Chapter 10 (Bonus)
Diamond Tiara placed a golden tiara on her head, and looked herself over in the mirror. “Blech.” She removed the horrible piece of headwear, and tried on a platinum tiara. “Better, but…” She threw the tiara into the pile of rejected tiaras behind her, and then placed her original one on. “As I thought. Diamond tiaras suit me best.”
“Great,” Discord said sarcastically, standing behind Diamond Tiara and looking bored as he read a comic book upside-down. “So basically, after thirty minutes of looking through jewellery, you’re just gonna settle with what you already had.”
“Yep,” Diamond Tiara responded, skipping cheerfully out of the store and making her way over to a nearby ice-cream stand. “Let’s take a break over here.”
Discord snapped his fingers, and the small wooden bench that Diamond Tiara was about to sit on transformed into a large, comfortable red velvet sofa. Discord then swam through the air towards the ice-cream stand, stopping when he saw a large line of ponies.
Raising his arms and spreading them apart, the ponies entered a sort of trance-like state, and began to part for him. He strolled through the now-open pathway to the ice-cream stand, and slammed his bear paw onto the counter. “Two strawberry sundaes, with plenty of chocolate sprinkles!”
Removing his paw, six bits appeared on the counter, and the two treats he had just asked for were now in his hands. He jumped high into the air, and slowly descended next to Diamond Tiara, who was now lying on her side on the comfortable sofa. “For you, my lady,” Discord said as he presented one of the desserts to Diamond Tiara.
“Oh, Discord! You’re such a gentle… thing.”
Discord grinned, and grabbed Diamond Tiara’s chin with his eagle claw. He then began to lower his head closer to the filly’s, bringing their lips closer and closer together….
“AH!” Diamond Tiara bolted up in her bed, panting and shuddering as she tried to make sense of what just happened. “A-A dream? No, more like a nightmare…”
“Y’all okay, Diamond Tiara?” Diamond Tiara turned her head to her left, and could just about make out Apple Bloom staring at her through the dark.
Diamond Tiara tried to reason why Apple Bloom was in her room with her, and took a deep breath, so that she could think calmly. ‘Oh yeah. We’re not in my room. We all decided to go camping together.’
“Hey, what’s going on?” Diamond Tiara looked to her right, and saw Scootaloo rubbing her eye, and yawning silently. “It’s still dark out. What gives?”
“Diamond was havin’ a nightmare,” Apple Bloom said, scooting closer to the pink filly so that she could see her better. “It looked like a pretty bad one.”
‘… Yeah, it really was…’ Diamond Tiara shook her head. “Hmph. I’ve already forgotten it. Whatever it was, it was probably stupid.”
“Great,” Scootaloo said. “So we can go back to sleep now, right?”
“Yeah…” Diamond Tiara looked down at her sleeping bag, feeling uncertain about going back to sleep. She didn’t want another nightmare like that, after all. Suddenly, she felt something on her left cheek. It was a feeling she had grown all-too-familiar with in the past few weeks. It was accompanied by a similar feeling on her right cheek.
Apple Bloom pulled away, but Scootaloo held the kiss a little longer. “G’night.”
Scootaloo also pulled back, and then fell onto her back, all-too-eager to go back to sleep. “Night.”
Diamond Tiara simply looked between the two fillies beside her with wide eyes for a few moments, before smiling and also lowering herself down onto her back. She was sure to have good dreams now. “… Night.”
ScootaDiamondBloom is definitely my OT3 
Unfortunately, I find it hard to write an actual, long chapter of them. So instead, have this short, hopefully diabetes-inducing one.
Also, poor Discord just can't catch a break, can he?
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This shall be my ending. Yes.
Bonus = Canon
HAREM ENDO!!!
Yay threesome! Totally works because ponies have herds.
Endings in order of worst to best: Scootaloo, Applebloom, this.
I've heard of several things that can come between friends. Love, money, precious gemstones, even the color pink. Didn't realize all four could come between friends at once, though.
When it comes to stories such as these that break into ground that the show doesn't, we need something to spark the change so that it doesn't seem to come out of left field. For this story, the change came in the form of a generally uncharacteristic moment of Diamond getting bullied. This moment basically set the tone and laid the base for the rest of the story to be in the world of this story as opposed to the world of the canon. I've read a good number of romance stories that spark the romance out of virtually nothing, so I was at least glad to see a believable setup this time. Too bad Wedge and Biggs never got any development.
I was also pleased to see this story went beyond a general love triangle plot. When it comes to storytelling, love in itself is conflict, which makes it easy to fall into the trap of making the love the sole conflict. I think this can work for short stories, but I also think it's important to have variety to keep the story from being too bland. Your story has alternative means of conflict through Scootaloo's family, Cheerilee's involvement, and the simple fact that DT and the CMC are at odds with one another to begin with. Having that variety really makes the story feel more like there's a world around the romance. It helps provide a sense of atmosphere for the story to thrive inside.
Speaking of atmosphere, you also have several moments in the story that lack conflict. You have a number of "breathing moments" that counteract the frenzied tone that the onslaught of conflict creates. At times, it seems like everything anyone does leads to someone either crying or feeling something they've never felt before, so those little moments of introspection really do serve their purpose well.
I've said this before, but the greatest strength that this story has is its sense of symmetry. The two factions competing for Diamond's love are constantly mirroring each other in a way that you really do wonder who will win. The fact that it's not a perfect mirror image but quickly reverts back to one provides some back and forth. You could almost call it suspenseful if you wanted.
This is fanfiction we're talking about here, so there really isn't such thing as wrong characterization (unless you make it clear you're trying to imitate the show). Naturally, this being a shipping fic, there are guaranteed to be quotes I can't possibly imagine some characters saying, like the word 'kiss' in a serious tone for example. I wasn't sure what to think of Scootaloo being in straight-up 'baka' mode for most of the story. I suppose tsundere just annoys me easily. Even so, both she and Apple Bloom had their personalities with Scootaloo being the more aggressive of the two and Apple Bloom having an accent.
Concerning Diamond and Silver, there's always more room for characterization, and you certainly took that one for a ride with Silver Spoon. I'm starting to see the recurring theme of Silver being more mature than Diamond. This one had an interesting twist of her being more mature in some ways. What a concept. It's almost like you were going for a more realistic approach to their friendship as opposed to a blatantly one-dimensional one that many people see them as having. As for Diamond, you kept her personality intact after she got into the relationship. What more could I ask for?
The love triangle was the focus of the story, so I should probably say something about it. While my apathy toward shipping restricts me from going into great detail, I can say that the romance in this story is a product of conflict. Conflict creates the spark, conflict spurs the passion, and conflict drives them together in the end. Because of this, you'd imagine that the relationship would seem too chaotic and unstable. However, the fact that they all become friends in the end seems to quash all that chaos and make it seem like either relationship could actually go somewhere. That's worth a few points there.
A split ending was an honorable choice given the subject matter. Since no matter which choice you'd choose would displease someone, you gave everyone the option to be happy at the cost of a little more work for yourself. Well done, sir. To me, the ending of a story is the most significant part of a story. A substandard beginning can prevent someone from reading onward, but a substandard ending leaves the reader unsatisfied. Since you have three endings, I think I should address each one separately.
While I was expecting the bonus ending to have Discord, I wasn't expecting it to actually be a viable one. The concept of Diamond getting both of them would be debatable since it would inevitably lead to more conflict, but I get the feeling that the bonus ending wasn't really meant to be taken seriously. The Discord dream was an interesting scenario, though.
Scootaloo's ending really tied up the conflict of Scootaloo's family problems. Though we get into some subject matter that may be just past the E rating I was promised, the conflict is real, and it does show that Diamond has gone through some character development to get to this point in the story. I'm actually waiting for them to show that Diamond's afraid of either heights or water in a future episode.
Then we have Apple Bloom's ending. Personally, this is my biggest problem with the story. While the rest of the story had a tremendous amount of symmetry, this ending is where it just seemed to fall apart. Scootaloo's ending resolved a conflict that didn't actually relate to their relationship. Apple Bloom's ending resulted in them nearly splitting up. Scootaloo's ending had its share of conflict, but it was followed by something happy and carefree. Apple Bloom's ending had a small portion of carefree to start and squeaked by with the happy at the very end. The way it's presented, it almost seems like Scootaloo's ending is designed to be the "correct" one. Not only does Diamond come across as happier with Scootaloo, but given the issue with her dad, it seems that Scootaloo needs Diamond much more than Apple Bloom does. We don't even see Scootaloo in AB's ending, and AB seems just fine in Scootaloo's. That's not to say I didn't like any of AB's ending. The opening scene was great.
I have to say though, my biggest problem with AB's ending is the role of Granny Smith. While I'm glad you tied in the conflict you set up at the beginning of the story, the way it turned out really left me with something bittersweet. The key problem I had with it was that it seemed to be a giant slap in the face to the entirety of Family Appreciation Day. That whole episode is about Apple Bloom coming to adopt a better appreciation of her grandmother and her "silly ways", yet she actually has a falling out with her Granny Smith for that very reason for the pony that made AB question her granny in the first place. It just feels like a large step backward for the Apple family as a whole, especially when considering the final outcome. Even though they come to an understanding, it doesn't feel like a touching moment of family love and acceptance. From what Granny says after letting their relationship stand, she sounds more defeated than anything. The way that the Apple family values their family above everything else, I can't really call it a victory when one of them seems defeated. It just seems like after these events unfold, Granny won't be looking at AB the same way ever again, which is even more jarring considering how perfectly okay AB seems in Scootaloo's story about not going out with Diamond. Personally, I would have been more interested to see AB's story resolve the plot point of AB and DT's forgotten friendship. That train derailed after one apology, and I feel that there was a lot more track left. It also might have been more fitting to have both stories incorporate DT's birthday in some way. Just a thought.
I did like how you worked in Filthy Rich to both endings. Nice touch.
So, that's my general overview of this story. Hopefully you get something out of it and continue with your exemplary storytelling. I'd say I'd call this story a cantaloupe that's been cut perfectly down the center. Juicy on both sides and much better than honeydew.
(You had an extra quotation mark at the beginning of AB's ending: “‘Course ah’m not!" and
the photograph showedher cousin.)
Make the most!
I'm not one to really point out errors in stories that I love, but I thought this one was just too blatant NOT to point out: Diamond Tiara tried to reason why Diamond Tiara was in her room with her It should be obvious what's wrong there.
But, yeah, this rules. That rather hilarious, yet creepy dream, followed by Diamond Tiara having gotten BOTH fillies. A lot of humans don't believe in it, but I do. Love as many as your heart will allow, and this is how it should be. It just doesn't seem right for Diamond Tiara to have had to choose. Just take both of them! What law says you can't? My only gripe is that Silver Spoon and Sweetie Belle got nothing! So sad, but my guess is you didn't want a side story involving the two of them. It's fine.
Overall, I LOVED this story! From start to finish, including all three endings. You, my friend, are truly a great story writer! I am honored to say that you have gained a fan in me.
2445248
Well, if you haven't already, you could always check out this for some SilverBelle shipping :P
That was adorable. I love all of these endings. Altogether very well done sir. I applaud your effort. Thank you for the delightful story.
I kind of thought that this was one of those, "Love Triangle" stories. Because of how Diamond Tiara loved Both Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. And they both loved her too..and she had a choice between them both, and also; she instead chose both fillies I'm assuming...nice story though :3 I would love to see a "Silver Belle" shipping <3
Well I have to say, this story was all kinds of adorable, I actually lost sleep the last two nights just so I could finish reading this, haha. Really enjoyed how you've written Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon (as well as the crusaders), honestly I'd say your characterization for them has been my all time favorite so far. I'll admit I was rooting for Apple Bloom the whole time, and was hoping for a bit more Silver Spoon/Sweetie Belle, loved the little teases in the story, but I guess I'll have to read "Cutie Mark Crusader Camping Trip" for that then, unless you plan on writing any cute fluff in the future, haha.
Anyway, just wanted to express how much I enjoyed the story, off I go to read some more cute fics.
There needs to be a sequel to this ending. Like, a "telling the family" scenario, maybe?
Or just a series of one-shots?
Or maybe a series of one-shots, one of them being a "telling the family" scenario?
The possibilities are endless!!!!
Lol, that was some fine work.
5/5.
That was a wonderful gem. I just have to say that it had some really great moments with the little buildup with Scoot's life. I can't believe I missed this story. It's so buried in your little collection.
The blooming romancing between these 3 was so beautifully natural. Bloom's way of blowing up on her sister for her horrible timing, and later that sort of moment with DT's dad. By far I loved how you did Bloom's character and what happened between Di and her. I can't express how much I love this story.
I am glad I made sure to read this when I had absolute moments of peace. This is one of those stories you do NOT just stuff yourself with. It's so much more filling when you pace yourself and fully allow yourself to be immersed in their world. And there IS A WORLD HERE! Seriously, it's not some 'pony verbs' story standing on some white canvas. It's all painted so beautifully and I'm so glad I came back to this on my Read Later.
This story is a serious high-bar for honest to goodness REAL look into what the lucky few get to experience in their lifetime, to being able to experience the genuine discovery of one's feelings for another and what it means to fall in love.
How that love is defined between one generation and another. This is gorgeous and I strongly recommend this to anyone looking for an honest to goodness romp in genuine First Love crushes.
And aside all these great heartwarming moments of self-discovery, but, we the many ponies within find they will have to deal with the varying consequences of their actions.
One of the best stories I've read on this site that's really bothered to explore the LIVES of the many ponies that live in Equestria. Where in some other works where many authors pretend only a handful of ponies deserve mention or focus, and make their stories feel devoid of life beyond 6 mares and/or three fillies in a room that merely changes the name they put overhead between transitions (if that).
But THIS STORY RIGHT HERE? In my sincere opinion, and experienced time in this fandom, is a cut above the rest from anything I've read from Pen Stroke, and many others whose works revolved around the mane casts that I rarely find in written works outside a select few who put in this level of effort into their world.
Take your time with this one. You'll thank yourself for it. And frankly, if you love fanfics and the mane cast, you owe it to yourself to give this a read!
I enjoyed reading this amazing story.
Discord is diamond coltfriend :
WORST NIGHTMARE EVER ! 
also 2 more things : he got sooo rekt and finaly those 3 are a realyX9000 cute OT3
Also the reference : WARRING CONTEINT SPOILERS OF THE SERIE DBZ
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SiMHTK15Pik]
9791779
I've never actually heard of Final Fantasy.