• Member Since 3rd Mar, 2022
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Shinka24


E

He was just a man, who lost everything, but in the cold hug of death, a second chance is given to him and now he will make sure to enjoy it, while evading isekai tropes.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 22 )

Two things. Calling his pony birth parents his adoptive parents is confusing and incorrect. And look up Stockholm Syndrome. That didn't happen here.

Otherwise not a bad start.

11903183
Yeah, ik, what i mean for the thing of calling is pony birth parent his adoptive parent is because he didn't recognized them as his parent until that moment and for the Stockholm syndrome, i mean it like he became attached to them not only for his interaction with him but also because they were the only people he saw for most of the time, not counting his nanny or other kids, that's why i said "a little because of Stockholm syndrome".

11903318
Stockholm Syndrome involves a hostage and their captors, usually there is abuse involved. Is being a child with parents a hostage situation? Were his parents abusive? If not then this is nothing like Stockholm Syndrome.

Intersting start fav liked and followed ;)

Not bad so far. You probably don’t need that bit at the front every chapter or at least put it in the author box as it might be considered word padding.

Another nice chapter. Will be interesting to see what kind of relationship you give the two after not showing it for so many years.

I feel like English isn't your first language? No problem with that, but it means you could do with some extra proofreading. Early on you mention Twilight putting a helmet on Platinum's face. Pretty sure you meant hoof. And you have ponies with paws a lot. Those should be hooves. That's just what I remember.

11908063
Is more than sometimes i forgot what they have, like i'm not used to write mlp fics, more about human fics and is kinda weird, and i kinda forgot to change it after finished this chapter, because it was a very long chapter

I can’t wait for the next chapter. I just love how you’re writing your character. 👍

you keep mixing up your gendered pronouns. you use 'he' and 'his' for applejack several time in this chapter. and I think you've done similar in past chapters

11916843
Seriously? Oh man, i didn't notice it. Thanks for telling me!

So, to make sure I'm not, I have to stay away from the main characters.

Was going to drop the story here but you convinced me to stay with that line.

dhow off is not one of them

show off

I did not expect you to parrot espisodes with an OC put in it where end result is no differnt than canon... as if the OC did practically did not change anything in grand scheme.
Do not let my comment break your spirts, it merely my observation. You can do something about it as much as you can keep going and ignore this comment.

Gleaming armor? Don't give your hope up he's just a guard. There not limited to just canterlot

Stop swinging helmets around your going to hurt someone!

Just as he was about to open his mouth to continue this endless argument, he suddenly stopped and raised his head, squinting from what I could see, and before I could say anything, he disappeared. Most likely to the direction where Twilight and the others were.

*SHE

"Eh... preparing beforehand, not bad Princess ," I said after I finished reading the book a bit and not understanding anything it said, as I had never been interested in history in general.

Before-hoof*

"Of course," while I don't regret my actions, I regret letting my anger get the better of me, there were better ways to act in that situation. "What I did was childish, impulsive and careless of me to physically assault her." Better it would have given her nightmares. "And I'm sorry I lost control."

Childlish => Foalish

I have grown quite fond of this little town. While it's not a large town, it falls more in the category of a large town than a town if you ask me

Are you have dyslexia? The first half and last part feel like they should be swapped. I'm enjoying the story but every now and again you manage to confuse me with this sort of wording

...the ability to use ambient magic is a vary dangerous ability to have. This dude's going places that I don't think even he knows he's going to

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