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"Our life is a journey
through winter and night
we search for our way
in a sky without light..."
The old stories tell of the Mask of Lies, that entraps its wearer as certainly as it entraps everything around it. The worst lies of all are the ones we tell ourselves.
Spanish Translation: https://www.deviantart.com/spaniard-kiwi/art/Tan-facil-como-mentir-999963762
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sounds promising, will real later
You said you were planning to experiment with the concept of deception one day, and you didn't disappoint
Here, have a song that will go perfectly with this piece.
Ne Obliviscaris - And Plague Flowers The Caleidoscope
"Don't expect to enjoy this" was a lie, wasn't it? Very fitting.
Very beautiful story. Haven't read something like this for a while, and there aren't many people on this platform who can accomplish something like this.
Warning: This comment contains spoilers!
For some reason, this brought back "Yours Truly" to me. I dunno, it just did.
Anywho, this was a very complicated story for me. The I had a feeling those quotes were odd, and I'm going to take a guess and say that they were his artificial thoughts, but I'm not 100% sure. I'll be putting my thoughts on the meaning of this story, and I apologize if I get anything wrong; I don't want to undermine your work, but I'm very very stupid and not really good at figuring out these types of stories.
Let me see if I can't at least make an explanation for things:
-I'm going to guess that the red tie is a reference to the tie he and Owlowiscious received in "Owl's Well That Ends Well." I'm going to guess that it's his... jealous playing out.
Actually, never mind on that. Ignore that, please.
Red shows up a lot, doesn't it? That could be a reference to the red dragon in "Dragonshy" and his jealousy for her, but I'm not sure. The dream (somewhat) ended after she killed it, so I'm guessing this MIGHT support it (that, and the fact that Twilight's mane color was red, orange and yellow.
But then Rarity is also described with an orange and golden mane! Okay, the grey body can be seen as relative to Discord, I suppose but why the orange and yellow mane? Is that Spike's memory fading? Can he remember only Rainbow Dash? I... I have nothing for the orange and golden mane. Sorry.
But wait a minute!
I would say something about her Gala dress, but... she flinched when she saw her reflection. Maybe it's referencing the purple of her mane and the red of her coat?
-Now for Twilight's birthday. Maybe... that's an event that Spike did not go to, and in both the show and the dream, it was held at Canterlot. Of course, this brings up why Hoofington and Trottingham was mentioned; that eludes me. Maybe that's Spike missing Rarity being at her party and he not?
That also brings up why she hated the dress. Twilight's dress was a focus in "Sweet and Elite," where Twilight's birthday took place... maybe that's either Spike's projection of Rarity as the bearer of Generosity coming out, or the projection of Rarity as very important, taking precedence above Twilight, coming out. I can't make a conclusion on it. Sorry.
Now to the weird weather. Muddy rain... I can't say I recognize the importance of that. I can't even decide what that is psychologically. Gah, I'm friggin stupid.
And I think Sweetie Belle was the final important plot point? Okay, so why would Spike have Sweetie Belle there? Hmm... maybe as a distraction? Rarity did try and shoo Sweetie Belle away from her, but she did show her "clean"(?) side by worrying about her getting mud in places. So Sweetie Belle goes outside to play while Rarity works, and then Rarity cuts her mane and tail off? Hmm...
What's important being... Spike? But then that begs the question of why Rarity was depicted in such a manner. I just. don't. GET IT!
I think the final bit that was important was the maintaining of composure part. I think, after Rarity was put through all of this, Spike wanted to keep Rarity from looking crazy by stressing that she kept her composure through it all. That may've been a quality he found attractive.
Also,
Wrong its/it's there. You may want to change it. You also did this in your summary. Just thought I'd point that out for you.
So, I think that's all I have to say about it without giving it another readthrough. Again, I apologize if I got anything wrong in there, but again, I'm very stupid. This was a good story, I think. It gets an upvote from me.
I love it, unless I hate it. Not sure. Still suffering mental whiplash.
gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs2/3280454_o.gif
"Disclaimer: This is less a fanfiction and more a piece of experimental psychology. Don't expect to enjoy it; it is not designed to be enjoyable."
Well that's funny, because I find experimental psychology extremely enjoyable! Seriously, that's my face up there with this story.
Edit: Apparently the gif disappeared a couple of days ago. If you don't see it, then it was never there!
I think this may be the single most well written piece i have ever read. And not one single part either, its entirety is absolutely amazing. I went back and read it a second time and noticed much more, and in doing so fell in love with it that much more. I would, and i mean this literally, bow before you if i could.
1522075 That exact reaction was basically the entire purpose of the experiment.
Well, my mind now feels raped...
This was .. odd, yea, as you said it, it wasnt very enjoyable .. or was it?
Yes, I think I enjoyed reading this, it was so different from everything Ive read so far. Still not sure what I did read, but, slowly the pieces are falling toghether as I stop writing this comment and thinking about it.
I had the same revelation as "Not Worthy" in his comment
Same here, eventhough, I just read Yours Truly this morning, and Im looking through what else you have written ;) ( I have not yet commented on Yours Truly, but It was a great read)
-- MINOR SPOILER PART --
I think Ive got what happened in this fic now, after thinking it through another time. Dreams can do weird things. What Im still contemplating is what was up with everyone randoming their colors, well, I guess that can be explained too if its a dream, I guess.
-- NO MORE SPOILER PART --
Anyhow, Im liking this, not faving though, but it was an interesting read indeed. Thanks for putting it up for everyone to read :)
M
But I thought...
And then...
But...
My mind feels violated.
But yes, is this supposed to be set within the Yours Truly universe?
1632946
My official answer is "Only if you want it to be"
Definitely a gasp of fresh air. Enjoyed this almost as much the second time around.
What. The. Hell. Did. I. Just. Read?
I think this can sum it up better than anything else:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPD53LsE-WQ
Also, this story slightly reminds me of "A Nightmare to Remember," only this one seems to lead you even further into the depths of the equine (human?) mind...
Fantastic read, a "breath of fresh air," indeed. I will need a few extra runs to figure it out well enough, though...
The world is full of lies. That was a lie too. See? I'm right.
So confused, but it was a joy to read!
And down in the treasure hoard, there's a spinning top that wobbles, but never quite falls over--
2204040 I deliberately ripped off Nightmare To Remember in this story, sometimes down to the exact words. Hence "Did you have one original idea?"
Congrats, Sethisto decided to feature this story in today's EQD. Don't know what all that means, but upon actually reading it, I can see why.
A beautiful story. My brain hurts though.
2205064 With that information in mind, I don't think I can call this story a story by any normal meaning of the word. It's more like a living, breathing amalgamation of words that's aware of what it is, and builds off of itself as it goes.
Does that make sense?
I don't even know anymore.
If anything, it was just another clever component to compact the fact that this was just Spike taking bits and pieces of other works he's seen to construct his own fantasy. That said, I loved reading this. I loved the ever growing feeling of complete and utter confusion as it festered in the back of my head. I loved how you built upon that feeling as you jarred everything out of order, instilling the belief that not even the dreamer knew how to control what he had started anymore. And I adored the ending, and everything you tried to say with it. Because honestly, I doubt I'll ever know fully what you tried to do with this.
Quickly, though 1521848 and 1621656, to add to your discussion about everyone being grey and orange maned: Remember the end, remember the mask.
When it was all crumbling around him, Spike sat and gazed upon a pony, upon the mask. When it fell away, she stood with grey coat and fiery hair. In essence, she was his fantasy, she was what he, in his mind, thought Rarity was, who he thought everyone was. She wasn't real, she never would be real because she was a dream, and so the characters were all colored the same to signify the fact that none of them were who they are in reality. They acted how Spike expected them to act.
Take the moment when Applejack said "thank you" in comparison to her normal, gruff "thanks". That very well could have been Spike's image of Rarity slipping into her words. Possibly.
Anyway, that's what I gleamed from it. I could be wrong.
The funny part? We'll never really know the answer, because this story in itself is a lie.
To take it literally, though, we have two options. One is that the Living Fantasies quote is a lie, which would mean that Spike knew deep down within himself that it was time for all this nonsense to end; or the Yes quote is a lie, which would mean that his fantasy really did come to life, or something externally was affecting him and helping him to see reason and--
OH MY GOD.
I just got the Smiling Steel Blue Eyes. He was dreaming, wasn't he? It was all a dream. But dreams are a product of the night, and who do we know that embodies the night? Luna. Luna took the part of his fantasy, because she is one with dreams.
Well.
That goes hand in hand with my second speculative option.
Damn.
That's just... fridge realization at it's finest. I mean, I could be completely off the mark, but it's one striking possibility. Either Luna helped him solve it after years of dreaming, or he subconsciously did away with it on his own, because he was ready to move on.
Thanqol, thank you for this. It's been too long since I've read something that I could dive into an really think about. Thank you.
Hmm, I kind of want to read this. But--
*notices that whatever Rainbow Dash is holding in the cover art has its own eyes*
*reads story*
That was a hell of an experience. I guess I should read Nightmare To Remember now, judging by your comment.
I'm tempted to say, "This is either a carefully crafted piece of writing or a complete mess." But of course, that would be a lie. Because it's so obviously both.
So to summarize sequentially. You open a quote. You give us a fairly long tract of monotonous exposition on 'Rarity''s truly boring location. A thought interferes, and we switch from monotonous narration to chaotic action. Character voices are noticeably wrong (perhaps intentionally). More thoughts interfere. The not-terribly-unexpected jumble-of-quotation-marks begins. More chaotic action. 'Startling' reveal followed by other nested 'startling' reveal. Conclusion. And unless I missed my counting, the opening quote is not closed.
I'll excuse the fact that the quotation marks occasionally show up in incorrect directions, although if this story were to have coherent structure, that would probably be important. As it is, I find myself primarily disappointed, and perhaps that's what you want. There's no puzzle here. There's really nothing of interest. It's basically 8000 words of wasted space, and I suppose one could interpret the final section of the story as a statement to that effect – but that begs the rather large question of why one would bother interpreting anything here in any way. Perhaps, from a meta-fiction standpoint, uninteresting imagery and exposition coupled with unevenly voiced imaginary character analogs and a lack of structural continuity hiding behind some casually coincidental connective tissue can combine to serve some purpose, or more likely to explicitly fail to serve a purpose.
It's... interesting, in the same way that Twinkies constitute food. But I think the highest praise I can give it is this: 8498 words is short enough that I kept reading long after I lost interest.
Interesting, and (as Mystic noted) refreshingly different, but I also share some of Bradel's qualms. Early on, the irregular use of quotations and the rapid departure from the established setting (and subsequent tangential jumps after comparatively invested exposition) quickly made things difficult to follow and disengaging. The rather brief length was enough to keep me reading, however, and the conclusion almost fit with what is given building up to it, if perhaps emphasizing peculiar [dare I say improper] aspects. A good effort, to be sure -- and an intriguing idea -- but the premise (lying to you) seems out of place with the given text, and, in my opinion, the work of a whole is in need of extensive structural review to realize its potential.
Evangelion did it first, and did it better.
"The self has always been composed of two selves [ : ...T]he self which is observed and the self which observes itself. To expound, there is the Shinji Ikari that exists in your mind, the Shinji Ikari in Misato Katsuragi's mind, the Shinji Ikari in Asuka Soryu's mind, the Shinji Ikari in Gendo Ikari's mind, and the Shinji Ikari in Rei Ayanami's mind. All are different Shinji Ikaris, but each of them is a true Shinji Ikari. (What you fear is the Shinji Ikaris who exist in the minds of others.)"
2207454
To ye who vainly attempts to analyze this dream, past the wit of man to say what dream it was, I say: As far as I can tell, there was no rhyme or reason to this work. The author got an idea into his head, started writing, kept writing, finished writing, looked it over, stuck it on Fimfiction.
It's beautiful. Which is why I don't give a care as to meaning or purpose. When I read things, I find myself completely absorbed, leaving me with a general feeling of, 'something just happened, something awesome, but I can't for the life of me remember exactly what'.
Read it, smile, and walk away satisfied.
Could use a bit of editing, though.
2209834
A seed has been planted. I wonder whether anything will grow from it.
2209418
I'm rather curious as to what you look for in a story. Around the beginning of the dreams within the as of yet unknown dream, I completely lost my concentration, and I ended up just finding myself dragged along with it.
This was clearly not meant to be coherent in any way. I hereby proclaim this to be abstract art.
2210336
Hmm. That's kind of an interesting question, here particularly, because I'm very reticent to call this a story. A story needs to – let's be tautological here – tell a story. Arguably this does, but I think clearly the story here is only a loose pastiche to give the reader something to latch onto as they read. I find your description of being "dragged along with [this]" to be particularly apt. The image of a tidal surge springs to mind. I don't like this by any means. I don't know that I think it's even remotely close to good, but that's a dicier question. Yet somehow it does seem to be compelling.
Some of that may be me. My mind latches onto puzzles. Assuredly, this is not a puzzle, but it takes the form of one, and that makes it stick in my craw.
As for what I like in a story, and I do think both of those words need emphasizing, let me comprise a short list:
- Active storytelling
- Considered pacing (neither too rushed or too relaxed)
- Well-voiced characters, particularly in dialogue but also in action
- Organizational structure that highlights either plot or theme (preferably both)
- Immersion
I wouldn't say I actively look for these things while I read, but the first four are the areas where I'm most likely to notice deficiencies. They primarily serve the goal of immersion, though. Many faults can be forgiven if a story manages to immerse you deeply enough that you lose the self-awareness to notice them. I don't know how well I strike that balance myself, but I know that's what I look for in a good story.
2210245 Hmm, fair enough. That said, while it may very well have been a random idea strung together with errant whims to form one hell of a ramshackled story-thing, it was done so in a way that entertained me. I will say that in the beginning, when all that was going on was blatant Rarity monologue and development, I almost clicked away to look for something else. It was decently boring. But then, when the wandering began, and the sudden flip into what seemed to be the future occurred, I was pretty much hooked. I wanted to know what the hell was going on, and where this was going. Did I figure it out? Yes. Was it what I expected? No, and that makes me happy. It wasn't jarring, it made sense when looking back (to me, at least).
As for trying to analyze it, I'm just one of those people that like to think everything has meaning. Did it? I really don't know. I just pick what seems like they do, and form my own conclusions.
As for your reading method, I can understand it, but don't necessarily want to follow it. Although I'm curious now. To me, this is beautiful because it spurred me to think and analyze, to pick and pry while trying to find little gems of understanding. What here exactly causes you to think it's beautiful, if not that?
To those who are baffled by the peculiar style, here's a fun fact: Every use of quotation marks is intentional.
2209418
You know when I said this story wasn't meant to be entertaining, it was meant to be experimental psychology?
This is exactly what I was talking about.
I wanted to make a story while at once good and compelling was also horribly frustrating and deeply unsettling. I always try to communicate an emotion with my writing and with this one the emotion was a thick, black, twisted sense of rage and upset without voice. I wanted to write a terrible story really well.
Your reaction was exactly the one I was aiming for, so thank you for sharing it :)
2210938
Darn it. I just went back and checked. I did miscount my quotes. The one I was missing was exactly where it should have been.
Which actually makes me think you should have opened with two of them, now.
2210938 You should make a movie with M. Night Shaymalan.
It'd probably be just as brilliant as "The Happening". Or would it? Maybe it would be more like "The Prisoner". Or perhaps the compelling vision of The Beatles "Help".
What is the sum of many voices all crying out in dissonant chords?
2210245
I refuse to read into this story deeper than its face value, for I find its face value to be a fair sum and feel my time was well spent without trying to interpret the transaction as having played out in my favor. In other words, I think we're in agreement.
This story is one heck of a ride. I like to think I'm pretty good with piecing together scene changes, but this is like some horrible, disjointed dream/nightmare. It messed with what I was thinking, manipulated how I felt, and that's how it's meant to be. I like it.
Well that was definitely a different experience from a normal fic. Bit like a weird dream, I guess it's appropriate that I read this to prepare for bed.
Not sure if it was clever author for this line:
- “What day was it when you came to see me in Trottingham a week ago?”
Earlier TS was in Hoofington (like in Yours Truly), but now she's referencing a different location. Maybe it's a clever lie from the author. Cheeky author.
This was...
Well, it was a lot. This was one of those stories that I read and then I just sort of had to sit in my bed and half-stare into emptiness because I couldn't.
You say this was not meant to be enjoyed; I'm sorry, I enjoyed it anyway. But it was, by necessity, an abstract sort of enjoyment...
I don't know if I want this to be associated with anything else. To be honest, I made no connections until I hit the comments.
MY REACTION:
O. o
*cocks head*
*stays like that*
...
Huh...not really The rarity From the showbut the rarity that exists within spike's mind.
1521648
Actually, I found it hideous. Repulsively ugly. Double chinned with self content and rotting in its own ostentation.
And to the author, I will eventually reread this several times, until I understand it fully. Or until I understand it as fully as it can be understood, which is most probably not at all.
Well, that was... unique.
I don't think I'm going to expend any energy trying to understand it, especially after reading the comments and coming to the conclusion that it's not meant to be understood. At least I didn't have any unreasonable expectations going in? I still don't have any expectations going out, for that matter.
I don't have an opinion on this story. I have nothing to say about it, and I've still managed to type a fairly absurd number of words about it. It didn't cause me to feel any kind of emotion or reaction whatsoever, unless you count detached neutrality as an emotion. Which I suppose is an interesting experience?
2419219
I have no idea why you suggested that I read this. Maybe it was just supposed to be different. Mission accomplished.
2422941 Like I said: Experimental psychology.
I get some fascinating responses.
I am not entirely sure that I can quantify my feelings toward this story. I will say that I believe you, Thanqol, were partly wrong. I did enjoy this. At least, I think I did. I'm not quite certain thus only partly wrong.
Hm. My mind has a kind of dull buzz running through it now. This story has given me quite a lot to think about. Thank you.
I'm not sure if reading this now was any different than the first time I did so. It still leaves me with this feeling that I only think I kinda sorta get it, and really I'm missing the real secret and Thanqol is messing with my head
I see ... well, I don't ... but I see something ... I think ...
.... I like it.
I honestly have no idea what I just read, but I did enjoy it in a weird abstract way.
It's a dream. Everything. She never woke up, she's still sleeping. She had horrible, horrible nightmares. Then, she imagined that life was better, she woke up and Spike was there. "It was all just a dream, I'm awake and life is great." No. Her friends are dead and she might not wake up.
3516164 I guess Fancy Pants fucked that spell up.
3517404 I don't think that he would have very strong magical abilities. Twilight would have been a better option, but then she might let her emotions get in the way of the spell.
This was quite good, better than you gave yourself credit. It keeps you in a dream state through the entire thing, and you have to work your way to the end to truly discover the meaning of the story. I think you should make more works like this.