" Can a Changeling ever really change it's shell?"
Ever since the Canterlot Invasion, changelings were feared and hated by all ponies. They were seen as vile, heartless monsters that should be avoided at all costs. But who would have guessed that a group of outcast changelings, separated from their hives fend for their lives by blending in with the ponies? The group struggles to not be exposed for the said "monstrosities" ponies think they are. Are they really the heartless creatures that ponies think they are or is there a heart under all that insectiod armor?
~Cancelled due to this being made back in middle school and I had no further plans for this :o ~
~*~
Credit for the artist of the cover:
The artwork belongs to
SeriousArthos (DA)
http://seriousarthos.deviantart.com/art/Will-Work-For-Love-299137323
They gave me permission to use their art as a cover for this story so enjoy!
I DEMAND MOAR!
About to read.
WOW. this story is going to be good. The writing is good. Their are very few, if any, spelling mistakes. And the plot is sound and makes sense. Plus I love changling romance stories.
This was a romance? is the tag refering to romance between two changlings? Or does Twilight fall for one of them?
I would assume that it's a changling x changling romance since none of the six are on the character list.
Not the best writing I've seen, but the plot has got me, and won't let go!
I shall be awaiting an update.
And that must have been an awesome dream.
I think it could use some smoothing out, perhaps just in general structure/more descriptions, but certainly worth a positive vote and a fav.
I would like this to continue. A changeling "underground society" seems like an exceedingly interesting story.
I actually had this idea at one point, but I wasn't going to write it. Glad to see that someone is. Please continue.
Only critique is that you have too many sentence fragments. Proofread some more, and make sure that every sentence is a complete idea that connects well with other sentences.
I'm interested in where this is going. There is a lot of potential. I also caught a few mistakes:
Intact is one word.
Youngling is one word.
A nice start to a story with a promising concept. I look forward to more!
On a side not though, if you want a better excuse about why Changelings have mouths they do have physical bodies and so logically they will still need some solid food to maintain it.
Good luck wit you writing!
The term evil being used for snaggletooth's expression more than once is odd. Since your summary implies you're going for ambiguity on the changelings and you used the same expression for pinkie I assume this is some mix up due to a lack of phrasings on your part, or is she being set up as a villain who enjoys this lifestyle?
Good work, and I hope to see an update sooner rather than later.
They won't be able to hide from Pinkie for long!
The mistakes are obvious enough.
Capitalize that miss.
Shining has one 'n'.
2158555 Thanks for pointing them out! Hey, would you be intrested in being my beta-reader?
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Your Pinkie smile won me over. I'm not sure what that all entails, but I'll do it. PM me any details.
*Cracks knuckles*
It seems the changelings are ruthless in staying secret. Let us see what can be done to make their fight for survival more easily understood:
Now for some less specific stuff:
So we have three ponies in one carriage, and three ponies, a baby dragon, and a princess in the other. If we look at their sizes and weights, it's even weirder. If we count Spike as half a pony, and Celestia as two ponies (at the very least), then we have 3 ponies-worth of passengers nicely stretched out in one carriage, and 5.5 ponies-worth of passengers stuffed into the other one. I also imagine that those pulling the carriage with the extra weight are going to be quite grumpy. This is actually a simple fix. Just move Fluttershy over to the other carriage, and the ratio becomes 4 to 4.5, which is much more even. I say Fluttershy because she is emotionally closest to Rainbow Dash, and would most likely go with her if they had to split up.
Pinkie and Fluttershy seem to switch roles right after they leave the palace. I would say that they are all just bad listeners, but Fluttershy's reaction shows that she knew she was supposed to check buildings. This is a little bit more complex. At the very least, the paragraph where Celestia gives them their instructions, and the next one after that, both need revisions for consistency.
"Took the bait" implies that Snaggletooth wanted Pinkie to follow her. This is seemingly confirmed when she pushes through the crowd "as if panicked" which implies that she isn't actually panicked. But then it devolves into a standard chase scene and there is no further indication that getting Pinkie to chase her was part of her plan.
Has this chapter gone through any major revisions, by any chance? Both this one and the previous one seem like the sorts of inconsistencies that pop up when part of a chapter is changed, but some of the material isn't altered to reflect that change.
I would highly recommend finding a pre-reader or proofreader. The most magnificent painting cannot be admired if the glass lying upon it is clouded, as the best ideas may not be wondered at if not well expressed.
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My favourite approach to that was probably the idea I had after reading a fic where they only needed love and water but it was never explained beyond that.
They thaumosynthesize! Forget "it's magic", their bodies are built from atmospheric carbon, water, minerals in the water, and the magic in love, just like a tree is built from atmospheric carbon, water, minerals in the water, and sunlight.
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You're supposed to post your novels a groups folders, btw.
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I would like to say I know what you meant there, but I can't express that with honesty. Are you poking fun at my long comment, or is there some deeper, even more obscure message buried in that sentence?
Kinda sad this one got cancelled... Also that the author hasn't been back in years. Hope things are ok