Some Ponies Just Want to Watch the World Burn
"Okay, 'Tia, we're going to try something different."
"I DON'T LIKE DIFFERENT, LUNA!" I hyperventilated.
So maybe I'd tried to bring the sun down upon Canterlot. So maybe I was laughing maniacally as I tried. So maybe I'd been screaming,
"BURN, BABY, BURN!"
as I did, but thankfully, Luna stopped me from indulging my pent-up, homicidal tendencies.
"The spiders can't hurt you 'Tia."
"Oh YES they can!"
"Shhh."
"Don't shush me! I want those spiders out!"
Luna stomped a hoof. "That would be akin to eviction."
"WE EVICT THEM WITH A FLAMETHROWER!"
Luna frowned. "I thought flamethrowers were outlawed."
"I kept one for myself," I grinned. I grabbed her by the face, hammering my skull into hers as I screamed, "THEY. ARE. NOT. PONIES! They are an infestation! We must remove them! What would the royals think if we had spiders crawling all over the place?"
"They would think that spiders are friendly, and nice, and would like to give everypony friendly spider hugs..."
"You are like the creepy emo filly who sits in the back of the class writing poetry that nopony likes!" I shouted.
She gasped, clutching at her heart. "This is getting a bit too personal. I shall not remove Atticus and his family."
"Your little spider is no longer a virgin. He can take care of himself and his two-thousand spider babies."
"We must care for them."
"Do I look like a socialist, Luna? Do I look like I'm giving out handouts?"
"...What does a socialist even look like?"
"They look like YOU, which might explain why there are no socialists, because nopony wants to look like YOU!"
She sniffed. "Why are you so mean to me? I just...wanted to have a pet."
There was a pang in my heart. She was tugging at the heartstrings. I knew it. She knew it. It was a tactic she used before, after she read The Art of War.
So why was I falling for it?
Don't fall for it, don't fall for it.
I groaned. "Mmmmgh, okay, Luna. What is your suggestion?"
"We try therapy!"
"Pleez, explain, Princess. When did this all begin?"
I lay on a comforter, looking up at a particularly drab ceiling with a fan spinning around and around.
"I don't know doctor."
"Did you have any traumatizing experiences with spiders?"
"I don't remember. It's just...all a blur. One big messy sticky white blur all over my face."
"I would like to try an exercise, if you will, Princess."
"Of course."
"Explain to me what you dreamt last night."
"Last night," I paused, "last night. I remember seeing a...ghost."
"A ghost?" he inquired.
"A spider ghost," I added, my head lolling around. "A...big spider ghost. And it...talked to me."
"This spider spoke to you?"
"Yeaaaah man...it was crazy. And it said something."
The doctor leaned in. "What did it say?"
"It said..."
"Yes?"
"It said, 'You...don't...need...'"
"Yes?"
"Therapy! Ooooooooooh!"
"Alright, sister, we're going to try something new."
I huffed. "Are you even trained as a psychologist?"
"No. No, I am not. But anypony can do this. Just say the first word that comes to mind when I say a word." She cleared her throat, a pair of tacky glasses on her nose and a notepad in front of her face. "Spiders."
"Destroy."
"Arachnids."
"Eliminate."
"Luna."
"Eviscerate."
"Twilight Sparkle."
"Bang."
Luna slammed her notepad down. "Sister, take this seriously!"
"I am!"
"Eight."
"Number."
"Eight legs."
"Devil."
"Pet."
"Philomena."
"Spiders," she repeated.
"Fire."
"Atticus," she said.
"Flip."
"Flip?"
"Table."
"Onto?" she inquired.
"Atticus."
"We shall start with step one," Luna declared. "First, we shall have a picture of a spider for you to look at."
"What is the point of this?"
"Desensitization therapy! Now, I'm going to leave the room, and observe your reactions to this picture," she said, pinning it up for me to see, quickly running out.
"I drew a mustache!" I cackled. "See? His name is Jose!"
Luna facehoofed. "Step two."
"It's a spider in a glass case. I don't get it."
"You're supposed to be afraid of it."
"It can't touch me. I'm not afraid of it at all. Skip to the next step," I growled.
"This is just the spider case being really really close to me. I'm not scared of it."
The spider crawled around lazily.
"It can't touch me!" I danced around in front of the case. "Danananananana, can't touch this! Can't touch this!" I wiggled my flank, accidentally bumping the table.
The glass case shattered onto the floor.
"Oh fu—"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"
"What did you do, Princess?"
"Oh, well, see Twilight, I simply used a spell to change her phobia!"
"Really?"
"NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES!"
"Amazing! Could you teach me?"
"Of course."
"MY EYES! MY EYES!"
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OH GODS WHY?!?!
Brilliant as always.
So Celestia wants to be with Twilight?
Beautiful...
"she used before after she read The" I think there needs to be an and between before and after.
So, do we have any names for Atticus's children yet? Because I totally suggest Scout and Jem...
Things like this are the reason I platonically love you. Well, part of the reason.
Molestia/Trolluna?
I like this combo.
[youtube=-1GadTfGFvU]
> Twilight Sparkle
> Bang
Thus doth yon tale take the first step towards awesomeness (of the shipping variety). Let the games begin.
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSo0fp2RSlHk0yF7fBgUvCyelW58aVO-toDZKPlEg6vDtWxP1AMwQ 1767375
I don't think i've ever laughed through a whole chapter before.
At least she didn't start screaming about bees flying into her mouth – that's just silly.
Also, lunaphobia would've been awesome, because then you could have done the "Three more days. Three more days...." joke. Or, you know, attached it to Blueblood. Because Blueblood abuse is always funny, somehow. Hah. Although earthworms would probably be the most practical solution, since Tia doesn't seem like a huge gardener, and isn't likely to run into worms very often (and infested apples become that much more amusing for everyone else.
).
tagbait.net/images/2012/October/18/5080278aa21c6.jpg
Someone has probably already posted this picture.
I don't care.
And so it came to pass that Equestria fell to ruin when the griffins unleashed a single bee in Canterlot.
Bees... My God....
We must avert the Beepocalypse.
Kill them with fire!
I can't even pick out a favourite part.
Oh, wait. Yes I can.
This whole chapter!
It just sucks that this is complete now.
Unless Trollestia can break the 4th Wall.
But f*ck this was good. Worth the wait.
Worth. The. Wait.
A hilarious conclusion.
Thing is, when Celestia replies "Bang" to Twilight's name, is she thinking of sex, or of the many times Twilight has made something explode?
1767607
Sex.
1767629
Always with the sex with you people.
Ah well. Still funny.
boards.cannabis.com/attachments/cannabis-com-lounge/265337d1297306675-what-good-pet-me-marijuana-smoker-little-room-little-money-scary_spider.jpg
HUZZAH!! An update!!
1767458
I knew someone was going to post it.
""You are like the creepy emo filly who sits in the back of the class writing poetry that nopony likes!" I shouted."
Wow. Quite personal, but still so very funny. LOVED IT!
I'm not one for Twilight/Celestia at all
But to each their own. This chaper had me lughing so hard....KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!!!!! Thank you for completing my night
1767659
Oh, you've done it now.
"I don't remember. It's just...all a blur. One big messy sticky white blur all over my face."
bestuff.com/images/images_of_stuff/210x600/giggity-giggity-giggity-78490.jpg?1184366699
1767659 Hug
static.ddmcdn.com/gif/curiosity-spider-pictures-28.jpg
I fucking died here.
1767659
Yep, I totally didn't need to sleep tonight. Please die in a fucking fire, fuck you very much.
the single word exercise made me lose my shit.
bravo
That bang to Twilight is just pure gold...
"Wait, no: 'Twilight Sparkle' is two words."
".... 'Bang repeatedly'."
My night, she has been made!
1768318 Genius!
This was a good chapter to wake up with
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0cY2NWlddU&feature=player_detailpage#t=116s
"Oh, Hey, it's Nigel"
"His name isn't Nigel.
...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0cY2NWlddU&feature=player_detailpage#t=230s
"Okay. Shoot * portal behind * Nigel. Oh... Pff..." ... "You're like brain cancer. Mind cancer! ... You're hurting my ideas."
Also, there are words "This is getting a bit too personal".
Okay. Really? Complete?
Maybe... Sequel? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
Same style, but someone else and some other phobia.
Yanno, I just hooked a second monitor to my computer.
Now I got TWO monitors to clean off. BWAH-HAW-HAW-HAW!!!
I died.
1767659 OMG get the flamethrower, no wait get the Pyro I am not going near that thing
Good chapter.
ENOUGH WITH THE SPIDER PICTURES ALREADY GUYS! ITS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!
1767427>>1767735
My reaction:
i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/003/193/1279052383758.jpg
1767405
It's ironic because my English class is forcing all the freshmen to read that book, too.
At one point, you had two featured stories at the same time. ... How do you do it, dude?
1768736
I can see one now.......
Why would Celestia keep a flamethrower around?!
Elusive Pheonix.
I will forever miss Trolluna. First time I've ever seen it.
I found out where my fear of spiders came from the other day. Turns out when I was 4, I walked into a web of newly hatched spiders...I really can understand how that made me terrified
Me while reading this chapter:
1769830
Which book is this?