Heather Young is a 17-year-old young woman living in America and wants nothing more to be alone and not bothered by people. She has shunned the concept of friendship after nasty previous experiences. However, her dad has not given up on her.
One day, a pink hair stranger appeared outside in Heather's yard. Heather investigates and finds out this stranger calls herself Pinkie Pie. The stories she tells sounds almost entirely made up. How will Heather deal with this woman who claims to be a magical talking pony from a faraway magical land? How will Pinkie fit into a world unlike the very friendly Equestria?
Chapters (12)
Okay, nice start, now to see where this story goes.
11156809
Although I'm days late, thanks for the first comment. I'm largely making it up as I go. I wonder just how long I can keep going with interesting content.
Interesting, eager how it came that pinkie became human.
I hope though the time won't get her
You know, I Always wondered if pinke can Things seriously. And frankly heather is similar to myself
The tech Level of Equestria sure is faszinating, isn't it? A friend of mine made it that they actually have TVs and phones
Eager to see where this goes.
But, is safely job the right word?
nicely done!
nicely done!
11169043
Thanks for being one of my only other commenters on my story thus far. Seems like there's not that much exposure for this so far, but I'll keep writing away anyway as ideas to keep the story going come to mind.
11169243
i could give you a hand if you like
11169249
Like proofreading? I've been my own editor, but that isn't quite enough as it's easy to overlook mistakes in my own writing. I have a bad habit of writing things out to be longer than necessary. A lot of editing of chapter 6 was trimming down words that make sentences more awkward to read.
11169349
i meant discussing chapter ideas
11169350
Ah, that can work too. I have some ideas still for the next few chapters, but after that, I'm probably out. I currently don't have an end goal of how long the story is going to be.
11169376
I just like to help people and i get you, i also make mostly things up as i go. Stick with a similar story due to that
Nicely done! Anything else i can help with?
Okay, two things.
One: It's impossible for Pinkie Pie to be in Manehattan when she's already in another dimension. It could be possible if that it's the clone that got away.
mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/sig-4529088.oLrdPjA.jpg
Two: You spelled Cadance wrong.
This is how you spelled it:
CANDANCE
This is how it's really spelled:
CADANCE
The clone?
11174783
Whoa, that was quick engagement. Thanks for correcting me, I already went and fixed it, including in chapter 1. I'm not sure how that slipped by, I'm usually careful about this stuff.
Odd how, despite having never come across FiM, (probably because there's none in this universe,) Heather managed to talk like a real pegasister quite a lot.
The author might've added a little bit more jokes than I like, but overall this chapter is enjoyable. Would definitely love to stick to it.
Nicely done! And it could be worse for heather. I have a much more tricky family Situation with a friend to solve for a Story
11175818
Thanks! I'm looking to write a more positive Heather going forward. I think that's nearly all of her negativity out of the way.
11175830
Good!
Now that's a fantasy world! They are slimes, but they are not bad slimes, I assume.
Glad to have helped.
And in terms of love, i like soarin/dash and caramel/Jack.
i love this fic, please update!
11182013
Thanks! I'll try to keep this story updated every few days, but I also have some other story ideas in mind, although those may take longer to become reality at all.
nicely done and lovely with hanzal, i take purpose for the lack of physical description? Also, no offense but, i think you should work on emotions a bit more in scenes like these
looks more like a script than a actual talk
11186917
I think I decided describing Heather's features would come another time, perhaps next chapter. I think it wasn't on my mind much when editing. I actually do have something planned.
I might go back and edit that scene, perhaps the others in this chapter as well to write a bit more flavor text during long segments of dialogue.
11186975
okay then, i just try to help from the experiences i made
Are you the one who made that picture?
11198206
Nope, I'm not an artist. I found it via Google Images.
Nice work and happy to see hanzal.
And i can't blame heather for panicing, red hair looks lovely on her!
On gets maud pie !!! ha ha
Kinda wish the pinkie clone did more. And that someone tells the news about the fact it looked like Twilight just murdered pinkie pie.
and you did well! interesting take on heather's condition. Also, i am still here to help you out if needed
Is Logan really written to be as unlikable as possible? Like one minute he would act like some kind of goody two shoes but then the next, he's harsh to his daughter with saying something like I'm glad you didn't do prom?! What kind of parent would say that to their child?!
11354221
Is there anything else you would consider unlikeable about him aside from that line? I do intend to show a major flaw of his next chapter. The prom line was not meant to be it. It wasn't meant to be a negative line. It's more so he knows his daughter would have had a lot of trouble if she did do prom. Prom is also something she doesn't really care for herself, at least for the time being. It is somewhat based on my own experiences, in which I didn't particularly care for prom, nor did I really have an option to join in the first place.
Pinkie, no.
Pinkie, yes.
Neither pony do, by I observe opposite.
"She did what I can't or didn't try to do. This means she did something humans can't do." No! Bad!
I'm sure Pinkie watched Deviant Ollam.
Pinkie's way maybe is wrong way, but faster.
Speedurns were introduced to Pinkie. I have a good feeling about this.
No, Pinkie, there is no license to use public transport. But not all cities have one. Or two. Or any.
Twilight triggered Pinklone into funlepsia and the killed her. Great.
It's larger inside than outside.
What will happen when she will discover sourceruns or minecraft?
Imagine Pinkie jamming herself in a door and after few seconds she gets so excited that is launched into stratosphere.