"She was having another of those moments. The ones where haunts from your memory slip through your mental blockades and remind you of all the terrible things you've ever done. The ones where you watch yourself pave the road to Tartarus with your good intentions. The ones that brought tears to Twilight Sparkle's eyes as she watched the sky's violet and pink hues herald the sun's setting."
Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash visit the Frozen North, cradle of pony civilisation, to search for the cure to a mysterious affliction plaguing the former. How long until they too join the icy grave of ancient ponykind?
Chapters (2)
INB4 First.
What is this, I don't even? Comments and criticisms please, this is my first attempt at some more beefy prose, a la The End of Ponies.
Bookmarked. I'll read this soon, even though it'll depress me.
I quite like this. Good job on this story, man. It really sets the mood well, and your language and vocabulary is actually used properly. Quite rare when I'm randomly browsing stories.
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While this certainly isn't My Little Dashie, please do share if it made you sad!
1397894
Cool! I take great pride in my English skills, it's good to see them recognised. What's also intriguing is the interest this has accumulated as opposed to my other recent story. More comments and even a read later, yet less likes and favourites. Hmm. Regardless, I'll work on it anyways, regardless of FimFiction's affection for it.
Maybe you should add in a cover art. It's a surefire way to attract more viewers, in my experience.
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Done, thanks for reminding me :P
Holy crapapples, this is quite good!
Probably first Twilight vampony story i´ve read despite having like a dozen or something of them in my track list.
I hope this will continue soon. i wanna know how Twi became a vampire/vampony/whatever blood-sucking thing she became, why RD stayed with her and why her other friends didn´t, why Twi isn´t seeking help of Celestia/Luna/the rest of her friends and family but search for it (at least i think so) in the cold unforgiving north where undead and wild magic roams. I wanna know more about Twi´s condition and if its true that she´ll burn in the sun, if she got new magical power due being undead/sucking blood of the living, etc. We already know that she´s cold, but does she still feel pain, the warm touch of RD´s feathers upon her purple coat? We know her heart doesn´t beat anylonger, yet her blood will flow to mesh her wounds as if they never happend. We also know that her eyes are red behind its purple iris and that she learned to control herself when drinking of RD and that apparently she couldn´t do so in her first days as vampony.
There´s really lots of stuff to discover and read about in this fic, can´t wait for it to come so i hope this will continue quickly.
A little critic:
"But, y-you need your strength." She objected, worry etched upon her dulled features. At least it was better than the absolute depression she normally felt. She knew there had to be a way to make it right. There was always a way. She just needed to remember, to dive through her mistakes and pierce the shadow she wove behind her.
"So do you." She retorted. She knew the cause, it was the same one that haunted her before her life was lost. Recklessness. She couldn't afford that. Not any more.
"Pfft, I'll be fine." She said, rolling her eyes and gently flicker her tail. Rainbow's gestures had been a pale shadow of her usual flamboyant nature, the nature she had drained with so many drops of velvet heaven.
Maybe you could change the She of the "She retorted" part into Rainbow or Twilight (dunno who really said it) something cause before and after that part are so many she´s used it was a bit hard to track who said who when reading over it only once.
And if possible besides writing how Twi feels about drinking RD´s blood also how RD feels when she feels those teeth sink in her skin and her tongue lick over her last blood drops on her wounds?
And when describing how she misses the library also mention missing Spike (if she hasn´t killed him somehow) and her other friends/family in the warm and sunny Equestria?
Also i would have liked to read more about that creature Twi encountered? Was it a vampony like her cause of the red eyes, magic and fearing light (why can Twi channel light but not be in the sun btw?) or was it a zompony cause of blue flesh on its legs and being hodl together by magic like a ghul or a renfield.
Is RD a renfield or is she still a normal pony?
Will there be flashbacks like to the moment Twi had to pinkie promise to RD to stop having suicidal thoughts (and maybe even actions)?
Oh well, i´m sure all those questions will be answered with the next xx chapters, so onwards!
this is quite delicious in both senses of the word.
so another vampire twilight along with many questions that need be answered such as what happened back home besides the vampyrism to force her to go to the frozen north and why did it happen
cheers
that opener was pretty good, still, i have to ask; how sad is going to be exactly (like is the whole goal of the fic to make the reader sad?)? i imagine that we will learn precisely what has happened to the others in a later chapter, but right now it sounds like she somehow killed celestia and did her other friends in as well.
Wow, I go away to watch dune and get 8 favourites and 3 likes. Dayum!
1399807
You sir, are a boss. First person to comment on my story who appears to read a little more between the lines... brilliant
! Yes, rest assured I will answer your long line of questions and I've fixed that mistake. There's a reason she doesn't like to think of home, especially Spike. 
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She doesn't like thinking about it. So prepare to be drip fed. As I stated in an earlier comment, much inspiration from End of Ponies. So it will be sad to an extent, but all I can say is the journey is like a walk in the night after a bad day. There are some more reasons to it than that, but this is it where sad is concerned.
Pretty nice story. You should continue, I promise you'll get more views
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>There's a reason she doesn't like to think of home, especially Spike.
Jebus, i already get the sads and got no idea why but the "especially Spike" is a really bad Omen!
Also you´re welcome, glad to be your "First".
This is great, I definitely want to see more of it!
I sense elements of Skyrim, although maybe that's just because it's how i'm picturing it, but nonetheless, an awesome start. I wonder why Rainbow is the last one left. (Obviously Loyalty, but the others aren't likely to abandon Twi unless they are kaput)
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I was, and still am, working on a Skyrim mod, figures I'd unconsciously add elements from it to the story. Also, the reason why RD stayed with Twilight isn't simply loyalty, else you would be right, and they'd all join. However, it isn't death either, not of the mane six at least. You'll just have to read that next chapter I need to finish up
.
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Ready and waiting!
1444644
You won't have to wait long, I assure you. I'm writing up the middle/last parts of Chapter two. And all I can say is "Sh!t just got real".
1444704
I always wanted to know the answers to these two problems.
"Ponies are almost impossible to have evolved independently. Aside from their remarkable ability to breed across species, they have fine tuned abilities beyond what nature could have done in the same time it took us to evolve. Therefore they didn't evolve."
"Vampirism is pointless, what is the meaning to it? What purpose does it serve, especially to those wishing for cure from one of the tamest and most benevolent ailments imaginable. Obviously its gifts aren't coincidence."
And for those of us worrying "oh nose, technologies == humuns". I assure that my current tagging will not likely change throughout the story. I have planned this VERY thoroughly, I've blooming built a map, conceived a reasonable and quantifiable magic system, and figured out an apt timeline. Heck, I've even re-invented the imperial measurement system with correct translations into metric!
Now, for those of you appreciate the story, I humbly announce that sh!t just got real. Be prepared for an actual sense of direction, and total emotional tartarus for our beloved ponies.
Lastly, please please please, let me, let me, let me get some comments.
But seriously, am I failing with Rainbow's lexis, are the descriptions too sparse&|vague? Am I doing the whole "ponez are atually humuns in disguis" flop by accident?
PS: Cookies if you spot where I've sown two separate writings of the story together, I had to write a lot of it without FimFiction's help :/
PPS: Hory sheet, I just realised how much I've written. I'm getting good at this whole, "write reams of prose like SK&E" thing!
1399807
Hey, you, yeah you. I've answered a few questions in the latest chapter, enjoy. And please do more of that wonderful critique of yours!
what that was certainly an interesting chapter! You've established where along the developmental scale pony society is at in comparison with our society. Though there are some retroactive portions, such as the whole "Round planet" thing, but it gives a good sense of the time period. The pacing is quite good, mixing fast paced scenes along with more tranquil parts evenly, makes for a good story flow. The observatory add's a sense of mystery with these "Projects" that suits this story's atmosphere quite well. The only thing that I personally wouldn't mind would be a little back-story on how twilight ended up like this, but that's just me, overall so far so good!
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Thanks for the awesome critique! What do you mean by retroactive, though? Lastly, I'm planning to include more of that "backgrounds" stuff in the ensuing fluffy chapter, with Twi and RD having cute moments because I'm obviously not shipping the two. Nope, just friendship here.
First chapter set up an interesting premise, this one set up an interesting world. It's now official, welcome to my favorite's list.
As for the story, I'm wondering who built the ruins, but mostly I'm wondering how Twilight and Dash got to the point they're at; and why did Twilight freak out about being in an observatory?
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what i mean by that is past elements in a future setting. You mention that equestria is technologically advanced, but they still use carts and they think the world is flat (or at least haven't proven it's not), both things that were discovered long before some of the technology such as the observatory.
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Who said technology advances linearly? Do I need knowledge of the curvature of the Earth to build a locomotive? Not necessarily so. Regardless, I love describing societies where [redacted] muddles up their knowledge and technology, there's just so much fun in having contrasting elements like that.
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much agreed sir, and good job with this story, I look forward to reading more
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I look forward to writing it.
Ah man, I love stories with lots of implied history, Twilight revealed a bunch of interesting tidbits in this one: "...and what the hay were satelites?"
Also, Cel-Luna. It was mentioned that Luna was afflicted with Twilight's curse, wonder how they solved that?
great chapter! i don't really have much to say, the descriptions were good for most of the time, the only time i was a little confused was when the "voice" was speaking. other than that i only really really really want some background.
and one question, are twi and RD gonna stay in the north throughout the story (not counting flashbacks), or are they going to return to the more civilized parts of the world at some point?
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Depends on what you term as "civilisation"
. Regardless, they're in it for the long haul; they need that cure.
EDIT: I'll probably include shenanigans from Ponyville in another act. This is only act 1 >:D
So Twi´s fine with walking in the sun, she just doesn´t seem to like it much.
Lack of hormons? Well, that would make sex awkward besides the coldness of her body.
And she can taste food, it just doesn´t wake her appetite like Dash does. Man, she must be really tasty~
If i got this right then that city and the "spirit" are relics from the vanished alicorn civilisation, the one Luna/Celestia comes from? Which would probably have the answers for a cure for the "curse Luna had". Which makes me wonder though: When was Luna a vampire and how did it got to Twi?
Also, BOOOOOOM! Pinkie loves explosions!
Sooo... how the next chapter coming.
1444704
Well you might want to come back and add a line where Rainbow is offering Twilight a drink.
As far as I can tell, Rainbow also spoke in the second paragraph, which means Twilight should have said something like "I don't think so." before that.
2055466
Yeah. Defective brain in this unit
. I'll patch it up if I'm in the mood; currently I don't want to write anything vampire or pony related. 
2058445
No way! D:
You got 40 likes and zero nays! D8
You can´t stop now!!!
I am curious if this is dead or not and I also wonder if the ancient race was humans or another obscure species...
Shame to see the story die
You know sir, you have some incredible potential as a writer. This is the third time I have reread this, and it still just makes me wish there was more. I understand why you wouldn't come back to this though. It's been so long, you've probably lost all motivation or forgotten all your ideas. Great writing though, I that if you ever write again you will find serious success, because that is all you deserve
2058445
You just invented a few thousand years of background for your fic.
Thats.. simply amazing.
Really - THIS is how you do it. If you want to alter the backround (or add elements) you have to think the whole thing through. Otherwise you end up with logic gaps and more questions than answers.
Your idea remembers a bit on "Inherit the Earth". An old RPG-title, with an intriguing story. (Although the elder race were humans in this case.)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inherit_the_Earth:_Quest_for_the_Orb
Thats no offense nor critique. (Besides the statement, that there is just a limited number of possible ideas).
Its a really cool setup.
Vour idea seems very well matured at this point.
And there is even no inconsequence with actual pony society. (Or you can imagine, why things are this way today)
Lets imagine, some thousand years ago. Even before Discord set hoof, or claw on equestrian ground - there was an technological far advanced society. But finally they managed to destroy themselves. Mundane with a nuclear war, or they managed to wake magic or something.
Nuclear winter - or iceghosts summoned lighthearted... Yes, a few thousand years of legends and myths could form this incident to the windigos/ Hearth-warming-eve...
Anyway - lets imagine two really smart alicorn princesses... Maybe they got knowledged the truth. If I were an immortal ruler, knowing wich damage could be done with too advanced technology. Maybe I would have created my very own magical fantasy land, allowing things like trains and balloons and maybe electricity, TV and such. But I would do everything to prevent the existence of modern weapons and so on.
The show shows us a strange combination of modern technology and oldstyle things the same time. Why are there Trains and flying chariots, but no cars? Why do you have Vinyls Wups, but only open fire in chimneys?
The depiction of the ancestor race felt fine and interesting to me. Their lack of magic but their technoligical knowledge (wich is unknown to 'modern' pony society). Really nice setup.
Honestly, done right, your story could blend perfect in the backround - even providing a genuine answer to the question why Equestria is like it is.
So I hope you get your mood back on writing pony / vampire-things, for your story has potential for so much more.
Have my like (and my fav when done).