“Ah, it was the end of the Third Era. I simply adore eras. With their little e’s and a’s. Oh, and those disgusting Greymarches that always accompany them! Can’t stand those. At least they come with cheese! Where was I?
Oh, right, the Third Era. My good pal Jyggalag was on his way home from nowhere, ready to take my precious Shivering Isles from me! Then that Champion showed up, and started killing all the Knights of Order! The bloodshed was delicious! Delicious and tasty! But anyway, the Champion stopped all that.
Yes, I don’t think I ever gave him his cheese. Or plucked out his eyes like I promised! I hate to be a liar. Oh well, his loss! Well, Jyggalag showed up and started fixing my Madness, and that just made me mad! And then he had the nerve to turn me into him! Then the Champion killed me. Now here I am.
He’s the new me, and the old me is still me. I wonder if he worships me, or if I worship myself. Do we worship each other? Oh well, more cheese for me!”
Sheogorath watched as his Champion’s blade pierced through the armor of the being he’d been turned into. Jyggalag’s armor wasn’t near enough to keep the Greymarch functioning. The Madgod silently cheered as he listened to his counterpart’s speech.
“Enough! I am beaten. The Greymarch is ended. For millennia this drama has unfolded, and each time, I have conquered this land, only to be transformed back into that gibbering fool, Sheogorath.”
The Daedric prince in question let out a silenced grunt of indignant laughter.
“It was not always so. Once, I ruled this realm, a world of perfect Order. My dominion expanded across the seas of Oblivion with each passing era. The other princes, fearful of my power, cursed me with Madness, doomed me to live as Sheogorath, a broken soul reigning in a broken land.”
Sheogorath chuckled at his counterpart’s contempt for Madness. Madness was a blessing upon the dull lives of mortals. Just like cheese.
“Once each era, I was allowed my true form, conquering this land anew. And each time I did, the curse was renewed, damning me to exist as Sheogorath. Now, though, you have ended the cycle. You now hold the mantle of Madness, and Jyggalag is free to roam the voids of Oblivion once more.”
The Madgod laughed at the idea of holding the mantle of Madness. One does not simply hold Madness; Madness holds one simply!
“I will take my leave, and you will remain here, mortal. Mortal…? King? God? It seems uncertain. This realm is yours. Perhaps you will grow to your station. Fare thee well, Sheogorath, Prince of Madness.”
With that, the Daedric Prince of Order, along with his subconscious Prince of Madness, vanished from the mortal realm of reality. While Jyggalag returned to the planes of the void of Oblivion, Sheogorath was left without a place to return to. Having just been a piece of Order with a side of Chaos, he was no longer an entity of his own.
In short, he didn’t exist. He was replaced by the Champion he hired to kill him. And the other him likely wouldn’t want him back. And so, being nothing but nothing, the Madgod began his search for a new entity to become. And boy, did he become! The Prince of Cheese—or was it Madness?—he couldn’t tell anymore…continued to journey from one consciousness to another, checking each for a suitable suitor to fit his suit.
Finally, after minutes of searching, hours of looking, and days of liking, he stumbled across a world with a single being almost as chaotic and demented as himself. Of course, when you judge Madness by appearance, you’re oftentimes right, and so the Madgod decided this creature would do the trick, chaos or no.
And wouldn’t you know, when Sheogorath found the perfect body, it was already eating cheese! …And making chaos… But mostly eating cheese!
…
The familiar draconequus whistled a happy tune as he drifted back and forth across the large dining room he’d been instructed to clean. Of course, he wouldn’t have had to clean it if he hadn’t summoned a giant cotton-candy chocolate milk cloud the previous evening to break up an uptight dinner party the local snobs were hosting. But no, he wasn’t technically allowed to use his chaos for fun. And so, under Princess Celestia’s watchful tattle-tales, the fun-loving beast was forced to pretend to actually clean the mess he’d made.
Sure, he could simply snap his claws and the mess would be gone, but it wasn’t often he was alone with the Canterlot guards, and he intended to annoy them as much a possible before being summoned back to the castle. While they constantly nagged him to get to work, pleading that they couldn’t end their shift until they’d supervised his restoration of the dining hall, he nibbled away at a block of disgustingly-smelly cheese.
Each time they would say something, he would snort back, “I’ll clean the room when I finish my snack.”
And then, just when the guards were certain he was finished, the block would restore itself to full. After about the fifth time, the guards gave up, and joined him in his cheese-consuming endeavors. It was finally time for the night guards’ shifts to restart when the draconequus decided to actually do some cleaning, and by that point they had already been summoned back to duty by the guard captain.
With an innocent grin of harmless fun, the beast restored his mess and continued to nibble away at his tasty dairy product. Which, as the guards would soon find out, was not catered to the equine biology.
Finally finishing the block of cheese in full, the chaos-loving thing let out a content sigh, “Ah, it’s good to be free from that prison, and with almost no strings attached…” To accompany his sigh, although there were no witnesses around, he spawned a marionette’s crossbar above his head, thin wires wrapping around his limbs.
Just as he undid the action, a maniacal voice rang out around him. “Ah, I see you love a bit of Madness on your own terms! I like terms, especially when they’re mine!” In the blink of an eye, the Madgod appeared before him like a ghost in a haunted mansion. As you might guess, the two shared a common interest in ghosts, because they never made any sense.
The bipedal being’s sudden appearance from thin air startled Discord, who proceeded to re-spawn his cheese. He decided he would stick around a while if random creatures were going to appear in thin air.
“You could say that, yes. And who might you be, my two-legged friend?” Discord bit a chunk from his chunk and swallowed hastily.
Sheogorath tossed his cane in the air and groaned, “No, no, no! That’s all wrong! That isn’t how you eat cheese! This is how you eat cheese!” A giant wheel of Cyrodiil’s finest cheese burst into existence in the man’s hand, which he immediately shoved into his mouth, chewing in a disgustingly loud manner, crumbs of the dairy getting all over the freshly-cleaned carpet.
Discord chuckled, following in the man’s example, “My, aren’t you a funny little biped?”
“And don’t you forget it, you mismatched animal! Or I’ll have to pluck out your eyes! Or…no…I’ll take away your cheese!” the Madgod shuddered, “That’s the worst punishment of all!”
Swallowing the mountain of processed dairy, the draconequus scoffed, “Oh no, my friend. You can’t begin to understand what ‘punishment’ is until you’ve been trapped in stone for two millennia.”
“Hah!” the Daedric prince scoffed. “Try having your body stolen and kingdom completely leveled at the end of every era! It makes it hard to eat cheese when you aren’t yourself!” At the mention of the dairy product, he spawned another wheel and ate it in similar fashion to the previous.
Discord considered this and chuckled, “You’ve got me there, no doubt. So, what exactly are you supposed to be?” The beast followed in his companion’s footsteps, consuming another wheel of preferred cheese.
“I’m a Daedra! What kind of rock do you live under?! I’m the Ex-Prince of Madness, the Ex-Madgod, the Ex-Cheese Master! You can call me Sheogorath. And if you don’t, I’ll end up skipping rope with your hide!” After swallowing the mess of cheese, he continued, “And what exactly are you? A dragon? Maybe you’re a horse! Ooh, what about a dragon-mounted horse with mudcrab meat!”
The draconequus took a minute to actually examine his conversation partner. The man was obviously demented, both physically and mentally. He had the look of an aged creature, and his eyes shined with years of grotesque insanity. Discord liked him.
“I’m a little bit of everything, actually. Except Daedra, whatever that is. Dragon, pony, lion, eagle, etc.” He casually waved a claw around as if his composition was of no importance.
The demented humanoid sighed, “I hate things that aren’t all themselves! I hate indecision! I hated myself, until I killed me. Now I’m here, talking to another indecisive beast! Why don’t you just fix yourself?” Sheogorath’s staff finally fell to the ground, a ray of red light engulfing Discord.
When the light faded, the draconequus found himself in the form of a full-fledged, albeit small, dragon. He groaned, “To put it simply, the way I am is an embodiment of the power I used to abuse. I hate when things make sense! I prefer complete confusion over simple puzzles any day…” With a snap of his claws, he returned to his normal shape.
Sheogorath flinched and gasped, “By the Nine Divines, you just changed back! I didn’t say you could change back! How dare you? …I like dares…”
“You seem good at what you do, Sheogorath. You like chaos, don’t you?” The beast chuckled, remembering a few of his own amazing chaotic commands.
The Madgod sighed, “Do I certainly? I certainly do! Well, I prefer Madness over chaos, but what can you do. Maybe both, now that I think of it. I guess you and I are pretty close now! I’ve never met something that could mess with my Madness!” He attempted to return Discord to a dragon state, but found the creature’s own magic as powerful as his.
Discord laughed, “I used to be like that as well. However, two-thousand years in isolation helped me decide that freedom is more important than abuse of power.”
“With your kind of power, how’d you get trapped? Did they catch you full of cheese? That’s my weakness! Oh, and the Greymarches, but they’re gone now!” Sheogorath summoned a small throne to sit on as he awaited the chaotic beast’s explanation.
The abomination sighed, “It’s quite a terrible tale, truly.” He summoned his own bed of cotton-candy to lie on, and then continued, “I used to rule this kingdom with my chaos, but some of the citizens didn’t like that. Some magical gems showed up one day, and my ex-lover and her sister used them to seal me away.” With that, Discord summoned more cheese.
The Ex-Prince of Madness sighed, “That’s why I never love people. They betray you. Also, they don’t like cheese. Or Madness. Actually, they don’t like your voice. Or your kingdom. I actually think one of them tried to trim my beard. She died.” He shuttered at the thought of having his facial hair removed.
“Yes. Truly, no one can appreciate good chaos like a master of it. But I promised my dear Celestia I would behave in exchange for my freedom, so I can only use chaos in controlled spurts.” Discord placed a hand dramatically to his forehead, almost as if he were seriously hurt by his self-control.
Sheogorath laughed, “I would never give up Madness for freedom! Especially since they go hand in hand! Or do they go foot in mouth? I can’t remember…” A loud knocking erupted at the dining hall’s door. “With that, our meeting is adjourned. The next time we meet, we’ll have a feast! Cheese wheels, cheese balls, cheese powders! Ooh, I’ll even bake some cheese fondues! Perhaps there will be cabbage…”
As the door slowly opened, Discord did away with the evidence of the Madgod’s presence, just as the Madgod vanished. The stallion that entered the room spoke in a shaky voice, “Discord, Princess Celestia has summoned you to the throne…”
Discord rolled his eyes and snapped his claws, vanishing from the room. As the draconequus warped toward the throne room, Sheogorath’s voice echoed, “Tata! I’ll visit again soon! And if I don’t, you can pluck out my eyes, hahaha!”
The beast let out a chuckle, the chaos emanating from the strange creature he’d just met.
Liking it so far.
Faving!!!
I demand there be a, "CHEESE! FOR EVERYONE!" line.
2068903
Picture it, all the high upper class ponies in a large dining hall. Celestia Luna Cadence Shining and Discod at the top, the meal is going well when all of a sudden.
BAM
Sheogorath appears in the centre of the table, after brief intorduction he notices lack of cheese.
"CHEESE, FOR EVERYONE!"
Room rains cheese.
that is sheo all right
CHEESE!!
I mean, FAV-ING!!
2069337 Sheogorath does not sense.
Nor does he make sense.
Nor does.
So is sheo just pure sheo now... no mr. ORDER ORDER ORDER along for the ride?
It has finally happened!
My two favorite characters finally joining forces, and it is glorious. LET THE MADNESS ENSUE!
2069358 There will be no Jyggalag. But there will be cheese!
Hm I have a sudden urge to eat some cheese.
Or was it to pluck someones eyes out?
I should read this.
2069729 Yes, you should. And my new blog post along with it.
2070110
You presumptious little
A bit of lore-twisting, but it makes sense I guess. Discord being Celestia's ex-lover is unlikely though, and Sheogorath is just a tad too fixated on cheese.
I AM ON BOARD FOR THIS!!!
2070512 he could have ben lunas ex lover
2069015 image fail
2070983
That doesn't exactly seem plausible either.
2070512 Yes. He was also fixated on plucking out eyes, eating brain pie, avoiding the Greymarch, ripping out intestines, etc.
The Greymarch is ended, and the others are just too gorey for the general body of the text. That's why I've chosen cheese as the main obsession.
2071014
Considering Discord plucked his own eyes out, it can't be too bad.
2070991 Meh, it spawns from looking too far into different Fanon universes, namely the Princess Molestia Tumblr blog.
2071019 Wait...what? What do you mean?
2071037
Have you seen Keep Calm and Flutter On?
2071044 In all honesty, I have not.
But no matter. I'm referring to actual gore-based eye-plucking. With blood and other such bodily matters.
Finally! The cheese has arrived
by the the nine where the hell am i [dragonborn] when i need me. but oh yeah ummm like the story and be sure to tell me everything in the next chapter.
Brilliant. Enough said.
I find the obsession with cheese excessive to the point of being far out of character and the repetition of quotes unoriginal.
2073769 Hey, we all have opinions. I enjoy the cheese obsession. But if you give it a chapter or two, you might find him a bit more 'in character'.
I would of been happy with this guy voicing Discord...Hell it would of made sense really....
I wholeheartedly approve of the cheese obsession. Good chapter too. Now to find the 'favourite' button.
2076116 Sheogorath's VA would've been good to use, too. But I don't think anyone could beat John de Lancie. He's been playing a psychotic, fun-loving demigod since The Next Generation.
Man I've been waiting for a Fan-Fic like this.
2071050
You should watch the episode then.
Here you go. Hopefully, the video itself doesn't get taken down when you get this comment.
2076500
Btw, thanks for showing me this fic.
I actually don't like cheese...but this is some good shit
...I must be high. I could have sworn I just read something that involved Chaos and Madness having a semi-civilized conversation. *Reads again* Nope, it's real, and It's
2069353 He does have the concept of Time down solid though.
I came to think of Discord and Sheogorath a few days ago then I found this...
Coincedence? I think not! The lords of chaos is planning something for me.
I approve of this: 2077293
And while we're at it:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=bAbPHlunnKo
Sheogorath being my favorite Daedric Prince, I'm very inclined to read this, but I'd like to know how many chapters you plan on having first.
2079609 As many as I need. It could go on forever. It could last only a few. I know where I want to take the story, and what stops I want to make along the way. How long I drag that out depends on the fans' reception of the tale, honestly.
2078527Your youtube thing didn't kick in. Please try again.
2080895
I usually have a first draft written before publishing a single chapter, but most people don't work that way. That you have some semblance of a plan is reason enough to keep an eye on this.
sweetrolls yo
Wonderful!
Such a Story is call for a celebration! And look at that, everyone's already brought the Cheese! Splendid, and here I was worried someone was going to lose their eyes. Not so bad if one were hoping to become Blind Beard the Pirate or be granted permanent handicap parking, but tragic for those who like seeing things. Anyway, excellent first chapter for they are usually the most important in writing a story and I eagerly await the next!
I always like the idea that EOH can't actually match Discord's power. That he just acted like he was turned to stone