Wind Scale POV:
Wind Scale felt incredibly nervous as she approached the large, ornately decorated trailer.
Her mother had instructed her to assist the newly arrived Mage in preparing for tonight's show in any way that she could. It seemed like a daunting task in her mind. Growing up, she had read stories about legendary unicorns that performed feats of unimaginable power. She had no idea what she could even do to assist the Mage. What possible task could be within her power to achieve, but not within the Mage's? She would only get in the way, but she had to attempt regardless, even if there was little that she could offer.
It's not even as though she would be able to offer to show the unicorn around Valley Dale. Her mother had already spent the entire afternoon doing exactly that and tried to build good relations with the magician. Starry Night had seemed like a nice mare from what she had seen, but Wind Scale just hoped that she didn't strain the Mage's patience with her presence.
As Wind Scale approached the door to the trailer, she took a deep breath to steady her nerves before finally mustering the courage to knock softly on the door.
'Knock'
'Knock'
'Knock'
A second passed, then two, then five, then ten. All the while, the filly grew more and more anxious. She wanted to meet the wizard and befriend her for reasons beyond the orders of her mother, the mayor, but Starry Night was potentially so different from any pony that she had previously met with that she wasn't sure how to interact with her. Perhaps the Mage would enjoy Wind Scale's company after traveling for so long alone and the two would become fast friends, or perhaps there was a reason that Starry had chosen to travel alone and her presence would only be a nuisance.
It was more the fear of uncertainty than the actual fear of the Mage herself that planted a poisoned seed of doubt in her confidence, and the longer that the door remained unanswered the more that the creeping shadow of doubt grew.
Perhaps Starry simply had not heard the knock. Her first attempt had been fairly soft, and there was always the chance that the Mage had simply not heard her.
'Knock'
'Knock'
'Knock'
Wind Scale quickly knocked a second time, not allowing her courage to deteriorate any further. She cringed slightly at how loud she had knocked, hoping that her hoof had not scuffed or chipped the delicate paintwork on the door.
However, it was not even a second later that the door suddenly opened, and she was greeted by a solid wall of light blue fur that now completely occupied the doorway. At first, her mind did not recognize what she was looking at, as though there was something that kept her from focusing on the object in front of her. Her attention was continually being drawn away to something else. The sensation actually felt like it was starting to give her a headache.
"Is there something I can help you with?" A female voice asked from what seemed like directly above her.
The external audible stimulation snapped Wind Scale's focus back sharply and as she craned her head, she realised with a creeping sensation of dread and awe that the wall of blue fur was in fact the chest of the most enormous mare that she had ever seen in her life.
Starry was almost double her height. She could have stood on the back of another pony, and that still might not have been enough to reach eye level with her. Wind Scale took a step back out of shock and Starry used the opportunity to descend the single step from the entryway of her trailer to the ground. Though this did almost nothing to reduce the order of magnitude by which she towered over Wind Scale.
"Oh wow, you're really tall!" The pegasus said without thought. It only took her a second to realise the words that came out of her mouth and she cringed. Her mission to make a good first impression with the mare was not off to a fantastic start. Starry Night gave an awkward chuckle upon seeing her reaction, out of what must have been second-hoof embarrassment at how badly Wind Scale was fumbling this introduction.
After taking a moment to compose herself, the young pegasus refocused her attention on the question that she had been asked and had so rudely not answered so far.
"Hi, my name is Wind Scale," she replied in what she hoped sounded like a more relaxed and friendly tone. "But my friends call me Windy."
Before the magician had a chance to respond, the pegasus continued in her introduction.
"My mother, the mayor, asked to help you get ready for the show in a few hours."
Charging ahead unto a new conventional topic to cover up for a misstep in speaking to somepony was a basic tactic that her mother had taught her, in grooming her to become mayor one day. She despised those lessons in politics but was glad that some of what she learned had been worthwhile.
"I see," the mare said in a kind tone. "Well thank you for taking the time to assist me. Your family and the Valley Dale as a whole have been very accommodating to me." She continued to compliment.
"However, to answer your previous comment. My mother was from Saddle Arabia and it is from her side of the family that I get my height." The unicorn explained while gesturing to herself with one foreleg.
The explanation made sense in Windy's mind. Though she had never personally met a Saddle Arabian, she had heard that they were taller and more lithe than normal ponies. It would certainly explain why she was so tall. In fact the longer that the pegasus looked at Starry, the less remarkable that her height became.
Sure, she was still very tall. Probably the tallest pony in Valley Dale, but the unicorn didn't give off the same feeling of unnatural enormity to her stature. The mild headache that she had felt earlier began to return as she saw Starry's height as more and more within the scope of normality.
Windy felt silly that she had made such a fuss of it earlier. Obviously, the stress and anxiety in the lead-up to their meeting, combined with the fact that the magician had stood a step above her in the entryway to the trailer, had startled the pegasus badly enough that she overreacted.
"Sorry about my reaction earlier," Windy apologised to the unicorn. "It was very rude of me."
"It's no problem at all," The mare nodded in acceptance of the apology. "As for you assisting me, I would be glad to share your company as I prepare for the show tonight."
Starry lifted her head briefly to gauge the position of the sun in the sky. "There are still a few hours before the sun sets and the show begins. Perhaps you would care to show me to a nearby tavern or Inn where I could purchase a meal. I realise now that I haven't eaten since this morning and it would take too long to build a fire and prepare a meal myself."
Windy was delighted. This was a perfect opportunity to make herself useful and potentially befriend the powerful Mage. She still had a number of gold Bits saved from her allowance. She would insist on paying for both of them and then perhaps she could have the conversation with the mare that she truly wanted to have.
"I know the perfect place," Wind Scale said with a grin. With her thoughts now fully focused on her destination, her headache disappeared and she struggled to remember the cause of her headache in the first place.
The Prancing Unicorn was one of the more high-end taverns within Valley Dale. Very much the sort of place where her mother and other important socialites would congregate on the weekends. Windy seldom ever ate here, precisely because it was one of her mother's regular haunts, but since it served some of the best food in the town, it was the obvious first choice to take Starry.
Luckily, since most of the town's ponies were still preparing for the imminent show, the two of them were able to choose among the best seats in the nearly empty tavern.
It had been a mostly quiet meal with Windy only asking occasional questions to Starry and vice versa. While the unicorn seemed to legitimately enjoy the meal and quiet, low-key atmosphere of the sparsely populated tavern. The young pegasus found the experience to be simultaneously awkward and frustrating. She had tried to get to know Starry better, but whenever she tried to ask about anything regarding her family, her home or her previous travels, she would be met with short, blunt or roundabout answers that yielded little actual information.
At no point was Starry rude, closed-off or standoffish. In fact, she had kept her friendly tone and relaxed demeanour throughout their conversation, but her mother had given Windy enough political and social etiquette lessons to recognise when somepony does not want to talk about a particular subject but is too polite to tell you to shut up and stop asking questions.
Starry was so different from how she ever imagined a great and powerful Mage to be. Had she not already seen the unicorn's magical prowess in the market earlier today, she might have questioned her credentials as a Legacy Mage. Rather than acting like the pinnacle of unicorn superiority with an ego that she has probably rightfully earned, she seemed to go out of her way to not call attention to herself or boast about her achievements. Starry had initially baulked at the prospect of going to the fanciest tavern in the town and had only been placated at the realisation that the Prancing Unicorn was incredibly modest compared to the fine dining establishments that could be found in the Old Towns. She also had to be strong-hoofed by her mother into even agreeing to do the show.
Windy had seen many of Valley Dale's upper crust feign humbleness and humility, but their thinly veiled arrogance was obvious to any pony that knew what to look for. Yet, there was a sincerity to Starry that the young pegasus found bizarre.
'Was the purpose of a Mage's Journeypony Trials not to obtain enough glory and prestige to enter the highest echelons of the College of Sorcery's ranks?'
Sure, the College is now defunct as an institution, but if she was claiming to want to fulfil the objectives of one of its trails, surely trying to travel mostly incognito was contrary to her goals. At least that was what she had read about the College. Perhaps she was mistaken in her research, but that didn't seem right.
Apparently from what the gate guards had learned, Starry's family had a homestead in the Eastern Wastes and she used to do freelance work in the area. If she wanted to lead a humble, inconspicuous life, would she not have stayed home?
Perhaps she was fleeing from something or somepony, but that didn't seem right either. Why would she then announce herself as a Legacy Mage at the gate and agree to show off her power with a magic show?
Stranger still was that her accent sounded much more alike those that she heard from the bigger cities, than those from the backwater Eastern Wastes. Perhaps she had picked it up from her family that had apparently descended from the College, but her familiarity with Old Town fine dining lent credence to the theory that Starry was more familiar with the Old Towns than she would admit.
Windy didn't at all think that Starry Night was a liar or a fraud, but there was something more to her motivations than Windy was aware of. Some piece that did not fit into place.
Though she hated her mother's world of politics and social manoeuvring, Windy prided herself in being able to understand ponies and figure out what went on in their minds. While she probably had a better read on Starry than anypony else in the town, the fact that she was still largely an enigma, frustrated Windy more than she cared to admit.
The young pegasus was glad that Starry was much less aloof or intimidating than she had initially feared and that gave rise to potential opportunities that she was all too happy to soon explore, but she still didn't understand the mare in front of her and that was problematic.
She had her own agenda independent of her mother's attempts to butter up Starry. A proposal that she wanted to present to the unicorn, the reason why she was trying to befriend her in the first place. For that to work, she needed to understand the magician sitting across from her. Understand her motivations and why she began her Journeypony Trail to begin with.
Perhaps a change of strategy then? If she wouldn't talk about her past, maybe she would be more receptive to questions about her present and future plans.
Here is a pretty good source of information about how medieval societies worked, if you want:
https://acoup.blog/resources-for-world-builders/
Of course, Equestria has magic, so not everything would fit exactly. I think the biggest difference between a medieval Equestria and real life would be far larger populations, thanks to Earth pony magic and pegasi controlling the weather. That means far more land can be farmed.
Also a interesting fact, cooks had a shortened life expectancy in castles due to lack of ventilation between the smoke and heat and of course sanation of the era
(Sorry for the rant, I work in restaurants and wanted to share a little fact)
Love the story so far
Tis is a nice bar
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I'll definitely have a look at that.
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I originally wrote a whole section about their walk to the tavern and them going inside, but it was just pointless, uninteresting word salad that didn't really tell us anything new. So I cut it out.
Shamefurr Conduct!
Love the chapter! Keep going!
Don't beat yourself up too much. The character growth seemed fine and consistent. The chapter was realistic too from the point of view of a build up to to something grand.
Ah, good, the first follower of the Lunar cult shows themselves in full!
Lovely stuff as always, word smith!
I'm really liking the story, however, I have noticed that you tend toward using an excessive amount of internal monologue and info-dumping. It's done well, so it still works here. It was also particularly well-suited to the earlier chapters which were highly introspective and melancholy in tone, but I feel like it didn't work very well in this chapter. This chapter is meant to introduce us to Windy, but I didn't get a good feel for her character because two-thirds of the chapter was dedicated to her thoughts, and very little was shown of her actions. This chapter felt more like what Windy would be thinking hours later while getting ready for bed, rather than being in the moment. While the old adage "show don't tell" isn't a hard and fast rule as some may profess, I think that this chapter was brought down by an excess of telling. Unless you are trying to highlight how introspective someone is it would be a good idea to ask yourself if you can communicate the same information through actions or events rather than directly telling the audience. It's a lot more interesting to see something happen than it is to hear someone tell us about it.
That said, I'm still very interested in how things will progress going forward. Windy seemed to see through Luna's SEP field for just a minute there. I wonder if it's something special about her. She seems set to be a significant character going forward, perhaps she'll end up traveling with Luna.
I want to know what they got to eat and drink and I Luna ahem Starry actually payed or if Windy payed also as the mayor of the town's daughter I found it hard to believe she didn't get free food or say charge it to the town treasury. Also Windy is trying to play the same little political game that her mom tried earlier we all know how that worked so I doubt she would learn anything of value from this strange unicorn so why did you dedicate so much time to it instead of just like one sentence or show her talking with Luna so we now she's asking and not really getting anywhere with it?
You may not be the fastest writer, and your chapters short, but what you deliver is good enough for me to wait. Two weeks, two months, two ye~ (let's not wait that long). I'll wait as long as it takes.
Your worth as a creator isn't defined by the numbers you achieve. What you're making is art, and art can't be rushed. The most important thing is that you have fun with writing and end up satisfied with what you've made.
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She might start out playing the political game, but it's a very different one from her mother and it is going somewhere.
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Internal monologue is what I enjoy writing most and it's sometimes hard to kick habits. The action will start to ramp up in later chapters though.
great chapter i wouldn't mind seeing more of windy like as an assistant to luna when she travels
Fun fact: the reason why taverns usually had memorable, two word names was because that was what was displayed on the sign. A prancing unicorn, a black flagoon, a dolphin, a full moon, so on. Peasants were illiterate, so the picture sign was how they knew the place, not any name plate.
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Windy wants to see the world. “Please let me travel with you, O Great and Powerful Mage!”
A very good story told fairly well. The only criticism I could think to muster would be that you should consider showing more often than telling. Your exposition dumps are told well, but are frequent, sometimes multiple pages long and could be shown through an interaction.
For example your last chapter.
The first bit could have been told by Wind Scale simply saying "Come on Windy, your mom trusted you to do x and y." Rather then the narrator simply informing us which pushes out of the world as we are being told the info rather than allowing us to figure it out based on the hints and tells you've laid down for us.
Same goes for right after, she is nervous, anxious etc but she doesn't shift from hoof to hoof, begin to sweat, etc. You just tell us that shes anxious. This continues quite a bit, and again, your storytelling is good, but so so much of the story is told directly at us from narrator to audience without even involving the characters at all.
Always try to think "How can I deliver this information through my characters?" That thought will aid you greatly in your writing journey.
Again though, you've got a fun story, are a good writer, and hold much promise. I can't wait to see how far you go!
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That's definitely an area that I'm still working on. I'll try to be more mindful of that in future. Thanks for the comment, I love your work.
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As for why Windy was able to break the mental compulsion. It's a combination of her being a bit more perceptive than the average pony, her standing so close to Luna that it was incredibly difficult not to notice how tall Luna is and the general fallibility of compulsion spells.
I wrote that section not to show Windy as being especially exceptional, but to show that mind magic is not always super effective and can be prone to failure sometimes. It's always a can of worms when you introduce mind magic into a setting and if I show that Luna can cast infallible mind spells, then the question that my readers will ask when Luna gets into a spot of trouble, will be "why didn't she just use a mental compulsion spell?".
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Hey no problem. A good few examples I thought of while reading were. A brief flash back while shes thinking about Starswirl which could help us get to know him. You could afford to have Luna talk to herself a bit. Not tons obviously but people who are alone a bunch tend to that and you could deliver a lot of this info through her reminding herself of something. The ward system could light up in ways that lead the reader to figuring it out, such as her horn lighting up, then her head lighting up then finally her torso, magic, mind, soul inspection. When you exposited a ton about illusion magic you could have Luna look in a mirror and run through a bunch of tests, teaching the audience through direct things that happen, and Luna's own comments on the matter. Etc.
A writer's goal should always be to reduce narrator delivered exposition to zero. But while your on that journey I'll be enjoying the ride, best of luck and if you ever want some pointers don't hesitate to give me a shout.
I am always so excited when I see that this got a new chapter. XD
Do I spy a Prancing Pony reference?~
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What else could I have possibly named the first tavern that our intrepid adventurer would visit?
i honestly love this story its wel made it make sence and i feel like i am going to read it til the very end good job
Love it. Want more. *makes grabby claws*
Gib!
And just like that Luna is almost losing her disguise. Windy, you almost figured it out enough.
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Her illusion held firm. It was the mental compulsion spell, that made ponies think that she was shorter than she actually was, that temporarily failed.
Well, I'm still reading this, so I didn't drop off because of a longer wait. Of course I am still waiting for a lot of stories that haven't updated for a long while. Hopefully you'll finish this story because it shows a lot of promise and I'm liking it a lot.
Nah, could be worse.
I feel like Windy will get far one day.
Good chapter!
I enjoyed reading it.