Don't Talk Back
As the doors of the Castle of Friendship opened, five brightly colored ponies stepped in, trailing small bits of confetti behind them.
"Well, that went rather well," Twilight commented with a grin.
"Ah'm just glad that everypony waited so patiently for us to show up." Applejack had to say.
"Makes you kind of think that they have nothing to do with their lives when we're not around though," Rainbow Dash imputed.
"Well, the important thing is that it was an enjoyable time." Rarity said before looking around "So, where's the mare of the hour?"
No sooner did Rarity say those words than a pink blur shot past her and the others before zooming and bouncing all over the castle.
"Wowee!" Pinkie Pie cheered as she came to a stop "I haven't been to such a fun party that wasn't thrown by me since you all surprised me on my birthday! If I had known that everypony in town was planning to throw me a party to show their appreciation, I would've waited till after it before leaving for Yakyakistan".
"Uh, Pinkie" Twilight spoke up "We actually would've preferred if you hadn't left at all."
"Yes, you really had us worried when Maud told us you had left Ponyville," Fluttershy agreed.
"Sorry" Pinkie Pie said apologetically "I was just really bummed about not playing the yovidaphone anymore" a wide grin appeared on her face as she held up said instrument in her hooves "but I'm feeling better now that my beloved and I are together again!" With that, she gave the instrument a huge bear hug.
As the display went on, Pinkie's five friends shared hesitant glances before Twilight spoke up.
"Uh, about that, Pinkie" she began "I know we said that you shouldn't let our opinions dissuade you from something you enjoy, but there's still the fact that, uh..."
"Your playing sounds like Opalescence picking a fight with a timberwolf," Rainbow Dash said bluntly, earning a look from both Twilight and Rarity.
"Not the way I was planning to put it, but yes" Twilight nodded slowly "Anyway, I'd suggest that if you intend to keep playing, then I should at least put a soundproofing spell around you. To be honest, I feel embarrassed I didn't think of this until the balloon ride home, but..."
"Oh, that's okay, Twilight" Pinkie Pie said "But it's not really necessary."
"What do you mean?" Twilight asked in confusion.
"Well, I did some thinking of my own on the way home and I realized that as much as I enjoy the yovidaphone, I still caused some trouble for all of you: Rarity's fall line got overstitched, Fluttershy and her animals were up all night, Rainbow got a second place trophy, and Applejack's crop has been turned into apple sauce when it's not even saucing season! I feel bad that I messed up your routines, so I intend to fix it so it won't happen again!"
"Well, that's very thoughtful of you to consider our feelings, Pinkie" Rarity said gratefully "But how do you intend to rectify your yovidaphone concerts disrupting our lives?"
"Easy" Pinkie replied with her everpresent grin "By going to Yakyakistan!"
"WHAT?!" her five friends cried in shock.
"Pinkie, we just went to a lot of trouble to bring you back from Yakyakistan, and now you're planning to leave again?!" Rainbow Dash shouted in disbelief.
"Not to stay, Silly" Pinkie giggled "You see, since you guys pointed out that I had been playing for days without any real change, it was obvious that I wouldn't be able to improve on my own, so I realized the only real option was to go to Yakyakistan and take some lessons from the true masters themselves!"
"So, you're telling us that you plan tah take yovidaphone lessons from the yaks?" Applejack asked in bewilderment.
"Uh-huh," Pinkie nodded.
"Wow" Twilight commented in amazement "That's actually quite brilliant Pinkie".
"When you think about it, it's something we should've thought of in the first place," Fluttershy muttered.
"And, just to clarify" Rainbow said slowly "You do plan on coming back, right?"
"You bet!" Pinkie Pie nodded "Once I become a true master of the yovidaphone, I'll be back for good! Ooh, that reminds me, I need to tell Maud she can bring all my stuff back to Sugarcube Corner."
"Well, Pinkie" Rarity said cheerfully "If you only plan to visit and be tutored this time, we have no objections to you going to Yakyakistan this time". The others nodding in agreement.
"Thanks, everypony!" Pinkie replied before giggling "Oh, boy! I just know I'm going to enjoy playing the yovidaphone!"
"I'm sure we all will if you become a real professional, Pinkie," Twilight said with a grin.
"I'm not talking about that" Pinkie shook her head "I'm talking about me falling in love with the yovidaphone!"
"Pinkie, you already love the yovidaphone," Applejack said flatly.
"I know I do, but I hope that I'll enjoy it as well," the party pony replied.
"Huh?" the others said in confusion.
"Pinkie, Dear" Rarity commented slowly "Since you love playing the instrument, it's obvious that you enjoy it".
"Oh, I know I enjoy it, but I don't know if I enjoy it yet," Pinkie said.
"How can you enjoy it and not enjoy it yet at the same time?" Rainbow Dash asked with a raised brow.
"Easy" Pinkie nodded "I've played the yovidaphone and know that I love it, but at the same time, I'm still getting started with it and haven't decided if I love it yet."
Twilight shook her head in disbelief "Pinkie, you've been playing the yovidaphone for about a week. How can you say you're just getting started with it?"
Pinkie giggled "I'm not talking about me, Silly. I'm talking about me!"
"And I thought Maud's answers were confusing," Fluttershy commented.
With a shake of her head, Applejack sighed in exasperation "Pinkie, yer not making a lick of sense."
"Moreso than usual," Rainbow Dash said with wide eyes.
"Would it be so much trouble as to explain just what it is you're saying, Darling?" Rarity felt the need to ask.
"Oh, it's quite easy to understand" Pinkie Pie said "You see, after we got back from Yakyakistan, I fished my old yovidaphone out of the trash. But then, I remembered the new yovidaphone I had picked up in Yakyakistan, and thought it seemed greedy for me to have two yovidaphones so I decided to share one of them with me!" she explained rapidly.
"Um, did anypony catch what she was talking about?" Rainbow Dash asked in confusion.
"Wait a minute!" Twilight said with wide eyes as she began to connect the dots "Pinkie, when you were speeding around the castle a few minutes ago, did you go into the-?"
"Uh, Twilight?" Fluttershy tapped on the alicorn's shoulders before pointing to her desk.
More precise, the book on the desk that was emanating a glow from its pages.
Hesitantly bringing the book over to her with her magic, Twilight slowly opened it and watched nervously as lines of words magically appeared on the blank page.
"Dear Princess Twilight,
First off, we can officially confirm that items from Equestria can be transported through the mirror unaffected.
Second of all..."
The halls of Canterlot High shook and all the glass threatened to shatter as the students and staff ran about screaming in panic. At the epicenter of the trouble, the music room, the Rainbooms had their ears covered in pain as Pinkie Pie blasted on the new instrument she had brought to practice.
"HELP!" Sunset Shimmer desperately scribbled into her journal.
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I do so love novel, unexpected endings. And the characterization was great.
Bravo.
Poor Sunset.
She just cannot catch a break.
A great full ending to an otherwise slightly divisive episode. Also, great ending of the story with Sunset
.
9073980
I do hope I manage to spawn some EQG concepts involving the yovidaphone.
9074333
Yeah, considering how much Pinkie enjoyed playing the yovidaphone, I felt that her EQG counterpart might feel the same, and sound just as bad with it.
LOL
I saw you read mine. I see you had a similar idea with soundproofing and threw in a bit with EG to fill out the word count, while I went with an action sequence. Yours was funnier. :P I just had to do a Maud acrobatics bit though! :)
I had not considered her taking lessons from the masters. I had thought that would be too difficult a commute, but I suppose they CAN get to YakYakistan and back in (apparently) a single day, so it's not that much of an issue. Does raise questions about how fast that balloon is moving but that's another story. :P I thought an alternative was going to be proposed with Yona or her family. She might play a little and maybe one of her parents is a master? Hmmm... Now I'm wondering if I could make a short story out of that...
And the actual episode overlooked all of this. Not that the lesson they taught was a bad one but it felt like they ran out of time and needed just a minute or two at the end for either soundproofing or lessons to come up.
Way to Twilight'd it up Egghead.
9132935
I don't get it.
That ending was brilliant!
Uh oh.....I know EXACTLY where this is going....
....yep. Thought so........
Hilarious ending ha!
The errors in this really overshadowed the storyline for me. I started reading and there were just too many that it completely pulled me out of the story. You need to go over this and check the sentences, especially when a dialogue sentence ends.
10246078
Well, alright, would you be willing to point them out to me?
Take the very first piece of dialogue.
"Well, that went rather well" Twilight commented with a grin. Needs comma before the end quotes.
Like this.
"Well that went rather well,"
The next several bits of dialogue have this problem.
And you put the period in the wrong place at the end of the part where Twilight is saying "We would have preferred if you hadnt left at all". Needs to be before quotes. Gotta work on that.
10246101
Alright, how about now? If it's still wrong, you'll need to point out every error personally. I'm not good at spotting them.
10246118
Yeah that's more like it. But there are a lot more. You definitely need work.
10246125
Don't tell me. Show me! I can't find the errors on my own! If you want the grammar fixed, you'll need to point out every single problem personally.
10246135
Kind of a problem. There's too many. Nearly in every bit of dialogue here in fact. You have missing commas and misplaced periods in most of your dialogue. You really need to go over this whole thing.
The next error is when Rarity speaks, again missing a comma before the end quotes. And when Pinkie Pie speaks you dont have a period after stopped just before her second bit of dialogue begins, AND you are missing the period before the end quotes there.
Try following this format.
"First quote," Pony said. "Second quote."
In much of your dialogue you are missing the comma in the first quote before the end quotes. In the second quote you put the period after the quotes. Some of them are correct but far too many to name have mistakes like this.
10246161
I can't work with guidelines. I need step-by-step instructions! Look, nobody told you to read my story or criticize the way it's written. If the only thing preventing you from enjoying it is my grammar, then that's your problem.
10246167
Guess so. Trying to help. If there were fewer errors I could narrow this down. But the same error type of error is happening pretty much everywhere here.
10246172
Alright, give me a little time. I've gone to "Looking For Editors" to find someone to help me out. After someone helps me clean up the errors, I'll let you know and you can come back and give the story a proper comment.
10246172
You really need to stop being vauge dude. Tell the guy what's wrong and how to fix, not say say the same shit over and over. So since you won't, I will.
To the Author. You are missing peroids in many of the dialogs between characters. You're also improperly using quotation breaks leaving them open ended. A few run on sentences, misspelling once or twice.
But guy, (not you author) you dont need to be hurtful and point out how bad someone's writing is. You shIould know better if you don't like being treated this way. You should've kindly pointed it out without nentioning the bad grammer. I've written shit fics before but Author had a good idea, but should have requested another person to look over.
10246214
Don't worry. I've gone to "Looking For Editors" and a member has volunteered to look over it and point out what needs correcting.
10246214
I'm not trying to be hurtful. If I came off as that sorry.
10246254
Apology accepted. Anyway, the grammar is fixed as best as I can get it, so hopefully you'll be able to read the story okay.
I kinda miss stories as short as this, not gonna lie.
10282219
Thanks for the comments. However, I was referring to the two stories I posted after this one. I take it your mature filter is off, otherwise, you'd known one of them I was referring to was the story that was in Dirty Little Secret's contest.
I know this isn't what happens, but the soundproofing spell is the wrong solution. To me, it's the equivalent of them saying:
"We're not going to stop you from doing something you love. But keep it to yourself". It's not a very encouraging message.
10501378
Well, I've heard other fans talk about how that could've been a viable solution.
10506186
Well maybe other people can see the good in it, but I don't.