Anthology of Dziad

by dziadek1990

Ponk Race

Author's Note:

2023 April Fool's speedwriting contest.

I had 1 hour to write an improvised story based on 4 randomized [prompts] (each one added every 15 minutes)

[Racing]

“Pinkie, I want to race you!”

“What, now?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, okay, but, like… now-now?”

“Yes! Now-now! ThreeTwoOneGO!!!”

Woosh. Rainbow shot like an arrow, blowing Pinkie’s mane.
As she flew, she glanced backwards. Heh! I already left her in the dust! Can’t even see–

“Hi Dashie!”

“OHMYGOSHWHATTHEHELL?!”

When Rainbow looked again to the front, not to crash into anything, she met snout-to-snout with the grinning, giggling, pink party planner. Pinkie Pie was running backwards with not even a slightest sign of effort.
“So why did you want to race all of a sudden?” she asked conversationally, and did a backflip as she leaped over a wide-eyed Mr. Waddle who was crossing the street. “Oh and hi Mister Waddle! Snazzy bowtie you have there! Bye Mister Waddle!” She turned again to Rainbow. “So?”

“How are you keeping up with me backwards! How did you dodge him without even looking! Where did you get that baguette from! Are you seriously making a sandwich right now??”

“Yup!” Munch. “Want some?”

They both were still on the move, though they kept more-or-less the same distance from each other the whole time, with Pinkie two or three meters ahead of Rainbow.

“NO!” Rainbow shouted and zoomed a bit ahead, forcing Pinkie to look forwards (towards the direction of the race) now. Instead of simply turning forwards, Pinkie rotated her head a hundred and eighty degrees, while her rump still pointed in the direction of the run. She kept smiling as if it was perfectly normal.

“AAAAAAAH!” Rainbow zipped and zoomed around Pinkie, who’s head kept following her flight. Instead of snapping, Pinkie’s neck just kept twisting and twisting and rotating like a rubber wire, or a drill, or something.

When Rainbow stopped in place, Pinkie did so too, still two-or-three meters from her friend.

[Cottage]

Rainbow looked around. They ended up next to Fluttershy’s. When she looked back towards Pinkie, Pinkie was no more. Again, sigh.

“Hee hee hee! I look just like you! But Pink!”

When Rainbow jerked her head towards the voice, she saw Pinkie (now with her long twisted neck), sitting on the ground, in front of a giraffe who kept looking down curiously at the long necked pink pony. The giraffe looked worried, and began poking Pinkie’s corkscrew-neck with its snout, tenderly, as if Pinkie was injured.”

“Oh! Don’t worry girl! It just looks bad, but it doesn’t actually hurt at all!” Pinkie patted the side of the giraffe's head with reassurance.

“And WHY exactly? And HOW?”

“Huh?” Pinkie turned to Rainbow (while still patting the yellow longhorse). Her eyebrow was raised. “You said something, Dashie?”

Rainbow looked confused and angry. “Why are you not dead?”

“Peg your bardon– haha, oops, spoonerism! You know what I mean! ‘Beg your pardon’! That’s what I meant in case you don’t know what I meant!“

Rainbow took a few deep breaths with her eyes closed and the bridge of her snout pinched between the tips of her front hooves. Then she rotated her eyeballs and aimed their pupils at the rose-coloured nightmare.
“Pinkie, your neck is broken. Your spine. Your spine is in pieces right now. Ponies normally do not live long when a thing like that happens to them.” She leaned towards the other mare. “So how are you still alive?”

“Would you believe me if I said ‘magic’?” the baker asked innocently.

“No. Twilight said she looked at it and specifically said it is not magic.”

“Or maybe it is just, maybe, some extra-magical magic that she can’t detect or– OH HI FLUTTERSHY!”

Apparently the “your friends dropped with a visit” message from the critters finally reached the yellow pegasus.

“Hi Pinkie– [Oops] AAAAAAAAH!”
Fluttershy saw Pinkie’s grievous wound. Pinkie’s casual smile didn’t cut it. The pegasus shrieked, scaring away her critters, and fainted.

Pinkie looked at the immobile body of her friend. “Uh… oopsie?”

***

Dr. Horse assured Pinkie and Rainbow that Fluttershy did not hit her head as she dropped to the ground, and that she would fully recover in just an hour. Fluttershush woke up before even they managed to carry her twenty paces, and assured them that she’s okay, but they took her to the horsepital nevertheless, in case some not-obvious brain damage happened during the fall, or before it, due to shock.

“Pinkie, wasn’t your neck all twisted up and long just a few minutes ago?” Shy asked after hesitation, unsure.

“Nopey-lopey! That was just your imagination!”

Pinkie and Rainbow decided that it was too risky to make Fluttershy consider the body-horror as anything other than a dream.

“O-okay…”

The baker and the athlete spent the remaining hour playing with Fluttershy some Animal Crossing on one of the hospital’s game consoles. (“No-no, Dashie! Those racing derby games are a bit too exciting for Fluttershy right now! Let’s play something relaxing!” - “Sigh, okay…”)

By the time Fluttershy started fake-boasting about the size of the fish her game-character has caught, they decided she’s good enough to go. Dr. Horse seemed to agree.

They were out of hospital.

Rainbow looked at Pinkie.
“Alright, you are really good at distracting me, but don’t think I forgot about our little conversation. You still didn’t tell me how you do all those things you do.”

“What things?” Fluttershy asked and yawned. Sitting in the hospital bed made her a bit drowsy.

[Clothing]

“You know, like, twisting her neck and–” she heard Fluttershy’s gasp and quickly backtracked “--I mean! Like instantly pulling clothing out of nowhere as if by magic! Even though she does not have a horn! Pinks! I need distraction! Play along!”

“Like for examp– …oh, well… um....” Fluttershy blinked when she turned towards the Pink blur in the edge of her vision. Pinkie indeed played along and, a bit desperate, in haste, took dozens of random gardening accessories from the random nearby garden and put them on her head and shoulders as a… well… calling it a “costume” would have been too generous…

They stood opposite to each other for a few awkward seconds. The coil of a gardening hose that was sitting on top of Pinkie’s head fell to the ground.

“Let’s… change the subject, you, uh, what do you th–... uh, you want to?” Fluttershy clumsily offered.

“Yes! Let’s!” Pinkie gladly accepted and shook off all the random things off of herself like a wet dog. A watering can that had her rump squeezed into it flew to the side and smashed through the window of the garden-side house.

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

What's a dzaid?

[dziadek1990]

11545210
It's the first half of my username.
(Both "dziad" and "dziadek" mean "grandpa" in Polish)

Not a creative title, I agree.