I enjoy reading and writing cute ponies. If my works brighten up your day, even better.
It's a rainy day and poor Spectra is stuck inside until her mom Rainbow Dash gets home. The excitement begins for the little yellow filly once the rainbow arrives.
This is just a simple one shot I came up with, involving Spectra Flutterdash's filly, Cheerilee/Big Mac's filly Acey Mac and TwiLuna's filly Moonlight Eve.
Romance tag is because of the cuddly Flutterdash in chapter 3.
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Who + Who = Acey?
and i am your prereader =P
you could've told me =P
the two foals who's are they
1212687 Twilight+Luna's and Big Mac + Cheerliee. Hence BM already being there at the playhouse keeping an eye on the excitable lot. Its clear I need to add that in now I think...
The story is a two parter.
1212714 in many twiluna ships twilight is either turned into an alicorn made immortal or stays the same which is she in here
Well, I won't bother asking how two mares can make a baby, mostly because I don't think I'd like the answer. However, I will comment on a couple other things.
1) I thought you did a decent job of developing Spectra, though Eve and Acey could use a little work. Hopefully that'll come in part 2.
2) I didn't notice a lot of grammar errors, but one you seem to struggle with is verb tense. You switch constantly between past and present. Pick one and stick with it, please. Otherwise it gets confusing. Also, I noticed a couple typos.
Overall, I thought it was a fun little fic. Hope this helps. Good luck!
1212936 Thanks. I'll put some work into that
my use of tense is a normal problem for me...
....
Why the dislikes? Seriously? Guess the trolls are up... I will add a like to make it 7>6.
Ahh, if they aren't trolls. Why not give a critique then. Soo weird.
Liked, faved and added to read later.
If only my school starts early... I wouldn't be suffering like this.
1215772 Well do please let me know what you think when you get around to reading
1216178
Will do, and if you don't mind... a little critique?
Anyways, I will read it as soon as I can... But, it might take around 9-12 hours because in the first "8th" I will be busy looking for cover art for my story.. so, I will read it after I find it and take another look at my story for anything that needs to be fixed. Mostly grammar. (will take few minutes since another person helped me to do so.)
1216200 Your story? is it Flutterdash?
1216220
But, might write romance after this story though. If people likes my story.
Umm.... it is complicated... so, I will say it. It is not FlutterDash (has a reference though.)
It counts as: Adventure, Sad and Slice Of Life. No romance if that's what you are looking for. Sorry. I am sadist.
I will most likely to be sadist in the story and it will feature Twilight as a main character. And I got that idea since I noticed something in (It's About Time) it takes place in there. But, I can't say in exact. (spoilers) But, PM will do all the spoilers to you.
And, you might find it a bit... too sadist... no no no... it isn't Dark or has gore in it or something like that.
Wanna take a PM from me to read it? it has "3'314" words. Maybe, you can help me like "Firefan645" did too. He helped me with additional ideas, comment and most importantly he gave me an inspiration. Which is why, I am so thankful of him.
Maybe you can give me a critique too? if you don't mind that is....
1216251 Sure. As long as you don't break the Flutterdash ship I don't mind.
Send it my way and I'll give it a read as soon as I can. I'm heading out to work soon though so it probably won't be for a few hours.
1216262
Hope to get a reply from you as soon as possible!
Nope, it doesn't break the FlutterDash shipping. Why would I break my favorite FlutterDash shipping?
Okay. Hope you reply soon. I will be offline from 1:00 to 7:00 hours. I can't wait to hear your response.
Daww how snuggly...
Although the start of this story was a little rough, you shouldn't give up. It would be interesting to see when Spectra comes back home.
This chapter was pretty good though.
2697899 Thanks. That means a lot.
...so you mean this story isnt a complete failure...?
2698545
Of course, you're welcome.
By all means, it's no failure. It may not have some major plot or some underlying issue like other stories but it's still quite a nice snapshot. I'm under the impression that's what you were trying to offer here: Just a simple moment between couples and also their children.
I wish I could provide better critique but I'm not so knowledgeable objective wise, If you understand what I mean. Still, I hope I helped in some way if anything.
2698892 I get what you mean, and thanks. I guess... its just just a pitty that next to no one goes for these kinds of cute shorts...
PLEASE KEEP WRITING
2741955 ok
When I get a free moment I might try finish the last chapter then.
Thanks for the comment.
2744223 OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH that would be AWESOME
You should continue writing this. I was reading the whole thing thinking 'This story is so cute... New CMC?! Dude, you read my mind.' And that is not a lie. Cross my heart. Hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in my eye.
2926930 I know right? New CMC would just be so cute! And as these are some of my mane ships, I thought, hey... why not
Once Ive finished going over the next 50k words in fall of the rising (and writing more), I'll see if I can finish this cute story off, since a few do want to see it finished.
Well I liked it.