Spike delivers a speech for the dearly departed
Chapters (1)
Scorch Xi
Joined 12th May, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Scorch Xi · 4k words · 22 2 · 1.5k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.187 seconds
Total duration
1,005 users online
1,972,384 hits today, 2,064,738 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ok, at first I was all "Typo in the title? Man, this is going to suck."
Needless to say, it was brilliant. I'd fix that Typo though, it should be "Twilight's" not "Twilights"
People are gonna downvote without reading just for that.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m86gw0kv2p1ru1dji.gif
How did she die? Are the other's okay?
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_makwlbEqlX1qcp4ue.gif
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_makwlt4Mly1qcp4ue.gif
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_makwn7DFkA1qcp4ue.gif
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_makwkd4Li11qcp4ue.gif
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma2rtbJeMc1r9l4zu.gif
This was beautiful either way....
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/225/378/sweetie%20belle%20that%20is%20beautiful.jpg
1321249
Fixed! thanks for pointing that out
1321305
thanks for all dem gifs. and it says in the story how she died.
1321305 She tripped and fell to the best of my knowledge, perhaps down some stairs into a box of sharp, rusty mettle pieces.
I thought this was a nice piece. It wasn't earth-shattering, but it was sweet.
I noticed you had a lot of run-on sentences and comma errors. Make sure you only have one thought per sentence, and make sure all your introductory phrases have commas after them. (Those are usually the ones that start with if, in, when, although, because, etc.)
~Scribblestick, TWE reviewer
1321353
Thank you. I'm not very good with grammar, so it is always good to have someone tell me when I screw up
1321321 A little bit but you don't go into details as to what she fell down or what happened in that fall that lead to her demise, also we don't know about the other Elements of Harmony bearers, are they still alive or are they dead?
I like this, but the style reads more like a diary entry or something than a eulogy - why would Spike start telling everypony about how Applejack and Fluttershy are going to die, at a funeral?
But nonetheless, I really like this :D Good idea.
1321433
"The one pony I could never think about losing was the first one to go"
Spike basically said that twilight was his first friend to die and this is her funeral so I thought it was to be assumed that everypony else was fine, and as for how she died, I was purposely vague about that.
1321454
well, he was caught up in his emotions, and he was telling a story about how great twilight is so I think he can be excused for saying something so sad
1321465 So you want to leave us hanging?
1321478
lol I was purposely vague, because I couldn't decide how she died. I just know it had something to do with her tripping and falling.
1321492 So even you don't know how she died, than why write it, what good does a tragic sad story like this do if we don't know how the person who's being eulogised died?
1321504
The story is about Spike and how he is dealing with this emotionally, not how twilight died.
Ha! I just came away from someone mentioning that she finds Spike forgettable and considers him to be a pet, no better than Owlowiscious. This dose of medicine arrived right on time.
Except Twilight's dead.
1321525
Glad I could be of help. and in anything I write, someone is bound to die
1321514 Still if you are going to mention how Twilight died you could at least make sure we're not left guessing, sorry if I'm giving you a hard time because I really did like this fic but the way you wrote Twilight's death left me and probably a few other readers with more questions than answers.
1321561
I completely understand, and I kind of did that on purpose, I like leaving the reader with the feeling that more went on behind the scenes than they know.
1321536 Oh, and just so it's clear, I wasn't talking about wanting a pick-me-up after reading someone's cheap opinion: I just thought the coincidence was cool.
1321686
lol yea i got that
1321329 how horrible....
1321321 Well I kinda meant a nice detailed discription.
1321698 Tragic, isn't it?
1321712 I know...damn it was good though. I kinda hope the other Mane 6 are okay.
1321730 They will die too, as the story stated.
Think the first bit would read better if it talked about his first crush finally breaking down, rather than mentioning Rarity by name. As fans of the show, we know he means Rarity, but saying first crush would keep more privacy for Rarity and him, as well as make more sense, for all the strangers in the audience.
Found some errors:
they had been teaching me how to be a delegate, because we had agreed that when I was older I would delegate between ponies and dragons - the verb delegate does not describe what the noun delegate does, unless, of course, the delegate spends his time appointing others. Liaise would probably be closer to the word you are looking for.
I guess I could never bare - bear.
Rarity, Apple Jack, Fluttershy - Applejack is one word.
all the Elements live too exciting of life’s for a - Should be all the Elements live too exciting a life for a or all the Elements live lives too exciting for a
Also incorrectly tagged as a Tragedy. Twilight falling down is a not a downfall.
1322781
Thank you! I was hoping that someone would point out all of the grammar mistakes that I was sure I had missed. I agree with you on all things except the Tragedy mark. I think this story could really go either way on that point. I debated on whether or not to mark it as tragedy and I decided to keep it as tragedy.
I'm sorry to act like a complete ass but, Why do people insist on killing off twilight?
1322907
Because she is the most emotionally connected character to everypony on the show so it has more of an impact on everypony's emotions when she dies, including most of us Bronies.
1322853
Glad to help.
And as to the tragedy bit, combining sad and tragedy is actually an example of what not to do in the FAQ: Basically, don't have two conflicting tags on your story. For example, a story cannot be both Sad and Tragic, as they are just completely different genres. Use your common sense!
A tragedy would require the event that brings the character low to happen in the course of the story, usually toward the end, and typically due to a flaw of the character. For example, if you were to tell the tale of how Luna became Nightmare Moon and gets banished. Or a story where Twilight's desire for magical power leads to her accidentally killing Spike. Things build up, then the bad stuff happens.
On the other hand, a story about Luna being sad because of what she did as Nightmare Moon or Twilight being sad because she caused Spike's death, those could be sad, assuming the authors goal is to make the readers feel sad. Things happened, either before or early in the story and the characters are sad about it. Yours is this type, with the events that set the tone happening before the beginning of the story.
1322955
Damn, I guess you're right. Thanks again. I'm glad to get some real constructive criticism .
1322929 True. It always makes me sad when i read a fic about her death or if she is hurt. Thanks for telling me and not going mean on me or anything.
1322985
No problem. An honest question deserves an honest answer.
1322992
1322929
Poor Twilight... I wonder what she has to say for this...
why did I have to be listening to this?
Your grammar is still rough around the edges, but you've blown my mind once again!
1330184
Thank you! Hopefully I will get better at my grammar eventually.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/141/788/Slow_Clap_ITS_A_GIF_PARTY_RE_Rebecca_Black_Friday-s420x315-140048-580.gif
Well done, sir (or ma'am). Well done. Favourited.
1372188
YAY! I got the clapping man! thank you :)
post-alicornication this doesn't have near the impact it once would have, but still, not bad. but then there's the other two parts of that three-parter to see...
one typo btw; 7th paragraph ending, ' I am going watch every single one of them die.' you're missing a 'to' here, you know where it goes i'm sure :P
2724865 I have to agree with you there, but I wrote this pre-princess, and unil that story arc is over we have no idea how mortal she will be