I am unreasonably excited for this

Man, it always feels weird to talk about how much you enjoyed something when this was the subject matter, but here we are.

This was awesome. Thank you so much!

I can’t wait to delve more into this. It’s a strong start.

Wonderful story. Emotional and terrifyingly realistic. You've certainly cemented yourself as one of my favourite writers, Scampy. Here's to whatever else you have planned!

Once again, I have to commend your characterization of the Shadowbolts in this story, especially Sugarcoat. This line is just so her (and, again, so unintentionally funny):

"So like—and you don't have to answer if you don't want to—" Sugarcoat waved a hand— "but what's wrong with you, anyway?"

Her two closest friends coming to check on Sour Sweet after she's started the treatment process is honestly a perfect ending to this kind of story. Things aren't going to be easy or perfect or fixed overnight, but they are going to get better, and that's what's so important.

I really love the title of this final chapter too. Despite everything, it is possible for Sour Sweet to build a life worth living, with people who love and care about her by her side along the way. And if that's not hope, I don't know what is.

Really proud of you for finishing this story, hon. It turned out beautifully.

I thought Sour-Sweet's mental illness was bipolar/manic-depressive disorder.

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As far as I understand it, bipolar disorder (both I and II) are characterized by episodic depression and mania, or hypomania in BP2's case. Both forms of bipolar have episodes that last days or weeks, and are more than just a moon swing.

That said, the popular perception of bipolar is usually of someone who has rapid mood swings, happy one minute and miserable the next. That characterization is actually closer to borderline personality disorder IRL, where the person's emotional state is very unstable because they react strongly to everything. Something that might make someone else bummed out can leave a borderline patient emotionally devastated, and at the same time, good news for a neurotypical person may come across as the best goddang thing to ever happen for a BPD patient. It doesn't help that BPD also tends to fuck with your perception of other people's words and actions, resulting in being upset by things that, to an outside observer, have no obvious emotional charge. At the same time, these heightened emotional states are transient--just as quickly as a person with BPD can feel like their world is falling apart, they can feel like everything is perfect only minutes later. I myself have many memories of going from feeling rather neutral, to suicidally depressed and fully intending to kill myself, to being totally overjoyed, all within the span of minutes.

It's that instability of mood that's the real hallmark of BPD. Everyone's different, of course, and not every BPD patient has the same symptoms, but an unstable emotional state that's highly reactive to any changes in circumstance--real or imagined, good or bad--is what's at the heart of the disorder. At least that's been my experience, and the experiences of others I know with BPD.

So Sour Sweet, whose mood shifts are frequent, rapid, and very fleeting, feels far more like someone with BPD than someone with Bipolar I/II. At least to me, but I'm biased, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Thank you for your civil reply.

once again, Im finding bpd-posting is far too relatable for anything good

sugarcoat is my favorite shadowbolt, and I like what you did with her here, but you've also managed to sell me on sour sweet! Ive never been that big a fan of her, but this one made me look at her in a different light

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy saved my life. Between those and an outpatient program I have begun to heal from the trauma. I hope your journey continues to go well.

The subtle horror of this story is that nothing happens to trigger Sour Sweet’s spiral. We get a glimpse of her head during a day in the life, and that makes you wonder how many times this cycle of thinking and acting has repeated.

It’s nice that the story ends with the probability that this time will be different, though.

Love you scampy.

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Thanks, I love me too 🥰

"HUGS YOU EVEN MORE"

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with your perception of other people's words and actions, resulting in being upset by things that, to an outside observer, have no obvious emotional charge.

Describes every woman my straight friends dated.

😜

Monk

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media.discordapp.net/attachments/692239896773001217/1192240933698289726/sonk_swonk.png?ex=65a85be5&is=6595e6e5&hm=0ab12ee6b8a3f49eaa17b867459d550e51260207227cde352ff8c20befe55ebf&
"duhhhhhh, DAE think women are irrational??"

Get outta here, dude.

I have been on the lookout for stories that explore Sour Sweet's mood swings, and this is the most visceral one I have read to date. Sour's internal dialogue really tugged at my heartstrings, especially since I once knew someone who very likely struggled with BPD. The ending was most befitting, in that while Sour's struggle continues, she is better prepared to face it.

Thank you for sharing this tale. Bravo!

Aaaaaaaaaaa you outdid yourself with this one, Scampy! You're proud of it and YOU SHOULD, I am proud of you too because we've been friends for a while and I know the importance of this story <3
As I said, the only reason I'd travel to the US is to meet u (and everyone else) and give you a big ass apapacho, Miss ministers in Suffering stories affairs <3 lmao does that make sense? Lolol
Now onto the story, I'm gonna put my Gdocs under lock and key. Who allowed you in??? Goddamned C2 and his ways I'll get back at him with bait nonshipping stories.
I told you but I still want to write it here bc u deserve public praise: everything, everyone is so fluent and organic, the story just... flows. And it becomes so relatable at times (bc anxiety + self-loathing do not mix well) that gosh, it hurts and it hurts l deep.
Soursweet feels super in character, with the quick mood changes, and how it all ends up in spiraling thoughts. Like, in this context, it just make sense for her to act like that.
And everything else that comes to mind is the angst you made me feel on my chest the whole time because aaaaaaa goshgoshgosh. I'm gonna get back at you! You'll see! (Because this has definitely inspired me to keep writing my sad stuff (TM)). Nah but really, it hurts so much because you've manage to submerge us (me?) Into soursweets mind, at the same time that once knows its really not like that, but her thought process just keeps twisting the knife on the chest.
And, oh godh, that last scene with the folded paper ghfhdjdhdhshw it was so powerful. And I really ñike how it pushed her forward and, at the ending, she uses it as an anchor to keep going. The ending is perfect, it gives conclusion and a nice, satisfying ending while still remaining true to reality, which is: getting therapy doesn't "cure you" but it's a big step toward feeling better.

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I considered this idea, and I think it could've been a good story if I went that way. Ultimately I decided against it though, because if the story contained that level of sexual trauma, that trauma would need to become the focus of the rest of the story in order to do it justice. As it is, Sour Sweet still clearly experiences sexual trauma*, but not in such severity as to shift the focus of the story completely away from the BPD experience.

Ah, okay. That makes sense.

Yep, severe dissociation is a really common symptom of borderline. When your feelings are always so intense, and your mood is so reactive and unstable, sometimes it just gets to be too much, and the brain disengages because it can't handle it anymore.

Hm. I'm on the autism spectrum and I think I've gone through that. Sometimes I get overstimulated and my brain just kind of shuts down. I can't talk and I just sort of stare blankly. That's only in extreme cases though, it doesn't happen often.

I was thinking of writing about how we finally see the improvement, the recovery, the outcome of ‘it gets better’, but… that’s not quite being fair. Much like earlier in the story, you show respect to the complexity of the topic of ‘recovery’. So instead, it’s nice to see the learning.

You make Sour’s internal conflict still there, and still ring true. From her scars to that unrelenting insistence to people-please, having Sour work through them even though the self-doubt and uncertainty is still there… honestly it’s more impressive to see Sour working through them compared to having them be gone entirely.

And the Crystal Prep gang have such a great chemistry when they’re all together – the little bits of snark that you have them sneak in (as well as Sugarcoat’s… well, lack thereof) add a bit of depth and makes them feel like more than just acquaintances. For each of them to put up with the others, hmm. Sour was never quite as alone as that stupid little inner voice kept insisting she was.

This comment will echo some of the above...

I too appreciate that you focus on the process of recovery and management, rather than a theoretical, idealized end state of "being better"; you show the learning and the struggle and the constant vigilance involved. I feel that you - intentionally or unintentionally - hint at so much she has yet to learn: expanding the nuance in understanding the [seemingly-]contradictory minds of others; recognizing more of the psychological drivers at work, e.g., the fear of isolation behind the compulsion to please; ...I thought I had at least one more, but it is gone after typing those.

Sour was never quite as alone as that stupid little inner voice kept insisting she was.

Feelings didn't always line up with reality, her group leader had said, and [...] it wasn't Sour Sweet's fault for having feelings like that [...]

Plato's Cave is real, and sometimes it is a nightmarish home.

BPD is something I personally do not recall seeing explored authentically before... This has given me some new insights and things to reflect upon. Thank you for sharing this story with the world.

If this comment comes across as muted, please understand it stirred up a lot of thoughts and emotions, and I am conscientiously filtering to what I hope is constructive and welcome!

Amazing! The amount of things I could relate to... And well written, you just feel what she's going through!