Cat Warrior

by ShamrocknRoll

The three sleuths.

The train to Appleloosa stopped at the rustic station and the three hired detectives; Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Fluttershy exited the car. They looked around for their acquaintance, Chief Thunderhooves who hired the three to help the buffalo discover what was happening to their young buffalo children. Who were vanishing into the night for the last few weeks. Other rather chilling stories involved the beds of the children turning ice cold even when next to the campfire, and illustrations in the ground of a grapevine, a plant that the buffalo associated with insanity and death. Fluttershy was looking at the landscape. The red sands and mountain ranges were beautiful despite the heat Fluttershy adored the wildlife she saw, from vultures to lizards. There was even a jackrabbit that made Fluttershy think of Angel

“I hope Little Strongheart's not one of the kidnapped.” Pinkie Pie said to her friends.

“If she was, I normally don't want to break my hooves or dirty my mane but I am going to tear through the kidnapper like spit through cotton candy.” Rarity snorted. “Children should always be safe.”

“I...agree.” Fluttershy replied. Chief Thunderhooves approached the three ponies. A look of worry on his face. “Greetings... Chief Thunderhooves.”

“Greetings Ms Fluttershy, Ms Rarity, Ms Pie. I am glad you are here to help my tribe find their lost calves as it is starting to worry me."

“May I ask why you only hired us? I mean I have a friend that is...” Rarity's question was cut off by Thunderhooves.

“That friend is probably in league with the ponies. You know the saying most ponies say about us buffaloes: “Kill the buffalo, save the ungulate”. Especially after Celestia and Luna placed us on these reservations after the Appleloosa Stampede.” Thunderhooves huffed as he expectorated after speaking in disgust with the ponies of Appleloosa, which included Applejack's cousin, Rarity cringed at the bad manners of the Chief. “Pinkie Pie is a professional.” Rarity and Fluttershy looked at Pinkie Pie, who smiled and pulled out a business card: Pinkamena Diane Pie, Private Investigator She puts the Pi in P.I. If I was a bad P.I., I wouldn't be sittin' here, givin' you a business card now would I?"

“Catchy, isn't it?” Pinkie Pie asked as she jumped up and down.

“I...guess.” Fluttershy replied. "In all honesty I have no idea why you brought us along."

"You two were the ponies I pulled out of my invite hat." Pinkie replied. Both ponies had unsurprised faces given Pinkie's history of arbitrary means of getting help with things.

“Yes well anyway off to the reservation.” Chief Thunderhooves said as the four walked towards a carriage that was drawn by two ponies and got into it.

“So my dear Chief, where were YOU during the kidnappings?” Pinkie Pie asked as she smoked her bubble pipe vigorously. “Sorry Thunderhooves, but I have to ask everybody. You're our only suspect so far. This is definitely going to be an eighteen pipe problem. Granted I have my friends so it could just be six.”

“I was sleeping and I don't know when the kidnappings happened, all I know is that it was at night.”

“Well if you didn't do it, than why do you know THAT?”

“Pinkie, obviously because if someone kidnapped someone in broad daylight Chief Thunderhooves would've seen them.” Rarity answered.

“Well I'll just keep asking him then. Fluttershy, deploy the portable interrogation room and make it unbearably cold.” Pinkie Pie demanded.

“Umm... We... don't have... a portable... interrogation room.” Fluttershy answered.

“Look Pinkie I hired you because you were the best at what you do and...” Thunderhooves began.

“And what I do is very ugly, ever saw an eclair bleed? Or a mother doughnut cry after losing one of its holes?” Pinkie snapped. “Mystery solving is serious business.”

“I just want you to know that why would I kidnap buffalo in my own tribe?”

“Indeed.” Fluttershy whispered.

“OK then Mr. Big Thunderhooves, we must talk in the cone of silence! Cone of Silence activate!” Pinkie Pie demanded as she placed a huge sugar ice cream cone over both her and the chief.

“Rider go faster, my mane is getting crimped.” Rarity demanded. “I have deliveries for the buffalo this afternoon to fulfill, brand new Rarity brand blankets.”

“Oh Rarity, you make just blankets.” Fluttershy said surprised at this statement. “That is so cool and inspiring as I myself am rather good at sewing.”

“Of course I do I try to cater to all, buffalo are too big to fit into my svelte and silky designs so I just make blankets for them.” Rarity pointed out. “I will even give you some lessons on them if you want Fluttershy.”

“I'll definitely consider it.” Fluttershy smiled.

“We are here.” The coachman said as he breaked to a halt. “Everybody out.” Rarity and Fluttershy left the carriage, however Pinkie Pie and Chief Thunderhooves were still under the cone of silence until Fluttershy and Rarity devoured said cone of sugar and flour to get the two out of the carriage. The four headed to the reservation and Little Strongheart greeted all four of them.

“Hello again ponies, my good smiling friends.” Little Strongheart said to her pony friends. “I hope you are well and can get to the bottom of this mystery. My friend Dancing Drum was kidnapped just yesterday I saw the culprit just for a moment but I think Rarity can help me draw it.”

“Great, Rarity you deal with Little Strongheart, Fluttershy you deal with any other witnesses to this kidnapping. I will discuss any other suspects with Chief Thunderhooves.” Pinkie Pie said as she walked with Chief Thunderhooves. “Now tell me any ideas who could be the perv.” Pinkie Pie asked him.

“I think you mean Perp. And I honestly think its Braeburn, which is why I didn't ask for Applejack despite her knowledge of Appleloosa. Granted there is also that dastardly buffalo Wigwam Wig who is trying to take the tribe over.” Pinkie Pie puffed on her bubble pipe.

“Fascinating.”

“Pinkie, we have a clue!” Rarity yelled.

Comments

[DuskWing]

*sees title. Fav's before even reading description

[ShamrocknRoll]

1177131 Thanks I hope you read the story as I do like it when a story is read.

[DuskWing]

As for constructive criticism, you seem to be lacking commas in various places. And you also seem to use the same word many times, try to use another word that is similar.

[NeoNagasaki]

(“I just want you to know that why would I kidnap buffalo in my own tribe?”) This isn't a thing. Fix.

(Fluttershy said surprised at this statement. “That is so cool and inspiring as I myself am rather good at sewing.”) Out of curiosity, why is it inspiring to Fluttershy that Rarity makes blankets?

(“We are here.” The coachman said as he broke to a halt) 1. To brake requires you to have...y'know, brakes. 2. The past tense of break is broke, the past tense of brake is braked. If you insist on using that verb, correct it.

(“I was sleeping and I don't know when the kidnappings, all I know is that it was at night.”) He doesn't know when the kidnappings? This is not a thing, fix.

(“May I ask why you only hired us out of the six ponies?") We as viewers know the six main ponies of the TV show. Chief Thunderhooves on the other hand has met only two of them personally, and there are thousands if not millions of ponies. The fact that he knows the six ponies from the TV show is questionable, I say questionable because it could be a sequel to something I haven't read where he meets the six of them. If that's the case this is simply phrased rather awkwardly.

Whatever paragraph had Fluttershy suddenly start looking at the wildlife mid-conversation makes her look like she has ADD. Move it to somewhere else, preferably the train since that's when they were getting to the landscape anyway.

There are run on sentences, and you do need to add commas. Read the entire piece out loud, based entirely on the punctuation. If it sounds weird or you run out of breath you've likely made a mistake.

(Other rather chilling stories involved the beds of the children turning ice cold even when next to the campfire, and illustrations of a grapevine, a plant that the buffalo associated with insanity and death.) Wait, Illustrations? Where? Were they on the beds, or did Chief Thunderhooves tell them stories about illustrations?

The buffalo and ponies were getting along fairly well at the end of Over a Barrel, what happened to bring back the racial tensions?

(“Yes well anyway off to the reservation.”) Wait...what? Reservation? Why do the buffalo live on reservations? Did Celestia force the buffalo off their land and into reservations? Was it in retaliation for the Appaloosa incident? That's messed up, you can't just drop a bombshell like that and not explain it.

[KiaraKovu123]

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