I like ponies – especially with mushroom gravy.
When Sweetie Belle unexpectedly falls victim to a terminal disease, she is saved only by the availability of an experimental cure. Twilight decides to enquire into it.
Expanded version of (my first ever) eponymous WriteOff entry written years ago and left dormant ever since.
Written using unconventional layout/ponctuation.
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Seeing that the ratings are disabled, I truly fear just what I'm about to get myself into...
11698656
TBH, this is most a case of coming to terms with an unfinished story. There are so many I left in a half-arsed state, I feel I should give them more consideration than I did until now. That being said, I hope it wasn't such a bumpy ride.
11698712
Well, if I could give you an upvote, I would.
For all the rough edges, I really liked the story. The, let's say, bold stylistic choices are certainly off the beaten path, but I enjoyed the mood it set. It was genuinely engaging. I liked the set up. I liked the characters. I liked the mystery.
I suppose the biggest drawback of the story is the lack of a conclusion. Twilight finds out how the medicine is made, a quick disturbing moment, and that's all.
Nevertheless, while I would've liked a full story told in a more conventional way, or at least a solid conclusion, I still liked your story and think it has merits.
Cheers.
11700895
Zaid I’m delighted you took the time to comment, and still more delighted with your appreciation.
The ending is what Horizon wished. In his comment about the WriteOff version, which you can dig up from the thread if you have enough grit to do it, he says: ‘I like where it ends.’ So be it. Frankly, I agree with him. While I understand your legitimate curiosity about the fallout, I don’t think it’d add anything meaningful to the story. I hope the clues left are enough to guess what will happen next.
Once again, a big big thanks for taking the time to write your comment. ♡
11701313
True. Trying to expand this would turn it into a fundamentally different type of story. I don't know if the style would work as well if it was a longer piece, either.
Nevertheless, I can't say I'm unhappy with this little fic. If I'm happy, and you're happy, I don't think we can ask for more.
I hope you continue writing in the future!
11701980
Sure, I have other minifics to build on in the pipeline! Thanks again ♡
The twist at the end really got me, that dark tag is well-deserved. I'd love to see a sequel where the victims manage to break out and kill everyone resposible for their suffering.
11709744
Thanks for your appreciation!
Unfortunately, I think you’d be disappointed. I can manage stories up to, say, 2500 words, but I am totally inept at writing extended, constructed plots. All the long stories I’ve written for the Writeoff have been rightly trashed. So, unless someone helps, I really don’t feel like it… :(
Thanks again!
11710494
You're welcome! And it's okay, not everyone is a human-typewriter capable of cranking out dozens of stories a week.