Hi there l new here, my name is Dia_awesome and l love my little pony so much
Rocka is 14 lonely girl who doesn't have friends and no one don't want to talk to her but she is a crush on 16 years old girl who is the captain of all sports from Canterlot High school, her name is Rainbow Dash, and Rocka is very shy to talk to her but if Rainbow's friend can somehow help her to talk to her normally.
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Well, your grammar improved, but it could be better. The pacing also seems to be going too fast. So slow it down a little. The POV also seems to be changing a lot.
11386171
Well, l try my best and l think l not put it lot Povs things, only just a little, and l maybe gonna change the cover too soon.
11386174
It might be because it’s just the first chapter but the POV seems to change five times.
11386197
Is it a good thing or a bad thing?
11386202
It might be too early to say, but maybe slow down with the POV changes. Give everyone some time to process the information given in the story before changing POV. It seems like everyone only says a few lines and then the view changes.
11386204
l still don't know when Sunset become more jerk from my Oc.
11386212
What do you mean?
11386221
l mean, l still don't know when Sunset become more jerk to Rocka Heartmutely.
11386228
Maybe in the next chapter.
11386230
you know, she was a little bit jerky from chapter 2 when she try to look at her thoughts with magic.
11386243
Yeah, I remember. Maybe have it happen in chapter 2.
11386246
even she was shocked that she can't look at her thoughts.
11386253
Will that ever be explained?
11386262
Well, just says that she kinda have magic.
11386263
So her magic is able to block sunset’s powers?
11386264
Yep! something like that.
11386266
So, she’s from equestria?
11386269
No, she is the human world.
11386272
Did she get magic from the statue?
11386276
is gonna explained in the story, how she get magic.
11386280
Oh ok
11386284
And she is pegasus from pony world but that's a good idea that statue thing.
11386288
Yeah, because remember that the statue was leaking magic.
11386290
Yeah, and she gonna have two magic but her powers are not awakening just yet.
11386296
Two magic? Is that even possible?
11386312
That she can block Sunset magic and other she can make hurricane.
11386317
So she has wind magic?
11386320
Yep.
11386322
So I’m guessing her pegasus counterpart is a wonderbolt or works on the weather.
11386327
Well, she kind of lonely Wolf, who lives in the forest from pony world, and she is very sensitive.
11386332
Oh ok
11386333
she lives in a cave and she can't fly still cus of her mother and father.
11386335
Did her mother and father tie her wings or something?
11386341
well, her story is a little bit tragic.
11386344
Yikes! Trauma Alert!
11386345
just says that and then hurt her wings cus they want a unicorn, not a pegasus.
11386348
Is one of them a unicorn?
11386368
Yeah.
11386370
Oh ok
11386375
So, what do you think chapter 2?
11386378
I didn’t read it yet. Hold on.
11386391
Okay, l just write this story, little longer.
You guys kind of are.
Good.
11386396
l just try do them personality.
11386404
You mean their personalities?
11386420
Yeah.
11386424
So far you got their personalities right.
11386439
Well, l try to do my best.
11386713
When is the next chapter coming out?
11386714
Well, l working on it now.