Records of a Young Woman's Love Life

by Optimal Robotics

Chapter 4: Wedding Bells

My wife is a lovey dovey sap. Absolutely shameless. Nuzzles and cuddles me all the time. In public even! Whenever I try to confront her about it she just gets all aggressive about it. Chases me off from whatever we were doing back to the bedroom~ Thinks my grey streaked mane makes me look regal. What a catch I've snared.

Golden Tuft is a golden haired, blond maned unicorn with an abacus cutie mark. I thought it should've been a weapon of some sort or a heart. Found her trying to tame Timberwolves of all things in the Everfree. Then she took over my finances, and it all made sense.

She even supports my exploits as Daring Do. When I met her I was being chased down by several jungle cats summoned by my nemesis. She beat back almost all of them single handedly! A real spitfire! After seeing such a feat I couldn't be outdone. I helped with the remaining housecat and led her into helping reclaim the sapphire stone. When I was retelling the story in my book she insisted that she take a relative backseat in the story. In exchange she wanted to help with my finances and trained me in martial arts. I asked her once how she's so good at it. Said it was great exercise and that was when she started training me. I have regretted it ever since. My poor aching hooves. She's still worth it overall though.

She also likes attending weddings. Like the sap she is. Crashes them if she has to. Says she likes to feel all the love on display. Since I've gained a measure of renown I like to use my pull to get invited to as many as I can. In fact I've recently acquired a couple invitations to Princess Mi Amore Cadenza's wedding! I can't wait to see Golden's face when I show her!

Tanya

I very vigorously and enthusiastically showed J. K. Yearling my appreciation for her yesterday. She got us The wedding invitations. I've been begging for them ever since I learned of the event. We're walking up the stairs of the castle right now.

"Oh, I'm just so excited! What do you think Princess Cadenza will be like?"

"Powerful." I don't even have to think about it.

"Powerful? Golden, I know she's an Alicorn, but she's a very young one."

"Doesn't matter. She's the Alicorn of Love. One of the most powerful spellcasting catalysts in existence. She is powerful." For one of my species to dare to lay claim to the source of all our power, she must be. Maybe even more powerful than Celestia. Compared to Luna? Not really sure.

Speaking of Luna, I wasn't really surprised at the second Alicorn's existence like some ponies were. Equestria has always referred to itself as a diarchy since its inception. If anything I thought it was strange it was operating as a monarchy with that title. But all this opens up the possibility that Celestia isn't averse to sharing power. I plan to submit my resume as an economist to the first Alicorn I'm able to gain audience with. After all, what's one more Princess at this point? They're just popping up out of the woodwork!

And if this doesn't pan out? Well, I can always go back to living in the forest for a few decades to wait out the heat. Maybe go marry that one dragon. They didn't find me before, they'll never find me after.

---

We're quite early for the ceremony. Gives me time to explore the castle. Also gives us time to get through those ridiculous security measures. Not that they mean much in the face of a shape shifter. Managed to beg off for time on the gardens to break line of sight, turned into a bird, go into the halls, then turned into a royal messenger pegasus. Thank Harmony I came prepared. I keep various changes of clothes and equipment in a personal subspace. Casting that spell with love magic can only store things made with love, but that's not really an issue for me.

I wasn't able to get close to Celestia or Luna. No birds fly even close to their tower. I was hoping to avoid answering directly to the head of state, but needs must. I approach Cadenza's quarters.

"Message from Princess Luna. I was told to stick around for a few seconds in case she wanted to send a reply" The guards look at each other.

"Where are her normal messengers?"

"Busy, I was available."

"And if the content is secret?" I sigh and fish out a pair of comically oversized earmuffs from my saddle bags. Obviously magical. They look to each other and open the door.

~I shall not partake in any caaaake!~

"A wise decision for your figure your majesty."

*Record Scratch*

Oh, that was a heart song. I always hate it when I ruin those. They require a measure of improvisation and loss of control I don't possess and am not willing to tolerate in myself.

"Who are you! I gave explicit instructions to not let anypony disturb me!"

"Message from Princess Luna." As I close the door. I also turn the earmuff's enchantment towards it in case this goes poorly.

"Just set it oonnn..." She trails off as I transform into my base shape.

It's been a while since I've taken this shape. The holes in my exoskeleton have healed up nicely over the centuries. My wings and horn are whole and straight, while the ones in my legs are pinpricks if they're there at all. All except the one in my front right hoof. Still makes my chest ache when I look at it too hard too.

"Apologies for the subterfuge your majesty," as I bow. "I am unsure of the protocol for these things, so I'm just here to drop off my resume. I'm hoping to serve as an Alicorn of finance of one kind of another." As I set it on the nearest table.

"...What."

"If that is all?"

"You aren't here to assassinate me?"

"What? Oh no no no no no no no! I would have to be an utter lunatic to attack anypony who would dare take on the mantle of love. Such brashness speaks to some sort of magical exploit that would give one of our kind unlimited power."

She raises her hoof as if to speak, then lowers it. She raises her hoof again and lowers it. Finally she decides on a course of action.

"How many more of us are there, do you think?"

"Oh, I have no idea. It could be just us four, or many hundreds more. Nopony will ever know if they're cautious enough." She gives me a thoughtful look.

"Leave. We will talk after the wedding." I bow and obey. She won't be talking to me right after the wedding though. I've left instructions in my resume on how to contact me a month from now. Skirting the edge on overly paranoid instructions where I plan to use a mind controlled bunny to carry a recording device to find out if I have the job or not. Too much? After meeting Equestria's sovereign I'd say it's not enough! She is incredibly severe! I half thought she was going to fight me then and there for some reason. Not one for sudden sudden surprises I guess.

---

The wedding was pleasant enough. Cadenza was feeling kind of cold to my empathy, but I suppose there are only so many times you can see your lovers age and die in front of you before you start getting jaded. We're almost to the kissing part! Gonna happen!

*Bang*

"Stop!" Oh Harmony what is this? Family drama? I can feel myself zoning out here. I come to these things for all the love in the air. A good bit less with Cadenza sucking up most of it, but it is her wedding. I come back to my senses as a massive concentration of love enters the room. Bigger than Cadenza's by an order of magnitude. And it's... a bedraggled Cadenza?

"That's because it's not your special day, it's mine!" I look to the one up at the altar. Did this crazy bitch actually do what it looks like she did?

"But how did you escape my bridesmaids!" I guess she did. Good Lord, the arrogance and stupidity of this Alicorn. And I revealed myself to her!

"Does that really matter? Ponies, she's a changeling." I look over to the one in the aisle. Is this crazy bitch doing what I think she's doing? "She takes the form of somepony you love and gains power by feeding off your love for them." Hey hey hey now, isn't that supposed to be a state secret or something? I don't understand it at all! Why is everypony so stupid! I hear shape shifting noises from the dais. She just admitted it? Holy dragon tits is she monologuing!!

No. Nuh-uh. Buck all of this. I grab my wife and drag her to the aisle.

"Honey?"

"Everypony who doesn't want to be caught in the crossfire follow me!" I yell out. As I drag my wife out of the vaulted chamber.

"Honey, what are you doing? This could give me so much to write about! History in the making!"

"Absolutely not honey. We're not bearing direct witness to any fight an Alicorn is participating in. Sounds like a good way to get crispified by a stray solar flare spell." Her eyes narrow and she digs in her hooves.

"Celestia would never."

"I'm not really worried about Celestia in this scenario." I look behind her to a stampeding herd of ponies. Looks like about a fourth of the guests made it out. "Besides, we have civilians to protect." That got through to her. Quick! Time to run and hide! I steer them towards a currently unused first floor room, informing every guard of what happened along the way. I trust them to do their jobs. When we get to a suitable hiding spot one of the nobles speaks up.

"Oh great, a storage room. What's next, stuffing ourselves in boxes?"

"Of course not!" I reply. "There are two powerful Alicorns in the room with the imposter. She won't last long, and the guard will come looking for us once they beat her. Everything is going to be fine." This, of course, is when the shield bubble comes down and a bunch of... juveniles of my species start coming down onto the city like a bunch of ODST's. The ponies looking out the window turn to look at me angrily.

"And even with all that out there, we're still safer sitting tight in here." Interjects Yearling. Oh Yearling~ I walk up to her and nuzzle her side. "Ahh, honey! Now is not the time!" As she radiates embarrassment and love. This seems to calm all the other ponies down. This attracts one of the juveniles to the window. I zap it with some encoded love before they can spook the herd in front of me. Basically says 'buck off, they're mine' directly to their brains. And it does so. Convenient!

This state of affairs goes on for about twenty minutes, with the occasional juvenile poking in and getting zapped. Not truly a tenable state of affairs due to the slowly rising fear in the room, but far more stable then it otherwise would have been with the chaos outside.

Then a love powered shockwave swept me off my hooves, forcibly transformed me to my base form, and threw me out the window.

The last I saw of J. T. Yearling was the look of shock and betrayal on her face.

Comments

[Ereiam]

Well, looks like we're off to a great start!

Just a detail, though: Daring Do's writer alias is A.K. Yearling, not J.K. or J.T.

[GeneralSarcasm]

I love this!

[Davenfjeld]

Golden Tuft is a golden haired, blond maned unicorn with an abacus cutie mark. I thought it should've been a weapon of some sort or a heart. Found her trying to tame Timberwolves of all things in the Everfree. Then she took over my finances, and it all made sense.

"blonde" One of the only English words with grammatical gender.

[FTR2017]

Oh wow, so this is how it went down for her ... I am half sad, yet half amused at seeing her misunderstanding biting her in the ass.