Apricotstone
Joined 18th Nov, 2012 ·
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Appleshy180 stories ·484 members
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Oh, this looks nice! Must read!
You got 1649414 approval. Good job, mate.
1649420 Not yet, still reading.
1649424 Yeah, it could turn out to be complete crap. Let me rephrase:
You got AI's PRE-approval.
Very cute shipping story. FlutterShy and AJ make a cute couple. Good job.
That word is not a word. Hardly, you mean?
Edit: Apparently, it is a word! Go figure!
Using two words in the same sentence, regardless of the reason is a bad thing to do. It makes the story feel dull.
Ellipses do not belong in the narration segments, just like exclamation marks.
This needs to be reworded, as it's Fluttershy's thoughts. One usually uses italics to do this job.
This is flawed in the fact that it's Fluttershy's opinion, and the narration part should hardly have an opinion. Generally, this is easily fixed by making the character think these thoughts while the narration shows what the thinker is doing/feeling.
No exclamation marks in the narration. I completely felt this coming.
The constant - use of - these dashes - are very annoying. I've never used them. Other authors, including myself simply use periods, commas and semicolons. Those dashes should be rarely used and only during necessary occasions.
Final thoughts: Many recurring errors appear, but the style of how this story was told made up for it. This was entertaining, fun to read and enjoyable to speculate on. You captured each character's personalities skilfully as well. All it all, I liked it.
i.imgur.com/Y3zJi.jpg
It works.
Cute story. Have a thumb.
1649494
Actually, nary is a word. It's a bit old fashioned, but it means "not any", or sometimes just "not" (depends on the context). As an example from an old Disney film: "we'd plunder and pillage, and ransack a village with nary a worry or care."
1649607 Must Google this to verify.
Hmm, it would seem I need to brush up on my thesaurus. Good job pointing that out to me. Thank you.
I found this very cute, even if applejack is my least favorite main six character.
1649958 Applejack's your least favorite?
Cute story, I'm a big fan of Appleshy.
I'm not usually into just pure romance/shipping stories, but this was cute.
1649494 I see you've mostly pointed out flaws with the style of narration. I would say that I was going for this effect, but that seems like an excuse. So I'll just say, perhaps using first-person narration would have suited this story a little more? I didn't want to make the narrative style completely detached from Fluttershy, which is why it seems like I've meshed her thoughts into the narrative. Thanks a bunch for the feedback, though!
1651167 P.M. me if you have any difficulty with future stories and/or chapters. I'll see if I can help by editing.
1651174 Wow, thanks for the offer! I'll take you up on it one day.
Luna’s sun glowed as pleasantly as ever.
What happened to Celestia????
Cool story though!
1651268 Argh, that's meant to say Luna's moon. Thanks for pointing that out.
Beautifully done! I can absolutely accept these characterizations of Flutters and AJ, and I can hear and see them in my mind's eye. That's always a good sign. Thumbs up!
Honestly, I'm not that big a fan of Appleshy, much prefer Twishy, but I might read this later...
Maybe.
Most likely.
Well, decided to read it...
I actually really liked it! Good job, for making me somewhat interested in Appleshy and actually making me read an Appleshy fic.
I know how Fluttershy feels. I have a friend that I'm dying to tell my feelings to, but to scared to do it, thinking it will ruin our friendship. I need to Fluttershy up and come out and say it.
1697753 Wow, I'm glad you like the story. I know I don't always read fics with shippings I'm not interested in, so to hear that you did that with my fic makes me feel... well, honoured. Also glad to hear that this has sparked an interest in Appleshy within you!
1698674 Hehe, nice term, 'Fluttershy up'. Don't worry, we've all been there, I'm sure.
That story was just
and that parring 
Ooh, that was adorable. I love the way you captured the scene when she was giving her the plush. So much detail in pretty much everything. It wasn't just AJ and Flutters, but the whole area was laid out. I felt like I could see exactly where they were standing when it happened.
Loved this. <3
1905145 Oh wow, thanks so much! I usually have trouble with getting the details down, so I'm glad to see I've managed to do that here.
1649494 There is no good advice in this comment. Firstly, using the same word twice in a sentence is a perfectly fine style choice, and only becomes a problem if it's something that happens often. Which it does not here. Secondly, there is nothing wrong with using neither exclamation marks or ellipses (Is that what they're called? or interrobangs or colons or whatever kind of grammar you bloody like in narration segments, again as long as you don't overdo it of course. And again (again) this story does no such thing. This too is a stylistic choice and thus not an error.
Both of these statements of yours are flawed in that this story quite clearly has a 3rd person introspective (I'm not quite sure what this is called in English, but I believe this should be understandable) narrator, meaning that the entire story is told not by Fluttershy, but by a disembodied entity residing in her head, literally able to read her thoughts. Thus, if you cared to look at it properly before posting this, you'd have noticed that anything that isn't dialogue between ponies is this disembodied voice's monologue narrating Fluttershy's thoughts, not just the two instances you pointed out. And since half of the story - or something along those lines - are her thoughts, italicising all of it would frankly just look stupid.
Also, while the usage of dashes is indeed somewhat exaggerated here, they too are perfectly okay to use if you like them. And really, stop the condescension here, that's just being an ass to the author. There are other authors who use dashes too, and either way, it's not like dashes can necessarily just be replaced by commas - their function simply aren't the same (This sentence is a good example of a dash being better than a comma at separating two sentences. A semi-colon would work here, but a dash is more dramatic than the subdued semi-colon and thus underlines an argument better while the semi-colon merely separates sentences.)
1651167
And to you the author, I'd just like say that I quite enjoyed reading this cute little story. It was well-written and of a fitting length for a bit of good-night reading for me tonight. Also, d'awws were most definitely had.
There you go, 100 thumbs up. Nice story
GOOD.
my heart just imploded in upon itself i need to go to the hospital to have the extra love removed before i get diabetes or maybe a changeling lol
D'awww!
Good story. I also have been in Fluttershy's situation of feeling attracted to someone but afraid to tell them and risk ruining the friendship. Unfortunately, I didn't have someone like Pinkie Pie to nudge me along. 
Anyway, liked and faved.
Well that was intensely adorable.
This was an adorable read.
Pretty cute. I loved how Pinkie started rambling about unrelated things during her conversation with Fluttershy. That's so... her.
This story was so cute. Near the end I started to get as nervous as Fllutershy, waiting for Applejack's answer.
I thought this part was particularly cute and clever.
So Cuuuuute!