.
Page sighs as he lands next to the office building. He hates Mondays. Mondays are days where shit hits the fan for him. Today, he’s actually a little late, so he had to fly to get here. He walks through the door, and pauses as he sees Clipper fuming as she walks out of my office. She spots Page and stomps over to him. He can tell this isn’t good. “You have a lot of nerve!” She yells.
“Look, I’m sorry I’m late, I-“
“You’re lucky Mr Anon’s busy with something, because he’d be the one blessing you out!” Clipper yells. Page sighs.
“Okay, I get it, could you stop yelling? It won’t happen again,” Page says.
“Just go to your post. It better not happen again,” Clipper says, turning and going to her desk. Page never knew she could yell that loud. He walks out and hurriedly goes to his own office. He gets onto his seat and leans toward the mic.
“Next!” He calls. The first entrant walks in, revealing to be Princess Cadence. She tilts her head as she sees Page.
“You’re not Anon,” she notes. Page nods.
“Yep. Established that when I was born. Wanna hurry up and give me your papers?” He asks.
“Uh- right,” she says, handing over her passport. “I can’t wait to see my daughter. She came to Equestria a few days ago, starting a trip by herself!”
“Hm,” Page hums with indifference.
“Not much of a talker, are you?” Cadence asks.
“I have to speed things along. Got started late. No small talk,” Page says, stamping the papers green and handing them back.
“At least you’re polite,” Cadence notes.
“Fuck off, love ain’t real. How’s that?” Page remarks. Cadence sighs.
“Of course,” she says dryly, taking her papers and leaving.
“Next!” Page says. The next entrant is a white unicorn with blue hair. Page thinks he’s Shining Armor, prince of the Crystal Empire.
“You’re not Anon,” Shining notes. Page leans back and groans.
“No, I’m not. Gimme papers,” Page says. Shining puts his passport down and Page scans through it.
“Did Anon get hurt or something?” He asks.
“What? No, old geezer’s fine,” Page says. Shining laughs.
“Geezer? I mean, he’s a bit old, but-“
“According to your papers, you’re ten years older, so you’ve got no room to defend him,” Page says. Shining loses his smile and sighs.
“Of course Anon would hire someone like him,” he mutters. Page stamps his papers green and gives it back.
“Fuck off, I’m on a time crunch,” Page says. As Shining leaves, Page leans towards the mic. “Next!” The next entrant is a young mare, with a pink coat and sandy blonde mane. She almost looks like she’s seventeen. “Papers,” Page says, holding out a claw. The mare winces.
“I-um, I don’t have uh-“
“Then get the fuck out,” Page says. As he leans towards the mic, she stops him.
“Wait! Please! I- I can’t go back!” She yells. Page looks at her.
“And why not?” He asks.
“...” The mare looks down, conflicted.
“... Alright, security it is-“
“I’m running,” she says quietly. Page stops.
“... Running? From what?” He asks.
“My- my parents,” she says. Page quirks an eyebrow.
“But, aren’t you a pony? Rather odd to run to Equestria-“
“My parents live in Griffon Stone. My mother’s a griffon, my father is... supposed to be a griffon,” she says. Page blinks.
“... That’s uh... okay then,” he says.
“My mom wasn’t faithful, obviously,” the mare says, gesturing to herself. “My mom had to send me away. W-when I learned about it from my foster parents, I wanted to see my real mom. But, apparently her husband was still sore about it.” Page leans back. This is interesting.
“So, why’re you running?” He asks.
“Because when he saw me, he screamed about killing me,” she says. She looks at Page pleadingly. “Please, I- I think he’s going to follow me. I need to get into Equestria. I’m begging you!” Page looks at the mare with uncertainty as she starts sobbing. “I don’t want to die, please!” Page blinks and thinks back to what his boss said. Any mistakes, and his nice new job is over... Page looks at the mare, as she cries for her life right in front of him... He sighs, and takes out his book. He looks for rules about missing passports. Apparently, if there’s no passport, he has to give her a denial only slip. Of course, he has to stamp it himself... He looks at the various buttons, and finds the slip button. He wonder briefly if what he’s about to do will be considered good enough. He gets a slip. The mare looks up and sees ‘Denial Only’ on the bottom of it. “No- no please! I’m-“
“Quit crying,” he says, giving the slip a stamp with next to no hesitation. The mare’s heart skips a beat as the stamp gives a click. Page hands her the slip, and she takes it. Without looking at it, she hangs her head as she starts to trudge out. “Wait- hold on, where the fuck are you going?” Page asks. The mare stops and looks at him. “Look at the slip.” The mare looks at it and silently gasps. It has a green, acceptance stamp. She looks back at the griffon, who’s wearing a bored expression. “Yeah, you’re good. Now get out before I change my mind.” The young pink mare trembles a bit as relief washes over her, and she rushes up and reaches through the window to hug the griffon.
“Thank you! Thank you!” She cries, before taking her paper and practically running out the door. Page rubs the back of his neck before sighing. The printer clicks away as a pink slip prints out, informing him of his choice.
“The one fucking time a printer doesn’t jam,” he mutters, he takes the slip and puts it on a corner of his desk. He sighs and leans toward the mic. “Next!”
It’s the end of Page’s shift. He sighs as the horn sounds off for the end of the day. Outside, the remaining entrants all walk away, hoping to get into Equestria another day. Page gets up and walks out of the office, only to bump into me as I walk up to the door. “Ow- sorry Geezer,” Page says. “Your old guy bones didn’t break, did they?” I snicker as I look down at him.
“I dunno kid, I’m feeling a bit threatened. You gonna pull a pack of crayons on me?” I ask. He groans.
“Look, it was a rule yesterday,” he says. “Look in the book if you want.”
“Still, I’m amazed you actually sent someone to jail for carrying a pack of crayons,” I say. “I knew you had to be the right guy to hire.” I look up and frown as I notice a pink slip on his desk. “What happened?” I ask. Page looks back and sighs. I walk over and pick it up to inspect it. Page sighs. He was really hoping he didn’t notice it.
“I’ll pack up,” Page grumbles. Before he gets too far, I reach over and grab his wing.
“Kid, you didn’t fuck up, you apparently made a choice,” I say. I look at him with a raised brow. “No one can accidentally forget to check for a passport at a checkpoint’s border office.” I cross my arms as curiosity forms on my face. “Why did you let them through?”
“I... I had to,” he says. After a moment, I make a gesture for him to go on. “... Someone was after her. It seemed like her life depended on it.” He says. I hum.
“Think you made the right choice?” I ask.
“Well, I’m not worried about it,” Page replies. I nod, humming.
“Good. See you tomorrow, bright and early as usual. Don’t be late again,” I say. “I’m letting the lateness slide today because it was a shitty day for all of us.” I pat Page’s back and walk out. Page does a double take and runs up.
“Hold on- I broke the rules, why would I see you tomorrow? Wasn’t that the one thing you told me not to do?” He asks.
“Kid, you made a conscious choice. According to you, you don’t think it was wrong. So far, nothing’s exploded, and no one’s hurt, so why would I be pissed?” I ask. “Unless- you didn’t break the crossbow, did you?”
“Wha- fuck no.”
“Then you’re fine,” I say, shrugging. “Besides, I’ve got more urgent matters to discuss with you.” Page quirks an eyebrow. “I need you to go to my house. Maple’s there. My soon-to-be wife’s there, and I need someone to look after them. I have to go over something, and I’m assuming you’ve got nothing better to do, right?” I ask. He sighs.
“Sure, I’ll go look after them. Got an address?” He asks. I nod and hand him a note. “I’ll get there as soon as possible.” He starts to walk away, but I stop him.
“Hey, good luck with whatever you’re trying to do,” I say. He stops.
“... What do you mean?” He asks. I snicker.
“Let’s just say that I’ve got a hunch that you’re not helping Maple out of the goodness of your heart. However, I’d like to believe that what you’re looking for won’t be a pain in the ass for anyone to deal with until all of this is over.” Page turns to give me a slight glare, silently telling me to butt out. “I’m not going to pry into it. But I wish you good luck for whatever it is.” Page stares at me for a second before scoffing.
“Whatever, Geezer,” he mutters, before walking out. I shake my head as he leaves.
“... How is it that being called old is what pisses me off the most?” I ask myself with a small chuckle.
Maple shifts through various papers in his Uncle’s living room, going through reports for other cases. “Maple, sweetie! Dinner’s almost ready!” Whisk calls from the kitchen.
“Okay! Give me a second!” He calls back. He puts the reports down, and rubs his temples. He silently wonders why a pony would report a missing wallet, but refuse to take his wallet despite the fact that it’s his own wallet. He starts to get up, but a knock on the front door stops him. He cautiously walks up and opens it to find Page waiting. “Oh! Thin Page! What’re you doing here?” He asks.
“Boss told me to keep an eye on you tonight,” Page replies. He walks in as Maple closes the door behind him.
“Maple? Is someone at the door?” Whisk asks.
“Sorry! It’s a friend mine!” He calls back. Page gives him a weird look.
“Dude, we’ve known each other for less than a week. We’re not friends,” he says. Maple smiles.
“A friend of uncle Anon’s is a friend of mine!” He replies simply.
“I’m not a friend to that Geezer either,” Page deadpans.
“No, but he thinks you are,” Maple replies easily. Whisk pokes her head into the living room and spots Page before gasping.
“Oh my Celestia!” She yells. Page jumps from the sudden noise, and looks at Whisk with wide eyes. “Look how skinny you are! You almost remind me of my husband when we got together. You must be starving!” Page is wildly confused as he looks at himself. Sure, he’s not exactly as beefy as most griffons, but he’s not dangerously skinny. He looks up at Whisk.
“Uh, no thanks I’m-“
“Nonsense! No one goes hungry when I’m around!” Whisk hurriedly shoves Page in the direction of the kitchen, as Maple simply follows behind them.
“No, you don’t have to, I’m-“ he stops as various smells hit him. “... Is that... Is that pasta?” He asks.
“Yep! Tonight I was making some chicken alfredo!” Whisk says.
“Awesome! Your alfredo’s the best!” Maple says excitedly, rushing to the kitchen. Page coughs uncomfortably.
“I mean, thank you for the offer but-“ Page is interrupted by Whisk grabbing his arm and dragging him to the kitchen. “Holy shit you’re strong!” Page exclaims, wincing from the older griffon’s grip.
“No buts, and no cursing. It’s dinner time, you need to eat!” Whisk says.
As Page awkwardly eats on the couch with Maple, Whisk gives him a big smile. “It’s been forever since I’ve had company over! Are you a friend of Anon’s?” She asks.
“Uh, I’m one of his employees,” Page replies. “Um, he asked me to come over and watch you guys until he’s done with whatever he’s doing.” Whisk sighs.
“He’s always coming home late, why doesn’t he ever just do what he normally does and come home early.”
“Do what he normally does?” Page asks. Whisk laughs.
“He’s a real character, and he doesn’t take crap from anyone,” she explains. “Once, he jumped out a closed window just to leave a board meeting.” Page’s eyes widen. “If he wants to do something, he does it. It’s something I think everyone admires about him...”
I scan through another pile of papers as I hear Clipper come in. “-and here’s last week’s paper,” she says, placing a box of passport info next to the box I’m looking through. These are boxes with griffon and hippogriff passport information. Clipper looks to see I’ve packed up at least half of this week’s box. “Um, can I ask what you’re looking for?” She asks. I glance up to see her looking at me in confusion.
“... Pet project,” I mutter, taking out a cigarette and lighting it. She sighs.
“Maybe a bit less vague than that?” She adds.
“Something’s bothering me about something outside of work, I’m just checking up,” I say. I stop to take out a file and open it, finding a hippogriff. I skim through the passport info and additional items before putting it back and continuing my search. “You can head off home if you want,” I say. Clipper sighs.
“Sir, please tell me what it is, I-“
“I didn’t ask for your help,” I say, raising my voice a bit. “I suggest that you go home. Now.” Clipper leans back a bit from my voice, but sighs in defeat. She nods and heads out. I go back to skimming through files. “Where are you, fucker?” I ask myself. I pull out one more file and open it. A griffon, but he looks scrawny. I grumble and put it back. Clipper comes back in. “What did I-“
“It’s a note sir,” Clipper interrupts, annoyed. I hold out a hand, and she places it on my palm. A small note. I take it and unfold it.
Hee Ho hey, your inclusion is not okay.
Did someone say, that you could play?
Back out, or I’ll ruin your day.
I stare at the note with no expression. I look up at Clipper. “Who gave this to you?” I ask.
“No one, it was on my desk,” she says. I hum.
“... Go home. No dilly dallying,” I say. “I don’t need to pay for your over time.” Clipper blinks and huffs.
“Sir, what’s going on with you!?” She yells.
“I SAID GO!!!” I yell. Clipper backs off, shocked that I yelled. I simply glare at her before look back at the files. I’m sorry Clipper, but now I know that psycho’s watching me. Hopefully, he’ll think I won’t care about her, thus leaving her out of this. I pull out another file as Clipper sniffs. Without a word, she leaves. I need to pay a bit more for overtime once this is over. The file I pulled out is from a few days ago. I lean back and puff out some smoke. “Please, God, just let me find something,” I mutter. I open the file and pause as I see a peculiar passport. I lean forward as I read over it. He got here recently. His picture... a picture he brought seems off... I feel my eyes widen as I see where his passport is issued from. I think of how Bacon got hurt, how his feathers were plucked... I read the passport owner’s short Bio, and start connecting dots. I take out some paper and a special quill. I write to Twilight, asking her to do me a favor. As I do this, a knock sounds out from the door.
“Fuck off, I’m busy,” I say, not looking up as I write. I don’t have much time.
“Actually,” a familiar voice says, opening the door. I look up to see the very bastard I’m looking for. “You’re about to have a free schedule.” Standing there, smiling ever so menacingly, is Double Edge.
“Oh, really?” I ask, uninterested as I finish up my letter. With a poof, it’s sent off to Twilight.
“Yes, you see, I’m not a fan of your meddling,” he says.
“And I’m not a fan of your bullshit,” I say. He drops his smile. “Now, we could dick around, or we can skip the whole ‘I’m the bad guy’ monologue.”
“Rather impatient, aren’t you old monkey?” He asks, pulling out a revolver.
“Oh? Using a gun? What happened to your bare claws?” I ask. He chuckles.
“I don’t think I have the time to play, simply put,” he says.
“... Well, here’s the problem,” I say. I throw myself to the ground, and a bang ensues. I rip off a crossbow I duct taped to the bottom of my desk and spring up. I fire off a bolt, hitting the gun and knocking it out of Edge’s grip. He curses and holds his hand as I level my crossbow at him. “Mine’s bigger,” I say. I pull the trigger to nail the fucker’s ass, but I am only greeted with an empty click. I feel panic set in as I glanced at my gun. Shit, I forgot to reload it. I look up and see Double Edge scrambling for the gun. I freak out and throw my empty crossbow at him, which manages to bonk his head and daze him for a bit.
“Ow! Buck!” He yells. I take a box full of papers and slam them down on the stumbling hippogriff. He falls to the floor as papers fly out everywhere. I stumble back and grunt as my back starts to ache.
“God dammit,” I mutter, falling on my ass. Pain goes through me as I start trying to calm down. I look up, taking deep breaths as I try to feel my pockets for a cig. I close my eyes, thankful that it’s-
“You, bucking asshole,” I hear. I look down to see Edge, leaning on the table unsteadily as he aims a gun at me. “I was going to simply hurt you, break a leg or two.” He stops to cough, and blood comes out, landing on my desk. “Then- I’d make sure no one would stop me, my revenge-“ he stops to cough. “But I should’ve known you’d be a pain in the ass.” I stare at him for a second before chuckling.
“Your brother died in the war, and you blame it all on griffons?” I ask, chuckling. He growls.
“DON’T LAUGH!!!” He screams. “THAT BASTARD, THAT BASTARD SAID HIPPOGRIFFS LIKE US SHOULD FEEL LUCKY, BEING ALLOWED TO FIGHT WITH THEM!!!”
“That bastard being uh, Greenhorn, right?” I ask. The hippogriff scoffs.
“Putting the pieces together? Smart monkey,” he says.
“I still remember Cozy’s War. I remember when the Hippogriff Separatists surrendered, and realigning itself back with the Hippogriffian Queendom. They put soldiers like you right back into the fight, right?” I give a barking laugh as I see how angry Double Edge gets. “Kind of stupid, really, considering they also stuck you guys right next to the same creatures that dominated you in the air. The griffons.” I point at one of piles of scattered files. “I read that you had a picture of your brother. Since I haven’t seen your big bro anywhere, I’m going to take a wild shot in the dark and say he’s-“
“Do you know what that son of a bitch said?” Edge interrupts. “When we had to retreat into the air, when those dragons started to bomb us, and my brother was stuck on the ground, do you know what kind of bucked up shit he said?” I stare at him expectantly as he starts trembling, various muscles tensing and shaking. “He said ‘He should’ve learned how to fly.’ As if a lost wing was his fault,” He scoffs, and levels his gun at my head. “If that bastard hadn’t died from the heart attack, I wouldn’t have done anything to that kid. But the fact that Maple was like family to him, that was close enough for me.” I glare at him silently as he rambles. “I originally wanted to just shoot him, get it over and done with, but then I saw his father.” He stops and coughs, and a gush of blood comes out. What the hell’s going on with him?
“And you realized that suffering was heftier than death,” I finish for him. He nods, keeping an eye on me as he uses a free claw to wipe blood from his beak.
“Yeah, something like that,” he mutters. Suddenly, he smiles. “Wooh, it feels good to get that off my chest.”
“Not good enough to point the gun away though, huh?” I ask. He shakes his head.
“No. But at least it’ll be-“ He’s suddenly interrupted by a flash of light.
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Oh profanity...
IT LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and good chapter, also CLIFHANGER HMMMMPPPPPPPFFF
That Double Edge is a spy!
ITS ALIVE!
HOLY FUCK ITS ALIVE
Oh wow, Double Edge did it, totally didn't see that one coming from clear across Equestria.
Dammit! A cliffhanger!
So... Damn... HAPPY!!!!
Can't have shit in Detrot.
Dumb-ass-brony mistake Anon!!
Personally it feels as if she still owes HIM a great deal, rather than him having to owe her. Getting away with running him out of ponyville and letting those responsible go unpunished just make it seem like they should be begging him rather than pretending everything is okay.
You know, as much as I like this story I feel like it's starting to resemble one of those endless telenovelas that add more and more characters and invent increasingly convoluted plots to justify their continued existance.
10705042
Actually, there’s a pattern to the arcs. Fourteen chapters each. We’re on the last arc. It’s one of the reasons why I haven’t been so motivated to keep writing, it’s almost over.
Hey, don't worry about taking so long, we understand. You've got your own life going on.
Great chapter by the way!
Huzzah! A new chapter at last. Shame this is the last arc - but an understandable reason to take more time nonetheless. See you next time.
This chapter was great reading, and while it was hard to get back into things are quickly tying into place. One of the best things this story has to offer is how well handled its multi-threaded plots and that comes out in spades here, Great work. However the cheese at the end was a bit much for me, like there was no weight to it, though i feel like that's more because of the hastiness of setup more than the end result in this chapter.
While i'm here though
10705041
Favor doesn't imply being in somebody's debt? Have you never heard the somebody say "you owe me one/You owe me a favor" before?
Sides we all know that 99% chances are that favor would never get banked anyway.
This was a very fun story to read and I hope you continue to update it.
Такое ощущение, будто автор русский,
10748524
wow, suddenly the author answered. I am glad :)
(Sorry for google translation)
Good chapter, I hope everything is going well with you Yellowtail. Looking forward to the next update
I wonder, if future Cozy (The one that broke out) Went to the castle gardens would she see her own statue? And I would that mean she was all ways doomed to fail no matter what?
No! I caught up! Now I have to wait.
Yellowtail, why no chapter it been over 1 month.
I mean, we've had longer gaps. Still, I'm gonna complain anywho.
10840022
Currently sick and just got done with a ton of personal stuff. I probably caught Covid from family. Sorry I hadn’t made a new chapter yet.
10844053
Fair enough, been a tough couple years.
Man I fucking love this one! I really can't wait for the next chapter!
That flash of light better be reinforcement.
Damn I love this story.
I love this story and hope to see more, but all the same just live your life first.
oh hombre... me quede con las ganas de otro capitulo, amo la historia, pero siento que sin anon no es lo mismo... pero Page es bueno, es como anon pero no es anon, asi que esta bien... ademas, que paso con la advertencia de Cozy Glow y el tipo encapuchado que le dijo algo a anon unos 5 o 6 capitulos antes de la guerra? algo sobre un niño quemando algo y un libro de hechizos vudu que mantener encerrado, no recuerdo la verdad
...Hasn't it been, like, 6 months now? Is this story cancelled?
11075272
Okay...which comment are you replying to? It's been awhile.
1 year waiting for an update. I love the story it has really great humour and character depth.
Hope this continues.
10981377
Same here.
This thing was fun, but I honestly miss where it was nothing but Anon slaying the border checkpoint job and everything around it. The whole thing with the battle and murder mystery stuff should've been a new title entirely.
Well, it's actually not the worst place for the story to die. I like it
11308303
"Hey this is pretty fucking good shit, let me know if you ever want to continue, or if you would be willing to accept any deals or transactions for it?"
I read this in like a week, which is surprising cuz I'm a pretty slow reader,
-Sincerely,
Ya Boi Satan
11362604
Can't be. Because when you listen to the audio from the site's built-in text-to-speech engine, there's no mention of any letter or numeral between the 2 X's. Which would only mean it's the punctuation|
Also as an edit to my previous comment, I realized that I messed up when I stated
.
Because xx would work as the last 2 "numbers" for the length of a whole century.
11362688
It is roman numerals. I forgot which one, but in a timeskip chapter (after Cozy's war) Anon mentioned to someone to use normal numbers because they got rid of the numerals. Contexts within the story would also clue you in on what year it is.
Also the text to speech engine is unreliable since it's not specifically made for this story. Literature that do have accurate audio however, are audio books. Voice actors would usually narrate the story.
11366081
Yeah I agree it's unreliable but it will never skip over saying a letter except in the instances it say the first instead of I. I know from experience that if something said XIX then at the very least it would spell out XIX but if it was X|X then it would say XX.
Update?
11389504
Yeah sure, gimme a week or so
Just binged this story again after a year of not reading it. Still love the crassness of Anon in his daily adventures. I'm excited to see a new chapter if it gets one! If not, I have to say it was a splendid time re-reading it.
10844053
11175646
The bad guy monologues. Cozy said it would come from someone against his bloodline. Or maybe that’s after? I like how the story shifted from straight comedy to drama then action and now mystery all while keeping most of the comedy fresh.
Hope for the third arc conclusion! Your portrayals of the races are well done. I’d like to see more character development from Whisk; she seems to have stepped back from the foreground after the twins were sent away… Thin Page isn’t one of them, is he? Anon never really questioned where she found them… I wonder if they really were orphans…
11389543
It's been a little longer than a week
But take your time, personally I almost can't wait to see what comes next.
*poke* Is it alive?
You alive?
Is this alive?
Sidenote: nice cliffhanger.
MOTHERFUCKING CLIFFHANGERS!!!