An Earthling Earth Pony at Celestia's School of Magic: Year One

by Halira

Chapter 16

We were barely done with breakfast before it was time for lunch. Considering lunch was mandatory, and eating was something we were encouraged to do, we decided to go to lunch. Prim must have had the same reasoning as us since she followed shortly behind, although she didn’t dain to speak to us.

Ultimately, lunch announcements didn’t turn out to be very important. Professor Inkwell re-reminded everyone about extracurricular sign-ups. There was a brief announcement that three classes were temporarily relocated while repairs were done to the walls. There was another reminder that we were not to engage the Chinese in conversation. Finally, one of the groundskeepers gave a lengthy condemnation of students peeing on the school lawn that went on for an uncomfortably long time with equally uncomfortable detail. It was common for ponies to find some grass away from walking paths, if not next to a bathroom. It was like farting; it was a little embarrassing if someone noticed you, but not a huge deal like it was for humans caught doing the same thing—though you needed to have some courtesy to avoid places someone was likely to step in or come close to it. Heck, in farming communities like the one I came from, ponies were actively encouraged to relieve themselves near certain crops since it gave nutrients to the soil. However, I was curious what student had soaked the ground so thoroughly that it remained a puddle for the groundskeeper to step in rather than seeping into the soil.

Our classmates all asked after our health, including Prim’s. I wondered if Professor Newman had literally hauled her out of class in front of everyone. Prim didn’t seem particularly pleased with our classmates asking her about her surge.

The professor at our table for lunch today was Luster Dawn, and she took an instant interest in speaking to Bright regarding the large weight that had been thrown at her head.

“You know, levitation should not be dismissed as an offensive ability, and not just for throwing things either,” Professor Dawn explained to Bright as she nibbled at her salad. “Moving a small object, such as a pebble, at high speeds with levitation can achieve a similar result to the Earthlings’ bullets from their guns, perhaps with greater penetration and accuracy. Such a technique would be somewhat barbaric in terms of how brutal and gory the wounds it would inflict would be, but that doesn’t diminish that in a dire situation, it can be an effective technique against a foe. The benefits of such a technique over a typical horn blast are that the mass of the levitated object lends force to the impact, making it so you need less power to achieve similar results to a high-power horn blast. In a prolonged fight with another foe, it is important to manage your magical reserves, as the first to exhaust them will inevitably lose the battle. Using this kind of technique gives you strong offensive potential with a much lower drain on your magic reserves.”

Was this something she considered just as academic theory, or had Professor Dawn actually weaponized random pebbles on the ground to be high-penetration homing bullets? Also, what sane person's reaction to someone chucking a large weight at them that could have killed them was to go, you know, that was cool, but do you know an even better way to kill someone? Combat magic seemed a bit grisly for my taste.

We did find out that Professor Glitter Drops wasn’t going to be available right after lunch because she would be teaching a class at that time. If we wanted to catch her, we’d have had to catch her before lunch or wait until after classes were done for the day. That meant we weren’t seeing her until much later, leaving a big gap in our plans for what to do after lunch.

“Ah guess we just mosey back to the dorms and relax,” Bright said as we exited the cafeteria.

“Sounds like all we can do,” Hannah agreed as she watched Prim doing precisely that.

I spotted Professor Newman heading to her office, which indicated she didn’t have a class right after lunch. Professor Newman seemed like she might be one of the professors who had more insight into many of the things I was trying to puzzle out.

“You guys do that. I’m going to go check on something,” I said as I started after Professor Newman.

“Oh, okay,” I heard Summer say in confusion as I departed.

I knocked on Professor Newman’s door and was greeted with. “You may enter.”

Professor Newman’s office was a little different from her classroom. There were books everywhere, piles and piles of them in every corner, creating a labyrinth that had to be navigated to reach her desk. A quick look at the titles showed many Equestrian spellbooks, but there were also books about history—both Earth's and Equestria’s, books on political science, economics, genealogies, philosophy, religion, and even books on physics, chemistry, and biology. There were bookshelves, but despite the hundreds of written works on the floor, these were vacant of books or scrolls, instead being decorated by, of all things, action figures, really old ones. There were no decorations on the walls aside from a single clock. The window curtains were kept wide open, letting in plenty of light. There were a few filing cabinets beside her desk, with several tomes, writing materials, a typewriter, and a table lamp. There was a small area in the corner that had a curtain drawn around it that looked like there might be a cot behind it.

I wasn’t sure what I had expected of her office, but this cluttered mess wasn’t it.

She was sitting at her desk, reading a scroll. “Mister Jones, what can I do for you?”

I closed the door behind me, now noticing there were even more books behind the door that had been previously piled up but knocked over by the door. I didn’t think I did it. They’d been knocked over before, and no one had ever bothered to pick them up.

“Hello, Professor Newman. I just was curious about some things, and I heard that you previously worked for a pony who was here during the last administration,” I answered.

She looked up from her scroll at me with a frown. “Hmm, Headmaster had said you asked a lot of questions, and when I asked Professor Neighsay how his session with you had gone, he had also remarked about your inquisitive nature. That aligns with my research into your behavior and quirks, so I am not surprised, but it is always good to have information personally confirmed.”

“Research into my behavior and quirks, professor?” I asked, feeling a little uneasy.

She looked at the clock on her wall. “Twenty-three minutes to go.”

“Twenty-three minutes till what?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Something that is no concern of yours. I was merely trying to decide if I have time to deal with you now or if I should put it off. I’ll deal with some of what I need to deal with involving you now.”

Now, I felt even more uneasy. I’d come here on a whim to ask some questions, but it seemed like she had already been planning something involving me.

“Is this about my detention later this week?” I asked.

She shook her head again. “That? No, that is a minor disciplinary matter. This is much more serious. Come closer and sit anywhere you like, just not on my books. I don’t want to raise my voice and broadcast things to everyone, and I prefer to keep private discussions private. I think you would prefer that as well.”

As I got closer to her desk, she pulled a jar that looked like it had blue and purple fire contained within from of one of the desk drawers. She wrote a quick note, unscrewed the lid of the jar, and dropped the note in. It was consumed instantly.

“What is that?” I asked as I sat down in front of her desk.

She screwed back on the lid and put the jar away. “This was a gift from Twilight Sparkle. It is sealed dragonfire from her assistant, Spike. It lets me send messages quickly to a certain individual. I was telling them that I was going to go ahead and have this conversation with you. I’ll tell Headmaster in person later. Don’t bother asking who because I won’t tell you.”

“Oh,” I replied.

She folded her hands together on top of the desk and looked at me. “To answer your questions that I anticipated before I get on to other things, I did work for a powerful mage for years. She has taken off and left me to figure things out independently. She was tired of being where anyone could find her and decided that her self-imposed exile to Equestria was not enough, so she retreated to places unknown. Yes, it was the Chinese that harassed her and made her decide to do this. No, I do not know where she is or if she is even alive. No, I will not tell you why they were after her. Do these answers cover the lines of questions you had for me?”

I blinked a few times, feeling extremely nervous now. “It covers most of what I was going to try to find out about and some things I hadn’t.”

She smirked. “I like that you say trying to find out about instead of ask about. It is always best to try to get someone to give up information on their own. You are very like me. It is part of why I was fascinated with you after researching you. You say most; that implies not everything; go forward with your other questions.”

Since this was already so strange, I decided to shoot for the moon. “Can you tell me about Headmaster and his staff?”

“No, and you should know better than to ask, but it was quite bold of you. I recommend not doing that in the future. Broadcasting what information you are looking for is a good way to have your sources clam up,” she answered. “Anything else?”

I shivered. “I’m not sure what’s going on here. What do you mean you researched me?”

She smiled and chuckled. “My job for my old employer was more than mere assistant. She valued information above all other things, and I was what you might call her spymaster. I bring those skills to this job and adapt them. I gather information about everyone and everything and have a vast network of informants who do information digging for me. Several times now, you’ve heard me tell students that I assess them. I’m also the one who reviews the applications and decides who should be recommended for admission and who shouldn’t—although Headmaster has the final say in the matter. I have a lengthy review process, of which your application and accompanying test are only the beginning. I learn everything there is to know about an individual before recommending a student’s admission. If I don’t think you’re worth the school’s time, you have very little chance of being admitted to this school. Did you not notice I have never had to ask a student their name? I don’t need to. I can match every name to every face and give a fairly lengthy biography of the individual.”

I stared at her. “You do that with every applicant? That doesn't seem realistic. There have to be hundreds of applicants, maybe thousands.”

She nodded. “True enough. I only do it with applicants that catch my eye. It would be too many otherwise. I am only human, after all. I’m sure this brings more questions to your mind, but you must reserve those for some other time, as we have other business to discuss, and I have other matters to attend to in a few minutes that can’t be delayed.”

She reached over and opened a filing cabinet, fingered through the files before pulling out a manilla folder and plopping it down on her desk.

“This includes your application, along with your permission slip from your parents allowing us to bring you to Equestria and care for you during the school year, along with a few other files on you,” Professor Newman announced. “Can you guess why I might be pulling this out?”

Oh no! She couldn’t know. I wouldn’t even be here if she knew. Then again, maybe she had only recently found out.

She opened the folder and pulled out a sheet from it. “I take your silence not to be ignorance but fear. I understand. I would be petrified if I were in your position. I find every individual has a story to tell, and you can find arcs through their lives. Let’s cut the liar-revealed arc short by having you come clean about this.” She then tossed the permission slip down in front of me on the floor.

She definitely knew. I was in so much trouble. I’d probably get expelled.

I gulped. “Am I going to be kicked out for forging my parents’ signatures?”

“I had debated not admitting you. Your actions were dishonest; technically, they were illegal. That’s not the type of student we want,” she answered. She pulled out another sheet. “This form is a duplicate of that form, and it has your parents’ actual signatures.”

“What?!” I gasped.

She nodded. “I knew the original signatures were forgeries as soon as I saw them, and poor ones at that. They didn’t remotely resemble your parents writing. You must think us to be stupid if you thought that would work. Upon the return of the form, I debated what to do before requesting a friend attend to it before you left home. Your parents were understandably furious, but my friend was able to talk them down, convince them to allow you to attend, convince them to allow you to think you’d gotten away with the deception until I dealt with you, and sign the forms for real. While you were sneaking off to get on the bus that would take you to the portal to Equestria, they already knew where you’d gone and what you were doing. Did you really think you could have made it here without them stopping you otherwise? You are not nearly as clever as you think. They’d have caught up to you by the first bus stop. Don’t underestimate the drive of a parent to bring their runaway home.”

My mind was reeling. “I don’t know how you convinced them to sign, but why did you? Why didn’t you just throw my application in the trash?”

“A good question,” she replied. “You’re intelligent and ask many questions, but you’re hardly the only foal with those traits. Your magic isn’t anything to speak of, and you haven’t demonstrated any unique magical talents. You have a remarkable grasp of the fundamentals, which contributed to us originally offering you admission, but others can learn those things, so it is not as special as you might think. By all rights, I should have told Headmaster to withdraw the offer to admit you, and in a just world, I would have; you certainly deserve to face consequences for your actions. However, one of my sources of information, one who rarely shares much with me but one who shouldn’t be ignored when they do, shared that you and your friend Hannah had additional value that might not be obvious or discernable, and I decided to take a chance on you against my better judgment, and show you unearned mercy. Yesterday, I saw a sign that you have some other value confirmed when you surged in reaction to that rainboom. I don’t know what it means yet, but I’m willing to attribute it to my source being right. You’re not being dismissed from this school, not right now. However, if there is any sign of academic dishonesty, not even your unknown value will save you. I will go directly to Headmaster, demand your expulsion, and have you back on your farm picking turnips before the week is out. Do I make myself clear, Mister Jones?”

I gulped. “Yes, Professor Newman, ma’am.”

She got up and stepped around the desk, picking up the form from the floor. “I hope this talk has humbled you and taught you some valuable lessons. You’ve done grievous harm to your relationship with your parents, and you’ve cast a shadow of suspicion over yourself that will be hard to banish. Trust, once lost, is hard to rebuild, but I would be a massive hypocrite if I never gave second chances. You’re to write an apology letter to your parents and have it to me by the end of the week. I will see to it that they get it. They will be visiting here during the winter break to personally chew you out, and it will be up to you to figure out how you’ll earn back their trust. I won’t assist you in that. You’re lucky I am doing as much as I am. Now, I’m very busy and need to attend to other things. Be on your way, Mister Jones, and don’t make me regret being merciful. I do not take well to having my mercy abused.”

Comments

[harts fire]

well this is interesting.

i am really liking this story.

[Booster Spice]

Oh boy.

Turnip got an 1UP from the Master of Chaos?

[Numinos]

Yeesh, that was a chewing out of a century : ) poor colt. Get gudder!