"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind," or so the saying goes. It is a reminder that revenge, no matter how justified it may seem, never solves anything. It is also completely irrelevant to this story.
Instead, we join the Great and Powerful Trixie, who has once again returned to Ponyville to find Twilight Sparkle. This time, however, she comes seeking the help of a friend. Something old and dark is stirring, and she's convinced it's out for blood.
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The premis has promise.
I did not notice any errors in spelling and grammar.
I want to see where you take this.
Not sure where this is going yet, but I'll give it a watch. I'm always on the look out for a promising adventure story staring my number one blue unicorn!
Some minor spelling and grammatical errors here and there, but nothing to distract me from the story. Looking forward to where this goes!
1948869
Wait, where? I can't abide spelling and grammar mistakes! TELL ME WHAT I DID WRONG!
This is a pretty good setup. I am certainly looking forward to seeing where you're going with this.
Although I have to ask. If the title is irrelevant to the story, why is it the title? Maybe I'm missing something, or it's something that'll become clear later on in the story, but seriously, I don't get it.
1948893
It's the quote that's (mostly) irrevelant to the story. The title will be important in the chapters to come.
1948927 Okay, now I'm really curious to see where you're going with this. Guess I'll have to wait to find out.
1948885
Should be "known"
I could have sworn I saw another typo, I think a word used twice in a row, but I may be confusing that with another story I read.
That's it!
1949314
Fixed. Thanks for pointing it out.
Dammit, you've hooked me in already. Looking forward to more! :)
I don't mind a little exposition. At 2,500 words, I can deal with that. I've read other stories, not just fanfiction, that go on and on and never get anywhere. Here, it's direct and to the point so I have no qualms.
The fun starts next time, eh? Looking forward to it!
This pleases me.
Continue.
I have to agree with RTS. 2.5K words for exposition is very palatable. Besides, it's kept interesting and relevant by having the characters provide the majority of the information, thereof. Besides, exposition is usually necessary preceding the primary action of such an epic, isn't it?
So yeah, this is the first story I've ever heard of w/ Trixie and Twilight partaking in an Equestria-saving quest. Wondering if the remainder of the Mane 6 will join as well. If it is just Twi/Trix, then hey, all the better. Perhaps we'll get a chance to have a story where Trixie's magic extends past illusionary spells and into the combat-realm; oooor, perhaps her illusions prove useful or critical to the story and she achieves a sense of respect from Twilight in that regard.
Also, impending authentic Friend!shipping ftw (liking the subtle hints that while Twilight forgave Trixie last time, they're still not quite yet on good terms, proven in my head by the acknowledgement of how easy it would've been to just walk away and leave Trixie to her musings.)
Looking forward to more.
Grace and Peace, and Happy Writing.
Pronking. Hehe.
More setup chapters. I'm suspicious of these two characters, though...not even Pinkie Sense betrayed them, but I still think they're EEEEEEVIL.
In celebration of EqD feature, have a cover image! Yes, I prefer to use screengrabs from the show. No, I don't know why.
Chapter 4 to come soon!
Have you noticed that all your chapters are named after Yu-Gi-Oh! cards? (I am such a nerd
)
Looking forward to this story!
I'm liking this story, you get an A + the cross!
Oh, and I believe this is the other error previously mentioned. It happens during a line break so its much harder to catch for you!
The Mane 6 ARE knights. They were knighted after they defeated Discord, but their title is "Dame" not "Lady".
2231908
Indeed they are. At least Magic Jammer should be recognizable to a casual YGO fan.
2231908 FILLY CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!
Friendshipping fics are a rare fare. I hope this works out well. The adventuring angle is interesting too - Equestria has plenty of possibilities for classic pulp-style adventuring.
Really, when I read this, I got reminded of The Goonies, with Dowsing Rod feeling very much like Chester Copperpot. I like it!
I'm looking forward to seeing this pony show up, for some reason.
This is quite well-written so far, and I'm glad to finally see a good, canon (post Magic Duel), Trixie-comes-back-to-Ponyville-for-a-reason-other-than-bullying fic.
The only grammatical mistake I noticed was this:
–"Hello Trixie," Twilight said, keeping her voice neutral. "Stable said you wanted to see me?"
One must always place a comma in a sentence when one character addresses another; "Hello, Trixie."
Other than that, I look forward to reading more!
Great job of this so far, it looks like it's going to be a lot of fun.
Also looking forward to more.
2232311
Well, crap. The official title of a female knight is indeed "Dame", while "Lady" refers to the wife of a knight. Correcting now!
Still, I don't think they were actually knighted in S2E02. That was more of a ceremony of celebration and a giving of medals. The Mane 6 (with the possible exception of Rarity) don't strike me as the type to accept that sort of honorific.
Chapter 4 alternate titles: Dragon Manipulator, Graceful Charity, Gora Turtle of Illusion.
I'm really liking this so far. You have a nice dash of conflict and tension without being overbearing with it. I like your style of writing too, you seem to be sort of coming into your own.
Looking forward to the next part.
Still don't trust them.
I've always been suspicious of meticulous, cultured types with irritable maidens. I'll see where this goes, but for now, I'm wary.
Which of course is GREAT!
Looking forward to the advent of the second act. :)
nehhh... I don't like Hammer and Glimmer. They give off Last Crusade Donovan vibes...
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvjj2xe1tY1qkjkqa.gif
"Did I mention I'm definitely not a villain?" ^^
Inb4 Hammer either becomes a servant of the big evil thing in the tears, or just stabs our heroes in the back to get at the immortality stuff.
Geeze, try not to be too blatant about your evil. Which of course means they must end up as good guys to add a twist to the story.
New, unexpected companions?
Yeah... this won't end well...
Though it's intriguing to see that Trixie is holding back some information. Just what could she be up to? Who's the real antagonist here?
Till next time!
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/472/042/383.jpg
Such a hilarious interpretation of Spike in this. I'm loving the explanation for the how and why of his Canterlot connections.
Little yellow flag going up in my mind...
Characters I like: Check
Something evil rising somewhere: Check
Epic adventure incoming: Check
Sir Hammer and Glimmer will stab Twilight and Trixie in the back: Check
No spelling mistakes: Check
Like, Faved and watched: Check
Will add this to my 'Recommend list' on my page
You have piqued my interests... carry on!
1948715 You sure didn't!
In an alternate universe, Twilight asks Celestia about the Seaponies' Tears:
"Oh that old thing? I had the cave drained and turned into a wine cellar 200 years ago. I use the Tears to shampoo my mane every morning...
Curse? That may have something to do with the 'Trespassers Will Be Violated' sign I stuck at the entrance... Can't have the hoi polloi imbibing my private reserve, now can we?"
References, references everywhere! It's Chapter 5, named after a card that would actually be really useful in my current deck. It's time to dig around in my big box-o-cards.
Fun fact: out of five chapter titles, only one is a card I actually use. Take a guess at which.
Additional fun fact: even though there's a month-and-a-half gap between the release of Chapters 4 and 5, I typed up the entirety of Chapter 5 in one day. Yesterday, specifically. I had about six hundred words typed up for a month, then decided that they were terrible and deleted them all. I just couldn't find a writing groove. As soon as I hit on the Harry Potter reference, though, it all just came together.
Twilight is scary when keeping on schedule.
Also, it's funny to see Trixie be the one to act as mediator. Though, considering her talents fall into the entertainment category, it's not too much of a stretch to see her use those skills to defuse a situation with humor. Now if she could only apply that to her stage act...
Heh, Twilight suddenly finds the power of celebrity! Not that she wants it, but it was an interesting take for her to realize all that she's done and how others see her. Wonder if this will change her moving forward?
Adventure time, next time!
welp that was an awesome read.
I don't know what to add to this....
RTStephens got it.
–"It means that if this mare tells you she has important information that needs to get to the mayor, you let her see the fucking mayor!" Trixie paused, letting her words sink in. "Are we clear?"
Oh crap, it just got super-serious.
While the sudden profanity was quite amusing, I'm not entirely sure it was the right choice. This story retains a sort of lightheartedness to it, similar to the actual show in tone. Therefor, this seemed really out of place; sure, it was funny for that very reason, but I also think it's somewhat of a double-edged sword.
Anyhow, the Harry Potter reference was fun. I'm just a bit surprised at Twilight's shortness with everyone – Sure, she might get a bit impatient, but didn't Games Ponies Play resolve her stressed-when-under-pressure problems?
Looking forward to more, as always.
2504069
I'd say Magic Jammer, but then again I've not been keeping up with the metagame since Stardust Overdrive. A Rival Appears sounds like it could work with Xyz monsters running around now.
I can understand a humble pony like Twilight being uncomfortable with the idea she's seen as a super hero by outsiders. Pressure...
2512545
Hey, I have to earn that "Teen" rating somehow.
You raise a good point, though, and it's one I went back and forth on several times myself. I don't swear, as a rule, so even writing it out was a little bit weird. Still, I felt the scene lost something without it.
Also, while Twilight did learn a breathing technique for beating stress, that doesn't mean she'll never face that problem again. By analogy, I have ADHD; learning a good set of study habits doesn't lessen the severity of the condition itself.
2512946
Oh dear, Xyz. I'd dropped the game for a long time, during which Xyz monsters, Tuners, and whatever Synchro means were added. The first time I played after that hiatus, it was against a guy who used all three. I still trounced him, naturally, but I basically had no idea what was going on.
Anyway, the card I actually use is "A Rival Appears". Along with "Reasoning", "Kaiser Colosseum", and "Triggered Summon", it ensures that I always have a good number of monsters out. Chapter 6 will also be a card I use, so look out for that.
This sentence... there are no words
It's grammatically correct, and quite possible one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen
Wow, just wow. I am deeply impressed. Well done sir, well done.
Trixie and Twilight have an interesting dynamic. Of course Trixie would boast about Twilight's accomplishments - she's likely the kind of person who thinks that's what you're supposed to do, use your resume to get ahead in the world. The f-bomb seemed a bit jarring, though. Very out of the blue. Would probably work just as well without it.
Interesting reconstruction of the "obstructive bureaucrat" cliche - asking "Why is the bureaucrat being obstructive?" Nice.
Yeah, I'm liking this story so far...
Yet I do have to agree that Trixie's F-bomb is a bit much... It might be better to ponify it... maybe use "bucking" instead?
2777304
No. Absolutely not. "Bucking" is a verb, used to describe the act of throwing off a pack or rider. Within the context of MLP:FiM, it also describes a strong, backwards kick, such as that used in the act of "applebucking".
In no way can or should it ever be used as a substitute for the word "fucking". That's inane.
Edit: Wow, that came off a lot more harshly than I meant it to. I'm still not backing down, though.