I write so that one day I may finally stop writing and be free, but these damn new ideas keep finding ways into my brain. I need to write more to vent them out!
Twilight Sparkle’s diligent way of administrating has spread far and wide.
Both Equestria and the Crystal Empire are run by a long chain of Administrators. An ambitious filly who wants to be an Administrator herself follows the trail of scrolls up to an actual declaration from the Ultimate Supreme Administrator. This exciting administrative duty sets her on the path to reunite with her beloved mother.
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What's the dark tag for?
10211570 She's being foalnapped. Isn't that considered dark?
her personality reminds me of puppy smiles from fallout
10213190 I never played it, so I don't know the puppy. I tried to google the puppy but couldn't find it, either. Maybe I should have played the game sometime.
10213209
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/931/fallout-equestria-pink-eyes
- MLP: FiM
- Dark
- Adventure
Fallout Equestria side story - A young filly begins her adventure looking for her mother.Puppy Smiles is the protagonist. She travels the wastelands, chased by her nemesis Count Horse Tile & his endless horde of minions.
10213721 I've read Fallout Equestria, but I guess the world got bigger on me. The FE verse seemed to have grown.
Thanks for the info. I'll put it in my Read list.
10213209
10213721
yeah that puppy smiles^^
I really need to learn to expect this from you.
I'm guessing this is about the point where a mysterious alicorn hops back in time to once again try to stop a certain unicorn from preventing the Sonic Rainboom.
10214936 So it did pack a punch? I may yet have a shot at the writing competition, after all.
10214947 Actually it's the other way around. A certain black Unicorn says to himself, "I knew 8th time is the charm. This is a good future."
10214960
Eh, not really. After enough bad endings, one becomes desensitised.
10214969 But it's a good ending, you just have to be cheering for the right pony. King Sombra in this instance.
... I don't get it. Like, any of it. This level of not making any sense whatsover would make Pinkie and Discord, combined, jealous.
10215037 I really tried to make it clear. Her aspiration. The conflict in the world. The administrative battle that started the war.
If something doesn't make sense to you, I'd really like to hear the question that you have. Then I could address it, either in comments or the story itself. I really don't want this to be random at all. So, please. I'd love to hear more from you if that's okay.
10215052
All I got was the little in the description, and that Sombra kidnapped the foal in question (after coming back again).
Politics never made any sense to me. So that might be why.
10215081 I'd really like to go into the details with you on this. I suggest I give you a summary, and then you tell me why you didn't get that from the story.
Here's the summary:
An OC Lvl 20th Administrator (not King Sombra) steals water and when a filly comes looking for water foalnappes the foal as well.
The whole Equestrian Administration, which includes her mother, gets involved in the border dispute.
In the end, King Sombra uses the opportunity to shut down Equestrian Administration in one blow and start a war.
The filly gets reunited with her mother.
It's a simple story, so I wonder how I managed to fail so miserably at telling it. I was hoping you could help me out with this. Could you post a question or two for me, maybe? Or you could copy from the story a segment that you didn't understand, perhaps? Talk to me, reader. Make me understand, please.
10215092
That cleared it up actually. Politics is stupid honestly, and this story just reinforced it for me. But I get it now.
10215102 Just know that it's not your fault. It's never the reader's fault. If the reader doesn't get it, it's always the writer's fault. In our case, it's my fault. I wish I could address this fault of mine, but it's too general to zero in on it, so I can't. Regardless, I'm sorry, reader. I hope you'll give me another chance in the future.
this system is like communism, it doesn't work, it relies on someone not being an utter fudge-inator, as Sombra clearly demonstrated
Poor Filly
10216621 They will all live on through the buorocracy they created and the big scrolls they had been throwing all over Equestria.
10216776
hehe x3 I'm sure the little filly in this story, will grow up to lead the rebellion against Sombra in the squeal
10216811 No, no. That's not the way of the Administrator. How an Administrator does it, is she rises through the ranks until she becomes a High Administrator. With the power invested in her, she slowly changes the system from within. Little by little.
That's how Twilight tried to win against Sombra. Unfortunately, he beat her in her own game.
10217109
ah okay :3 that sounds fun too~
10213768
Puppy Smiles is strange character:
Toward the end of the war, Equestria issued survival suits to foals. They make death impossible. She is an undead abomination, but does not know it. The story is hillarious, but bittersweet too:
Puppy Smiles looks for her mother. She can never find her mother because she died 200 years ago when the BaleFireBombs fell.
Your optimistic oblivious character is much like Puppy Smiles.
¡Her Mama is dead! That is a kick in the gut.
10214129 10271097 I guess High Achiever is just as hopeful as Puppy Smiles. However, the difference is, High Achiever finds her mother in the end.
10271111 I want readers to have a closure when they read my stories. If her mother was alive, it would feel as if something was missing. It would be as if two lovers made a wish on a shooting star at the end of the story. Every reader would be like, "Obviously the shooting star is a comet about to destroy the planet. Why doesn't the story say it like it is?"
If I did it any differently, it would be as if you watched this video:
, but instead of the obvious closure (death), the bunny would snuggle against its mama. You'd immediately go, "Wait, there's something wrong with this picture. Good things don't happen."
10271121
I forgot to ask:
¿Is High Achiever the daughter of Cast Achiever?
10271128 Indeed, but she never saw her father. Mayer Mare fell in love with Cast Achiever because of his high ambitions. But he changed after they cured him, so she got herself a restraining order against him.
Her mama is all High Achiever has left. Her mama is the only beacon of light in her life, but it shines brighter than the sun.
10271123
¡The end of that video is like being kicked in the belly!
10271143
Since her mother was an Administratrix, The restraining order is inviolable; so now, High Achiever and Cast Achiever can never get back together.
Oh, by the way, Administratrices are females and Administrators are males.
10271509 Twilight knew that nopony could even spell Administratrices, so she made it easier. Everypony gets the same title, regardless of the otherkin or gender.
And yes, High Achiever must become a High administrator herself, lest the scroll of restraining against her father holds true indefinitely.
10271495 Indeed, such is reality.
I think this desperately needs a Crossover tag.
10311164 Crossover with what? It's just MLP. Even the lengthy scrolls are canon.
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121102163147/mlp/images/8/8c/Spike_Long_List_S2E3.png
Twilight likes them long.
10311217
The way those scrolls are used sure reads like a videogame mechanic, instead of any mechanism of government I've ever seen in Equestria.
10311271 What did you think would happen if you gave Twilight Sparkle ultimate power? Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and you know very well what her fetishes are.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/8/11/1222672.png
Celestia used to keep the bookhorse in check,
, but Celestia retired and with nopony powerful enough left to restrain Twilight Sparkle, the bureaucracy gained a life of its own. Even King Sombra could not fully resist the power of Twilight's bureaucracy. However, what King Sombra understand and Twilight does not, is that the fundamentals of reality are not seeded in bureaucracy. Covering up the foundations with bureaucracy does not make the foundations disappear. The underlying principles are still there, lurking, waiting for a flaw in the system to show what's real.
I regret that I have to inform you that this fic, which was submitted to the Depth in Innocence contest, has been disqualified for including swearing and sexual references, the latter of which was a primary criterion of not including for submission into the contest. I'm sorry, it was shaping up to be an interesting story too, told through the mind of a child.
That said, I'm like 90% sure sexual references and the use of the word "Fuck" demand a T rating by site policy. I'd be careful keeping this rated E if I were you, lest the fires of the mods come down and destroy it.
-GM, master of contests.
Reading every Depth in Innocence Contest entry: Bonus Story 1:The Ultimate Supreme Administrator by Bad Dragon
(It was disqualified, but I read it anyway!)
This story was... well... I have mixed feelings about this one. First, (and most pressing) the swearing and sexual references that caused the story to be disqualified in the first place. They feel really out of place anyway, so I'm not even sure why they're there?
As for the story itself... I like the idea of a battle being fought through bureaucracy, and the setting is interesting (if a little vague), but, how do I put this... it doesn't feel like there's anything there? It feels like all the action happens off screen and all we're seeing is the aftermath, (which isn't inherently a bad thing) and the ending was... I dunno, this one just didn't work for me, sorry. There are parts I do like, but overall it just didn't gel with me.
I really like this
10630156 Do you like the ending where the filly is finally reunited with her mother?
This was probably the oddest story I've read so far
. I don't know how the heck you come with these ideas, but keep it up!
10896054 After watching Naruto with their long-ass scrolls, I had a dream about the combat of scrolls, and I thought about Twilight and her scroll fetishes and I thought, what if the whole world was designed around this? What if I could make the most borring job in the world into the most epic and heroic role of them all?
And then the rational part of me said to myself, "You're an idiot!"
And I said to myself, "Yea! Dis gonna be good! Let's write about writing."