In the dining room, Ocellus looked at herself in the mirror.
It wasn’t an illusion, nor a dream. She had tried pinching herself, but that didn’t work because she no longer had any fingers to pinch with. She had then asked Gallus to pinch her, though having sharp talons do the job resulted in a shriek.
The burning pain, though, had been more than enough to say that it’s real.
The mirror did not lie.
She saw her face, the face of a changeling. Gone were her old eyes, replaced with a pair quite compound though she could still see normally. Fragile wings like that of an insect were on her back; she flapped them and they buzzed. There was also a horn on her head, and she knew it had something to do with magic.
The pamphlet on her free hoof had given her a head start on what a changeling’s like and how a typical changeling day would go. However, it had contributed more questions than answers: Would she starve if she didn’t eat love for a long time? What if there was no one to share love with? Should she tell her friends about her literal hunger for love?
But they knew. They’d read others’ pamphlets, too. They must had known something about her weird emotion-dependent biology. If that’s so, why didn’t they say anything about it? They couldn’t possibly accept having their love taken and digested somehow to keep her alive and strong.
Maybe they were being polite.
Question upon question. How would their friendships go now that one of them would have health problems if no one shared love with her, if she didn’t have anyone to share love with? What if they rejected her for their safety?—despite the pamphlet’s own words: Sharing love is a give-and-take process! When you share love, all benefit including you! Don’t go thinking that your loved ones will run from you now that you’re a changeling, and even if they do, show them this helpful leaflet!
Yet the rational changeling was letting something else overwhelm her.
Complicating her condition was that strange craving for insects. Beetles, ants, caterpillars—she wasn’t a good cook, but now she’d been thinking of recipes on fried wasps with a side of roasted termites and crunchy crickets. The sheer ugliness of it all was the only thing separating these bugs from her mouth, but the craving remained.
Of course, since she’s a changeling, she could also change. The instructions were there on the tiny piece of paper. Step 1: Imagine who or what you want to be. Step 2: Focus your magic energy into your horn. Step 3: Change!
The last step might have been very vague, but she thought she could feel her way through.
So, she imagined someone.
She closed her eyes.
Felt a weird glow surrounding her.
She opened her eyes.
In the mirror, her normal self. Her former self. A human wearing some casual clothes.
This was her.
She stared at her self.
Like boats falling down a waterfall, recalls and disjointed flashbacks sped by until they reached her new friends. They had traveled everywhere together, living out life’s ups and downs, the highs and lows. Squabbles and arguments had cropped up from time to time, but they’d be solved within days. Smiles and laughter would reign in the end.
Then, she sighed.
She stared at her self.
This wasn’t her. Not anymore, that was.
Ocellus closed her eyes.
Felt the weird glow surrounding her.
Opened her eyes to see a blue changeling. A half-horse, half-bug creature that fed on love and could shapeshift.
She crawled up on the floor and cried.
Alone.
One week after the mishap and six days after she had confined herself in the bedroom, Ocellus felt the thing she’d most feared since the change. It was a rumbling in her stomach, a dwindling down.
Hunger. Love hunger.
She knew her family had become changelings, too. She’d seen a photo of them on her MyStable feed, captioned with a message from her father saying Dearie, we’re coming home straight away.
Problem was, they were in Dallaps. The additional load of homework had come upon Ocellus at the most inconvenient time, making her the only one to stay behind. Coupled with her sharpened insecurity out of being a love-feeding horsebug, staying inside wasn’t doing her any good.
The homework no longer needed to be passed, though. Her school had announced that there’d be no more classes in the foreseeable future. Perhaps having hooves instead of hands while coping with tons of magic factored into that.
In the meantime, Ocellus was sitting on her bed, all four hooves on the mattress as she reflected upon her future. Dreams of enjoying the rest of her twenties with a wonderful group of friends weren’t exactly dashed—more like entangled into Gordian knots. She was now friends with a griffon, a yak, a hippogriff, a pony and his dog who’d become a fire-breathing dragon because why not? Her family—what would become of them? They’d have the same problems as her, experiencing the same love hunger, having the same shapeshifting abilities, craving for the same strange branch of cuisine.
Then, of course, there was the world. There was….
But, nevermind. She looked down at her hooves, mind reeling as possibilities accumulated. Maybe they’d be afraid of her, especially by the ponies of Equestria. It was the changelings who attacked their Canterlot during the royal wedding. Maybe she’d be ostracized by the love-brimming ponies of Earth’s Canterlot. They were already saddled with new bodies, new magic, new everything. Maybe—
Knock! Knock!
Ocellus looked up, wiping her dry eyes. “Wh-Who’s there?”
“It’s us,” came Sandbar’s voice.
The changeling let out a loud sigh, though she smiled, wanted to smile and wanted them to see her smile. Choked with more tears, these the tears of joy, of seeing these friends.
“Come in.”
The door creaked open, and Ocellus’s friends entered one by one. First was Sandbar himself, an Earth pony the color of spring buds with some sea turtles as his cutie mark. Next flew in Gallus, a blue griffon who flapped his wings slowly to make sure Ocellus wouldn’t be more surprised. After him came in Silverstream and Yona together, pink hippogriff and brown yak walking side-by-side as they wore gloom on their faces. Last but not the least was Smolder who jumped her way into the room, neglecting her scaly wings.
The dragon closed the door.
All were together in Ocellus’s bedroom, looking at their changeling friend as she slowly got out of bed, trotted to them, looked to the side.
Grabbed Sandbar, held his neck tight, hugged him.
No words. No words as everyone else joined in the group hug.
In their welcome embrace, she closed her eyes and wept. Nothing but tears turning her cheeks into a sea marked with loss, an ocean branded with woe, yet all of that was to be forgotten in the company of these friends.
“I l-love you guys!” Ocellus yelled amidst her tears and sniffles. “B-But I u-understand if you won’t love me! Even if I wanted to, I’ll j-just suck your love, and, a-a-and—”
“We don’t care,” Gallus said, tapping her on the head with his talon. “I mean, look at us! We’re a lot different now, but we’re still together...right?”
“B-But—”
“You feed on love!” Silverstream added with a hint of happiness, holding her own foretalons together. “You must be such a lovable creature!”
“But I—”
“Yona stick by you thick and thin!” Yona declared, putting a hoof on the ground although she was careful not to smash the floor with it.
Smolder got out of the hug and flew over her. “I’m still getting used to this whole thinking-for-yourself thing, so...yeah, I love you, too.”
“And we’ll be here just like old times!” Sandbar said, now the one pulling Ocellus in. “Even though they’re not really that old, but...whatever, guys! Group hug for Ocellus!”
They hugged tighter, their changeling friend feeling a bit of pain. That didn’t matter since she felt the warmest hug in her life. Because of them, she no longer felt weak, she no longer felt drained. She no longer felt hungry.
She was hungry no longer.
After that loving hug, solidifying Ocellus’s acceptance in spite of her new forms (or everyone’s new forms, for that matter), they decided to celebrate by going to Pepperoni Box. Though it was mostly back in business, there were considerably less customers here than usual. Then again, having to learn how to walk with four hooves and a wing would make constant back-and-forth travel a hard thing to keep up without stubbing their limbs.
The six secured a table by the counter where they got front row seats to the magic of pizza-making while inhaling the scrumptious scent of good food. Dough rolled flat, doused with tomato sauce and packed with cheese, topped with vegetables and fruits, inserted into a brick fire oven—all done by ponies which made everything slower as they tried to not drop anything. It was unbelievable how nothing was spilled to the floor.
“Hello!” greeted an Earth pony waiter, menu on one hoof and eye on the exotic set of customers. “I didn’t expect to see different kinds of creatures at the same table!” Pointed the menu at them. “You’re best friends, aren’t you?”
“Who else could we be, anyway?” asked Silverstream, lifting her foreclaws into the air like she was throwing confetti. “We’re not potatoes!”
The waiter glanced around, hoping that there’d be somepony to explain it for her. “Uh...potatoes?”
And Silverstream yanked Yona the yak into a hug like a yummy yarn. Yona moaned under those tender claws, but she put up a smile anyway.
Gallus chuckled. “Yeah, she’s wacky but she’s...sunbeamy. Got a problem with that?”
All it took was a look at the griffon’s sharp talons and his fiercesome lion tail—all it took was that for the waiter to hide half of her face with the menu. “Um, n-no! I was just...surprised to h-have six different species at one table, ‘cause most of Canterlot’s ponies now.” Then, raising a brow at Gallus, “Does that mean you’re from Griffonstone?”
“The one and only,” he replied, pointing at himself with a wide smirk.
“I’m from Aris!” Silverstream proclaimed.
“And I’m from Cambling!” Ocellus added.
“Yakyakistan!” Yona yelled with pride.
“And I’m Sandbar’s dog,” Smolder finished off, raising her claw. “I feel weird being equals with Master and—”
“You don’t have to call me that anymore,” Sandbar cut in, ruffling the dragon’s non-existent fur on her head.
Smolder sighed, the good feeling out of a headrub having vanished. Trying to not dwell on it, she turned to the waiter. “What kind of pizza’s here?”
The waiter grinned, finally able to hype up her wares. “Oh, I’d usually start off with our Meat Attack...but, well, we ponies can’t eat meat, so there’s that. Heh-heh,” though that laugh weakened to a doleful murmur.
“But we can!” Silverstream shrieked, gathering up everyone at the table in a huge hug while hovering over the table.
The waiter gestured towards Sandbar. “He’s a pony.”
Sandbar slipped away from Silverstream’s hug, his frown growing. “I’m gonna miss out on this one, amn’t I?”
“Well, wasn’t Fluttershy a vegetarian this whole time?” replied the waiter. “I’d say you go talk to her one of these days. She must be taking this pretty well.”
Meanwhile, in her house, Fluttershy was dining at the family table with Zephyr sulking on his chair.
“Come on, Zephyr,” Fluttershy said, holding up a hoof over her plate of salad and beans. “Can’t you let it go?”
“There’s a reason why I bought like half the meat section!” Zephyr yelled, rubbing his ears. “Rainbow Dash may be oblivious to my never-ending pleas to be with her, but she’s gotta notice when I’m weightlifting barbells of canned beef!” Took a pause to gulp in breath. “She loves beef!”
“Loved beef,” Fluttershy corrected. “She’s now accepted that she can’t eat meat anymore.”
About to give up, Zephyr looked down on his paltry fare of leaves, hay, and chocolate milk. “It’s just….”
Then, his eyes widened. A smile crept up on his face as he clasped his forehooves.
“Another one of those brilliant ideas of yours?” Fluttershy asked deadpan, her kind voice gone for a moment.
Zephyr spread his wings, making his salad drift into the air. “Sorry, sis’, but the breeze is gonna get his guarantees!” and flew out of the house.
Fluttershy sped to the open door, seeing the vast darkness of the night compared to her bright home. “Zephyr! Where’re you—”
“The only place Dash would be right now!” Zephyr shouted as he zoomed to the sky.
Before his wings froze up. He screamed falling down.
Ten minutes later, the pizzas were done and served. Ocellus and company inhaled the wafting steam of cheesy deliciousness as fresh piping hot pizzas floated to their table.
On the left was a massive fifty-inch pizza divided up to stacks of triangular slices to fit the surface. It was of the Meat Attack variety, so all kinds of meat made their home here: beef, pork, chicken, tuna, mutton, duck, shrimp, and scallops—all inhabiting their expanse of cheese.
On the right was a normal-sized vegetarian pizza reserved for Sandbar. It had tomato slices, bell peppers, black olives, and mushrooms.
“Bone capitate!” squawked Silverstream before stuffing her mouth with a juicy slice.
Gallus, Ocellus, and Silverstream, hastily catching their own slices as they feasted on their scrumptious order. Yona, on account of still being full, contented herself with drinking half a dozen cups of coffee tea.
That left Smolder and Sandbar beside each other, looking down on the healthier pizza.
The pony sighed. “I haven’t thought much about this, huh? I thought it’ll go away, but it’s like my body will hate it forever.”
Smolder fidgeted with her thumbs, seeing her former master riled up. “Don’t they have vegetarian meat out there? That’s a thing, isn’t it?”
“Except whoever’s researching that are...well, ponies,” and Sandbar twirled his hoof about. “They’d wanna get the whole pony thing down before moving on to their projects.”
“Ouch.” Smolder scratched the back of her scaly head. “I can see why that’s bad.”
Bells rang and the front door opened to reveal Dash and a yellow changeling trotting in together.
Silverstream swallowed her second slice to squish her cheeks. “Rainbow Dash!”
Dash nodded. “Who else but me? Hah! Isn’t it nice to still be famous while being a pony?”
While everyone else fawned over the heroine from afar, Ocellus raised her hoof and caught her attention. “Who’s that?” as she pointed at the other changeling.
The yellow changeling took out a pizza box. He spun it around with his hoof and laughed at himself.
“He’s a changeling from the hive,” Dash said, resting a hoof on his back. “When he realized there were new changelings here like you here, he wanted to help in his own way.”
“...by serving up the local grub!” Humerus ended as he flew over to the table and opened his pizza box.
The stinky blue cheese was rotten with larvae squirming all over it. Grubs and pupae were the main staple toppings, garnished with sprinklings of deep-fried ants.
“Bleh!
“Eww!”
“Is that real?!”
Everyone save for Ocellus had pinched their noses and stuck their tongues out. However, the changeling herself licked her lips at the delicacy.
“There’s more where that came from!” Humerus said, putting the box down before her. “But I gotta make some more deliveries! Whole communities will see how tasty and nutritious good bugs are!”
Ocellus’s eyes watered. “Why, thank you!”
“Pleasure but squares!” quipped Humerus and flew ou—
Bumped into a glass window and fell to the floor.
Dash propped him back up, hearing the changeling groan in pain. “Now, watch where you’re going!”
“I’ll watch it like those weird TV screens!” Humerus said with a wink and a salute. Hovering towards the front door, “So, let’s—”
Bumped into the closed front door.
All was silent as they looked upon the helpless changeling.
“Yak should help,” Yona said as she moved out of the way and trotted towards Humerus.
“N-No!” he said, holding out a hoof to stop the yak. “I’m really going now!” before opening the do—
Bumped by an exasperated Zephyr who was bruised and scarred, bunned mane undone as he held up a pizza of his own. “There! This is a pizza I made for you, my beautiful Rainbow Dash!”
With one last breath, he collapsed to the floor, unconscious before a knocked out Humerus and a fallen pizza box.
It opened, revealing a message made with pepperonis. They spelled out: I love you, Dash!
Now, everyone was looking down at the mysterious pizza.
Dash giggled and closed the pizza box with her tail. “Too bad I can’t eat meat, right?”
And everyone laughed before those six friends continued their banquet. Dash then dragged both unconscious creatures out of the place, though she took the token of cheesy love with her.
Ocellus held the box of changeling-made pizza before her. She didn’t recoil from it. There was no disgust in her mind. Not even a gag reflex. Rather, she felt pulled into it, caught her hoof about to get a slice without her thinking.
Then, she looked up, saw her friends laughing over some joke she didn’t get.
She didn’t care. This night together was turning out to be like their other nights, perhaps even better than them. Being friends with such a diverse set of magic creatures while being one of them herself?
Why worry about getting love hungry? She was already getting tons of love from her best friends alone.
To celebrate that, she picked up a slice of her bug pizza and ate it.
Does that mean Sci-Twi's Spike is a dragon too?
I can now imagine the whole new type of cook books on the shelves.
Just to start off, I'm Italian, so probably half of my English in not that good.
Said that...
Hi! Sono Dante Vail. E adoro gli slice of life di questo genere.
So... This story is good. The prequel was too (even though being very unfocused at time and having entire arch that went nowhere), but still it succeeded in showing non magical beeing intercating with magic.
And I love it.
I can live of nothing than that.
Ok, probably not, i still crave for weapons and fights, but that's secondary...
It was constracted in a good way, that could be possible (although a society that get transformed into magical beeings in a day will collapse. Being it by infrastractural collapse or mare caos and anarchy [also, i can only imagine how many people died in car accidents, or plane accidents...]), but still possible if not overanalized (and I tend toi overanalize).
I love watching people that creates their own rules on magic and implement them in their story.
In the end, a good premise and a good execution. Some hiccups during the process (you don't need a vegeterian pizza. Common Pizza is already vegetarian. The Margherita is made with tomatoes sauce, mozzarella [who i don't know how it's called in English...], fresh basill, salt, and oil. It's completly vegetarian. And there are tons of pizzas that are vegeterian by nature [4 formaggi; marinara; ortolana; funghi; pomodoro e rucola; bufala; and a lot more italian pizza that probably do not exist in America... but stay shure that they exist. I'm Italian, we created the pizza. It's our work. Also, what's the problem with Peperonis? They are also completly veget... oh... Pepperonis in America is a type of salami... well that's interesting, how do you say Peperoni then? Bell peppers... because calling them with their name was too complicated... I shouldn't be surprised, you use feets instead of meters, miles per hour instead of kilomiters per hour, and fahrenheit instead of celsius I should have expected that [pepperoni è un tipo di salame... devo ricordarmelo la prossima volta che vado in America... magari potrei spiegar loro qualcosa...].
Also, Yona is a yak, she is an herbivorous too.)
But this are secondary, and probably only noticed by me, who still overanalize everything I came in contact with...
I follow the series because I like it. I love this little slice of life, and they are very well written. I crave for more.
I want to see how everything work. The army, the factories, I wanna know how they reproduce themself (ok, probably not... I'm shure that if I search on the INternet I will find something... yup, there it is...), I wanna know everything.
So give me more. I will do my best to overanalize it and find the little things that nobody noticed, while also shearing my knoledge and colture.
But in the end... ci si vede al prossimo capitolo.
O nella risposta a questo commento... Si chiamano commenti o recensioni su questo sito? Dovrò controllare...
9160744
Hello! I don't know if I've ever met an Italian here before, but it's good all the same. And, well, if you think your English isn't good enough, just keep practicing! Nothing beats talking in English if you want to get the hang of it.
Besides, for the Italian parts of your comment (yes, it's called comments here, though you can make a review in a comment, too), I've went to trusty Google Translate.
As for this slice-of-life fic: I like slice-of-life, too. Yeah, I may have overlooked some stuff (with herbivorous yaks being an atrocious oversight now that I think about it), but I try. It's fun to do worldbuilding in general, even when I'm subconsciously doing it.
Also, don't be afraid to overanalyze! It's the little details that add up to a believable story. You clearly know a lot of things I don't know about (like yaks being herbivores).
Well, see you in the next chapter, too! Hope I don't disappoint!
9160744
Mozzarella is the same in English as it is in Italian (I assume, the difference between pepperoni is making me wonder).
There were some minor errors, but for the most part you were understandable and you did good. If you want me to point out specific errors so you know what to look for in the future, just say so (I don't want to overwhelm you before you're ready for it).
9160914
Go for it! Better I learn it now than to regret it later.
9160861
Well, there is a first time for everything.
AH! So they are called comments. And people told me that wandering around in three fan fiction site will have become confusing. But there I am on Wattpad recognising things. Wait... is this Wattpad...?
WORLDBUILDING! That was the word I was searching for. I love worldbuilding stories.
Trust me, after a while knowing me, everyone notice that my expertise are principally in weapons, history, pony, and memes. I do so like memes...
Oh believe me, it's difficult to disappoint me. I've got very low standards for pretty much everything (I read on Wattpad...), besides, considering the past chapters, it's difficult tha we reach a drop in quality so impressive to disappoint me.
9160921
9160744
Probably a typo, these things happen, but by context I'd expect that would be 'is'.
The common phrase here is 'That said', you were really close.
Alright, I used yellow for things that, while technically correct as far as I know, could be replaced to make it flow better. Things like the first being, which could be replaced by 'it was'. Time could be replaced by 'times' or adjusted by adding in 'one' depending on meaning.
Words in orange are things I would add in. In this case it's 'an'. The rule for this is fairly easy, it's an if the next word starts with a vowel (a,e,i,o,u) and a otherwise.
Red was used to mark things that I know are incorrect. Having is present tense, while you're writing In past tense (using words like was). Had is the correct form of the word. The second being has an extra 'e'. Interacting has the 'a' and 'c' switched.
In example: "The sequel was too (even though it was very focused at times\one time and had an entire arch that went nowhere), but it still succeeded in showing non magical beings interacting with magic." When reading the section with the slash (\), read one side completely in the sentence, then the other. I did that so you could see the effect of both corrections, and it is not necessarily standard writing.
I'm actually not sure what you meant by the first part. I think you meant 'I could live off nothing but that'. Also 'I' is a name or title (proper noun), and should always be capitalized.
Mostly all spelling errors here: Constructed for the first word; gets is generally preferred for the second; the third has that extra 'e' again; infrastructural; mare is a word, but is an adult female horse or pony, where mere is what you meant here; chaos; overanalyzed; to overanalyze; creates is third person and should be create.
Mostly spelling errors, and some things I think may just be a difference between English and Italian: Vegetarian; Here it's margarita; Here it's commonly tomato, though there are some places that use tomatoe. Also plural on tomatoe that you didn't really need; basil; completely, missing 'e'; vegetarian; sure, you don't need that h; At least here pepperoni is used as it's own plural, also one p; completely; Pepperoni is plural here, but has two 'p's, which is interesting; back to one p; feet is it's own plural, like pepperoni; kilometers; overanalyze.
Last round of edits, mostly spelling errors again, and stuff we've seen before: Work would be better as works; sure, you have an extra h again; Internet doesn't need a capital n; overanalyze; knowledge; culture.
9161008
Me, too.
I'm surprised Wattpad is still a thing, to be honest. Where I'm from, Wattpad's pretty much on life support when it comes to quality writing. Sure, there's still lots of people on it, but...much of the content gets an Eh from me at best. If there's one positive thing coming out of it, though, it's this: It's a platform where anyone can write. Aspiring writers have to take a first step, and that first step will always be a wobbly one (hence the typical Wattpad fic). However, that first step could then stretch to another, and then another, until the writer becomes competent enough to write something decent like the fics you see on this site.
At least you're optimistic about my writing. I'm rather negative about it, often putting thumbs up on the constructively critical comments because I know that, nine times out of ten, they're right and I need to improve. However, I also need to loosen up a little and see some more value in my own words.
Anyway, thanks for joining the ride!
9159470
Assuming you've read Magical Curiosity because I'm losing track on who's commented there: He's been a dragon ever since he and Sci-Twi crossed back to Earth.
As for your other questions...well, this is an E-rated fic, so I'll just stay mum about them.
9161028
Wait, what?! I thought you were talking about the errors in my latest chapter! Agh! Classic me, thinking that something's for me when it isn't.
I'm really sorry for this.
9160914
The more you know...
Yeah, re-reading my comment after some time i've noticed a lot of typos, it's impressivly common, considering that my comment box is probably setted in Italian following my settings of Google. It's fine, I do so love writing comments in wich every single word is underlined in red. IT DOESN'T GIVE ME ANY PROBLEM AT ALL!
Yeah, shure, if you have time and wish go on. I will not get mad for making errors in a language that pretty much I've learned via you tube meme videos...
Probably after noticing my errors i will coil up in a corner with a bottle of booze and my own desperetion, but that it's fine (IT'S NOT FINE!).
Also, I'm pretty shure to have butchered a lot of verbal times (are they called like that? I'm not shure). But it is not my fault if English is created with hundreds of rules that have so many exceptions, that the exceptions could be the rules... I can swear that Italian is simpler... up until you learn that every region of Italy talks it so dialectly that seems another language... but that is secondary.
P.s.
Uh... are those pony emoji I see there? Uuuuuh... my comments can now get even more expressive...
9161035
Don't be so hard on yourself! English is not the easiest of languages, but I know that you can do it with enough hard work and effort.
Also, if you need one place to gather up all the rules you need in conversational English, here: The Farlex Grammar Book. Yeah, it's also in English, but since you have a decent grasp on the language, I'm sure you can utilize those lessons to your best!
9161035
For learning English through meme videos, you're doing really well, no need to get a bottle of booze. Also it wasn't every word, I don't think it was even half of them. Most of the mistakes were repeated, like sure, which shouldn't have an h. Overanalyze was another one, as it's spelled with a y rather than the i you were using.
9161028
And there I can see all of my typos... there are more than I've expected...
Nope. Margherita is Marherita. Margarita it's a cocktail, while Margherita it's the most common type of Pizza (at least in Italy...), and also a type of flower (The Daisy). I'm shure of this one because it's the only one involving my language...
The thing with the "P" was that, while Pepperoni in English is a type of Salami, to an Italian is very similar to Peperoni which are the Bell Peppers in English. It's a common joke throug Italians that know English and Italians that don't, and end up saying: "Why did they put bell peppers on the pizza?".
And as I expected, a lot of this were errors caused by me who still writes things as they are pronuncieted and not as how they are written. Constructed with an A... I sometimes question my own capabilities.
Anyway... Thanks. Now I will probably do the same errors the next time I write a comment. It's not your fault. I have a very bad memory when it comes to this things...
I know, it's funny. I remember the difference between an HE shell and an APFSDS shell, but writing things right it's too complicated for me.
9161040
Uh... this could come in handy. Thanks.
9161076
Just think of it as motivation to get better! If you don't like your level of English now, then strive to improve it.
And, as for forgetfulness: You're not alone! I myself am OK with technical paper but I'm bad at recognizing faces and names in real life if I haven't seen them in two weeks.
Late edit: Anyway, I'm sorry for letting that happen. I hope you don't feel bad over this.
Even though I felt the ending to Magical Curiosity was that story's weakest element, since it simply felt like too much of a downer, actually seeing that concept be followed through like this is actually quite interesting, and I think taking the 'short story' approach is the best one you could've taken for this. Not everything so far has proven fantastic or anything, but a lot of is engaging in just seeing how they may be able to adapt to their world being thrown completely outside down. My favorite chapter so far is definitely the third one, just in seeing Sunset and others being determined to help the entire planet in adapting.
Keep up the good work.
9161070
More errors than you expected, but all of them minor. You're fine. I didn't correct them to make you feel bad. I did it entirely because I want to see you improve. Nobody can improve if they are never told where they made mistakes. The trick is to do it constructively, which I hope is the way you took it.
Peperoni is the Italian term for bell pepper? Now I have some interesting trivia for customers at my job as a grocery store cashier...
I have a bad memory sometimes, too. I've worked there four years now, and only know a handful of customers' names.
Talking about shells, do you work in tech? I'm a bit of a geek myself. I always love to learn something new.
9161087
It's not entirely your fault, I learned a lesson too: Always double check who responded to you before assuming.
Hey, are they gonna have to worry about some mental patient suddenly developing reality-altering powers?
"Ocellus not have it so bad. Yona president of Debate Club, now sound like angry Saddle Rager. Sometimes just say 'yak' and not name. Yona miss first-person pronouns."
Really not sure how to feel about that much seafood on a pizza. And duck? Duck could work, but I've never had it. And it's not like vegetarian meat substitutes are a discipline in its infancy. They can make anything out of soybeans these days.
Still, wonderfully heartwarming chapter. And Zephyr failing to woo Dash always makes for good comic relief, though it was rather clumsily integrated. ("Okay, Student Six feels, nice stuff... Zephyr? What are you doing here?")
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I'm a bad judge when it comes to what's deemed acceptable as a pizza topping. This is coming from a guy who likes to eat liver, intestine, and probably a couple of other innards. Even then, I wanted the Meat Attack flavor to string the point home: have as much meat as possible to make Sandbar's vegetarian blues sting a bit more.
Of course, that doesn't excuse me forgetting veggie pizzas in general. Maybe it's because I haven't eaten a non-veggie pizza myself in such a long time.
Looks like I need to work on my comedy writing skills, then. Thanks for pointing it out!
Also, I wish Zephyr would return in an episode or a short soon.
9162854
The comedy itself was fun. The issues came from the juxtaposition between the hurt/comfort main story and Zephyr's bumbling B-plot. It's like a jazz trumpet solo taking place right in the middle of a classical symphony. Both are nice individually, but they don't mesh well.
9162865
...then it's what caused Magical Curiosity to bloat in the first place. Thank you so much for clarifying it. Time to nip this one in the bud!
“On the left was a massive fifty-inch pizza”
Who tf makes a pizza that big?
I'm curious what different countries would turn into what race.
Germany ~ Griffons
Native Americans ~ Deer and/or Buffalo
Thats all I have. Add more plz