Chapter Forty-Three
Returning Home
⠀
⠀
She had to try one last time. It was pointless, but she had to try.
Sunset dialed Fluttershy’s number. It rang several times, then Fluttershy’s voice came on. “This is Fluttershy, band manager for Bitchette. If you need to reach me or the band, please leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
Just like Sunset had expected. Just like what always happened when Sunset called Fluttershy.
There was a beep, and Sunset left her message.
“Hey, Shy. I wanted to try to get ahold of you one last time, because, well… I’m leaving today. Going back to Equestria. I know you’re busy, and I know I’m not supposed to do things like this anymore, but I… I just really wanted to hear your voice one more time.
“I don’t really have long, I called a taxi to take me to CHS since I left my bike at Applejack’s last night. It’ll be here any minute, so I really should go. And it’s dumb, it’s not like I have anything left to say. I think we said everything we needed to say to each other last week before you left. But I… I guess I just wanted to say goodbye. I’ll miss you. Take care of yourself and be the best, most kick-ass band manager you can be. I believe in you.
“That’s… that’s it, I guess. And… and now I’m just stalling, in the hopes that, I don’t know, you’ll call me back before I hang up? I don’t even know. Just… just whatever you do, take care of yourself. Love you, Shy. Always.”
Sunset hung up the phone and looked down at it. Fluttershy was still there on her lock screen, smiling happily beside Sunset. They were showing off their tattoos, and they were in love.
She reached her hand to touch her shoulder where her tattoo was under her jacket. It was supposed to mean forever, but it didn’t mean anything anymore.
It wasn’t the only thing. Sunset tossed her phone on the bed – it wasn’t going to do her any good anymore – and crossed the room to the bedside table. She opened the drawer on it to pull out a little black box.
The box was scuffed up and the hinges were bent. Whatever had happened to it in that car crash, it had certainly seen better days. But it was just a box, only meant to protect the ring inside it.
She opened the box and looked at the ring, still perfect and pristine. The box had done its job, for all the good it did now.
The ring was pointless now, another meaningless symbol of forever, but she couldn’t leave it. She closed the box and brought it to her backpack, shoving it inside before slinging the bag over her back.
She walked into the living room and looked around. One last look at her house before she left it forever. Well, probably not forever; she would return with Applejack sometime to get some of her stuff out of it. But this would be the last time it was her house.
Of course, it was supposed to be their house. Their home. Hers and Fluttershy’s. But that had been back when things were good, and that had been so very long ago. Now it was no longer a home, just a house full of memories that Sunset didn’t want.
It was a relief when she saw the taxi driver pull up. She left the house without any sentimental goodbyes. She had already said goodbye to everything she needed to the night before.
She walked up to the taxi and got in the back, informing the driver that she wanted to go to Canterlot High School. And that was that, she was on her way.
She had once before made the trip from her house to CHS for what she thought was the last time. Everything had felt so strange then, but she had looked forward to going to Equestria. Now, she barely thought about Everton, but Equestria terrified her.
To be more fair, her feelings on Equestria were mixed. Part of her was terrified, especially when it came to what she’d do about Celestia. But part of her was excited that no matter what happened, it would be somewhere without all these painful memories.
As they drove, she chatted amiably with the driver. He asked what she wanted to go to a high school for, she said she was meeting up with an old teacher. It helped pass the time, at least.
There wasn’t much time to pass, it wasn’t a long drive. Sunset instinctively went to check her phone to make sure she was on time for what she’d decided with Twilight, then realized she didn’t have it. It didn’t matter, she was able to see the time on the driver’s radio.
They reached the school, and she thanked him for the ride. Then that was done with too, and all that was left was to get to the portal.
She walked up to the statue in the middle of the courtyard, but she soon saw that wasn’t all that was left. She wasn’t alone, someone was already waiting for her at the statue.
“What are you doing here?” Sunset asked Applejack.
“Came to say goodbye,” Applejack responded.
Sunset smiled. “That’s great, but wasn’t that what last night was for?”
Applejack just shrugged. “Yeah, well, I came to say it again.”
Sunset set down her backpack and stood beside her friend. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
Although she had only meant for coming to see her off, Sunset thought of a better answer. “Well, for everything, I guess. You’ve always been there for me no matter what.”
“Well, someone had to keep you in line.”
“Yeah, well, I’m just glad that someone was you.”
Applejack smiled. “Me too.”
“And, you know, I am sorry for leaving.”
“I know ya are. And I’m sorry for givin’ ya such a hard time over it.”
Sunset shrugged. “Maybe someone had to do that too.”
Applejack tipped her hat in front of her face, and for a moment, Sunset thought it was to hide the fact she was crying. But when she lifted it and looked into Sunset’s eyes, there wasn’t a tear in sight. “So… this is goodbye, I guess… For real this time.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Ya know… It doesn’t have to be.” Applejack placed her hand on Sunset’s shoulder. Even if there were no tears, it was easy to see at a glance that it wasn’t because Applejack didn’t care. Sunset doubted anyone cared more. “I know ya need a change, but well… You don’t need to leave Everton to get that. Quit your job and move in with me, you can work on the farm.”
Sunset smirked. “And camp out on your couch? Sorry, but not really rushing to do that.”
“We can share my room, get a bunk bed or somethin’. It’d just… it’d be better than you leavin’.”
Sharing a room with Applejack, living together, even the bunk bed. That all sounded familiar. She had lived a life like that once, in another time. But she had gotten burned chasing that life already, and she’d learned her lesson.
“Part of me really wants to say yes, you know?” Sunset said solemnly. “But… I need to do this, AJ. I need to see where this path goes first. And I know what you think, but it’s not just about Fluttershy. I’m going home.”
“Ya know, home isn’t just where you’re from,” Applejack pointed out.
“I know.”
“So then this isn’t your home too?”
There was no malice to the question, no accusations. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re right, maybe Equestria isn’t really my home. But I don’t think I’ll find out until I try something else.”
Applejack sighed. “Fine. But promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“If this whole finding home thing doesn’t work out for ya, you’ll suck up your pride and come back to us. My offer ain’t goin’ anywhere, ya know.”
“I know. And I promise, if things in Equestria don’t work out, I’ll come back here.”
“See that you do.” Applejack smirked. “Ya know, after all this time, I still find it hard to believe. ‘Bout you and Equestria.”
Sunset grinned. “What? We’ve dealt with Equestrian magic three times now, how can you still have doubts?”
“Oh, I don’t doubt anything about Equestria. Just feels strange to imagine you came from there. I mean, how could someone like you ever be something as cute as a pony?”
Sunset laughed and pushed Applejack playfully. “Hey, I’ll have you know I was a pretty badass wizard back in Equestria! Come visit someday and I’ll show you just how ‘cute’ I can be!”
Applejack chuckled and pushed Sunset back. “Yeah, well, maybe I will.”
They both laughed, and it felt good. It hurt, but it felt good. It felt like things might finally start turning around now that Applejack was back on her side.
But that meant leaving the past behind, not taking it with her. “Hey, AJ, I need you to do something for me.”
“What’s that?”
Sunset slung off her backpack and pulled out the ring box. She handed it to Applejack, who opened it to look at the ring inside. “Oh gosh, Sunset, this is so sudden.”
Even giving the ring away like this, Sunset couldn’t help but smile at Applejack’s reaction. “It was for Fluttershy. It was supposed to be, well…”
“I know what it was supposed to be,” Applejack said solemnly. She closed the box. “So what do you want me to do with it?”
“I… I don’t know,” Sunset admitted. “I just… I couldn’t leave it, but I can’t take it with me.”
Applejack nodded. “Well, I’ll hold onto it. Time comes ya find ya need it for somethin’, you just let me know.”
“Thanks, AJ.” Sunset held out her arms, and Applejack accepted the hug. “I’m gonna miss you.”
“Same to you, Sunset.” They pulled apart and there was nothing left to say. “Go on then, get outta here before I find something else to gripe at ya for.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Sunset put her backpack back on, then stepped towards the portal. She reached her hand out for it, then stopped.
She turned to look back at Applejack, who was still smiling encouragingly. Sunset smiled as well, then turned back before Applejack could see the tears forming.
Then Sunset took a step, and everything disappeared.
Like you I'm so done with this story. It's really good, really but damn
Bun, reading your stuff is a life experience.
9958801
Yeeeeaahhh... This story was a bit too much honestly. The first two acts are fine, but after that it’s just... kinda a downer. The rest of the series is more like the first two acts, or like Inner Strength. Drama filled still, but easier to manage because it’s less constant.
And then the rebels moved into formation in front of their home, in the hopes of one last, desperate stand...
... they fought well, they had spirit and organization, but they knew what was coming, deep down...
... it was a sad day for the rebellion...
... but they lost with the satisfaction that one day they would get to see their home again. And that, my dear spectator, is what counts.
I've been watching way too much Star Wars lately.
“That’s… that’s it, I guess. And… and now I’m just stalling, in the hopes that, I don’t know, you’ll call me back before I hang up? I don’t even know. Just… just whatever you do, take care of yourself. Love you, Shy. Always.”
That last word has my interest piqued. But hey maybe it's nothing...
did Sunset leave the magic journal with AJ, i don't recall reading if she did
10153031
Yeah she did, so Sunset and AJ can write to each other while she’s in Equestria
You ever have a break up so bad you have to switch universes?
10178511
Lol I've broken up with someone so bad I wanted to switch universes. Did that count?
Ah, yes, hello depression. We meet yet again
10811292
Such is the gate of reading my stories lmao
I must say, I'm very dissapointed with how little Sky's death featured in the story.
Yes, it had impact in how it affected Sunset's and Fluttershy's relationship, but other than that, it never comes up again after they visit the grave the first time.
There's no talk of therapy, except one suggestion by Sci-Twi which is never brought up again, and Shy and Sunset never even talk about it. Fluttershy starts drinking but that's ok. She has complete control of it so whatever, I guess she just wanted to drink now.
The whole tragedy plot is just forgotten and that makes this feel like two separate stories glued together, if that makes sense. It doesn't read like Shy and Sunny moving forward at all since nothing acknowledge that they have something to move forward from other than the fighting, which is more grounded in the carcrash than the death. It's almost as if it was added in later to have less lose ends.
10821200
I'm sorry the story didn't work for you, but I'm at least a little perplexed. Not moving on was the whole point. In fact, the fact that no one talks about Sky was the whole point. Not addressing their pain is like... the entire point of the story? To that end, you do know this is part of a very long series right? Neither Sunset nor Fluttershy are even close to having made progress on dealing with their loss because that happens in other fics.
Also, Shy's drinking is arguably worse than Sunset's because everyone seems to pretend it's okay.
Hot damn, this whole time, I was wondering how they could have a last day together, say goodbye, and then return home. You sneaky so-and-so.
okay, please tell me this is going to be visible on pony Sunset and that it will cause lots of drama because ohhhhh boy!
LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF
aaaaa oh god ;_;
I gotta say, this was an amazing read from beginning to end and you dear author had a way with words that made it all feel like watching real people with each hook of drama and laughs in a perfect blend of storytelling.
I am greatly looking forward to what happens next in this glorious universe you created and glad I found these stories as I did
11204219
I gotta say, I'm very glad you found this story as well. I've been a little sloppy on the replies because I'm on vacation visiting my long distance girlfriend, but I cannot express how much it means to have someone read these stories and comment along the way as you have. You remind me why I love this world I created by letting me glimpse it through your eyes, so thanks a ton for all the comments and I'm ecstatic that you like the story as much as you do!
I like that option a lot but I already know Sunset would deny the offer.
You better.
I've finally reached the end. I have many thoughts. Most of which begin with "how dare you?", but I'll refrain from sharing those.
I really liked Inner Strength. It was dramatic, but felt very lighthearted and mostly feel-good in comparison. This starts from a pretty bleak place and only seems to get darker. Every time a little light creeps through, those embers are immediately and repeatedly snuffed out. To the point where you grow to recognize the pattern. At first, I was a little apprehensive about reading this all the way through. Not just because the tone is far from my comfort zone (I prefer happy stories with happy endings), but because this is one of those fan works that strays so far from the source material that almost everything assumes its own identity. It's the things I like and the character's I like, but in name, appearance, and basic character framework only. It's impossible not to note how jarring it is that this contrasts so hard from the original material. As much as that may sound like critique, please don't read it that way. That's actually something I appreciate about fan works and something I very much respect with this one.
I don't have much in the way of criticism. The story is really well paced while still finding time to be detailed. I might have complained about the section in the middle where most of the chapters were written from other character's points of view just because it was frustrating not knowing exactly what was happening. In retrospect that's actually something I really liked. It helped to give a sense of distant tension. That, and I read your comment on one of the chapters about how it conveys how both of them withdraw from their friends when things get worse. That's a really good touch.
All the characters remain mostly likeable even when their worst traits are shown. The relationship between Sunset and Fluttershy feels like it's written from a place of experience. Even when one of them is clearly in the wrong, it's hard not to feel some amount of sympathy for what they say/do because the situations they're in are rarely (if ever) black and white.
To contradict my above comment, however, I'll say that I think Sunset got done real dirty. I swear I'm not saying that because she's my favorite character (especially considering Fluttershy is also my favorite character) but I can't help but feel like she got the shit end of the stick at almost every single turn. Both of them go through some horribly traumatic things that shake their relationship's foundation until it crumbles, and yet despite everything, I still feel most sympathetic for Sunset. She offers her home, life, and economic stability to Shy out of the goodness of her own heart. She offers to help take care of a child she believes shouldn't even exist, and slaves away at an awful job all in an effort to give her a better life than the one she has.
This may just be a symptom of the fact that we don't get to see everything that happens between the two, but it feels like Shy just leaves Sunset out to dry at almost every turn. Sunset became an angry alcoholic, and while Shy may be traumatized by everything, it feels like she rarely offers the emotional support to Sunset she gets from her. Granted, Sunset does what she can to avoid and outright reject that emotional support, but rather than try any harder, it just feels like Shy only ever runs away from her. The part that was absolutely heartbreaking was when Shy almost attacked Sunset, and yet Sunset took the blame for it knowing it would reflect poorly on her and isolate her even further from the other relationships in her life that were already under heavy strain. All for it to never be revealed that she wasn't the violent one. Despite taking that for Shy, and despite being pretty much abandoned by Shy for months as a result of something she never even did, Sunset still took her back (which I mean of course she would, she was equally as desperate, but still). From there, any valid concerns or complaints were disregarded as "things going back to the way they were before", and in the end, she was repaid by Shy running away from her once again. Sure, they should have never gotten back together in the first place, but it didn't seem to bother Shy all that much when it was her that needed the emotional comfort that came from their relationship.
Again, it's not really that black and white, and neither of them are truly in the right or wrong. It was doomed to fail after the catalytic car crash. I just feel like Shy did a lot more taking than giving. I heavily identified with Sunset throughout this whole fic – being a deeply flawed individual and chronic people pleaser filled with regret and all – and I know how it feels to be denied the help you give to others that should be afforded to you by people who say they love you. Regardless, nothing says Shy ever really had to give her that. Shy doesn't truly ever owe her anything, even after Sunset did all she did. Sunset did that, as mentioned before, out of the goodness of her own heart. That's not something that requires recompense. Sometimes people are just incompatible. I wanted Sunset to have a happy ending, and I'm hoping as I continue, she'll get something happy at least.
Fantastic job on this fic. You almost got me to shed tears more times than any fanfic has ever gotten me to. And I felt a tug on my heart throughout the whole ending.
11369395
I'm glad you stuck with this story, and I'll say for your peace of mind going forward that this is the heaviest this series ever gets. Now, there are many gut punches to come, because I am me and this is a drama. But this story is a tragedy, every other fic in the series is a hurt/comfort.
I have unique feelings towards this take on Fluttershy, but that isn't to say I disagree with your view on the situation. Rather, hmm, how to voice my thoughts... Keep in mind this is not a defense of Fluttershy's actions, it's a view that many people don't consider. I don't normally spoiler things unless I'm talking about details from future chapters, but I'll spoil this for the sake of people who prefer to keep to death of the author.
Sunset and Fluttershy are both victims of their own traumatic experiences. Sunset's were largely her own causing (referring to the events of Looking Glass, which I'm unsure if you read) and even more importantly, she's had time to heal from them. She still struggles at dealing with other people, but she has learned a lot in her senior year and the months after graduating, and she's mentally found herself on more sure footing than she was at the end of that fic.
Fluttershy's dealing heavily in this story with PTSD, even if we don't see all the hallmark signs. But maybe even more so, she's nineteen as of chapter three, and she's been abused most of her life, originally mentally and emotionally, later physically and sexually. She never got to be a normal teenager despite appearing to be one on the surface to her friends and to us the audience, and she has had no time to recover from this trauma. This is not to say her mistakes are not mistakes, they are. She does not always treat Sunset right, in more ways than you point out in your comment. When Sunset wanted to get sober again, who was there drinking regularly in her own home? Hell, who initiated the drinking again after the crash? You commented on Sunset's alcoholism, and Fluttershy is a major part of that.
So there are two factors to Shy's behavior. She never got to be a stupid teenager and in turn wound up a stupid adult. She makes a lot of bad mistakes. On that note, this is her first ever relationship, and she's thrust directly into more trauma at the revelation of being pregnant and the death of their daughter. Sunset has healed from her past trauma, at least to a degree, Fluttershy has never once lived without trauma. She was shaped by her trauma, and not into a more caring person as the frequent bullshit that people echo about trauma survivors often goes.
There's one more aspect to look at, and I think you'll appreciate this one. Your bio describes you as a tricenarian (I am as well, though I wasn't when I wrote this). These characters are teenagers, aside from Sunset's questionable age. The thing is, they both act like it, I think. They don't act like mature adults because they're both still growing as people. And not in the sense that we always are still growing (which we are; that's the whole point behind this series being called Who We Become), but in that they are in a manner of looking at things still kids. Of course they're legal adults, but even without knowing you personally, I would suspect most folks in their thirties are going to agree that nineteen-year-olds are through no fault of their own lacking in life experience and maturity.
I hope that, if you decide to read and spoil the death of the author, this gives you another perspective on Shy, and even on Sunset in this universe. If it doesn't, then well, I just tell the stories lol it's up to readers to make their own interpretations. Thank you for reading, and I hope you'll enjoy where things go from here!
And, off she goes.
I'm not sure about her leaving the phone behind at the house like that. Seems like kind of a permanent end to things, but I guess maybe that's just me. Wouldn't be of much use in Equestria but would still be useful on trips back because let's not kid ourselves, she's going to be back.
*sigh*...and the things left unsaid.
I have to say. Normally when I read these kinds of stories I cry a lot, and I mean a lot. But it's never ever ever ever more than a tear or two.
for this story though I didn't really cry all but twice. I cried only a little on the everfree goodbye part, but then sunset actually leaving right at the end... Jesus man. I read looking glass only like a week ago and good god.. this chapter reminded me of everything that happened in sunsets unfortunate life and broke me. I haven't cried like that since my relationship of 12 months ended last year. And this story I relate too a lot. Fluttershy is a lot like her.. it's kinda why I hate her guts but love her all the same. But applejack has been there for all of it and- it's just to much man. I was ugly crying into my pillow for 35 min.
This is the greatest story I've ever read. Even typing this now I'm still a little hazy eyed.
11642341
Always a great feeling to get emotions from people! I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and that while you're feelings on Shy are complicated they aren't wholely negative (there's a lot of Shy hate from a few readers lol). And yeah, Applejack is... Well, in my unbiased opinion, she simply is something else in these fics.
If you continue the series, I hope you enjoy what's to come! And if not, thank you for reading as much as you did
Well... Guess we reached the end of the journey,
Gotta say this, playing house, and the entire series,
HAS hit me very hard, never have I found a fic in which I would not be just a reader, but the characters themselves, I felt every single painful moment they had, felt the same love and happiness they shared,
Cried every tear they dropped, I may have started hating futtershy, but I know that my feelings towards her a simple fictional character became real mainly because I felt the hurt and pain sunset had to go through, I could simply be a reader and enjoy the ride, but unfortunately i couldn't, i was, and always will be on sunsets side, and I am glad sunset made the decision, the decision that futtershy, herself wanted..
For sunset to move on.
the journey may have finished here, but it is not always about the destination, it was the friends we made along the way.
I am excited to see how sunsets life will go in Equestria, but knowing you, there, always, will, be, Emotional destress
11667122
Glad you've enjoyed the story and it's had such an impact on you I look forward to hearing you're thoughts on Finding Home and beyond!