Ice Star
Joined 6th Feb, 2015 ·
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Ice Star · 12k words · 17 4 · 1.6k views
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The second I saw the name I knew it would be mature though not for the reason I thought
10062196
It's a peculiar title for a reason. Though, it's not exactly going where you're probably(?) thinking.
Grammatically, shouldn’t the description read “there’s A Smooze attacking ponies?”
10062245
I suppose so. It's changed now.
Intriguing thus far. Looking forward to seeing where you go with this. The nature of the contest has me wondering what the natives will be. Or maybe this is more about Smoozes. We'll find out soon enough.
10066617
Discord referred to there being ponies that are potentially threatened, and it wasn't said if the island the Smooze is on is inhabited by any ponies. So, can confirm that the natives would be ponies and that the contest's prompt means the Smoozes will be the focus. (Is it just me or does the plural of Smooze sound like it would just be Smooze?)
Interesting setup, I look forward to seeing how it goes!
10090187
The rest is in progress; I'm hoping to have the second chapter up in the mystical realm of "soonish". Thank you for reading what's here thus far, though. Incomplete gore stories aren't exactly attention grabbers.
Um...
Ummmm...
Huh. A sun-themed pony who can read memories. Who knew Sunset was follwong in her teacher's hoofsteps?
Oh. Oh. The shoggoth-esque Lady Smooze had me suspicious. Consorting with chaos certainly explains how the creatures came to be.
Coming from Discord, that's positively flirtatious.
There's a lot of overwrought and twisted verbiage in this chapter... which is actually kind of appropriate given the chimeric horrors it deals with. Still, some of those turns of phrase are hard to navigate, especially in the front half. That said, looking forward to the conclusion.
And goodness, what does this mean for Fluttershy?
10115319
Yikes! I just went and cleaned those up.
It's probably less intentional than you think! I tend to give her non-combative magic outside of obvious fire and sun stuff, so things like barriers, geasan, and mild memory weirdness pop up in other stories.
Pickup artists must be quivering in fear.
I really hope I got them all! There's always a few that slip past any effort to have them edited and proofread out of the drafts, and Grammarly can be fickle even when human eyes miss things.
Don't consort with creatures that you aren't compatible with when it comes to hybrids? Adoption?
You're really going to leave it off on that unresolved moral quandary? At least Discord wasn't deliberate in his cruelty...
A distressingly thought-provoking piece. Discord's continued nonchalance towards any other offspring out there may be the most horrifying part of the whole story. Best of luck in the judging.
10116741
Well, since the Smooze can't actually talk it's inevitable that things would not be fully resolved in this story.
Had any of this been intentional, I don't think it would be very in-character for him. A lot of his problems are definitely caused by his ignorance, and this was a pre-reformation and pre-terror of Equestria Discord.
Admittedly, I don't think he would know how not to be nonchalant. The only other option is to go on a quest to find every other mare he had been with, hoping they didn't move or undergo non-smooze related significant life changes between now and two thousand years plus prior and put them to rest if they ended up getting smooze'd. He did go and track down Lady Smooze, and he does care about Mister Smooze enough that they've been reunited.
But yeah, fridge horror at the thought of other little hybrids still out there. H-o-o-r-a-y!
Thank you!
Oof, it was really uncomfortable to see Discord being completely nonchalant about having possibly cursed other mares and babies to a similar fate; I can really see this wrecking his relationship with Tia. This works well as a horror, and is one of the few serious stories I really think earns the mature tag for its gore. Well done.
10123470
I'm not sure if 'curse' is the right word since it's usually malicious magic that is intentionally cast, not biological consequences resulting from attempts at hybridization.
Actually, I think that 'dark' tag works better as a 'horror' tag now that you kind-of mention it. It's good to see I have mature-rated gore nailed, since I usually write pushing-teen-rated stuff and wasn't sure how mature this was compared to other stories.
I think my favorite thing about this story is the fact I registered 'Bastard Juice' as a clever title the moment I saw the memory.
And maybe I'm just jaded after spending the past view years delving into vulture culture, but the gorey bits weren't as gruesome or disturbing to me as much as they were just incredibly fascinating. Not in a weird way or anything, just that it's always fun when a seemingly innocent concepts are the results of existential horrors in disguise.
...Then again certain gorey things do unnerve me, but I think the concept was interesting enough it cancelled any feeling like that out.
Was any of this even coherent? Words are failing me tonight.10126923
Bleh, I’m stuck on mobile for a while so my replies won’t be as lengthy as I’d like.
By vulture culture do you mean a culture vulture (https://www.collinsdictionary.com/amp/english/culture-vulture)? I can see why that would be unnerving, but not in the same way.
Or do you mean the literal culture of vultures via nature documentaries and the like?
I have less tame gore in a couple other stories, but nothing I write is much of a slash fest.
(Yet.)
10126930
'Vulture Culture' is the term I've seen used for people who collect and preserve animal bones and hides and whatnot. I've seen the phrase used on Tumblr, but I guess it hasn't really caught on elsewhere. Just sounded more eloquent and less creepy than 'I collect animal bones and body parts'.
Essentially speaking (Spoilered for potential gore or nasty warning) I have a major hobby that includes picking up dead stuff, often still fresh or even rotting, and cleaning and preserving it in any way I can. I've cleaned off still-meaty animal heads for their skulls and tanned a few hides. All is ethically sourced, if I might add. I live in a family that's big on hunting, though a few I've simply found.
10126940
Oh, that’s pretty neat! I’m really into web sleuthing, forensics, and true crime types of stuff.
Though, that’s for dead people, not animals.
It’s definitely way gorier than cleaning skulls of ethically killed creatures, so I can’t put too much about it here.
Howdy, hi!
Quite a while ago, you submitted this story to be reviewed by the Pens and Couches Review Group. This group has since undergone some changes and rebranding, and we finally reviewed your story! Check out your review here!
On one hand I'm tempted to dislike this story based on the feelings it gives me, but those feelings are also what this story are probably meant to convey so, take your like I'm going to go to sleep and hope I don't have nightmares.