Another day had almost come to a close for Celestia. Day Court was almost finished and she would have dinner with Luna before her sister began her nightly duties. She had just spoken with a young noble who had run away from home and needed some bits to get back on his feet. When Celestia asked why he had run away, he said that he couldn’t bear to see his family be mean to other ponies anymore. Celestia gave him a bag of bits and a paper that said that he could stay in the Hooves Hotel until he turned 18. Celestia smiled as she thought of the look on the little pony’s face when he walked away. She was ready to talk the last pony.
A stallion walked in, looking unsure of himself. Celestia smiled warmly to let him know he was welcome here. He slowly and quietly walked up to Celestia.
“I'm Knit Wit, your majesty, and I have something to ask you.”
“What is it, Knit Wit?”
“Can you extinguish the sun?”
Celestia blinked and wondered if that question had actually been asked. “I’m sorry, can you please repeat that?”
“Can you please extinguish the sun, Princess?”
Yep, it had been. It took a whole minute before Celestia could manage to register his unbelievably stupid question. “Why do you want me to do that?”
“Well, I'm going to the beach tomorrow, and I always put on sunscreen, but I get sunburned regardless. I would like you to extinguish the sun tomorrow at 10 AM so that my vacation won't be ruined by a sunburn.”
It took 10 minutes before Celestia could respond to such an ignorant statement. The silence in the courtroom was unsettling for the ponies watching the session take place. But the look in Knit Wit’s eyes told Celestia that he wasn't joking. He really was that stupid.
“I’m afraid I'm not able to do that, Knit Wit.”
“Yes, you can.”
“No, I can't. Extinguishing the sun is impossible to do. Even I am not capable of such a feat.”
“But this really cute mare in Ponyville told me you could.”
“What was the mare’s name?” Celestia prayed to Faust that it wasn't Twilight.
“Derpy!”
Celestia had to use all her self control not to face hoof. She thought Derpy was a really sweet mare, but she definitely wasn't the brightest bulb in the box. The fact that anypony believed such a ludicrous statement made Celestia want to lock herself in her chambers with 5 bottles of wine. She took a deep breath. This will all be over in 5 minutes, she thought.
“Knit Wit, Derpy isn't exactly the most, reliable pony in Equestria. She's a kind mare, but she gets her facts mixed up sometimes.”
“Ok, I have one more question, your highness.”
“Go ahead.”
“Why can't you extinguish the sun?”
At that moment, Celestia stopped time, ran to the castle’s reasonably large kitchen, and gulped down a bottle of moonshine. She wanted to go for a second, but being drunk in public wouldn't be good for her image. Besides, she couldn't keep this spell going much longer. She teleported back to her courtroom and un-stopped time.
Knit Wit was looking at her with big, round eyes. They looked so expectant, they rivaled her former student’s eyes when Celestia was about to tell her a story before she went to bed. As much as Celestia just wanted to banish him to the moon until he learned what that weird thing inside his head was, she couldn't. Not with those eyes. And it would also go against her morals and kind nature. Celestia took a deep breath and answered, “The sun is pretty much a big ball of fire. It is also very high up, higher than anypony has ever flown before. So any water dumped onto the surface on the sun would quickly turn into water vapor, doing absolutely nothing to extinguish the sun’s flames. Not to mention anypony who gets to close enough to it will die of heat stroke. And even if it was possible to extinguish the sun, doing so would affect the growth of crops all over Equestria. So do you really want me to extinguish the sun now?”
Knit Wit was confused. He barely understood anything that Princess Celestia has just said except for the last part. “Not really,” he answered quietly.
“Very well. Then I suppose I'll send you on your way.”
Knit Wit smiled, thanked Celestia for her time and attempted to leave the room. However, he had forgotten how doors worked and had walked into the courtroom door while it was still closed. The impact somehow managed to knock him unconscious.
Celestia thought about going over to help, (she knew the other ponies in the room wouldn't get off their lazy plots if it was their mother lying unconscious on the ground. The nobles could be so annoying at times.) however, just as she was about to get up, Twilight Sparkle suddenly teleported to the middle of the courtroom. Celestia was confused. Did Twilight actually teleport all the way to Canterlot from her castle in Ponyville? Teleporting large distances was difficult, even Celestia could only teleport a mile with her own magic. Celestia decided that now was a bad time to ask her former student HOW she got to the middle of her courtroom so quickly, she was more focused on the reason WHY she was in the middle of her courtroom.
“Twilight?! What are you doing here?”
“Wait, what are YOU doing here?”
“What in Equestria are you talking about? I live here!”
“So you haven't been taken hostage?”
“Not in the last year or so. What gave you the idea what I was?”
Twilight squirmed around a little. “Um, maybe you should look outside.”
Celestia walked to a courtroom window and saw that it was half day, and half night. The conversation with Knit Wit she had had earlier took up so much of her attention that she hadn't even realized that it was time to lower the sun. She figured Luna got sick of waiting and just raised the moon with the sun still up.
Twilight joined her mentor at the window and said, “The last time you were taken hostage (and I wasn't kidnapped with you), the sun and moon were up at the same time. I figured you probably need help, so I teleported here. Also, it's past Spike’s bedtime and he gets cranky if he doesn't get his sleep. So I also came down here to ask you to lower the sun so Spike and the other ponies of the world, including myself, can get some sleep.”
Celestia was too worn out to respond. She lowered the sun, and was about to lock herself in her chambers with 5 bottles of wine when she noticed that Knit Wit had woken up. Great.
The stallion looked around, the last thing he remembered was walking into the courtroom. He had no memory of anything that had just happened. So, being the dimwit he was, decided to ask his question again. “Princess Celestia, can you extinguish the sun?”
This time, Celestia couldn't resist the urge to facehoof. She had been though a lot in the last hour or so, and she was NOT about to experience it again. Then, she had an idea. “That’s a question you should ask Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
The purple mare turned around, not knowing of the pain that she was about to endure. Celestia teleported them both outside of the courtroom. She could hear the faint sounds of conversation outside the door. Celestia knew she would have to apologize to Twilight for this, but for now, after dismissing the ponies who came to watch, all she wanted to do was try to forget any of this ever happened. I really need a drink, she thought.
I lost it at This Exact Line!
9508912
Hey Knit Wit, I've heard of a place in Ponyville, right next to quills & sofas, called parasols & parchments, maybe a parchment will solve the issue?
Maybe Twilight should ask him to petition the weather crew to make it cloudy, or get the weather report (which I think would be 95% accurate) and go to the beach when it is cloudy out.
XD I can easily imagine this being a Monty Python sketch!
9509068
It takes very heavy clouds indeed to block enough UV that you don't need to worry about sunburn.
Guy must have really sensitive skin if he can get a sunburn through fur.
And to think, after granting Quick Wit, the title of nobility, Princess Celestia had such high hopes for the family. Alas, it has gone down so rapidly after Half took over.
That’s where I lost it, personally.
9509083
You are certainly right, I have gotten a few sunburns many from very cloudy days.
"So... Princess Twilight, can Princess Celestia extinguish the sun?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because... reasons."
"Oh. Okay."
The assembled court stared in shock as the less than brilliant stallion wandered off, apparently satisfied at the non-answer. It was a few minutes before one of the various nobles managed to get up the courage to ask her how that had, apparently, actually worked.
"Oh, I know him, and that answer always works. Great at scarf-making, not so hot at anything else-- including, sadly, thinking. Probably misinterpreted something Derpy said again. Besides, Ponyville. Just ... Ponyville. Deal with a couple of Everfree Migration Tourists who don't understand that petting Manticore cubs is not a good idea, you'll consider him a blooming genius."
With that, she vanished.
9509233
I have one thing to add... If the sun were to ever extinguish, you'd never be able to light it back on fire! It may be a giant ball of burning gas, but that'll disperse and cool too much before you can re-ignite it. Just wanted to... knit pick? (That wasn't funny so I'm locking myself in my room for another week. )
9509233
9509247
You know, dealing with those tourists sounds like a great idea for another oneshot.
9509388
I just may do that.😊
9509397
also, great story. Forgot to write about that, as i was occupied with pressing matters. Yes.
It deeply concerns me that Celestia simply took a whiny teenager at his word and gave him free lodging for who knows how many years to run away from his family. Maybe actually do some research into the situation first?! Consider family counseling?!
9509460
I am more concerned that milk was not drank. Wouldn't milk be better?
Could anyone actually be that stupid? Please tell me he doesn’t operate heavy machinery for his job.
I wish that I could say with confidence that there are no people that stupid. Sadly, years spent on the internet have robbed me of that innocence.
Derpy. So random.
9509460
Actuality, the story said "young colt", not "teenager". But your point stands. Hopefully, Celestia did some checking, or knew the kid's family, or something.
But if the colt's parents truly are rotten people, I doubt family counseling can fix that. There's a saying: It takes a village to raise a child. The hotel staff is a village. And the kid might be better off being raised by that village, then being raised by his rotten parents.
9509699
9509460
Here's what I intended with this.
The main thing I intended was to just have a heartwarming moment that people just sorta brushed over.
This next part may sound weird, but like I said, I didn't intend for this to be a large part of the story. Celestia saw that if this colt who lived such a luxurious life with his parents and siblings, but left it all behind because he just couldn't take the other members of his family’s stuck up personalities anymore. She also wanted to try to prevent ANOTHER noble from being corrupted by their power. Besides, if she would have done nothing, the colt would either live on the streets or have to stand by as his family bullied others. In my opinion, Celestia made the best possible choice. He would be content in his new home, continue to go to school (the hotel is in Canterlot), the staff would check on him every day, and he can't stay there for free all his life, so he has to figure out what he is going to do for a living before he turns 18. (He’s 11, by the way).
9509722
Thank you, knowing the backstory certainly helps! I think it was primarily the delivery; while I could assume there was a good reason, in the story it was moved over quickly enough that it sounded like Celestia only heard this one kid’s perspective of the situation and gave him what he wanted rather than looking into it herself. People of all ages frequently misread or misrepresent a situation, like kids whining about having the worst parents ever because they got grounded for smartmouthing their parents, so I would assume Celestia would be wise enough to properly look into the situation before financially supporting a child’s run away from home. In a way she is removing the child from his parents’ custody, a very serious judgement that in our own society can only occur when there has been abuse or neglect.
9509722
I wouldn't call an 11-year-old a "young boy" (or "young colt"). 11 is about the end of childhood, it's two years away from being a teenager.
9510185
If you're a thousand + years old, everyone who isn't in a wheelchair from age-related bone loss (and even many who are) is 'young'.
9510209
9510185
To be completely honest, I've been reading a long fanfic centered around nobles, and I pretty much just put it in there intending it to be a small, vague detail because it was on my mind at the time.
Write Chrysalis (of course with fake mustache) selling changelings drones with very weak costume as something stupid (like tools for gardening etc) and everyone is ok with it but not Twilight or something
9510396
Yus. This would be glorious!
Hm
Despite being covered in fur.....
>teleport iron into the sun's core
>sun explodes
take that celestia!
: "Or you could simply use an parasol?"
Knit Wit: "Or that. But my idea sounds easier."
Time to cue up "Why Does the Sun Shine?"
The sun is a mass of incandescent gas
A gigantic nuclear furnace
Where hydrogen is converted into helium
At a temperature of millions of degrees
Now we need a story with Knit (or some other pony) asking Luna if she can ignite the moon
9509089
What about in "Magical Mystery Cure" during the song "What my Cutie Mark is Telling Me" where Rarity sings, "I'm in love with weather patterns, but others have concerns, how I just gave them frostbite over top of their sunburns"? Would mean it's common for ponies to have sensitive skin... or that Equestrian ponies don't actually have fur, as the ponies were completely red.
9510870
I was thinking of him asking Luna for a Moon-Cheese Sandwich.
9510901
That would be funny!
9509606
Or months working at Walmart...
9509233
I was just about to ask for a sequel to hear how Twilight
exacerbatedsolved the problem, but thanks for extinguishing the fire.Za Warudo! Tomare Tokio!
Sorrynotsorry
9510885
Honestly hadn’t thought of that. No further concerns to note then.
9510946
There's gonna be a sequel, but it won't feature Twilight or Celestia.
9510954
I hold sympathy for Luna and/or Cadence then.
...Celestia, what if Twilight decides that's you giving her the OK on it, and actually extinguishes the sun?
9510885
9510946
Real horses get sunburns through their fur: they are outside long enough for the sun to penetrate, and their skin isn't really made for heavy exposure.
9511356
She had to deal with Knit Wit for a whole hour (and she's not sober), give her a break!
9510177
After much consideration, I changed the young colt’s interaction with Celestia in the story. Hopefully the new version is a little less sketchy.
celestia has ot deal with ponies like htis all the time. but normally they are the nobility.
9511359
Horses in the old west must have suffered.
9511428
I like it! ^^