As was always seemingly the case when not trying to create a negative mood-
"Mr Author, I think you left some of your notes in the chapter!"
Izzy, I'm currently correcting that!
"Oh. OK. Then I'll leave you to it!"
EXCUSE ME A MOMENT AS I FIX THE STORY...
It was a lovely sunny day in the county of Cornwall. The sun shone, as the sun does on sunny days, and the grass was green. But the eternal question still remained- is it always sunny in Philadelphia?
"I don't even live there!"
I know, Sunny. That's why I was asking the question, not to mention the float too.
Anyway, the sun was shining and the sky was blue, and the narrator wasn't speaking incredibly slowly. In short, it was a good day all around.
Charles was waiting at the junction at Truro for some cargo to arrive. "What was it again?" he asked Zipp.
Zipp consulted her work order. "The text says something about a Special Special, but that doesn't make sense. Maybe the foreman's keyboard was broken when he wrote it and it duplicated the word special numerous times?"
"Sounds silly," Charles replied. "I mean, why call it a special special? A special train, by definition, has priority over all other traffic, so adding the second special doesn't convey extra meaning and simply wastes words."
"It's good if you're trying to artificially inflate the word count on a story, though," Argyle said from nearby. "It's partly why setting word limits on academic work can be a problem. Students get ridiculously verbose in order to hit the word count more easily."
"Rather like the decrees," Charles noted. "Those are always written in excessively flowery English."
"Yeah," Zipp noted. "It still feels weird to be referred to as 'issue'."
"What are they?" Brookes asked.
"It's an old fashioned way of saying somebody has kids."
"Ahhh," said everybody at once. Except Zipp.
Just then, a freight train arrived. One of the vehicles in the formation was a rather wide van. "A vanwide!" Charles said. "I haven't seen one of those in a while!"
"There aren't many left in the UK," said the engine, as she was detached from the train and moved off to the loop. "Take care with the package inside! It's marked handle with care."
Charles was then backed onto the train, and once Zipp was done coupling him up they were on their way back down the line to Falmouth.
As it was a surprisingly busy day, virtually every section of line was in use. This meant Charles was constantly stopping and starting on his way down the line with his cargo. The first stop was Perranwell, where Charles came to a stop before the signal- a little too aggressively, might I add.
"Careful!" Zipp said.
"You applied my brake handle, not me," Charles replied. "It's on you."
The box had shifted inside the vanwide, but nobody knew this. Just then, Rebecca arrived with a fish train.
"Hello Charles!" she said. "You look cheerful."
"I am transporting a very important item, which must be handled with care," Charles smiled smugly. "I get this job because I am, of course, important."
"I didn't think it was possible for him to get even more puffed up than he already was," Hitch said.
"I heard that!"
Luckily for Charles, the signal then changed, and he was back underway to Falmouth. There was another loud bang from the vanwide as he got underway.
"That didn't sound good," Hitch said.
"Well, at least Zipp wasn't pouring syrup all over a bronze statue, was she?" Rebecca asked, rhetorically.
"Why would Zipp be pouring syrup on a statue?" Hitch asked, confused.
"In case the statue was hungry?"
Hitch shook his head. "Pouring syrup on a statue because they think it's hungry? Who'd be daft enough to try that?"
Next, Charles had to stop at Penrhyn to let a passenger train arrive. To his surprise, Bellerophon was pulling it. "Fancy you, pulling passengers!" he said.
"I am vacuum fitted, you know," Bellerophon replied, as he came to a stop. "All change!"
There was another bang from the vanwide. "Sounds like the box has shifted again," Charles said.
"A box?" Misty asked. "What's in the box?"
"Something important," Zipp replied. "Which is why it would be nice if it stopped sliding about."
"Is it alive?" Bellerophon asked. "That might be why it's moving?"
"Why would something that's alive be transported in a crate?" Zipp asked. "I'm pretty certain that would breach animal cruelty laws. If it were alive it'd be moved in something like a cattle van or an elephant van."
"Good point," Misty said. "Otherwise somebody might want to put fish in the box."
"Who'd be daft enough to try that?" Zipp snorted, and then the signal changed. "Right, away we go!"
They pulled away- and once again there was a loud bang from the vanwide.
"That doesn't sound good," Bellerophon said. "I hope that whatever it is, it arrives in one piece."
One last loop sat between Charles and Falmouth, and as he pulled into the loop at Penmere another train rolled in, loaded with vans filled with drinks.
"Hello!" Salty said. "Not often I get a trip up to Truro!"
"What are you taking there?" Charles asked.
"Sunny's experimenting with selling her drinks at the station," Salty said. "She's going places, I tell you."
Sunny stuck her head out of the cab. "What are you transporting?"
Just then, the load in the vanwide shifted again. "Something very mobile," Zipp replied.
"Maybe it's cheese?" Sunny suggested.
"We won't take that risk again, not after the cheese fiasco a few months back," Zipp said. "I don't think putting a smoothie in it would help either."
Sunny blinked. "That's weirdly specific. Wouldn't pouring a smoothie in there make the object sticky?"
"I wouldn't be surprised if somebody tried it," Charles said, just as the signal changed. "Right then! Only a mile to go!"
And sure enough the object in the vanwide moved again.
Salty looked over. "I don't think that load has been secured very well."
"You can say that again," Sunny replied.
"I don't think that load has been se-"
"Overused joke, Salty!"
At long last, they arrived in the yard, and Charles (after quite a bit of shuffling stock) shunted the vanwide into the loading dock for unloading. The workmen took the box out of the van and loaded it onto a small electric vehicle, and drove it away to elsewhere in town.
Just then, Zipp heard an incredible noise coming from the main street. "What on Earth is that?" she asked, and headed off towards the noise to find out what was going on.
When she arrived, she was amazed. Proceeding through the streets of Falmouth was a parade! And what a parade it was! Leading the formation was a set of four brass bands, each playing patriotic tunes and sounding to the blaring of trumpets and drums. Behind them were personnel of the CCF, marching in perfect step with one another and spaced precisely six inches apart.
Behind them came more brass bands, and after them followed the Town Council. There was the Mayor, followed by the Aldermen (and women) of the town. Behind them was the Town Cryer, and completing the procession was a pair of men carrying big sticks with crowns on the end.
And then, behind them, was the family Bentley- with Lady Haven inside.
"What is going on?" Zipp asked a bystander.
"There's a big event happening in the town square!" said a bystander. "Come to think of it, why aren't you with Her Ladyship?"
"Just got back from a delivery job, but I'll head up there now."
Zipp arrived just as the last of the formation arrived, and the CCF stood off to one side still as statues. Which was mildly creepy. The Bentley had pulled up, and Lady Haven and Pipp had gotten out.
The CCF members turned to face them, and then the Mayor began to speak. "As a marker of our humble gratitude to the fine works conducted by the fair Duchy of Dorset, we hereby dedicate this display to them."
Lady Haven glanced over to Zipp. "Over here!" she said.
Zipp quietly scooted over and stopped next to her mother as the veil was removed from the object. Zipp recognised the box behind it, and her jaw dropped in horror.
The object was a statue. And the statue was quite badly scuffed.
"Oh no..." Zipp said quietly. She felt very foolish.
Pipp noticed this, and switched sides to put her arm around her. "No worries!" she said. "We can just apply some polish and it'll look good as new!" She produced her phone and hit a button. "Isn't that right, Pippsqueaks?"
Sure enough, the townsfolk got to work on polishing the statue, and when they were done it looked good as new. Zipp looked at it closely. "Wait a second... the statue..."
Pipp grinned. "It's us!"
The Mayor smiled too. "All the work your family has done has helped regenarate our town," he said. "And we thought this statue would be a fitting way for us to give back."
"Besides," Lady Haven said, with a smile, "cleaning it helped bring us all together. Selfie, anybody?"
And so the town square sounded to laughter and joy.
great chapter mate keep it up cant wait for the next chapter
11857452
Glad you enjoyed. Yeah, this was a wild one.
Try telling that to the writers who worked on T&F seasons 13-16.
I'm doing the same with my book.
Lol.
Thomas from the episode this is clearly based on.
Well that happened in the first Madagascar film.
Someone did, and that someone is a little blue tank engine.
Yep.
I remember liking the episode this was based on as a child. But now as an adult... it's terrible. As is much of the sharan miller era of T&F!
11857481
1. To quote my dad, 'these writers have never been anywhere near a railway in their lives.'
2. I'll admit excessive verbosity is tempting as a writer.
3. Agreed.
4. Thomas was a bit of doofus in this era.
5. True. That franchise was quite silly.
6. Indeed. As noted, Thomas appears to have left his brain behind.
7. Agreed.
When trying to explain my frustrations with Miller era Thomas (usually when somebody asks me 'why are you so worked up over the writing on a kid's show') I use either this or Wonky Whistle as examples of bad writing.
11857493
4. He kinda was for much of the hit era.
11857496
Very true. Thankfully Brenner fixed him.
11857623
Until it got ruined again thx to bwba. And then worse with AEG.
BWBA is not a bad era - it does show a lot of good episodes.
11857805
Agreed. Fuck AEG.
11857811
BWBA killed the show.
11857814
Well, it was hit and miss imo. Also, just because engines boucing doesn't mean it kills an episode.
11857818
Not what I was alluding to. The writing exacerbated the problems of past eras whilst not addressing the main reason for declining viewership and toy sales-the show aired at weird times and the toys were increasingly poor quality.
11857378
True there.
Aye.
Comments on new chapter:
Well, this was quite an interesting one, I mean you fixed one of the most, moronic, idiotic, imbecilic, completely childish episodes all around.
On the other note, the pun for the episode was rather... interesting to say the least. But I have to admit, when I read the title, I thought this was gonna be based on Thomas and the Statue episode, but I think this being based on The Lion of Sodor was a little better.
But while I understand the writers' are at fault for the idiocy in the episode, I have to wonder, How stupid do you have to be think a living Lion would be inside a wooden crate with no holes in it? Moreover, I highly doubt a lion would love maple syrup and hay. The fish, yes.
On top of that, whomever loaded the statue clearly has no knowledge of how to load it so it doesn’t suffer damage.
11858103
I had considered combining the plots of The Lion of Sodor with Thomas and the Statue, but was unable to find a way to blend the two storylines in a satisfying way. The original episode is one of two examples I go to of the incredibly poor writing that characterised the Miller era (thought it turns out not all of it was her fault; they had to fulfill an educational requirement which led to some very heavy handed learning segments).
Thomas' idiocy surrounding the Lion of Sodor gets even more bizarre when you remember he's seen exotic animals before; real lions visited the island in Henry and the Elephant, so he should know living lions are not transported in crates. But then gain it's entirely plausible the writers didn't know that, as I doubt many of them had been anywhere near a real railway with all the incorrect operating practice shown.
Lions can eat fish, but only as a last resort if no other food is available. (What a marvellous thing Google is!).
Cargo being loaded badly is a staple of British comedy from the 1930s onwards. One of the first gags in Titfield is a box marked HANDLE WITH CARE being haphazardly thrown across the platform, after all.
11858188
I gotcha there.
Yeah, that goes without saying. But either way, I think another way to fix that episode is by using another engine that's already imbecilic. (But it isn't Percy as he has seen the animals with the circus too) someone else who has never been around exotic animals.
True. As there are plenty of gazelle and antelope to hunt. (But it's a different cause when you think of the Lions of Savo)
Oh yes, I remember that part now. Funny you mention that as that film has been in my mind recently.
11858202
That would be quite an effective fix. Have an early bit where somebody explains what lions eat, for instance.
Just looked those two up. Fascinating case study of how animal diets can change suddenly.
I think then you'll enjoy this video:
In it, Terrier55Stepney and a friend visit some of the filming locations to see what can still be seen. It's remarkable how little some of the area has changed.
I mean, she very easily could've gone off on a siding and taken the effort to secure it herself.
I wonder if Misty was part of the statue? She's practically family, but at the same time, she's also quite shy and maybe anxious about such prominence, publicly.
11880526
It is not the job of the driver to ensure loads on trucks are correctly secured. That is the responsibility of the depot staff that processed the load in the first place.
That's a fair point, actually. Although Misty lived with them, she's technically not a member of the Havens as they've never formally adopted her or anything like that. No doubt doing so would send Aunt Clara into a screaming fit...