Button mashing a creamy Heart

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abronie

abronie #1 · Nov 15th, 2018 · 3 · 1 ·

Was alright. Your wording is a little strange (especially the dialogue) and there were definitely a few small grammar errors I saw.

Nanovila

Nanovila #2 · Nov 15th, 2018 · · 24 ·

Button Mash, a former colt that only seemed to love gaming had grown into a find young stallion.

fine young stallion.

“So am I.” Button smiled, leaning forward to give Creamy’s tremble mouth another open and deep tongue kiss. “But we’re not done yet.” He slid himself a little, letting his mother’s super sensitive inner wall feel he was still hard. “Get me all clean and lets fuck some more.” He leaned in to whisper in her ear, his hot breath making her quiver in delight. “I want to fuck your cum soaked insides and make sure you’re pregnant.”

This actually does the opposite. Cum doesn't stay in one place, especially if you keep causing friction in there.

Also; she forgetting about the fact that she'll have a child with genetic problems? Sorry if it ruins it, but the impregnation just outright ruins it for me.

TwistedSpring

TwistedSpring #3 · Nov 16th, 2018 · 19 · ·

9295056
Genetic issues only really occur over multiple generations of inbreeding without bringing in new genetics. One or even two subsequent generations only have a small increase in abnormalities.Its after that you start having issues. With button and his mom there is still some genetic data he has that she dosent, that he got from his dads side. So while yes percentages increase, a Singel generations worth is negligible.

Golden Fang Ryu Shenron

Golden Fang Ryu Shenron #4 · Nov 16th, 2018 · · 17 ·

“You’re such a slut, mum.” Button laughed, holding Creamy close as he kept up his motions, driving his cock in and out, deeper and deeper until he could feel himself fucking the mare’s womb. “I can feel your womb tightening. You want you son’s cum that badly.”

Your.

Also, yes...yes she does.

Loki

Loki #5 · Nov 16th, 2018 · 2 · ·

9294570 What he said, borrwoing a bit heavy from the Japs, dialogue-wise.

Honey Lavender

Honey Lavender #6 · Nov 17th, 2018 · 8 · ·

9296051
Nah, "you're" was correct in that situation. Without the contraction, it should read as "you are such a slut," so using the possessive "your" would be wholly incorrect

Peter20percent