“I only met you once… when you yelled at me at the games...”
That was what Twilight had said, and it was true. As far as she could remember, the only time Sunset Shimmer had ever interacted with her, had even spoken to her, was back at the Friendship Games, yelling at her for how she was using magic. Her friends all shared those memories, and not one of them had a good thing to say about Sunset.
Then why did what she say bother her? Why did it feel like something was out of place? The more that she thought about it, recalling how the flame haired girl had reacted, how she claimed about being ‘erased’, the more did her old thoughts stick out in her mind. Some of them didn’t make sense… not when she looked at them again. But that just couldn’t happen, could it? Magic was capable of many things, but erasing someone completely from your memories? Making you think that they weren’t your friend? Was that even possible?
“Twilight, Darling? Are you alright there? You’ve been frowning like that for some time now.” Rarity’s voice came, breaking the young woman out of her thoughts. The pale skinned woman had closed her tanning mirror, gazing directly at her. It only took Twilight a moment to realize she hadn’t been tinkering with her little selfie sensor for several minutes now, lost in thought. Few things had even been able to stop Twilight when she was focused on a project.
Twilight gave all her friends an uneasy smile, noting that Rarity’s observation had drawn all their attention to her. It made a bit of guilt well up in her chest that her own internal issues had disrupted the girl’s enjoyment, even if most of them were just relaxing and enjoying the sun. The bookworm shook her head, trying to push away at the worries that were eating away at her mind. “I’m sure it’s nothing… just something that got me thinking.”
“About what, if ya don’ mind me askin’?” Applejack said, tilting her head at the bespectacled girl. Out of all her friends, Applejack was the one who was probably the closest to the entire group. If Twilight had to guess, it was probably owed to the girls large extensive family, making the farm girl go out of her way to help those she cared about. “Ya don’ really get that scrunchy look on yer face unless somethings bothering ya, Twi.”
The girl blushed at the comment, even as a small smile crossed her face. It was still so hard to believe sometimes that these five girls had become such close and dear friends to her, having helped her through so much. To be able to pick up on her slightest facial cues and read her emotions, it was something that she had only ever heard about. But that’s what made her worries stick out all the more. For a girl she had supposedly never talked to outside of the Friendship Games months ago, Twilight could see just how anguished and worried Sunset had been when they had denied ever being friends with her. “Really, it’s ok, I’m probably just worrying over nothing.”
“Oh, just come out and say what’s bothering you!” Rainbow Dash said, sitting up from her relaxed position against the lawn chair that she and the rest of the girls had put out to enjoy the sun on the beach. The blue skinned girl raised an eyebrow as she smirked at her friend, crossing her arms. “You know we’re not going to leave you alone about it until you tell us anyway.”
“She’s right you know… I mean, we’ll be kind about it and try not to push you, but we’ll want to make sure you’re ok…um… if that’s alright.” Fluttershy added, giving her best encouraging smile to Twilight.
It was with a heavy sigh that the lavender skinned woman straightened up a bit, looking at her five friends before nodding lightly at them. “I think… Sunset Shimmer might have not been lying...”
“WHAT?!” Pinkie yelled, startling the rest of the girls with her sudden and loud exclamation. The party girl then gave Twilight a long hard look, one eye stretching open wide as she rubbed her chin. “Who are you and what have you done with the real Twilight Sparkle?! Why would you believe anything that meanie says?”
“Yeah, she’s like the worst person ever!” Rainbow Dash added in, throwing out her arms for emphasis. “We’ve told you all about how she’s treated us, right? What she’s done? Why would you think she wasn’t lying about being our friends?”
“Now hold on there, sally, let the gal finish,” Applejack said, placing a hand on both of her loud friends shoulders, giving them a firm but calming squeeze. It got the two looking back at the farmer, who then nodded over to Twilight. “Y’all know just as well as Ah do that Twilight ain’t the one to just believe some sack of hooey like that without reason.”
That put Twilight on the spot again, as each girl now looked at her with curious eyes and expectant faces. It reminded the young bookworm why she hated public speaking, feeling her nerves get the better of her. She didn’t want to disappoint her friends or upset them, but her analytical mind just wouldn’t let her concerns go. It was like ignoring an incorrect math problem, it just wouldn’t leave her mind until she fixed it. “It’s not the friends thing that got me thinking about what Sunset said… but about her being erased...” She finally admitted, looking at the girls in turn.
“You don’t really think that could actually happen… do you?” Fluttershy asked, clutching her arms a little closer to her, like she might be the next victim, eyes darting left to right as if to hopefully catch the monster who could do it before she was attacked.
“Honestly, a lot of what I expected in life has been kinda upended once I learned about magic.” Twilight pointed out, even if she gave a comforting smile to her friend. It felt weird to comfort someone who at times could even be more timid than she tended to be, but it was worth it to make Fluttershy feel better. “But yeah… when I think about it? I think she might have been telling the truth.”
“And what, pray tell, convinced you of that, Darling?” Rarity asked, the fashionista clearly confused. She wasn’t the only one, as the rest of Twilight’s circle were all wearing faces of disbelief and concern.
Closing her eyes, Twilight Sparkle thought back through her memories, of all the things she’s done since meeting her friends to her first meeting with Sunset Shimmer. It was as she was reviewing what had happened to her that it really stood out. She opened her eyes and looked at her friends, worry coloring her amethyst irises. “Girls… do you remember what stopped me from being Midnight Sparkle?”
That got the rest of her friends turning to each other, each one with raised eyebrows. It was Pinkie that turned back first, confusion obvious on her face as she responded. “Didn’t you just come back down and go back to normal after your power ran out?”
Twilight shook her head, her brow coming together as she remembered what it was like to be Midnight Sparkle, the sensation of power and the overwhelming desire to learn everything, no matter what the cost. She hadn’t cared who got in her way, be it the Shadowbolts, Principal Cinch, or even her current friends. If she had to take everything apart molecule by molecule, she would have done it. There was no ‘coming down’ from that. “No… I didn’t. I wouldn’t have stopped, not of my own power. Something stopped me… And I think it has something to do with Sunset.”
“But that doesn’t even make sense!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, throwing her hands out before her in exaggeration. “I get it, we’ve got all this weird magic stuff going on. But us? Being friends with Sunset Shimmer? Really? The girl literally tried to break up our friendship! She’s the anti-friendship!”
Twilight wilted as she watched her friends agree with the athlete, each of them voicing memories in turn about Sunset Shimmer and the horrible things that she had done. The young woman heard some of these before, but had never really thought about it. Now, though, it served as a barrier to ward off the one girl that none of them trusted. It struck her as profoundly wrong, something that went against the very grain of what her friends stood for.
Standing a bit straighter, eyes narrowing, Twilight looked at each of the other girls in turn. “You girls told me before that the magic of friendship is nothing like anything else in the world, that it should be cherished and celebrated. If Sunset’s right… if she’s truly been erased from our memories and lives… do you really want her to be left all alone, without anyone?”
Her question hit home. Everyone looked uncomfortable, from Fluttershy appearing horrified at the thought to Applejack pulling off her hat, her brow creased. Even Rainbow Dash, for all of her words against the flame-haired woman, was rubbing her arm and looking away in guilt. They all stood there for a moment and it was then that Twilight realized, they knew what it felt like. Sunset had been the cause of their broken friendship before, from what she had learned.
“But… what if she’s not like that? What if this is all just a trick?” Pinkie Pie asked finally to break the silence, a heavy frown twisting her face. It was rare to see the party planning girl like that, the ever present smile vanished with the seriousness of the discussion, her hair losing some of it’s normal vibrant curls.
“She has done stuff like this before, Twilight. Do y’all really want to take that risk?” Applejack said, drawing the bookworm’s attention back to farm girl.
“I do, Applejack.” Twilight said, breathing softly. She clutched her hand close, pressing it against her heart as she reviewed her memories one last time. She straightened up once more, convinced now that there was something very wrong here. “Regardless of what’s going on, I’m wanting to get to the bottom of this!”
Her friends, wonderful girls all, looked uncertain to each other for a few moments. One after another, they all gave reluctant nods. The pain and trouble Sunset Shimmer had caused them in the past hung like a dark cloud over their thoughts, but denying Twilight wasn’t something they could do. She was her friend. They had to help her out… and be there to protect her when everything went wrong.
~oOo~
The girls spent the rest of the day trying to find Sunset, combing the beach for the flame-haired girl with little luck. Everyone else they talked to that knew of the girl held the same low opinion, thinking her little more than a bully. It was something that made the others a little bit more confident that she was just trying to trick them again, but Twilight wouldn’t let the matter drop.
Still, the sun was going down by the time the six friends all gathered again at the Sweet Shoppe, having turned up nothing. The girls were all sitting around their normal table, annoyance and exhaustion on their faces. Twilight herself had pulled off her glasses, rubbing her eyelids. “How could one girl be so hard to find?!” She asked her friends.
“Maybe she got while the getting was good?” Rainbow suggested, stabbing at her sundae with a plastic spoon. “I mean, if I thought everyone hated my guts, I probably wouldn’t stick around for very long. Not sure where the heck she’d go though.”
“Oh, I really hope not. I don’t think I could bear it if we left her all alone, without any friends because of some magic spell.” Fluttershy said, shrinking in on herself. Out of all of her friends, the animal lover seem to be the only one who truly believed that Sunset had been erased, though whether the idea of being forgotten frightened the shy girl or made her feel sorry for Sunset, Twilight wasn’t certain.
“Ah still think this is all a mighty big waste of our time...” Applejack said, leaning back against her seat. “Ah mean, Ah get yer worried that we’re letting down a possible friend, Twi, but Ah still trust Sunset Shimmer about as much as Ah trust dem Flimflam brothers.”
“Oh, please, don’t speak of those beastly men. If the power of erasing memories truly is a thing, I’d rather it be them that were forgotten.” Rarity said, pausing from her sketch book to shudder a bit and give the farmer a small look. She turned back to the thick pad almost immediately afterwards, resuming her work on the most recent design.
“Well, it could always be worst! At least we don’t have the entire school fighting again like when the Sirens had cast their spell. I still remember all those faces they were making. You know, like rawr!” Pinke said, ending her example by sticking two straws into her mouth, using them as fangs and curling her fingers to make claws, putting on her best ‘evil monster’ face.
That comment got Twilight’s eyebrows up, a frown on her face as she looked over to the party girl. “Sirens? Like the mythical creatures?”
“Oh yeah, we never told you about that, did we?” Dash said, grinning a bit at her friend. “You don’t have to worry about those three, we took care of them good.”
“Just what were they, if you don’t mind me asking?” Twilight asked, curiosity piqued. Despite the Friendship Games and her time at Camp Everfree, the young woman’s exposure to magic had been fairly limited. As someone who prized herself on knowledge and learning, to be so inexperienced in a field was a sore point for the girl and Twilight was more than determined to learn as much as she could, even about past experiences.
“They were a trio of girls, all of them comin’ from Princess Twilight’s world.” Applejack explained, resting her chin on her right fist as she recalled the experience. “Nasty little varmints, too. Got control of the entire school just by singing a few notes. Even Principal Celestia was all tied up in their spell tighter than a cow in a rodeo. If it wasn’t for the Princess, who knows what might of happened.”
Twilight blinked at that, a little surprised. She knew her Pony Dimensional Counterpart had come to CHS before, she had been told as much to explain why everyone already knew so much about her but this was the first time she had heard anything about these ‘sirens’. “Sounds like it was quite an adventure.”
“Oh by the stars, Darling, you just had to be there!” Rarity exclaimed, suddenly grinning ear to ear as she started to flip through her sketchpad. “In fact, I think I’ve got the design for your counterpart’s dress somewhere in here. I’m sure with some of the right modifications, I can make it shine for your own figure!”
The lavender-haired woman couldn’t help but smile at the fashionista, shaking her head. She was about to tell the girl not to worry about it when Rarity’s already pale skin turned a grayish shade, her hands shaking. The sudden change in demeanor didn’t go unnoticed by the others. “Rares? Something the matter?” Applejack asked, her voice tinged with concern.
Gulping audibly, the alabaster woman turned over her sketchpad, showing off the dress on the page. It was a bright ensemble, with flashy trim and vibrant colors of red and gold with just a hint of blue decorating the very hem of the dress. This, combined with boyish cut of the dress and the pose of the figure in the drawing itself, didn’t fit anyone of Twilight’s friends.
“I remember every single dress I’ve ever designed. I can recall every single stitch, cut, and baste right down to the inseam.” She said softly, her voice quavering lightly. She tapped the dress shown with a manicured nail. “I don’t remember ever doing this one at all. And that could only mean...”
“That Sunset is telling the truth and that she’s been erased from our memories.” Twilight said, feeling a bit vindicated now that she had visible proof to the tampering done to their minds.
Silence reigned over the group, Applejack and Rainbow Dash visibly shaken by the revelation. The farmer in particular was chewing at her lip, as if she still didn’t want to admit it, to agree that the girl that had caused them so much abuse was telling them the truth.
It was Pinkie who was the first to found her voice again, tears welling up at the corner of her eyes. She was looking down at a tablet, the bright pink handheld at odds with the sorrow in her voice. “That’s not all girls… I’ve got her information here in my party planner… her birthday, her favorite things, even past presents I’ve gotten her. I wouldn’t do that for someone like Sunset… not unless they were really close friends of mine.”
Applejack let out a low sigh, pulling off her hat and rubbing her fingers through her hair. She opened her mouth for a moment, paused, and closed it again. Shaking her head, she looked up at Twilight, before speaking. “Ah still don’t like it, but not even Sunset could fake all this.”
“Exactly.” Twilight said, slapping her hand against the table and getting the attention of her friends. She stood up from her seat, making sure they all understood how serious she was about this. “We need to find Sunset and figure out how to get our memories back. I’m not going to let a friend of mine just be forgotten because of some Equestrian magic!”
Her friends nodded, some more reluctantly than others. The lavender-haired woman chose to ignore that as she began to go over their plans for the next day, knowing that whatever happened, they were going to make things between them and Sunset right!
I may not be a fan of Equestria Girls no more or enjoyed that special, but I’m gonna wait for the next chapters of this story to see if the girls will find Sunset Shimmer and see how they can get their good memories of Sunset back
I LOVE this story so far
I guess you've just published chapter 1 of this story today. I like your plotting and characterization well enough. I see you've picked up early enough in the "Forgotten Friendship" special that you have a lot of opportunity to write your own version and still have the three days needed for the EG girls to save the memories, if you're wanting to stick to the three-day rule. (I guess it's like the five second rule, but not for floor germs.)
If I don't like a story, I don't comment like this. In a few places your English usage is a bit off, so maybe you need a proofreader. (Examples sent in private fimfiction.net mail, with change suggestions.)
Interesting premise. I like Forgetten Friendship stories where the Rainbooms realize that there are many plot holes.
Two things I've noticed with your writing. Like Mokingbird said, you need a proofreader. Allow me.
1. When you have a dialogue that ends with a normal sentence, you don't end it with a period if you intend to follow it with a said tag. Case in point:
This should be:
2. You have what Ezn describes as the "Lavender Unicorn Syndrome". It's where an author feels likes they're overusing a character's names and therefore start to replace the names with descriptions. Case in point:
This would look much better like this:
Consider reading Ezn's writing guide for more info.
Hope this helps. My apologies if this sounded rude.
10247900
Not rude at all, though if the errors that you and Mockingbirb pointed out are the extent of my mistakes, then I feel like I've been doing pretty well overall. Punctuation on some things like what you pointed out has always been a hard part for me and I usually do what feels is right. Not only that but I do have a proof reader but both of us are human and we're going to miss things. Heck, I've seen such mistakes in officially published work and this was something I did more off the cuff than anything.
As for the whole 'Lavender Unicorn Syndrome' thing, I both agree and disagree with that. On the one hand, the example you gave? Yeah, I agree, that part is better without that added description of what she looks like. On the other hand, I disagree with the Syndrome being a bad thing and that names should be used above all else. The occasional descriptor of what a character is or looks like helps keep the image of the character in their minds and allows for you to do more than just 'She' or the 'characters name'. I think it especially helps when you've got as many characters to juggle in a story as i had in this one.
All that said I am probably on the 'you're overdoing it' side of the Syndrome, since I'm always trying to avoid using a characters name more than twice in a paragraph, but overall I do think it's better to have those aspects than not.
This is interesting I like it
10247915
The Syndrome isn't bad in itself. It's when certain authors (not you) overdo it, then it becomes distracting. Ezn had en entire section on it in the site's writing guide. He explains it better than I can.
Glad I could be of assistance.
I like this story! Can't wait for chapter 2!
A promising start, and others have already pointed out the need for a few punctuation and sentence tune-ups. I personally fall under the opinion that you're using LUS way too much, but I almost always use proper names, so who knows, maybe I'm too strict. Either way, keep up the good work.
10247965
First, I must say, I feel incredibly honored to have you leave a comment on my story. Personally a big fan of your own work and keep on following it to this day. Honestly had to take a moment to breath when I saw the name here.
For the LUS... As I said to Uz Naimat I probably do it too much, but I also think it has it's place. While it might not have much a place in fanfiction, as you'd think most people who are reading a fanfic would already be well familiar with how a character looks like, I feel LUS works for original characters and work where the reader is new to the characters. I think it's also a decent change in pace from time to time. With you, Naimat, and at least one other person on another sight bringing it up, I'll see if I can't cut that aspect down just a little bit more in my work in the future.
I thank you for taking the time to read this story and hope you read the rest as it goes up.
This is very interesting indeed. Looking forward to more.
Or they could just just spent ten seconds going through pictures on their phones.
10248633
Other than the fact that they didn't believe Sunset when she did the same thing in the special, the reason I did it through Rarity's sketchpad and Pinkie Pie's Planner is because that's something deeply personal to them. For Rarity especially this is a good 'oh lord, she's telling the truth' moment because it's impossible for Sunset to sneak in a dress design into her personal sketch folder that lives up to Rarity's own style.
I do bring up the phones at one point in the next chapter, I believe, but that's more of 'additional' proof to the girls at this point.
This is good, very good.
As much as I originally didn't want to read this in how much forgotten friendship broke my heart and that I got feelings for Sunset I enjoyed this sorta. And I wish something like this would have happened in the special since it would of made things better. But anyway hope to see more of this and all I got left to say is good luck on this story
This would've been a really interesting subplot: the EG girls realizing something would be amiss, since they do have physical proofs of their friendships.
I'm not sure how I feel about all of them realising they've lost their memories in the first chapter.
I'll keep reading but can't help but to feel like we lost a story where Sci-twi have to investigate and slowly convince her friends of the truth.
10264267
While that is a definitely an interesting idea, I didn't go for that for a few reasons. The first and foremost is that the special itself proves to us that physical evidence isn't effected by the Memory stone. And even if the girls wouldn't believe their phones as being hacked, I know for a fact that there would be other physical proof. The second reason for me not doing it that way is that, well, there's very little TO investigate. Everything that Sci-Twi and the other girls need to know is revealed by Sunset, especially since for the most part I was working within the restrictions of the original special. As I've said before, the Equestria side of the story is actually pretty damn solid. It's the human side of things where I feel everything falls apart.
Finally, I decided to do things the way I have mostly because, well, I'm not that experienced in writing something Mystery themed and it's incredibly hard to do it when people already know who culprit is. That's not to say you can't make it interesting, but it would get in the way of what I was wanting to tell, which was simply to tell a better version of the Equestria girls side of Forgotten Friendship.
...I just realised. This is the second time Sunset's been de-friended by her friends. First it was because of the pettiness of three young girls, and it was the Human Five's own decision to dump Sunset. Now it's a jealous loner, who forced it onto the Human Six.
What the hell? Why does EqG hate Sunset so much?
Also, who stopped the Sirens? Remember, when it was just you five and Princess Twilight, the Sirens managed to overcome you lot. It was someone else who stepped in and added the necessary power - the necessary Friendship - to defeat them.
10288413
I've not mentioned it in the author's notes, mostly because they're all way to long, but yeah, I also made that same connection. I pretty much figured that they liked the idea of Anon-a-miss while they didn't like how it was handled. Forgotten Friendship is better.... but not by much.
Oh I agree with this :)
Then again, I think for most part you could of just had Twilight more involed and left about the rest the same, if you’re going to write a fan fic changing the story, you may as well take it as far you can without worrying about how to keep it close to the movie