Luna creates a small bed of strange magical flowers that when blossom and spreading their seeds attracts the attention of perhaps the most ancient and powerful of all alien species in the entire universe, the Invid. Who are now making their way towards Equestria from a far off galaxy.
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now the flow of Twiluna stories will increase once more! HUZZAH!
365949 and it feels great <3 its good to be back :3
I like this. For being dyslexic, the grammar wasn't all that terrible either.
Things seemed a bit rushed though.
366302 And so it was (rushed that is), I totally died out on this chapter because it was pretty much nothing more than a warm up chapter for the second chapter, I even considered skipping it altogether but then it would have lacked some serious romance that I would have to put in in other chapters that was meant for something else, so the first chapter pretty much had to be there if I wanted to make it a shipfic. But I do apologize for my lack of care for the first chapter, the second one will be better ^_^
EDIT: But I hope it wasn't so rushed that it has turned you off the story? Because if that is the case then I should probably take another look at it... hmm... it would also seem like I forgot to add something to the first chapter.... oh my >_<
unedited? will you need an editor? I would like to offer.
I’m still dyslexic and English is still my second language, so please go ahead and blame my editor *cough* RainbowCrush *cough* for not showing up on Skype to edit my poor spelling and the wicked grammars <3
SOOOOOOOOOORRY. I had two exam weeks with all in all eight exams, so I had no time to do ANYTHING
Btw, there's still an 's' between Rainbow and Crush ;D
370004 could at least poke my rip saying ur not dead yet? :D
But its okay <3 ur still my little wooby boobie something some spike? :P
Oh... well... I'm dyslexic so it's not my fault I can't read ur name XD
Nonetheless wb :3 and I'm sad to hear about the exams *cuddles* you can do it champ!
I agree with DreZoma on this, it feels like it was rushed. So many spelling errors.
It seems as though we're missing some key part to Twilight and Luna's relationship. A little more background there would probably help.
Also, I can't even remember what Robotech is, so the crossover part of this fic is lost on me.
412325
* hm... can you give an explain on what feels rushed about it?
* the spelling errors will the editor fix at some point.
* well, the idea of the first chapter was really just to inform where that flower had come from (made by luna) and that the two of them already has a relationship that they keep a secret. so there never really was a reason to tell how and why and therefore left out :) but i did have a hard time figuring out if i should had dropped it and just made the up coming second chapter the first one instead and then just hinted at the relationship and just informed along the way that luna had made the flower and i probably should have done it like that but what is done is done.
* the people that knows what Robotech is should by now know what the moonflower luna made really is ;)
It feels like we've dived into a story already in progress without any real knowledge of what's going on. That's sort of how it feels to me anyway.
413014 hm... not sure if I can fix that... normally when someone writes romance its about someone finding love, this one already have the relationship going on and it doesn't matter to the story how they got together but i guess it would make more sense when the second chapter is done and people figure out its more of a action story than anything else, which again makes me question myself as to why I even made this chapter >_< oh well... learn from your mistakes they say!
417076
That sounds about right.
As I recall, your goal was to practice action scenes and this is fairly decent. However, it might be nice to occationally be told about the over all situation rather than focusing on the actions of certain individuals almost exclusively (say have them take a quick look around and tell what they see).
The goal with action is to provide the reader with enough information to picture it using as little text as possible. (Meaning, you may need to adjust the level of detail for larger fights)
1057900
First off: can I carry your babies? <3
And more importantly: Hm... I really hadn't thought about that but that does make a lot of sense, I must have lost track somewhere because I was so focused on explaining that there was some odd sort of connection going on between the invaders and the princesses, I'll have to take that into consideration! And regarding the "explain whats going on without saying to much" i'm not sure I'm getting that... could you give me an example of this?
1057960
It depends a bit. Usually how well written big fights go is they start quite detailed until enough has been discribed to form something of a pattern and then they only have a little bit more (to show that it continues as it has been) before transitioning to where the pattern is broken in a way that leads to the end of the fight.
A simple example would be a pair of knights dueling. The opening blows and blocks would be discribed in detail. Then the narrative would have a fancy way of saying they continued beating each other around for a while longer. Possibly the reader might be told if one or the other seemed to be doing better at various times or mention a few specific fighting moves that stand out. Then it would move on to where one makes a mistake and tell about that and how they lose in detail.
With larger groups something similar is done. The opening of the battle is discribed up through the start of the melee. Then glimpses of how things are progressing are given every once and a while. Finally, the mop up is discribed if an important character is involved. If none are part of finishing things then it will move on to telling the aftermath.
As a general rule, avoid repeating your self.
Hope this helps.
1058046
hm... i think i understand, and i can see from this where some of my "attempt" kinda fails ^_^
thanks for the reply, it was very helpful! differently something I'll try to improve on!
Is this Robotech or Marcros
1079392
Robotech, so here protoculture is an energy form and not a long lost civilization like it is in Macross :)
But all that will be answered in chapter 3.
If you still need an editor, I have nothing better to do. My skype is problemz_, it'll display as Garry's Mod.
3616827
Well, I've changed my policy a little on editors, normally I was just glad for someone to do something but then I felt like it would be nicer to finish a story before someone began editing (but that would go ages before that happens with my current bachelor and my first semester's exams coming up), but the problem I've had in the past with editors is that they often change what I write a little to much, so that it doesn't feel like what I wrote is mine any more and sometime they just seem to think something else than what I wrote is really going on and is therefore rewriting my story without knowing it.
But I don't mind you giving it a go, but I can't promise that I'll upload it or that I won't change some of it if you do edit it, so it's up to you if you want to do it or not.
Thank you nonetheless :)
3617132
Works for me. I don't really change much, just some minor spelling and sometimes grammar. If it changes a sentence's meaning I sometimes just leave a comment on it, so that the author can choose if they want to do so or not.
3619472
Ah, that would be cool with me, so what do you need? I haven't looked into editing this myself, so these are the newest version I got of these two chapters.
3622247
Well, I can either download the chapters and edit them, or, if you have them on Google Drive, you can PM me a link to that. Your choice, just PM what you want me to do.