Applejack
... You'd think he would have seen it coming! Sorry, old bartender joke. Now that the corny old gag is out of the way, I'll bet you're here for a few stories from a salty old booze slinger, eh? Of course you are! Why else would you be here?
Anyway, Monday was an evening like any other. My regulars had all settled into their usual seats, ordering their usual drinks while the wait staff busily attended to their booze and food needs. But before we get into all that, I should probably introduce myself.
The name's Frosty Mug. I've been a bartender at the Horn and Wings tavern for as long as I've been in Ponyville (which is a pretty long time, mind you). I've got stories for years, and I could talk your ear off until you told me to shut it. But I know that look in your eye. You want to hear about the week those 'special' Elemental ponies or whatever fancy title they have came in, don't ya?
Well have a seat here at the bar and I'll spin you a tale.
On an evening not unlike this one, a mare in a stetson nearly pulled the door off its hinges coming in. To say she looked upset would be an understatement. With customers like that, it's best to just serve them and leave 'em be. If they want to open up, they will. A bartender has to have an air of approachability, or he won't get tips... or repeat customers.
Anyway, she strode right up to the bar and hopped up. Being the astute unicorn I am, I figured she wasn't in the mood for any flavor-infused vodka or fruity cocktails. If the callouses on her hooves and dirt on her face where any indication, she'd be swilling the high proof stuff. Whiskey, if I had to guess.
"What's the highest proof bourbon ya got?" she asked flatly. I guess I wasn't as sharp as I used to be. She took off her hat and set it beside her. Not many ponies knew it was good manners to remove a hat while indoors anymore. I suspected she was a country pony, but her accent and mannerisms confirmed my suspicions.
"Wild Turkey 101, miss..."
"Applejack."
I floated the bottle down from the top shelf.
"Two shots and a glass on the rocks," she sighed, rubbing her eyes with her hooves. I retrieved a shot glass and filled 'er up.
Down it went, like a foal drinking milk. No grimace, no cough, she took it better than most stallions I've ever seen, myself included. She seemed pretty distraught over something, and my duty as a bartender to lend a sympathetic ear was calling.
"Rough day?" I asked, pouring her the second shot. She downed it smoothly before setting the shot glass back down.
"Yeah. Better now though."
She was a pony of few words; I could appreciate that. I left her to the drink she ordered and went to tend to a few other patrons down the bar. By the time I got back, she was almost empty. A vacant, thousand-yard stare went past my liquor shelves and out into the distance. I could tell this pony had something on her mind, but it was not my place to pry. If she wanted to open up, she would.
As it turns out, all it took was a bit of social lubricant to loosen up that tongue. When I swung back by, she was a bit more talkative.
"Another round?" I asked.
"Yep. Just leave the bottle."
"Tell you what. Normally I wouldn't do this, but since you're the only pony with the manners to remove their hat indoors, I'll leave it with you," I replied, setting the bottle and a clean glass next to her.
"You're alright, mister," she said, finally giving me a smile. I hate seeing customers try to drown their sorrows. You'd think I'd love it because it means more sales, but the truth is, not talking about a problem is a lot worse than ignoring it. Especially ignoring it with alcohol.
"Thanks. Must be one heck of a celebration for you to need the whole thing."
She scoffed, throwing back another shot. "Ah ain't exactly celebratin'."
I frowned, picking up my usual habit of cleaning a glass with a cloth. "Sorry to hear that."
"Yeah, well... ain't no use cryin' over it," she sighed, pouring herself another shot.
I'm one of those ponies who believes in the power of speech. When I say that, I mean that almost every problem can be solved if you just talk about it. It could be to your best friend, your mother, or a strange bartender. In my experience, opening up about a problem can make it seem less troublesome than it really is.
"'Scuse me for prying, but it seems to me a pretty young mare like yourself is somewhat out of place in a seedy old watering hole like this at..." I checked my watch. "...three in the afternoon."
She cracked a smile at my compliment, but not much else.
"Thanks, but you're barkin' up the wrong tree."
Ah. Not many mares would be bold enough to admit something like that out here in the sticks. Maybe in Canterlot or Manehattan, but most folk were pretty discreet about alternative lifestyles around rural places like Ponyville. Though I must admit, she looked like she could handle any bigots this town could drag up.
"Girl trouble, huh?" I asked. As a male lesbian myself, I could relate.
"You don't know the half of it, partner," said Applejack, throwing back another shot and pouring herself one more. She could also handle her liquor better than most stallions I'd ever seen. Five shots of the second strongest liquor in the house and she looked like she'd just walked in.
"I know I'm just an old geezer, but I'd be willing to lend an ear if you feel like telling your story."
Her eyes scanned me before looking back down at the bottle and slamming her next shot. This time she hissed as she exhaled, slamming a hoof down on the bar.
"Think about it," I told her, heading back to the other end to refill some of my other customers drinks. They were certainly in better moods than Ms. Applejack, but I couldn't help but find myself curious as to what kind of pony—lesbian or otherwise—would turn down such a gal.
By the time I'd gotten back to her end of the bar, she was actually making eye contact with me. Quite the improvement over her apparent anger at my liquor shelves. I passed by, pretending to get another glass when she spoke.
"There's this mare..." she began, taking one last shot to gather her nerves before continuing. "We've known each other for a while now, and we were gettin' pretty close to each other."
"Yeah?" I said idly, just trying to keep the conversation going.
"Yeah. Anyway, we'd known each other for about a year and some change, and Ah noticed she'd start hangin' around the farm more and more often," she recalled, resting her cheek on her hoof as she lowered her eyes in contemplation. "We were inseparable, whenever one would show up without the other, they'd ask 'Where's Applejack, Rainbow?' or 'Where's Rainbow, Applejack?"
I nodded. I'd heard similar stories before, but I could tell this mare really had her eyes set on this 'Rainbow' character. "She sounds nice," I added, continuing to wipe the same bar glass that was already clean.
"She is. Ah've never met another mare like her. Don't think Ah ever will, neither," she sighed, casting her emerald eyes up at me, only for a moment. The last part of the story was no doubt the hardest, but I waited for her to start again.
"Anyway, she and Ah... Ah could swear the two of us had somethin' between us. Somethin' real, somethin' that meant more than just enjoyin' each other's company. But Ah guess the feelin' wasn't mutual." She frowned, pouring and downing another shot like it was water.
"So ya fessed up and got shot down, huh?" I asked. "That's the way it is sometimes. Happens to the best of us," I assured her. Celestia knows how many times I've been shut out, and not in the politest ways, either.
"That ain't even what's so upsettin'. It'd be one thing if she just wasn't into mares—and she ain't, by the way." She paused to rub her eyes with her hooves before staring back at the shelves behind me. "If it were just a matter of her barn door not swingin' that way, Ah'd be okay with that, and hope she found a stallion to treat her right."
I was a bit confused by that last part. "So, if she isn't into mares, then what's the problem?" I asked.
She looked at me with a dead stare and said, "The reason she'd been comin' by the farm so much was because she was sneakin' off with my brother and lettin' him rut her silly," she groaned. "Ah should be the one whose name she's screamin', not his!"
Maybe she wasn't as good at hiding the effects of hard liquor as I thought. Still, she'd done well to still be sitting on the barstool after what she'd drank, let alone speaking coherently.
"I take it you had the misfortune of figuring this information out firsthoof?" I asked.
Then she did something I wasn't expecting. She laughed. "You bet. Ah heard somethin' movin' around up in the hay loft 'round midnight. Ah went up, thinkin' it was some wayward critter or some such, when—wouldn't ya know it—there was the girl Ah thought had feelin's for me bein' rutted like a damn deer in heat." She paused to take one last shot before sliding the half-full bottle back toward me.
"You shoulda seen the look on their faces when they realized they weren't alone. Celestia have mercy, Ah didn't think Mac's face could get that red! And Rainbow, Ah tell ya Ah've never seen somepony so embarrassed before in their life!" she chuckled, changing from her somber mood to a bit more jovial one thanks to good ol' bourbon.
I smiled and suppressed a few laughs myself. After her giggles died down, she looked back toward me, a slight smile still tugging at her lips. "What do you have to sip on in this place?"
I produced a beer and cider menu from behind the bar. I had noticed her cutie mark and recalled it was a similar design to the logo on the kegs of cider we get from one of the farms outside of town. A husband and wife ran the best apple orchards in all of Ponyville. They even delivered the cider kegs personally, 'til one day they stopped showing up. Word was there'd been an accident on their farm. Grain dust explosion if I recall correctly. Took 'em both, but they were gone instantly. Left behind three foals from what I understand, but I didn't want to risk bringing that up in case it was still a tender subject (or if I was completely off base).
"Ah'll have the Magic Hat number nine," she said, handing me back the menu, her mood having improved tenfold since she wandered in with a near scowl on her face. Booze can't cure everything, but it sure can turn around a sour mood.
"Good choice, that's my favorite tap," I said, filling up a pint and sliding it over. She sipped the beer, exhaling softly as she stared down into the foaming head.
I know when a pony's wheels are turning, and hers were no doubt spinning. The small smile had left, leaving her a neutral expression that soon faded into a frown.
"Ah can't believe Ah didn't see it sooner," she mumbled, taking another sip.
"Nopony's psychic. There's no way you could have known what she was trying for," I reminded her.
"That's the thing! If Ah knew her as well as Ah thought Ah did, Ah should have seen this comin' from a mile away!" she complained, slouching over in her seat. "On top of that, now Ah have ta know my own brother is gettin' the one thing Ah've wanted for so long. They're probably waist deep in each other right now!"
That was a little more than I needed to know. Regardless, as far as drink-induced admittances go, that one was mild.
"Well, perhaps she wasn't the mare you thought she was if she knew how you felt and still went around trying to be with your brother behind your back."
Her mood shifted yet again, this time a flush came over her cheeks. "Well... ya see, Ah didn't exactly... tell her what Ah was thinkin'," she admitted sheepishly.
"So, you're mad at her for something she didn't know?" I asked incredulously.
"When you put it that way..." she muttered, her mouth obscured by her glass as she drank.
"Look, I'm not a therapist or anything, but like I said before, talking helps, does it not?"
She shrugged, but I think she knew where I was going with this.
"Ah guess."
"Then why don't you just sit her down and get your feelings off your chest. She may stay with your brother, she may decide what she's doing isn't right with you two living in the same house, who knows!" I explained, my cleaning cloth still wiping the same glass as before.
"You know what mister, you're right!" she declared, finishing up her beer and pounding her hoof on the bar. "Ah'm gonna have a talk with Rainbow and finally let her know how Ah feel!"
"That's the spirit!" I said, cheering her on as she grabbed her hat, tipped it to me and strode confidently out the door, not even looking vaguely intoxicated.
It was only then I realized that she drank almost 125 bits worth of liquor and left without paying.
Shit.
Good Author Checklist:
Solid prose and word variety [ ]
Fundamental understanding of grammar and punctuation [ ]
Questionable relationship with alcohol [X]
One out of three ain't bad.
1366645
the last one is the only one that really counts, because everyone knows that alcohol gives writers mysterious powers to write good stories.
An interesting idea, you've earned my attention sir
Will track and see where it goes
What's better than ponies?
Drunk ponies!
Bollocks.
*screws up plans to write barkeep-centred anthology and throws them in the bin*
That'll teach me to procrastinate so much.
So AJ is jelly of Rainbow and Big Mac and Rainbow doesn't swing towards mares... what could possibly go wrong?
I like the bartender, hopefully Aj comes back with her bits later
Ha! I don't think AJ should have her heart to heart with RD while she's drunk.......
This looks good so far (funny) and I'll be sure to check back later to read the next chapter.
Fun story. Can't wait to see what else you have in store (e.g I can't wait to see what your interpretation of shitfaced Rarity is).
Beauty, beauty. Fuckin loved this shit. More, I say. MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR.
Moar.
That will be all. Thank you, gents.
Last few lines were the best
Poor AppleJack
Rainbow, you better love her you
Wow, I didn't actually expect you to make a fic from that pic, but either way nicely done
Dude really nice. Hope to see more like this soon.
noice!
will stick around to see what happens!
that drunk pony
As a male lesbian myself, I could relate.
That line alone wins you points.
Sir, this was excellent. Very well-characterized, well-written, and from an interesting, unique viewpoint atop it all. I have entered your name into the ballot for the Inky Award of Excellence.
Keep writing, brah.
1368138 I'm up for an Inky? Nice.
1367977 Yeah, then I thought out the premise and just went with it. I suppose I do owe the inspiration to you!
1367636 Write it anyway!
those last few lines.... ROFL. Good story, interesting concept. I can only imagine how rainbow's visit is gonna be. Consider yourself tracked.
Wow... This is a very interesting concept. Dialogue's pretty good and characterization. Could use more descriptive language when it comes to setting. Will watch and like good man.
AJ leaving without paying?! I betcha she'll be back to pay that bartender in the next chapter!
Really good and an interesting concept :) keep it goin!
As a general rule, shipping the elements grates on me, it just writes "FAN SERVICE" in big fucking letters over the fic it's in, I mean some of them so blatant it's almost laughable. I took a dive today and I'm glad I did :p as long as the story is inventive and not another sick twist of fat guys writing smut while giggling like a freak then it's fine with me
Is it safe to assume that 'a pony he would have never thought he'd have the honor of getting drunk', is either Big Macintosh or one of the princesses?
That was hilarious. Screw you AJ, Rainbow has her eye on a better prize.
Also, I think we all know what Rainbow is going to be talking about.
I'm guessing this idea might have been inspired by Breaking Barriers.
Anyway, decent story and funny ending
It shall be added to my watch list where I shall...watch it...
Let's see. AJ drinks herself senseless and manages to invent a storry about being rutted senseless by to get free drinks. Now that's what i call a silver thongue
I can't wait to see the rest of the mane 6 trying to do the same
Just kidding. RD let AJ down and we know it. I think we also know what RD wil be talking about. The only question is how detailed it is going to be.
Next time... Pinkie Pie confesses her mishaps with Mr B. Turnips!
I can get why Twilight would drink, and Pinkie loves a good party, but FLUTTERSHY?
gameinformer.com/cfs-filesystemfile.ashx/__key/CommunityServer-Components-ImageFileViewer/CommunityServer-Components-UserFiles-00-00-75-88-81-Attached+Files/8611.Pinkie-Pie-popcorn.jpg_2D00_610x0.jpg
Rainbow, you fool! How could you do that to AJ! :(
I definitely hope there's a good appledash resolution coming up!
Definitely, definitely hope. Or I shall have to send my ninjas. Out. And one of them isn't nice!
1368923 but the others are nice, right?
Their all drunk and since they are drunk, any references to a gay ship are lies.
1368930
Well. NicER, certainly. But that's relative~
(in all seriousness. I can't wait for the rest of the cast... but especially Rainbow. For obvious reasons )
Well, this is definitely one of the more unique(?) takes on ponies getting drunk and getting into lord knows what, at least of ones I've read on this site/overall. Though hopefully, rest aren't as sad as this kinda was (which'd probably require Sad tag, even though it is probably more Slice of Life right now with AJ finding out sometimes don't always get what/who we want, and dunno what others'll be like, just saying and kinda rambling, so feel free to ignore this part). Definitely funny (whether or not it's related to Rainbow/Big Mac storyverse of yours), how AJ stumbled upon them! I'm curious as to if when Rainbow comes into the story, what she'll have to say, if Applejack has come clean by then. And having the bartender relate as a gay like AJ is, was definitely something for extra points, I think, even if a minor point or will be only brought up with Applejack (at least, at the moment). Definitely tracking to see what the other Elements of Harmony have to say when they get drunk, as well as the special pony he never expected to get drunk!
1368923 1368930
I'm just happy to see a shipping situation where Rainbow isn't a lesbian. That's almost blasphemy in this fandom.
1368972
Not for long, if AJ has anything to say about it!
1368998 Yes, AJ will demand carpet munching of the highest order. Pony sex ahoy! /sarcasm
1369007
Perfect!
>_>
<_<
Well, not directly carpet munching. But I hope Dash is a receptive to what AJ has to say :D regardless! Tracking this :)
I've never laughed so hard because of a single word!
That's a thumb well earned!
I was sold early, but that ending sealed it. Faving to watch.
1369007
Damn right, /sarcasm! You were the one who made me a believer in Mac/Dash, to the point I made it a plot point in my story!. You better not turn your back on it!
Well, I do like MacDash and this was hilarious, so thumbs up and I can't wait for more.
male lesbian? scared to say "GAY" ?
Wow. This is going to be really fun by the end.
I hope and assume Rainbow comes in next. And for that other thing, maybe Celestia?
I demand moar as quickly as possible
1368916
true dat. That ought to be a good chapter
1367600
Hmm, I'll try that when I turn 21.
Red Solo Cup...
1369183 No, as in a male who can relate to lesbians because he too is into mares.
1368923
My thoughts, too. Here, have ALL my ninjas.
Why do I have a feeling that Fluttershy is going to be like a yellow Pinkie Pie when she gets drunk? Maybe go around sticking her tongue in random patrons mouths and not realize what she's doing. Either way, many laughs are going to be had methinks
1369007>>1369027
Oh dear, judging from your comments, I think it's safe to assume that no AppleDash will happen
Lol if this keeps happening, Frosty Mug is going to be one fucking poor bartender!