Two Curious Colts

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Comments ( 10 )

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Pegysus

Pegysus #1 · Jun 14th, 2021 · 8 · 2 ·

I'm already hearing the wedding bells. Bros who experiment together, get married

AndwhatIseeisme

AndwhatIseeisme #2 · Jun 14th, 2021 · 5 · 1 ·

Some good, cute sex between colt friends. Well done.

Inked Moongleam

Inked Moongleam #3 · Jun 14th, 2021 · 4 · ·

10860894
Thanks! I noticed a serious dearth of straight up MM clop on FimFic, so I figured it was a problem I could do something about.

Glad you liked it!

Isseus

Isseus #4 · Jun 14th, 2021 · 3 · ·

I'm always into some colt on colt action, though I wish it had been a bit longer and more descriptive. I know colts shoot their loads in seconds, but still. And does Shady actually lube his butthole every day just on case? Because that's the only way anal works like how you described.

Inked Moongleam

Inked Moongleam #5 · Jun 14th, 2021 · 2 · ·

10861285

And does Shady actually lube his butthole every day just on case? Because that's the only way anal works like how you described.

What the hell? How did I manage to forget to add that in? I did plan to write it, but I guess I didn't...

Thanks for pointing it out. ~~I'll fix it in a few hours.~~ EDIT: Done! Daze should feel a lot less sore tomorrow.

I wish it had been a bit longer and more descriptive

That's an issue I keep having when I write sex, but I'm still not sure how to fix that.

Isseus

Isseus #6 · Jun 14th, 2021 · 5 · ·

10861348
The new version makes Rumble SUS AF because he carries a bottle of lube everywhere he goes. Naughty, and I like it.

The thing that helps me think descriptive scenes in writing in general, sex or no, is that you should describe it through all of your senses. It's super easy to get stuck with just visual descriptions and maybe toss in a lewd sound once in a while, but there's far more iin the world to pull the reader in. You used a bit of tastes in your story, but there's so much more, like the warmth of someone's body or breath, the cold tip of their nose, the feelings of stretching in their joints, sense of balance and feeling dizzy, their spatial awareness as their positions are changing. Nevermind the emotions those sensations bring us and how our bodies react to them reflexively. Think how you feel when you suddenly hear a loud noise or a flash of bright light or see vivid colours in nature, at the time when it happens, but also how your body acts afterwards.

Just try to roll around on your bed and you'll notice you're getting dozens of sensations, thoughts and emotions instead of just feeling "rolling on the bed-y". Then maybe even turn off some sense, like close your eyes or put something over your ears and see how that changes everything. Use those thoughts you get in your writing!

Fic Demander