Abyssi amentiae
Joined 24th Jun, 2022 ·
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I wonder what the full story
11436421
The full story is interesting. But I'm more interested in why so many dislikes are put))). But, considering that I don't care what grades are given, the main thing is to put, since this means that the fic has been read, I will be glad to dislike equivalent to likes.
Is there a story where the "human/man" has a real name shown?
11436652
I am used to depersonalization, but to make a GG person Anonymous, unfortunately, for many it is taken as a bad omen. Maybe I'm wrong.
11436545
Interesting story, but the syntax/format made it a bit difficult to read.
Probably could do better if long paragraphs was cut up, according to this advice.
11437288
Thanks for the advice. I'm still looking for an approximate middle ground, how best to express thoughts through English text.
11436545
I believe the dislikes are from the way you word your stories would you like me to give some examples that might help also was you native language just wondering
11487688
I will be very grateful for your help.
My native tongue is Russian, after the Soviet language reform. But I also know styles of talking and communication from the times of Russian Empire in 18-20th century. That’s why I build quite long sentences, which can be as long as middle-sized paragraph.
I am no story writer but I can say some better ways to word some parts of the story warning my grammar with periods and commas and other such things are not the best I'll try to rewrite some parts that might make it fit together better but definitely won't be perfect
You little bitches will answer for everything You've done to me I'll find and kill all of you or alternative I'll find everyone of you little bitches threat's and curses echoed around one of the many parts of the canterlot castle.
somewhere far from my hiding place screams were heard my heart pumped hard in my chest from knowing what's going to happen if I get caught.
Gotcha niggers that part is unnecessary but if you want to use it for the character that's fine probably part of the lot of dislikes might be that word is very looked down upon saying in places like America and I assume a good amount other places idk but other word to you can use if you feel like are gotcha fuckers, bitches,whores, ponies,horses,devil's,ect I have no idea if the n word is as prevalent in Russia as other places
gotcha fuckers I heard the sounds of screams and bones being broken echoing around the hallways. It sounded like some of them were fighting back and some were running before long all of the sounds one by one were quickly snuffed out the sounds of bodies hitting the floor appearing frequently. I decided to try and distract myself from the horror of what's happening and try and wait it out I stat singing songs I heard as a child in my head.
.
I noticed after a bit the sound of the man are gone no foot steps or screams of pain I wonder to myself what could have been said to put him in such a state rivaling the anger and raw power of a manticore. I had ran from the man for about half an hour before finding a spot to hide. How ever this day ended this day would be burned in my memory forever. To survive I hid inside of a barrel. The same barrel I was delivering to someone's office right before the rampage.I'm scared to leave if I leave the barrel the only thing waiting for me is death.
[]"He's still in this wing..." – unexpectedly for me, next to me, right behind the wall of the barrel, I heard a quiet rustle of words. I screamed out of surprise and tried to break out of the barrel.The sounds of foot steps once again hit my ears after a few second I hear something move right beyond the walls of the barrel my heart can't take it I let out a scream and try to break out of the barrel
Let me know if this helped any of so I can do for the other parts of the story
11489191
Thank you for your reply.
I assumed something similar to what you wrote me, thanks for confirming some of my thoughts.
My language is quite free on the semantic message, since for the most part, it is a synthetic language, therefore, some phrases, for example: "I will find everyone.", Is quite a direct threat, without mentioning specific groups of people or individuals, in whose side is the threat directed at.
I'm not afraid to mention the Negroid race (in any form), and in half of the languages of Europe, an African (not an Arab) is directly called - a nigger or a black man.
I also thank you for the help you offered, if I understand that I need an outside view, I will contact you. I just have a friend with good English, but like me, his native language is Russian, and at the time of the publication of this mini-story, he was not in touch with me and I had to weigh everything in my subjective opinion.
I'm happy I could help Good luck with you future stories and dm me if you need help in the future