A new era dawns in Equestria, as Celestia's parents Aurelius and Lucretia, the world's final witnesses of the ancient Solar Empire, pass the throne down to their two daughters. They foresee great things from their eldest, who accepts her new title with nervous excitement.
As she comes to terms with the great change in her life and learns the responsibilities of running a nation, an ancient evil re-awakens from the frozen south, seeking to dominate and enslave every sentient creature on the planet. In the midst of this growing threat, she finds herself falling for a farm hand from Ponyville. Her newfound feelings leave her torn, knowing that she will outlive all that she loves due to her lifespan.
Proofreading done by Radiant Arpeggio.
Chapters (10)
OMG I love it!!!!!!! You’re writing is amazing!!!!!!! Are you going to put some dislestia into this one? Can’t wait to keep reading!
Okay, I've finally started this. Your writing is technically sound, and for the most part, your introduction and pacing is okay too. So far, I haven't noticed anything that makes this an exceptionally hard AU, so you could potentially get away with not using the tag.
Though, the few problems are the author's note at the front of the chapter and some of your word usage. First, with the note that sort of thing should be in the story in some way, or worked into the story summary. It's not good to have it right there when I'm sure it can be information easily relayed within the first few chapters and worked into your story at other points. The second problem with your word usage is with how you have women, gentlemen, men, and 'hands'* easily tossed into your story. This robs it of the immersion and is not a good sign in a pony story. I would suggest going back and editing these out and replacing them with sensible alternatives.
*hands has been used in the show, but with all the other far too human word choices, it really stands out, and not in a good way.
I'd also suggest adding the OC/original character tag, too.
Heehee, it looks like young Celestia might be developing a crush.
Also, the same problem with the overly human words persists in this chapter too. Calling the soldiers 'men' makes no sense if you aren't writing a a humanized story, and it's really the only problem in the story so far.
I think this could be better if it was something along the lines of 'She still lives... but not truly.' or something similar.
I like the depictions of grief, the mythological guiding of the sun/moon that feel very pony, and other details that you've added to this chapter. Little things like the addition of the song make it my favorite so far, I think. Though, with the persistent use of human terms, the description of the mourning people, while I understand it may be referring to some other species/society, does not come across as strongly as I think you intended, and makes me think you are attempting to have them envisioned as human. I'm sure that they're supposed to be ponies, or another kind of creature, but the word usage does not make this clear.
New cities like Coltumbia are neat, but it's hard to imagine that cities like Baltimare are somehow over thousands of years old. Is there a reason for this?
The song was nice in this chapter as well. If you've made songs/art of these scenes, you could put them in an author's note box to show them off!
Well, I'm all caught up now.
Seeing Celestia's parents meet her suitor was really nice. They seem to approve!
I liked seeing the further involvement of Silver and the family, and the discussion of alicorn grief and immortality's potential impact on the relationship.
Airships, romance, and journeys? This is getting better! C:
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And dragons!
Okay, this is EPIC! Princess Trollestia is the best princess. Can't wait to see what happens next
Ayyyyy hello, The Apple family™! Damn, glad to know you mentioned them
Also I adore the image of Celestia you've created. So cu-u-ute and pure!!!
Is this going to start up again?