The only chapter
“And we’re done here!” Minuette proclaimed and finished up the procedure. And in that exact moment, her timer rang. “See? Exactly eighty-seven minutes and forty-five seconds.”
The colt lying down in the chair sat up and ran his tongue across his new braces. After accepting his fate, he let out a disgruntled grunt.
“Aw, come on, braces aren’t that bad.” Minuette tried to be reassuring.
“How do you know?” The colt said. “You’re a dentist; I bet you never had problems with your teeth.”
“Quite the contrary; I used to wear braces too.” She said while filling out forms related to the operation.
“Really?”
“Oh, I had terrible teeth back then. But now, because of the braces, I have the perfect smile!” She turned around and showed a smile so brilliant it could be measured in carats.
“Whoa!” The colt’s eyes widened with awe.
“Don’t worry about the teasing at school. Give it seventeen months and twenty days and you’ll be the fillies’ favourite!”
“Really?!” The colt’s spirit came back.
Minuette giggled. “Oh, you have no idea! Here, I’ve got something for you.” She gave him an encouraging lollipop.
“Aren’t these supposed to be bad for your teeth?”
“Yes,” she chuckled, “they are.”
“Wow, nopony told me the dentist was going to be so awesome.”
The little colt trotted happily out of Minuette’s office, with the sweet candy already in his mouth. Minuette stayed behind for a bit to put away some papers and reorganize the shelf accordingly. She then stepped out and called for the next patient in line.
“Next one, please!”
The answer came in the form of an ear-splitting roar, as a foul mix of smoke and saliva blasted into her face and filled up the entire office. This next patient wasn’t a pony, you see, it was a full grown dragon. Minuette had no time to react. Who could even prepare for something like that? All she could do is scream, as the dragon grabbed her and pulled her out of her office. And in the matter of seconds, she was already way above Canterlot, trapped in the clutches of the dragon.
Lyra and Bon Bon were just outside, planning to pay a visit to their friend when they saw her fly above their heads, screaming for help. They ran after them; Bon Bon moved through the streets with ease and kept her speed up no matter what was in front of her. Meanwhile, Lyra stumbled over the first trashcan and fell down a flight of stairs. Bon Bon got to a street filled with curious and scared ponies, looking at the dentist being taken away by the dragon. With the speed she has already built up, she ran across the side of a building, onto a roof of a taxi, landing on the tops of shorter buildings. Minuette could just see her running after them, but the dragon was too quick. The buildings eventually ran out from under Bon Bon as well. She slid down a lamppost, spinning around it to keep her speed and she kept running as fast as she could. Soon, she was on the outer rims of the city, in front of a fence that kept her from falling off the mountain’s side. Lyra arrived shortly afterwards, safely trotting off a taxi and tipping the driver well. They watched the dragon fly towards the horizon and slowly blend into the sunset.
“We gotta get her back!” Lyra panicked.
Bon Bon took out her binoculars, which she apparently carries everywhere. “I think they’re heading towards the Dragon Lands.”
“Oh fluff, why’s it gotta be the Dragon Lands?”
“Probably because it’s a dragon, Lyra.”
“There’s no time for sass, Bon Bon! We must go!”
“How do you plan on getting there, anyway?”
“Step one: We get going. Step two: We arrive!”
And with that meticulously detailed plan, Lyra immediately set off to Canterlot’s exit, with Bon Bon following close behind. Their destination: the Dragon Lands. Their intention: to save Minuette.
***
Minuette travelled through the night in the dragon’s clutches. At some point she passed out from exhaustion, but a violent whoosh shook her up right at the beginning of sunrise. The dragon was still gripping her; its fingers tightened as she was frightened awake. They were now in the Dragon Lands.
They flew between towering mountains, each with a majestic but fearsome dragon perching on top. Several smaller dragons were chasing each-other in the air, some of them inspecting the pony. It was one of these curious dragons that woke Minuette up.
Soon they arrived at a cave. The sun was still too low to light up the cave, but it was illuminated by the gems embedded inside the various treasure. And outside the cave several smaller dragons were lounging in the shade. The dragon threw Minuette into the pile of treasure, sending gold coins all over the place. And with a roar, it chased away all the curious dragons following and the ones who were clearly napping at the wrong cave. It then turned its attention towards Minuette.
“W-what do you want from me?” She said with trembling lips.
The dragon took a few very menacing steps towards her and leaned in close, barring its teeth. After a puff of smoke from its nostrils, it growled. “Pain!”
Minuette was covering as much as she could, but the answer was so vague that she had to ask for clarification. “What?” She said.
The dragon then clarified by pointing at the side of its mouth and repeated, what it previously said. “Pain!”
“Oh, you have a toothache!”
The dragon nodded.
“Oh, of course! A toothache!” She realized that she wasn’t in danger, but the sheer terror failed to fade from her body and mind. After a few seconds of hysterical laughter, she fainted right into the pile of treasure.
***
Lyra and Bon Bon arrived at the Dragon Lands; they were following the dragon as closely as they could, even if it was nothing but a faint dot over the horizon. Thankfully, Bon Bon had her binoculars and saw which mountain the dragon went to.
“I’ve got the mountain, we’re close.”
She began trotting confidently on the reddish rocks of the land. Lyra walked slowly, with heavy eyelids.
“Must... Save... Minuette...” She could barely walk, but her heroism kept her moving.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stop and rest?”
“What? Who knows how long we have, till that dragon devours Minuette. There’s no time to waste!”
“Alright, just try to keep up with me.”
And Bon Bon walked ahead of her again, with Lyra following behind her with all the determination she could muster. They stopped on the side of a small ridge. Bon Bon slid down without hesitation, but Lyra stayed behind.
“Bon Bon!” She shouted as discreetly as possible.
“What?”
Lyra pointed forwards while staying safely behind a rock. Bon Bon looked and saw a group of younger dragons hanging out. She rolled her eyes and turned back to Lyra.
“I said stay with me. What if you get attacked behind that rock and I can’t see it?”
Lyra jumped out upon hearing that. She hesitated to go further, but she gathered herself and took a step forwards... Only to end up tumbling down the side of the ridge. This of course drew the attention of the young dragons.
“Don’t worry Lyra,” said Bon Bon, as she helped her friend up, “I hear the new dragon lord likes ponies.”
“That may be so,” said one of the young dragons, who casted an ominous shadow over the two ponies, “but that doesn’t mean we do.”
Lyra backed away quickly, but Bon Bon remained unshaken.
“Greetings gentle- uh... fellows,” she said, showing as much confidence as possible, “we just came because a friend of ours was kidnapped by one of your massive brethren. I promise we won’t stay for long, if you can just-“
“If you think you ponies can just walk right into our territory,” one of the dragons cut her off very aggressively, “you are dead wrong!”
“Now now,” Bon Bon tried to defuse the situation, “I’m sure the dragon lord wouldn’t be too happy about this turning violent.”
“She’s right, Garble.” Said another dragon. “Ember is trying to make us friends with the ponies, you don’t want to-”
“Whose side are you on, anyway?” The dragon, who’s apparently called Garble, growled at the other dragon. “We both know I’m the stronger one! She can do whatever she wants!”
“Excuse me Mr. Garble,” Bon Bon now started to raise her voice, “we don’t want any trouble here; we just want our friend back.”
Garble chuckled. “You must not know me.” He took a few threatening steps towards Bon Bon, forcing her to back away. “If I see any ponies in our lands, there will be trouble.”
“I suggest you change your habits then, Mr. Garble,” Bon Bon stood her ground firmly, “for your own well-being of course.”
“Did you just... Threaten me?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I am threatening you. I am not unwilling to resort to violence, if you don’t get out of my way.”
Garble was taken aback by Bon Bon’s boldness, but once he realized what just happened, he turned to the other dragons and laughed.
“You hear that boys? The pony is going to resort to violence!” And they all started laughing.
“What’s it gonna do, hug us to death?” Said another.
“Oh no, she’s going to give us a make-over!” Said a third one and they all laughed even harder.
Bon Bon just raised an eyebrow.
“Alright, so it's a fight you want little pony?” Garble hissed, followed by the sound of cracking knuckles and other young dragons itching for a beat down.
“I didn’t want it, but if you so insist...”
Lyra covered behind a rock again. She knew this was going to end in pain. Bon Bon knew that as well, but she knew it wasn’t going to be herself that would be in pain.
***
“Open wide Mr. Dragon, let me see that naughty tooth of yours!” Minuette said to the dragon, just as if she was talking to a little foal.
The dragon opened up his enormous mouth. The stench hit Minuette hard, but she had worse before. She held her nose and tears and climbed right into the dragon’s mouth.
“This isn’t just an elaborate ruse to eat me, right?” She tried calming the dragon down with a joke.
The dragon could only make a vague whine, but Minuette, being a dentist, could understand what he said. And he said “no”.
She poked at each tooth she came across. Examining teeth bigger than her whole body made her job ever so slightly easier, but also a lot scarier.
“Is it this one?” She asked with each of them.
The dragon could only reply with more moaning that meant “no”.
Finally, she recognized the naughty tooth. The gum around it was badly swollen and the tooth was clearly being eaten away by some sort of infection.
“Is it this one?” She poked it rather carefully.
Suddenly, the dragon threw his tongue back, almost swallowing Minuette in the process, but a large puff of smoke blew her right out, back into the pile of treasure. He then closed his mouth shut and rubbed the side of his face.
“I take that as a yes.” She rubbed the back of her head.
The dragon responded with a whimper.
“Just a question, to clarify things: Is it only the tooth that’s aching?”
The dragon wasn’t sure how to respond.
“Does the pain spread anywhere else? Does it spread to your entire jaw, or your neck, or even your head?”
The dragon thought for a few seconds, then nodded and gestured at his entire head.
“Hmm, then I’m afraid I might have to remove it.”
Upon hearing that, the dragon clenched his entire mouth with his claws and covered in fear.
Minuette tried calming the dragon down. “I’m sorry,” she gently stroke his side, “but it’s been badly infected. If we don’t get rid of it, it might spread.”
The dragon whimpered.
“Hey, I promise, it will be over quickly. And you will be able to chew on all the gems you want again.”
“Will it hurt?” The dragon asked quietly.
“Yes, yes it will.” Minuette answered directly, which didn’t help the matter. “But it’s going to go away.” She continued. “But if we don’t do something, the pain will be even worse and it won’t stop at all.”
The dragon stayed quiet.
“Hey, you’re a big strong dragon, you will get through this. Those teeth of yours are bigger than my entire body; you won’t be any less scary, or strong.”
The dragon slowly let go of his firm grasp.
“Alright now, Mr. Dragon, let’s get rid of that nasty tooth!”
***
Bon Bon got elbow-grabbed by a lanky grey dragon allowing his purple friend to burn her with his breath. But she bit down on the arm and escaped. She ducked under the incoming flames and landed a swift kick under the purple dragon’s flaming maw and knocked him onto the ground. And then she sent the other dragon into a nearby rock Lyra was sitting on, with a well-placed hoof to the jaw. Meanwhile, Lyra was chewing popcorn and cheered her friend on.
A slightly bigger brown dragon stood on a ledge above Bon Bon with a rock over his head. He threw it at her, but she broke it into pieces in mind-air and launched one of the pieces back at the dragon, knocking out a few of his teeth.
Garble stepped up to her, with several bruises already lining his face and the flame of anger in his eyes. Soon, flames engulfed the battlefield and the reddish rocks of the ground began glowing with heat. Garble then spat out enormous cones of fire towards her. Bon Bon just barely escaped the attack and waved off a burning strand of her mane. She took up a rock and just when Garble was about to take a breath, she threw it right into his mouth, sending him down onto the ground. The rock was just small enough to fit between his jaws, but just large enough to be impossible to pull out. And with a stomp, Bon Bon shattered the rock using Garble’s own teeth.
Soon, all the young dragons were writhing in pain across the rocky floor.
“Woo, that was awesome!” Lyra cheered.
“I told you to get out of my way.” Bon Bon said to the dragons. “Let’s go Lyra, we’ve wasted enough time already.”
And so they left the scene of the battle and headed straight towards the mountain. Bon Bon, still had the thrill of the fight pumping in her, while Lyra bounced behind her jauntily, no longer caring about being seen by any dragon.
***
A large pillar of smoke shot out from the cave, with an enormous roar accompanying it. Almost as if the mountain erupted. The dragon inside was writhing and crying from the pain. Minuette was thrown into the pile of treasure again and the aching tooth landed right beside her, almost crushing her. She was all covered in black dust.
“I’ve got it!” She exclaimed between coughs of smoke.
The dragon stomped around for a bit, but upon seeing the removed tooth, the pain started to fade away and his grimace quickly turned into a relieved smile. The operation was successful.
The dragon then began to head for the cave’s entrance.
“Keep to soft foods for a day, then gradually add solid foods.” Minuette explained, while she followed him. “The pain should go away in a few days, but you can speed that up by getting some painkillers. There is a pharmacy close to my office, you can get some there.”
The dragon nodded and licked the still aching place of his missing tooth. He then took off.
“And remember,” she shouted after him, ”take the medicine! Not the pony!” She then saw Lyra and Bon Bon standing next to the entrance with their mouths agape. “Oh hey guys, what are you doing here?”
“We came to rescue you?” Bon Bon said, not sure if the rescue mission was even necessary anymore.
“Oh rescue me?” Minuette giggled. “The dragon just had a toothache. Look!” She levitated the massive tooth next to herself, to show it off to her friends.
“Cool!” Lyra was very impressed.
“I know, right?” Said Minuette. “So... I just realized I missed my flight,” she giggled briefly, “don't suppose you gals know how to get back to Canterlot, do ya? I kind of lost track of where I am on the flight over here."
Lyra and Bon Bon were a bit surprised by Minuette’s nonchalance, but ultimately, they were relieved that she was okay. They were also slightly annoyed, that their journey turned out to be pointless and now they have to go all the way back.
***
By sunset, possibly days after the incident, they were all back at the office. The entrance was still blasted open and the building was no longer in usable shape. But that didn’t ruin Minuette’s mood; not many things can do that.
“You know,” she said, “when I decided to become a dentist, I didn’t expect to operate on mouths I can fit into.”
“That must have been pretty scary.” Said Lyra.
“Eh, the smell was the scariest part, honestly.” She said and they all laughed.
“You can’t really go back to your old place now, huh?” Bon Bon looked at the ruined office building.
“No,” Minuette replied, “I need to open a new one. After I clean out this infected dragon tooth, I’ll be sure to put it in a very noticeable place.”
“Ooh! Ooh!” Lyra chimed in. “You could call your new office something cool! Like: the Dragon’s Fang!”
“Haha, yeah! Just wait till I tell Moondancer about it!”
Suddenly, several loud thuds could be heard behind them. As if something landed really hard onto the concrete. It was Garble and his thunder of young dragons. They were all clutching their jaws, not unlike Minuette’s unexpected patient.
“What? Is there some sort of toothache epidemic for dragons?” Minuette wondered loudly. “What happened?”
And all the dragons collectively pointed at Bon Bon.
She responded to the accusing fingers with a nervous giggle.
“Let’s just say,” Lyra put a hoof over Bon Bon’s shoulders, “that we had our own dragon related adventure.”
Minuette just rolled her eyes and sighed with a giggle and got to work on the young dragons' kicked-in teeth.
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Loved it. Could easily see this as an animated episode!
That was cute, and yeah, like Jaxxon said, this felt like it could be an episode.
...Kind of unsure as to how she got the tooth out though...
I'm glad to see that this story is getting a good reception my friend.
Never mess with the Bon-inator...
9543491
Built a door, tied a string around the doorknob and the tooth, and slammed it.
(The tooth, not the door.)
9543394
Nice, that's exactly what I was going for.
9543491
I'll leave that up to your imagination. Maybe she did it with her magic.
9543511
Yeah, woke up to 15 notifications.
Time to make a vore version.
9546555
ಠ_ಠ
9546561
Isn't nature wonderful? (Nature made Alondro... BLAME NATURE!!)
She blinked, "So... ok, I may be a little into the S&M scene, but I think you might be a little big for me."
The dragon blinked, "What the buck is wrong with you ponies?"
Minuette shrugged, "Fanfics?"
How did you put slice of life and adventure on the same fic? 😕
Awesome and funny. BonBon's a badass.
9547803
Simple. It's a mundande everyday problem and solution, but in an epic setup.
Someone's going to make the bad pun at some point, so I'm making it: The dragon didn't make an appointment? Apparently he just thought he should come in at "tooth hurty."
You can't deny that logic.
Minuette: "Thanks, even more work for me."
Edit: Glad you decied to include this.
Dragon: "I heard ponies are soft..."
Minuette: "Only on a metaphorical level."
9549239
Luna damn it I laughed longer then I should of.
saw this and was reminded of a kids book from the Dentist's Office
'Doctor De Soto'
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_De_Soto
See, this is what I expected when I watched the Dragon Dentist anime. Pleasant, slightly comical with a bit of slice of life.
9553401
Huh... No new ideas and all that.
9553477
Case in point!
9564132
Sure, english isn't my first language, so mistakes like that are bound to happen. What sort of details were you thinking of?
9565315
Sure.
This was great! Fun mix of slice-of-life, humor, and some adventure. As others have said, I could very well see this as an actual episode XD
9599423
I know, I intentionally left out a lot of things, because they add literally nothing to the story. I didn't detail how the dragon looks, because it means nothing. I didn't detail how Minuette got the tooth out, because the narrative makes sense without that information. I didn't detail dragons other than Garble and Minuette's "new friend", because none of them matter from a narrative standpoint, outside of the action scene. I didn't detail how the dragon learned of Minuette's work, because at that point, I might as well write down Lyra's and Bon Bon's journey to the Dragon Lands and back. And the story is simply not about that.
In fact, in some places extra details would have even been detrimental. Yes, I could have described the operation at the beginning, but what's the point? We all know Minuette is a dentist and the operation itself doesn't matter, so I might as well skip ahead to the part that actually matters. And I did actually think of adding some sort of dialogue between Lyra and Bon Bon, to fix up the whole "show don't tell" thing. But them talking about meeting Minuette would only pass the telling onto someone else and we're back to square one. Might as well get it out the way in a single sentence, without messing up the flow of the scene.
And yes, it is quick paced. But a good portion of the story is made of action sequences, while the rest is dialogue. The pace could only be slowed down if I detailed the operation on the dragon or something, but this ain't a medical thriller.
I don't doubt, that I have a lot to work on my writing; That's why I'm here writing silly fanfiction about ponies, not the fantasy epics I want to. And English isn't my first language, so a few clumsy mistakes are going to happen. And my pronoun game still leaves a few things to be desired. That's why I was willing to include a few of your suggestions, particularly ones that clarify the action.
But if we must get critical, then let's not leave your edit out of scrutiny either. Because your edit also had tense shifts here and there, along with word repetition. Like the word 'suddenly' appearing twice in a single sentence, towards the end. And Bon Bon became "Bon Boy" at some point.
Most of your changes relate to things I have already talked about. Like the details that don't actually contribute anything to the narrative. But it's not like the pacing is that much better in your version either. Like in the very beginning where the dragon snatches Minuette up and it launches into a chase scene. In your version, the scene grinds to a halt for them to have a brief exchange that ultimately adds nothing. You also unnecessarily expanded on jokes that were only supposed to be quick gags. Like what was originally a quick joke about Lyra tripping over a trashcan, became an entire paragraph in your version. Again, ruining the flow of a high-energy chase scene.
And let's not forget about your baffling decision to take out the subtle characterizations in the dialogue. When Minuette talks to the dragon, not unlike how she talked to the colt in the beginning, you cut out most of the personality in that scene. Or when Bon Bon acts all posh and overly polite to Garble and his posse and addresses them with "Greetings gentle-fellows!" You changed that to a generic "Hey guys!" Like... why?
Not to mention your odd fixation on Clump the dragon. You mention him by name like four times and I just don't get it. I mean, who cares? I didn't even know what his name was. Why not name the other dragons as well at this point? Why is Clump special?
So I admit, I am an okay writer at best. But let's not pretend that you have any more authority on the subject than I do, regardless of skill or talent. There were genuine reasons behind most of the movements of the scene and reading your edit made me even more confident in my decisions. I made the changes that I thought were needed to further my vision. Granted I have a lot more to learn when it comes to writing, I probably wouldn't be able to publish a book at this point. But neither would you.
You can stop nagging me about this now. Especially in the middle of the night.
9600242
Honestly, I was going to share it around with a couple people anyway, just to see what they think. Of course, posting your version as a separate story would have been sketchy regardless of the rules, you'd be essentially gathering views for a story someone else wrote. A blog post affects pretty much nothing, so go ahead.
Also sorry about exploding all over you earlier. But seriously dude, you've been at this for almost a week now and I've been sleepy-headbanging at work because of it. People tend to lose their patience after that kind of stuff.
Ehhh, that's a matter of interpretation. I always saw her as a classy mare, who just happens to be good at kicking tail. I mean, the story right before this involves her effortlessly infiltrating an elegant gathering and tricking a fellow spy.
9600272
Hee hee, your avatar is a unicorn and his is a lion.
Are you beating each other all around the town?
9604686
Where's my flipping plum cake?
9604940 I maed U a plum cake, but eye eeted it. :3
In all seriousness, this story holds potential, but there are several things about it that I think need fixing up.
For instance, it just seemed too rushed and quick-paced, and there was a complete lack of description and specification in places.
Things just didn’t seem to have enough time to breath, that’s all I’m saying.
9631345
Alright, I've only been sleeping for two hours, but now everything you posted is deleted. What went down?
9631593
Everything.
9631607
No, I mean what happened?
9631823
I’ll tell you about it pretty soon via private message.
Looking back on this story today, I couldn’t help but think that this would work a lot better as a comic book more than a word-for-word story. It would definitely translate things better, that’s for sure.
Oh wow that was some story so Minuette working as a dentist but she had a very unexpected patient which turns out to be a dragon who took her so Lyra and bon bon have to rescue her but along on their Journey both Lyra and bon bon got them self in the situation that garble and his pals try to mess with them so Bon Bon took care those dragons meanwhile Minuette had a reason why the dragon took her is because he has a toothache so she went to work at helping the dragon to take out the tooth out with her special talents she finally help the Dragon so with that said basically he was asking her how to take out the pain out this was a really fun story and funny so nice job on the story
My mother had an abscessed tooth pulled once. The dentist wanted to sedate her but she was breastfeeding at the time and couldn't go to the hospital. Even with novacain, her reaction was much like the dragon's in this story. Baby Boomers are tough!