Done as a request by Chazkopa who wanted a story of Discord and Fluttershy getting married. Hope you enjoy!
30 year old man from California who likes to fight with swords. Author of Successor, Love Mark, and Daybreaker at Canterlot Wedding Verses.
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Nice, I love it.
I'm gonna be frank.
I think this story is more exposition than it is romance.
I mean, you do have the right idea, but you spend time on Fluttershy recapping her life than showing Discord and Fluttershy's romance.
At times, I feel I am reading a synopsis more than an actual flowery love story.
Please don't be discouraged by what I say. You did put in effort.
But you need to really follow the rule of show, don't tell.
10835325
Well thanks.
10835331
If I have been harsh to you, I apologize.
But I just want you to improve.
10835358
Thats fine.
I liked this story, but just have a few small suggestions to make your story more grammatically correct. I hope that this is helpful, and I'm trying to present it as constructive criticism instead of saying that you did these things wrong.
... The young trio was growing up. ... (This is because even though there are three of them, it is referring to their group, which is singular.)
"Oh, I'm so happy for you, Fluttershy! ...
"Thank you, Rarity. ...
"Yes, well, he ...
change, not chance
Suddenly, the door to the cottage opened, everypony looked, and they saw nopony there. Then, they looked ...
"Well, I suppose I'd better go, darling. ...
... Thank you, Angel ...
... as she walked; butterflies flew around her as well. ... Discord's, not Discords
Spike, who was standing by Twilight's side, came ... Discord took his ring and put it on his clawed hand.
"No, keep it coming! ...
Have a great day!
10835373
Some of these I consider useful. Thank you. I did some of the other stuff to be true to the personality of the characters as much as possible.
10835390
You're welcome. Also, that does make good sense and it is your story, so you can do whatever you want with it.
I like the story especially with the pic you used for it, it's from bride of discord
10835428
Yeah I just picked a random good picture.
10835430
Cool
Um...your Magical Female Powers(tm)?
Yeah it's definitely the worst thing he ever done to us but again I don't hate him he's cool
Awww this was a very cute short story how Discord and Fluttershy became a couple and not only that gotten married this was really nice keep up the good work
What is it Spikey?
Um... Aw.... um ...
Say it Spike! you can do it! Ask her!
He fainted
After all these years,,,
When he wakes up tell him to be prompt and it's six o'clock. Don't leave a lady waiting
Really?
Discord will make sure of it...If that's okay
Is cute and it it nice to see them together!