Peace has been restored and all is well in Maretime Bay once again. But that doesn't mean things have gone completely back to how they were, some things still need to be addressed.
Among them is Sprout's actions as emperor, and Hitch wants to make sure Sprout learns his lesson. To that end, he has his former deputy arrested and put in jail, much to Sprout's shock.
But Sprout will be even more surprised when Sunny of all ponies comes to visit him. Yet Sunny's reason for the visit is not what Sprout will be expecting. There's something very important Sunny wants to teach the stallion who used to be a childhood friend of hers.
(Featured from 1/17/22 to 1/18/22. Has an audio reading on YouTube which can be viewed here.)
Chapters (1)
It should be Maretime, not Maritime.
Sprout's, not Sprite's.
Apart from that, I enjoyed this story.
Law Abiding Citizen because there's a 0 on it
Yeah I still think it's temporarily she only have horns and wings but when I saw the official picture her hairstyle change into a rainbow looking color at least on the tip of her hair
Yeah after what sprout did it was really bad and I'm sure a lot of people will be very upset with him
This was a pretty sweet story and yes I agree what hitch says about watch Sprout did and deserve to face a lot of the consequences that he pulled but Sunny went to the jail cell and talk to him and to both of them surprise she forgave sprout even though he felt like he doesn't deserve it but Sunny said that people can change if they matter what they did they can somehow turn it around for them and move on to a better future and she always consider him as a friend this was a pretty good story keep up the good work
On one hand, I like that your story puts emphasis on Sprout's actions by showing him being locked up. Personally I would've found it even more fitting if he was put in jail the very same day. I also like the forgiveness-plot. Not the most unique archetype in the world, but very fitting regardless. I also like that Sunny doesn't stay an Alicorn, though bringing it up twice was perhaps a bit excessive, considering it has no relevance to the plot.
On the other, however, the way you wrote this story feels very hamfisted to me. I'm not writing this as an insult, of course. The issue is, the dialogue between Hitch and Sunny is just so drawn-out:
>do you really want to talk to him
I do
>but do you really, he's bad
Yes I do
>but are you sure
Yes
>okay I'll stand behind you while you do it
It's awkward and also ruins a lot of trust the film set up between these characters. Realistically Hitch would immediately understand what Sunny wants and would be the one to offer her privacy. Not to mention, after Sunny has her heart-to-heart with Sprout, Hitch one again starts questioning her.
Also, this is a bit of a nitpick, but I figure I'd mention it: I think if Sunny first spoke about the idea that there is still goodness in Sprout and then called him a friend, it would've hit harder. Also perhaps if the ending was a tad more certain, the way the story ends currently feels a bit abrupt. It's not even really the vagueness I mind, but the fact that not that much happens ultimately.
Pretty good.
I get Sprout should face some consequences, though kind of wished his mom faced some too since its her fault too.
Due to her enabling him when Hitch was away and also the fact she is why he is like this.
That and the fact she left him hanging in the aftermath instead of taking some responsibility and talk to him.
A mother should have realized she goofted up and be there for their child and such, but instead Sprout's mom just leaves him hanging when he was confused and loss.
Something is surely wrong with his mom with how she handled this and I hope the upcoming show addresses this in some way.
11123245
To be fair, she did have her little "I've created a monster" moment, just before said monster went on his rampage. I do really like the idea of mommy dearest facing some consequences for enabling him.
11123284
The moment actually makes her leaving him hanging a bit worse since she realizes what she done but did not owe up to it.
Like going "Oh no!" then "Anyway."
Really good job on the exchanges, characterizations and general wrap-up in this one-shot. Yeah, definitely appreciated Sunny trying to reason with Hitch as to giving her a chance to talk to Sprout. Also really liked Hitch's warning to Sprout before Sunny's discussions with Sprout. All in all, a short story on forgiveness is quite appropriate for Martin Luther King Jr. Day, even if that timing IS likely just a coincidence.
VERY MUCH looking forward to more of your work.
11123297 It's not coincidence. I intentionally uploaded this fic today because it's Martin Luther King Jr. day.
"Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and expecting the rat to die."
Ann Lamont.
11123245
Hmm...You mean Sprout Cloverleaf instead of Hitch Trailblazer?
11157634
Whoops, yes.
I don't know why the hell I typed it Hitch.
11157839
No worries. Oh and you missed one...
Try spacing out your sentences more often.
Okay, I've recorded myself reading it, :) expect an audiobook soon.
Such a nice sweet story :).
11453534
Spam!