Dear Cozy Glow,
Sunset says you’ll probably never read this, but over the past few days she’s described and shown to me so many wondrous things that I no longer believe in the word “never.” If a parallel world of magic, dragons, and unicorns can exist, so can a troubled little pegasus who is willing to hear herself out.
Do you like making friends, Cozy? My money is on yes, because I definitely do. I love it on a level that goes deeper than any normal person. Listen, what I’m about to tell you is something that took me years of blabbing about my feelings on a couch to understand: Absolutely, positively, the number one scariest thing in this life is to be Alone. More than that, being Alone is death. But that means the opposite is true, right? That means friendship is life. Even more than life, friendship is power.
When I was young (well, I’m still pretty young but you know what I mean) I didn’t have any friends. Sure I had a cute face and adults gave me attention, but I didn’t play nice with others my age. That meant that most of the time I was, you guessed it, Alone. So I invented friends. Together we talked, we played, and even argued, me and those People Who Weren’t There. My parents approved, since imaginary friends was a normal thing for kids without siblings and hey, at least it kept me happy.
I don’t recall when exactly the People Who Weren’t There started telling me to do things. It feels like one day everything was fine, and the next Dad was shaking me by the shoulders, yelling that imaginary or not, friends don’t encourage friends to do the things I did to the neighbor’s cat. The meds and therapy started right after, which made the People Who Weren’t There actually not there. This was good in the long run, I guess, but at the time it meant I was back to being Alone. I don’t think I need to explain why experiencing that again after so many years turned me into a desperate, scheming person.
Are there a lot of mental hospitals in Equestria? Sunset says there’s way more of them here in my world. Does that mean ponies have a lower rate of getting sick in the head than humans do? I hope so. I wouldn’t want my world’s messed up people to exist any place else. But if you, a pony like me is there, that’s at least one. And don’t take this the wrong way, but Equestria seems like too nice of a place to have a term for what we are.
Well I can give you a term, because it’s stamped on an official document that my parents keep in their strongbox: psychotic. I can also give you another easier to pronounce one that I came up with myself: lost soul. You and I put on fake faces because we don’t like who we really are. You and I want as many real friends as we can get, you because you think enough of them will make the People Who Aren’t There go away, and me because I live in fear of them coming back.
Draining the magic out of Equestria wouldn’t have made the voices go away, Cozy. Only meds that don’t exist in your world can do that. This is why I’m enclosing one of my pills in this letter. Sunset thinks the Canterlot School Of Alchemy can figure out what’s inside the pill that makes it work. If they can, it could lead to some peace for you and anyone else in the same boat as us. Something else I’m enclosing is a picture of myself. See, I already have a picture of you, and if you get one of me then neither of us will be Alone. Not in the way that scares us so much.
Write me back if you get the chance. I’m always up for a little bit of “self help.”
Your very very close friend,
Another lost soul
It really makes me wonder how Equestrian Cozy could have fared with proper help. The only allusion I remember to mental health being a thing in the show was a comically crazy pony from... I think it was "Read It And Weep?" I would have loved to see mental health stuff addressed in a more thoughtful manner, but that's what fanfiction is for!
Anyways, a great premise, and a well executed delivery! Nice job.
Yikes. Poor Cozy. I'm glad at least the human one is getting some help.
Jeez. Ouch. I’m . . . gonna go cry a little now. Good story, by the way, you earned the like and fave.
9747635
It does kind of reframe pony-Cozy being tossed into Tartarus without any attempt at reformation. Ouch. Particularly given humanity's history of throwing people with mental illnesses into asylums or jails.
9747849
Did they even give her a trial?
9747595
Screwy?
9747738
Thanks so much for the fave. And for what it’s worth, I meant for this fic to be cautiously optimistic, not doom and gloom. Things for our protagonists outta be okay for awhile.
9747951
Oh, no, I knew it was meant to be optimistic. It just caught me in the feels, was all. It’s something I do really enjoy about the show itself, is that it never lets us forget that the bad guys are people, too, and that whatever they do, they have a reason for it. You caught that, perfectly, here!
Really interesting story, but as usual with me I wish there was more fat on dem bones, I'd have loved to witness Cozy realizing Sunset was real, Sunset explaining everything, maybe even Pony Cozy somehow getting to read it...
9748162
My original story outline did include most of that (and Cozy does recognize Sunset’s ‘realness’ in the story proper’s last sentence). But I knew after I wrote Cozy’s meltdown that following it with anything other than an epilogue would feel like filler. At least it would have the way I write. I’m not as good at the ”cooling off” portion of story-telling as I am winding up and delivering the big punch. I do hope to make longer fics when I get more confident, though.
I honestly didn't expect this turn of events when I clicked on the story to read. At first I was positive Cozy's meltdown in the last chapter was just another scheme to drive Sunset away, before her inner thoughts revealed she'd have to step up her game further, and keep a closer eye on Sunset in the future.
9748273
Maybe you were right and the letter’s a big insincere sob story. Like Sunset, all we the readers have to go on is our instincts and outsider observations of Cozy. To reword a question asked in the story description, does one Cozy condemn the other? It’s your call.
This was deeply disturbing. Though it doesn't have the tag, this is definitely going in my Dark folder.
9748194
I love filler. I wish people would get into the habit of adding bonus filler chapters for addicts like myself
Hmm.
/Takes a sidelong glance at Twilight, Luna, Starlight, Stygian, Fluttershy...
Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry. No, it doesn't.
9747595
Equestria isn't at all densely populated. Manehattan is a joke compared to New York. Ponyville has a hospital but everything gets treated there; it's not specialised in one area. The crowd Flim and Flam drew with their fake tonic tells a story of a lot of sick little ponies wanting treatment. Even Meadwobrook was swarmed in her swamp once she came back. There's probably a lot of individuals falling through the cracks, so to speak.
9747595
Yeah, the idea that ponies are behind on things like psychiatric care is a pretty sobering thought. A lot of people in real-life have suffered because of the lack of adequate medical care, and makes locking up Cozy Glow far less justified.
9748595
Far more justified actually. Locking up Cozy Glow is only less justified if Equestria actually has adequate mental healthcare facilities and experts at their disposal.
9748674
I'm sure they could easily find some doctors to treat a filly.
9748740
9748674
Also, getting locked up in Tartarus isn't treatment. You get thrown in a tiny cage, underground, guarded by a giant dog, so Equestria can forget you. Nevermind that they put her next to Tirek, the fellow who inspired her plan in the first place. That's the opposite of wanting her to get better.
Could have used a little more.
At least maybe Princess Twilight hearing about this and Cozy's mental problems, and rethink the whole Tartarus thing.
This is a sobering fic. I had a theory that Cozy might have some sort of mental illness since she was acting absolutely illogical, but the way it's represented here makes her much more empathetic than a pathological liar who doesn't know any better or a sociopath. I didn't consider the possibility that Equestria could really be behind on mental health awareness and/or treatment, too. Like a couple of the other commenters pointed out, there's that one patient from Read it and Weep, but you see individuals like Starlight who might not have gone down their path if they had the right kind of resources available and someone had intervened if they saw the signs. Then again, mental health's complicated, and people can hide it so well nobody would have thought they had issues (or maybe nobody's looking/knows how to look)...but at the very least it could have helped someone like Twilight who has displayed serious neurotic behaviors that to this day are shrugged off as "Twilight being Twilight." I'd actually like to see more stories like this...and I definitely wouldn't complain if there was a sequel where Equestria's Cozy Glow got help. It's kind of a joke how so many of the villains - or at least antagonists - in both Friendship is Magic and Equestria Girls have been redeemed, but Cozy's real out of place in the "Legion of Doom," and I think she's mostly being evil now because she's both trying to prove herself and because she's now a pariah to the rest of society. Tossing her in Tartarus definitely wasn't the best solution, I think there's hope for her...at least, if someone can bring her to her senses, or she has an epiphany.
9749012
In some instances, that can be torture if the intention is solitary confinement.
Welp, that Gouged into me a decent deal...
9749097
If you’re interested in my creative process, it was participating in this comment chain that led me to make this story pitch. The big difference you’ll notice in the final draft (other than some filler being cut out) is I went with a psychotic Cozy instead of a sociopathic one. Sociopaths by definition don’t feel like anything is wrong with them, which wouldn't have worked in a story about Cozy wanting to get help and improve.
9749097
Yes.
I often think not enough has been made of Starlight's mental issues. Because she has some. I mean, look at this:
That's not the reaction of a healthy mind.
9749250
I think that is better used to describe psychopaths. Psychopaths can be described as people without the right chemicals in the brain. Sociopaths are people robbed of empathy out of societal oppression.
9749440
Well now I’m doubly glad I didn’t go with that angle, ‘cuz clearly I wouldn’t have known what I was talking about.
Nice twist on Cozy. Explains a lot about a character who was in dire need of an explanation, and actually gets some decent emotional drama out of the deal. Does kind of make her pony counterpart's trip to Tartarus even worse, but TBH I don't think there's any way to make sending a child to Tartarus not horrible, and that's outside the scope of this fic anyway. Very good story, though.
No! It'd be foolish not too. But crossing the line from suspecting, to jugging: That might be unfair.
9750174
I was beginning to think no one was actually going to answer the prompt’s question. Thank you for being the first, and thank you double for the great answer.
Is like saying "If everyone in the family had been a criminal until now, then the only one that managed to get away from all that and work itself a future, will also be a criminal" and wanting to catch him/her to tell yourself how right you are, but then... Who is the criminal and who is the victim?
Ah. That's... not quite what I was expecting from this.
There's suddenly a deep aching pain for Cozy Glow inside me. Thanks, I guess?
Nice! Well written. Good work!
9750631
Thanks for the heads up. I’ll fix the formatting.
Like this even though haven't seen any evidence that Cozy Glow is mental like the EG Cozy Glow in this story.
I thought there were four chapters instead of three. That's why I said I was looking forward to seeing where this was going. I think it's cool how this epilogue sort of implies what happened without saying it, though.
9751705
I too find Cozy’s ‘Cutie patootie schtick’ awkward. That’s why I had Sunset rag on it a little.
9751713
Yeah, I coulda put in more scenes. I actually did have a post-meltdown talk between Sunset and Cozy in my original draft, but for the final one I decided to hard cut after the climactic outburst. Felt more punchy that way.
I might make a sequel fic if I come up with a scenerio I think will be as entertaining as this one. Need to chew on it for awhile though.
9751751
Truthfully, I was more amused by Cozy's cutesy way of speaking than anything else. I edited my first comment to reflect that, but maybe you missed it.
9749440
Psychopathy is more often defined as sociopathy with strong antisocial features. And they’re both vaguely defined terms that aren’t used in modern psychiatry. What we colloquially call psychopaths and sociopaths are generally diagnosed with some combination of antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and maybe borderline personality disorder.
Dark, spooky but enlightening. Great work!
Well, you made one version of Cozy to not absolutely loathe and hate. I honestly did not expect it possible. Well done.
9784102
If you think next level about it, pink is a very light shade of blue.
Nice use of Bioshock 2 there.
I notice that Cozy capitalized the word "Alone" in her letter, like she's talking about a person, or some entity?
Loneliness is some terrifying demon or specter to her. That would explain some things...
9764847
Human Cozy definitely has serious problems, but at least she's trying to better herself. She knows some of the things she does are wrong and hurtful, and she actually cares enough to get help. She's a sociopath, but one who's trying to learn empathy.
Demon Filly is just a sociopath through and through. Knows others have emotions, but just doesn't care.
9815411
Good eye. Yes, Cozy capitalizing ‘Alone’ was intentional. On a narrative level, the letter is meant to give the story a satisfying wrap-up. On a character level though, it’s meant to show the reader how Human Cozy sees and interprets the world.
She knows the seductive ‘People Who Aren’t There,’ the eternal threat of being ‘Alone’ and the gnawing belief she’s a ‘lost soul’ are all products of her ailing mind, but their power over her is still very real. Meaningful capitalization is Cozy straining to use her teenage vocabulary to communicate her hard-to-explain feelings.
9816064
Human Cozy also uses the words "Friendship is power." But I suspect her reasons for wanting power are very different from pony Cozy. She wants power over herself. Her own mind and life. She wants power to keep the People Who Aren't There away. For good.
Ultimately, she has much nobler motives. She wants to be good, whereas pony Cozy just wants to rule and doesn't care who she hurts.
9749295
Starly definitely has issues.
9823331
Again, very good eye. For flavor, I tossed in two lines that were spoken verbatim by Cozy in the show. “Friendship is power” and “This is not the real me! I’m cute and lovable!”
Human Cozy makes the same word choices as the equine one, but the context in which she uses them changes the meaning. Phrases that were domineering in canon are expressions of hope and vulnerability here.
At least, that was what I was going for.