Online bullying is not cool 🤬😡
Hello, everypony, this is my 12th blog post on this Equestrian site, I’m currently sitting in my room reading my old blog entries from 5 years ago.
Equestria has been seeing her longest period of harmony yet, now that Princess Twilight Sparkle is sitting on the throne shouldn’t be any more bullies, but I’m here to say that sadly this is not the truth.
I just opened one of my old posts under which there are a lot of hurtful comments about my Cerebral Palsy left by ponies who don’t understand that it’s hurtful to say those types of things to a disabled pony that they don’t even know because they’ve never seen me in person.
I am a white unicorn with amber eyes and a white mane. My filling with tears as I look at my last blog entry from six days ago, I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I need to do something about it.
Then knock on my door, I get up and limp over to the door and open it a crack, and my mother Rainbow Dash peeks her head in.
“Hey, squirt, you haven’t eaten anything today, is everything all right?” She asks me.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I answer her putting on my best fake smile.
“You sure?” She asks me again.
“I said I’m fine, now leave me the heck alone,” I yells before slamming the door closed.
Rainbow adopted me from the Ponyville orphanage 12 years ago, I’ve been living with her ever since, but the online bullying never stopped, it even got to the point well I considered not being alive anymore, but luckily Rainbow stopped me in time.
But being a WonderBolt and a single parent isn’t easy, I only imagine the struggle that Rainbow Dash goes through every day, taking care of me and being a WonderBolt, it must be super difficult, I don’t know how she does it.
I got back over to my desk and sat down, my hoof trembling as I read the final comment on the blog that I had opened on the page.
And it reads “You don’t belong here, go back where you came from you freak, you’re faking your disability, stop lying you little motherfucker.”
I consider responding but I know if I do, it’s just gonna make me feel bad.
Our house is standing at the edge of Ponyville, when Rainbow Dash adopted me, she decided to move because it would be difficult for me to get down from the clouds without her help.
I once told my mother that I didn’t want this online life.
Rainbow said that if I chose to I could just log off and never log on again, that night I lay in bed and considered what she had told me then the next day I logged on again, just so I could see what they wrote about me, it wasn’t very pleasant.
I finally do get up and go down for dinner, Rainbow is waiting for me, wooden floorboards creek as I make my way into the dining room and sit down at the table, my eyes fixed on the floor the entire time.
“What’s going on?” Rainbow asks coming out of the kitchen with a steaming pot of soup and setting it on the table.
“I’m being bullied again,” I mumble as my eyes start welling with tears once more.
“Oh, sweetie I’m so sorry, some ponies just don’t understand,” she tells me, wrapping a wing around me and pulling me into a tight hug as I cry.
“Thanks, Rainbow,” I sniffle as I wipe away my tears.
“Tell you what, after dinner why don’t you show me the posts where ponies have hurt you, and then, instead of replying, I will reply and see what they have to say.” Rainbow offers.
“That would be nice, thank you, Mom,” I say, hugging my mother.
“You’re welcome squirt, remember, if you ever need me I’m here for you, I’m always here for you, and no matter what I love you,” Rainbow says, her tears streaming down her face.
After dinner, me and Rainbow Dash go upstairs to my room, and I show Rainbow the comments that were left under my blog, the look on Rainbow Dash’s face when she reads some of the comments that were written is one of anger, confusion, and sadness.
Then she starts typing furiously. “You animals better leave my daughter alone, so help me Celestia if you don’t, I will come and find you and teach you that bullying is not ok.”
A few seconds later, the first user comments.
“You think that we’re going to stop and what the fuck are you gonna do about it, you can’t tell us what to do.”
Then, a few seconds later, another comment pops up, and another and another, and so on until Rainbow Dash finally walks away without another word.
“To be really honest, Snow, I’m not sure what to tell you. I’ve told you many times to not engage with the bullies because it’s bad for your health, next time, something like this happens, just reported to the site administrators and walk away.” Rainbow tells me before leaving.
I consider what she says for a little while then I hit logout and close my laptop, I’ve just sit there for a while thinking about all the things that they have said, is it really worth it to keep engaging with them?
I finally get up for the very last time and walk out of my room, slamming the door as I go.
“Mom, I’m going for a walk.” I called to my mother as I head out the front door.
I made my way through Ponyville to the home of my best friend’s, when I arrived there I knock on the door, but no pony answers.
I wait a few more seconds before I leave the front door and go around back to see if they are there, but they are not so I decide to go Applejack, maybe she’s got some advice for me on how I can handle the bullies.
When I arrive at Sweet Apple Acres, I can see Apple Bloom harvesting apples and walk over to her.
“Hey, Apple Bloom, how do you deal with bullies?” I ask.
Apple Bloom stops what she is doing and walks over to me seeing the tears in my eyes she pulls me in for a tight hug.
“Well, Little Snow, in school when I got bullied I told the teacher about it and she suspended the bully for a week, can’t you tell Rainbow or someone?” The yellow country mare says.
We sit in silence for a while before I speak again. “How did you deal with it, I get bullied online, but Rainbow says that I need to learn to deal with it, I don’t know how.”
“You just need to learn, it’s easy next time you see a comment which hurts you just don’t respond, just pretend that the user who commented is not even there, pretend that it doesn’t exist, I know it’s difficult, but I also know you can do it, I believe in you,” Apple Bloom says, going back to harvesting apples as I sit there and watch.
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She's right about everything. Bullying is never okay. So yeah we need to help Artist get those bullies off her back.
11819165
Thank you.
11819167
Anything for you.
The message is simple yet powerful. The pen truly is mightier than the sword.
11819281
I know. Thank you for reading.
11819287
No problem. You deserve it.
Awww this is nice
11819297
Thank you
11819304
No problem
(Btw someone thinks that your story may be a bit much but i haven't checked it so perhaps it is perhaps it isnt but i say its fine)
11819315
I don’t understand what you mean? Somebody thinks my story is a bit much?
You mean because of the down vote, screw those people who down vote they have nothing better to do with their sorry ass lives anyway.
11819317
Oh no it was someone on the discord server
But hey its fine
11819320
Which discord server?
I’m in so many that I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.
11819332
Fimfiction's server
Its located on the bottom of the site Under follow and support us
11819348
I know, I got banned from there for no reason, at least I don’t remember saying anything bad, but they banned me anyway.
11819349
Its alright
As far as stories go, this is need of some serious improvements. The description lacks any sort of subtlety and doesn't provide an overview. There are a ton of missing words and your sentences are complete run-ons. Regretfully, I think it might be more worthwhile to just point out the flaws in the narrative itself.
Number one. The first paragraph states this is your first blog post on an Equestrian website, and yet you are reading old blog posts from five years ago. Pretty simple mistake to spot. Not to mention that the line between blog post and story get pretty blurred. It's not clear what parts are words on the page, narration, and actual story. How long has the blog existed? Plus why would Twilight being on the throne just get rid of bullies and trolls?
Number two, you said there were hurtful comments about you being disabled. You didn't state what kind of things they even said. Or what type of disability. And there are scummy people that can and have faked disabilities. It happens.
Number three. The perspective character is named Snow but they're a green unicorn with amber eyes. The name doesn't fit at all.
Number four. Your character stated they wanted to do something. But besides not eating all day and crying, there was no real acts or intentions or anything described.
Number five, you said Rainbow Dash adopted you twelve years ago. This story has to take place pretty far in the future , past the finale. But we don't get a sense of what would drive Rainbow Dash to adopt you and the struggle of being a full time WonderBolt plus single parent couldn't be an easy decision. Not to mention having to get a house on the ground just so you could actually live in a house.
Number six, Rainbow Dash's second "advice" was incredibly dumb. The bullies would inevitably lash out.
Like the smart thing would have been to you know report to the site administration so they can handle it to the best of their ability instead of just feeding the trolls.
Number seven, okay Rainbow Dash iterates the smart advice from a couple of run on sentences ago. Great. Why did Apple Bloom need to tell you the same thing?
11819501
This is not about me, but I put myself in that characters shoes.
Thank you so much for your comment. I appreciate it, but I will no longer be changing anything, because that means I would have to rewrite it, and I don’t wanna do that.
But I do appreciate your comment.
11819501
Could you please tell me where the run-on sentences are and whether there are missing words I will fix them shortly if you tell me.
11819501
Wow, that's a long answer. Are you a Fanfic critic? Or is your answer like that for personal reasons?
Solid premise. This is a topic worth exploring.
11819663
Thank you.
11819585
I write out long critiques mostly for personal reasons. If a fic looks like it needs some improvements, I say something. Otherwise I just give a simple reply.
11820138
Are you down voting every comment I get?
11820678
Nope.
11820876
Why do you write comments about stories for personal reasons?
11820879
Maybe they just like doing it? Or maybe they want people to improve. Could be anything.
11821054
Hmm, yeah.
11821069
Thank you very much.
11821084
I also don’t understand the hate that this story receives.
But if you go back and read How Vinyl Scratch Met Stevie Wonder, I had to turn off the ratings and put a disclaimer why I turned off the ratings in the description because people were mass down voting it.
11821101
I know.
Irony
11821191
Excuse me??
A few things, really:
11821097
Negative comments/downvotes and hate are not the same thing. Otherwise every single story would just have "great fic, keep writing!" in every review, which would be completely pointless. If someone says, "Why did you write this, you worthless piece of trash?" then that is hate because it's insulting you personally. In fact, personal abuse like that's against site rules and you'd be within your rights to report it. Something like 11819501 's comment on the other hand is not hate, since it's clearly intended as constructive criticism.
See, that's a good response. I've been writing reviews of ponyfic for a decade now, and one of my rules is that if an author has switched off ratings, I won't review the fic. I know in some fandoms it's considered impolite to review a fic unless the author asks for it. That is not and has never been the case here on Fimfiction. The default is being open to review, but it's easy to ask people not to do that -- by switching off ratings.
But when you said 11819317 "screw those people who down vote they have nothing better to do with their sorry ass lives anyway" then that's you being unreasonable, since now you're insulting folks. Downvotes exist for a reason. Everyone, including me, including the greatest writers on the site, gets downvotes sometimes. And everyone, including me, including the greatest writers, and yes including you, has to accept that. Unless you switch off ratings, which as I've said is a fair option.
11822525
I’m not really even asking for a review.
11822527
Sure, and I'm not planning on writing one myself. I was just giving a few thoughts, that's all.
11822595
Oh, sorry if I came off as a little bit rude earlier, I didn’t mean it.
11822658
No problem. Enjoy your writing!
11822983
Thank you. Have you read any of my other stories?
Dogshit-ass story.
"Hey Scoots? You're pretty cool. Don't go to school tomorrow."
11823208
I don’t understand.
11823171
DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME???
It's been a while since I've done a review, sooooo heeeerrreeee wwwweeeeee gggooooooo!
Everypony. One word. It's meant as a replacement of everybody, just replacing the last bit with pony instead. Not intended to be two words (unless that is intentional, then carry on).
So... Is the previous paragraph the end of the post, or is it this one? Could be shown a little clearer. I like using italics for such things. Simply italic the 'posted' section to differentiate it from the present events.
Then knock on my door... This could have been better phrased: 'A knock at my door broke my concentration' or something. I also see you're going present-tense for this story. An... interesting choice, not one I'd recommend, but you do you.
kek, but also, remember what I just said about 'present-tense'? Choose either past-tense or present-tense and stick with it. Wavering between the two is sloppy writing and pulls readers out of the narrative, much like repeated spelling mistakes. There are advantages and disadvantages to each, but past-tense is considered easier to pull off than present-tense.
See? Here is the perfect example of why past-tense is easier. It allows narration to flow smoother.
Although, this is one massive run-on sentence. Some of those commas can be replaced by periods and it would improve the prose.
Ah, the struggle of social media addiction.
*Creak (I had to look it up. I would have made the same mistake, honestly). There is a recurring issue with the pacing in the story, in that nothing is left to sit before moving onto the next thing. It's like a bead necklace where you just glue the beads together without any string to connect them fluidly. It's rigid, stiff. For example:
This could have been associated with a specific action rather than simply being told. On its own, it contributes nothing to the story, but it doesn't have to be that way. The one that came to my mind was the MC taking a break from the computer to go to the window, reflecting on her current circumstances. Instead, you move from one point to another. You could tell us what's on their desk when they sit down, or around their room as they pace back and forth fuming over the messages, adding to their characterization. I've already mentioned about looking out the window leading into exposition, but you could also provide some small commentary about other foals their age.
There are options.
Rainbow saying 'sweetie'? Even for an adopted foal, that sounds a little out-of-character. You got it down before with her calling her 'squirt.' Rainbow is the type of parent who wouldn't be terribly 'motherly,' more 'fatherly,' like how she responds after this.
If Rainbow had a bit more sense, she would have followed her own advice and not responded at all. Maybe she would have told a story of herself being bullied back when she was younger, showing through her actions that she didn't engage with the bullies, ignoring them and carrying on. Missed opportunity.
And that is why Equestria is a fantasy land.
...
Kinda skimmed over the last half, mostly because I would be repeating myself a lot of the time. There were some spelling/grammar errors throughout, ones that would get caught by a read-through or two, structural issues involving commas vs periods abound, tense kept switching between past and present, description and transition lacked in several areas, and the pace being far too fast. Easily could have pushed 3k+ words with more meat.
All-in-all, it needs some work to avoid 'quality' downvotes. As for the story, it was... eh. I understand where you're coming from and where you went, but execution could have been done better. There could have been more struggle, introspection and self-doubt, or something to fill out the story's content. Rainbow could have had better advice, too. Perhaps have it take place over multiple days, the comments wearing her down to the point of snapping back at her mom before she finally has the break down. Then when she sees Apple Bloom, she has a realization that she doesn't need to let the bullies get to her, going off to play with her friend in the real world.
And then there is the author's notes...
Fair enough, although...
Writing while angry usually doesn't lead to good quality. Being passionate about something definitely helps, but to be mad to the point of shaking? That's the time for outlines of stories you may or may not return to, not the content itself. Take deep breaths, focus that anger into something productive, taking frequent breaks if you need to. I've done so while writing particularly charged scenes, working at it bit-by-bit.
In the comments, you say 11819317 'screw those people who down vote they have nothing better to do with their sorry ass lives anyway.' Well, have you considered that some of those downvotes are valid based on the story itself? I can see there are some people who don't like you, I get that people like that exist (from the generalized downvotes on your comments it's obvious), but you're not making things easier for yourself by throwing out an insult like that.
If you want less downvotes, I have two suggestions: 1. Keep your emotions under check, and 2. Improve your writing. I get it, it's frustrating to have your work dumped on by others, but it doesn't need to be so bad. Much like your writing, you can improve how you respond to criticism. Don't lash out, or think it's a egregious dig at you, and instead focus on addressing the constructive comments that point out specific things like 11819501 . Improvement is your choice, one that can be hard to do, but can yield worthwhile results.
After reading, this doesn't seem to relate a whole lot to the content of the story. It isn't about self-harm/suicide (besides a single line), and to expand this to the entire population? It's a bit of a stretch. This is also why I don't publish while emotional. It's better to have a sober second or third look before releasing something I may later retract (not that it stops me from making a fool of myself). I understand you're not going to be coming back to this story to edit it, so carry the lessons to the next story you do.
That's all I have for now. Hope this helped.
11823531
I will change it now.
11848541
Thank you.
Could you also upvote the story please, do you see the green and red line in the right hand corner?
Click on the thumbs up button.