A prince is called to action to save his people's home, a land forever scarred by the battles of ages past against the one they know as the Trickster; to the Equestrians, they know his descendant as Discord. His legacy stretches far back into time, where the first rulers of the humans first brought their own tools to bear against his nightmarish reign of old and banished him to the depths of the void, but only now are his seals truly beginning to weaken. With the second release and re-imprisonment of Discord, it sets off a series of events that threaten to swallow the humans' Renascent Empire whole and turn their legacy into another dark age. With limited options, the prince turns to their heralded saviors of the sun and moon to aid them in their quest in the hopes that they can end the threat, once and for all.
This isn't LMHA!
But in all seriousness I'm interested. I'll be sure to give this a read.
This is really good, it also reminds me a bit of Mesopotamia, Egypt, and Rome combined.
1405449 I'm still working on it!
But I just had this idea for a while, an HIE where it's not science fiction or anything, but rather more of a medieval aspect, and this is the result.
1406270 Yep, that was the initial idea I had for the Empire.
llama... that is all.
1408068 Uh, I'm not sure what you mean by that...?
1408072 it was meant to be random. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Sweetie_Belle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Spike_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rarity_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applejack_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Fluttershy_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Derpy_Hooves_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_1.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_2.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Queen_Chrysalis.png
I like it so far. It feels a little bit rushed in places, but I like the idea behind it, the characters are likeable and I like the magic system so far.
Hmmm. Yes. This will be good. Have a fav my good man.
HOLY MOTHER! I just realized that your the guy that wrote the Ghosts story! And you have more stories as well! My good man, Have a WATCH!
READ THE HIS STORIES!
This is really good, Faved and Like instantly
Hope to see a new chapter soon!
So, here you go. Hope you like it.
Now I'm back to playing Dungeons of Dredmor, which is surprisingly a heck of a lot more entertaining than I thought it would be.
I do. I do like it. This story is very good my friend. The characters are all distinct and well, in character. The back story is still developing yet well thought out, and the general plot as we go forward is intriguing.
can't wait for more keep up the good work
Excellent story. There aren't a lot of stories where the humans are native to the same world as Equestria.
1545022 1547620 Thanks!
1554037 Thank you. I have read the occasional humans-native-to-Equestria story, but usually those ones revolve around a human society with some semblance of technology. I wanted to make my own that went with that idea except in a more medieval sense, and on a level similar to that of the ponies.
Excellent.
Leaf gusta.
So I decided to leave this at 9k words, and let the rest of it segue into the next chapter instead. It's a heck of a lot of words, and this is by far my most 'epic' and longest-chapter-length story yet. Not that I mind, of course, considering that it's one of my fics that is not a crossover and is purely a product of my own imagination.
I am excited for the next chap, chap! Loving the world building.
Wow this is really good. A unique setting that doesn't suck!
I can't really think of any criticism at this time. So I'll just track this and shut up.
1637116 Thanks! I pride myself on the worldbuilding, it's some fun brainstorming and great to get the creativity flowing.
1638163 Yeah, I figured with all the HiEs around, I'd try my hand at my own version, something to break out of the reputation that its known for.
well....I'm really bored right now. That prolog seems like a lot of unessisary back story that no one's going to care about in the future.
1644642 I beg to differ, because as far as things go, that's like saying the entire prologue of Lord of the Rings is unnecessary backstory that no one's going to care about in the future, which is clearly false because it involves a series of important events that lead to events in the actual story. Which is exactly what the first chapter is meant to do.
1644642 Seriously?
Whats the point of a story without a backstory! Obviously this is going to be a long tale and the backstory is going to make it more immersive and enjoyable. This is frankly one of the better written stories on this site, you sir dissapoint me.
Excellent, glad to see another chapter!
Great as always. I really like the human characters (Artim's teleport and Reugas' reaction were hilarious).
One minor thing that really annoys me whenever it pops up in fanfics though:
one pegasus, multiple pegasi
one pegasus guard, multiple pegasus guards
1793589 I get what you're speaking of. Normally, it would be pegasi guards under the impression that both are nouns, but the 'pegasus' part is more of an adjective than a noun, used to clarify what kind of guard it is, not their plurality. That's what the 'guards' part is for, afterwards. I could be wrong, but that was just how I saw it.
1794543
Yes, "pegasus guard" is a (single) compound noun and for the plural the -s gets added to the base word, so like you said: "guard" is the important part and "pegasus" just adds information. I'm sorry about being so nitpicky about it and normally I wouldn't even mention it, but since I'm reading a few of your fics, it would add up
Only six chapters and there's already >52K words!
1644642 BAD DOG, BIOCHEMICALWOLFGEAR! BAD!
I simply adore this backstory. It is one of the best backstories I have ever in my fanfic reading life had the pleasure of feasting my eyes upon.
Thank you.
1408080 Too much lol! HELP I'M DROWNING
1970440
Problem is I love this story too...but now with more flashbacks it almost feels wrong and the image of the story going off on a tangent.
Sorry that's just what I think and I chose to leave because of it. I don't like it when stories do this but for you, you may love it to pieces. Its like a song that a lot of people like but not everyone does you know?
I didn't really mean to insult the writing in any way. I was having a bit of a bad day when I unfaved. Won't go back though.
1970530
There's only been one "flashback", and that was right at the beginning of the story.
Wait, if the ponies know of the Crystal Empire, then this takes place after "A Canterlot Wedding", right? So this doesn't really make sense to me:
I think the ass-whooping they gave the changelings before sheer numbers overwhelmed them kinda counts as fighting... If that's okay with you, that is...
1970545
Sorry I may have thought your story for another at the moment :/
I actually responded with a prepared response to another one XD.
1970740 A good catch, one that I didn't see myself. I'll amend it to something that fits the scope.
Ahh backstory. . . the essential backbone for all good stories.
-Sets Blitzkrieg down and picks up the book-
Now then, what do the next chapters hold. .?
So far so interesting. Keep up the good work, gentlebeing.
Huh. Magic swords are useful indeed.
Vunderbar comrade, simply vunderbar.
2427082 Thank you, thank you. My only regret is that I wish I had more time to dedicate to writing fic.
Loving the fic so far, fantastic world building you've done, even if it's not for the world must of us are on fimfiction for.
infact, I think that's the only gripe I have with this story: Too much human, not enough pony. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm really loving the human characters that you've created here, but that's not really what I'm here on fimfiction for.
3136407 Thanks. I think that's always been a problem in my HiEs because I tend to focus too much on the humans, though I intend to change that with the later chapters. As it is, the gist of the task is a glorified escort mission for the Elements of Harmony, but now they've arrived at their destination, and things are going to change.
Would more happen to be coming in the near future?
3567357
Yes, but probably not until mid-December. I have finals coming up.
3567773
thanks.
Okie dokie lokie
I like all your stories btw.
3569017 Thanks, I try my best to tell good ones.
i.imgur.com/TUPCqez.gif
I've been waiting for this chapter.
I did, before it was revealed not to have told Kandro the truth about the library's secrets. Now, though... I don't know.
Hmmm... Maybe a distant ancestor of Prince Kandro and his father--or the Trickster masquerading as such...?
Awaiting more...!
3868456 Thanks! You're the first to actually have responded to my author's notes questions. Makes me wonder if people bother reading them.