Our protagonist is cold, hungry, and alone. Ponyville is no longer what it once was. Can he find a way to revert things to how they were before?
Once more, we have a one-hour challenge. This time, it was to write a "first person adventure."
Standard rules apply. No going back and revising. What you see is exactly what I vomited onto the screen.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm, I like the sound of this. I'll read it later :D
Interesting, if not disturbing pretense, at first everything was beginning to sound a bit dull and boring, the only thing that kept me hooked was the narrative style. It was sporadic and jarring as the flow comes to a grinding halt to every point the tone transitions, it was like this to the point where I questioned if the main character was suffering from some mental disorder. I was a bit glad, if not curious, to find that my power of clairvoyance prove to be astute as my prediction was proved correct. I can't tell if it is a point in the negative that I was able to so easily guess the ending, in fact, I can't tell if the mechanical prose of the story was deliberate because it doesn't really go anywhere.
Sure, it's interesting to delve into the mind of the disturbed and take a little stroll through Insanity Junction while passing Bonkers Avenue, but nothing really gets accomplished. All it really is, is just a brief tour then we're thrown out of it quicker than we got immersed in it in the first place. Then again, it isn't bad, it just sorta stagnates. It goes up and up with its interesting pretense and smashes down, showcasing nothing except a moderately interesting dialogue and the forever-nagging question on our perspective of reality.
A story that stagnates however is always redeemed by the fact that it is decently-written, so, don't take this as a ruthless lashing. I do commend you on your style and hope to see a bit more although I'm not really sure where else you can go from there, unless he ascends to a higher plane of existence and plays pong with Jesus H. Pony.
1897890
Jesus H. Pony. I like it. Thanks for the suggestions, I'll keep them in mind. As for the ending, it was pretty rushed. When you've only got an hour, things like conflict resolution tend to be rushed (look at pretty much every 2 part episode of MLP to date) and the overall narrative takes a hit. I thank you for your review, WolfePony. Hopefully you don't feel like your time was wasted.
1899393
Nah, if my time were wasted I wouldn't have reviewed it ^^ I see potential in this, it was just a bit insubstantial; like a piece of dry bread with a single slice of cheese on it.