• Member Since 19th Oct, 2015
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The Sleepless Beholder


I just headbutt the keyboard till my ideas spill out into writing. Sometimes it works.

T
Source

When the sun rises, Canterlot will burn. That's what Moondancer has been hearing all night. She hates the false hope those words bring. They have failed her before.

Written for the A Thousand Words II contest, as Horror.

Special thank you's for Dewdrops on the Grass for pre-reading and EileenSaysHi for editing.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 17 )

oh, wow, this was really good. I'd love to see more of this world in a sequel if you ever felt like writing one! I also really like your writing style here, it's just fast enough to keep my attention while providing enough details on every event.

I swear that if this isn't set on November 5th...

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I do have some ideas for a proper series with this idea (specially with who is rising the sun) so if I make it, it definitely has to start on a 5th of November

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why a fifth of November?

RB_
RB_ #7 · Jun 24th, 2023 · · 1 ·

This is an interesting read that raises more questions than it answers, and that’s okay for a bite-sized story. I do think it would need more context to really hook me, though, but that’s a personal thing. The writing is really good and Moondancer’s characterization is great!

I do wonder if it’s really a horror story, though. It doesn’t seem to be trying to scare, and while it does explore equinity’s darkness, it doesn’t do it in a way that screams horror to me. Eh, it’s probably just a difference of opinion on my part.

Anyway, best of luck in the contest, fellow competitor!

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Yeah, I won't be surprised if the judges consider this not a horror story since it isn't meant to scare, but I wanted to at least write this little idea to show the horrors of revolution and a bit of the mentality of people under dictatorial regimes based on what my own country went through.

Makes me wonder who is moving the sun. Celestia is who knows where, Poofy Smokes has her head firmly shoved up her ass that the night is the only thing that matters, and I don't think Cadance is strong enough (could be wrong though).

Twilight is the only pony I can think of, but judging how Moondancer was acting, she's dead. Or I misread that.

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could be a large group of unicorns, probably dying in the process, maybe discord, maybe they got Grogar bell and used it magic to make someone an alicorn, maybe someone took twilight place and ended up ascending to princessdom, the possibilities are endless

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Discord would never let NMM rule though. Plus this feels far more violent than he ever put up with. So I doubt he's involved.

Howdy, hi!

Solid story. Love the core motto of the sun rising, canterlot burning. The story definitely feels somewhat rushed on pacing but still a good war story. Thanks!

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But mostly blowing the government up.

"When the sun rises, Canterlot will burn."

A ridiculous statement, since the sun hadn't risen in years. Not since the Queen took power.

ooh! a look at Moondancer in the Nightmare Moon timeline?

ome, like Moondancer, didn't even miss the sun, and were constantly annoyed by rebels trying to cause chaos and 'wake up' the people to the Nightmare's tyranny.

oh that is so fitting for Moondancer to find it so easy to adapt to the change

"But weren't you two enga-"

oof!

"No one..." she tried to say, but her jaw had been broken by a hoof during the fight. She could only mumble incomprehensibly.

and oof, poor Moondancer! and as callous as her attitude towards the rebellion might seem, it is the tyranny that is at fault for making the choice between safety in accepting it and the dangers of fighting against it. and the bloody mess that comes with even the most justified violent revolutions is depicted all too realistically here. great work, and thank you for writing!

Alas, for the neutral. There are those who’d argue that accepting the oppressive regime means siding with it… and those who’d argue that failing to report traitors to the proper authorities is tantamount to conspiring with them. There’s no winning for the folks who just want things to continue like they had. If you don’t have an “us,” you’re always a “them.”

Powerfully resonant little tragedy (though I’d have entered it in Drama, myself.) Excellent work throughout. Thank you for it.

Neutral parties always get caught in the crossfire. Both sides need better aim.

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